Lets go to the park?
I have done so much soul searching in the past few weeks. I've tried to figure out who other people are, who I am, and how we all fit in this world. The biggest thing I have realized is that I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be the woman who cheats. I want to be the woman who only looks at that one man and truly see's what she has before she has already lost him. The one who keeps all her promises. I'm going to go to school, and become a vet. I want that man who knows everything about me. I know everything about him. We fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces. But yet were not perfect. We understand there will be hard times, there will be fights. I don't know what was blocking my mind before, but for some reason Im seeing a whole lot clearer lately. I never fully understood what it meant that I didn't keep my little promises. I realized that one last night, when one was broken to me. I understood that no one should break a promise. But I didn't feel it from the other side. I am terribly sorry to everyone that I made those promises to and didn't keep them. From this point on I swear on my life that I will keep them. Im sorry that I had to learn the hard way of how it all felt. I want to still be the girl that people look at and see that she is going somewhere. That they see that she is working at her goals and that its actually going to happen. I plan on showing that to my parents, to you, to my friends... everyone. Im not going to let anything get in my way any more. My biggest pet peave used to be lies. Then I became one of those people. Im done with the lies. Im done with all of the secrets and bullshit. It is just not worth it what so ever. Today is beautiful and all I want to do is go to the park and swing. Where I used to go (where u used to find me) to think, to just clear my head and fly up to the sky. My heart is still pounding so I know im still living. I want feel strong again. I don't want to live in fear any more. I want you to know that you weren't the reason I lived in fear. It was me. I became afraid of who I was becoming and afraid of the world. For some reason I had lost every touch what was fantasy and what was real. I wasn't in the world any more. Then I sit here now and I see that really I had everything. That I ruined what I thought I had control over. I never want to lie again, I will never cheat again. I've never hated myself more than when I did cheat. No one in this world deserves that, I never want to put another heart through that again. And I promise that I never will. I want to be the strong individual everyone used to see me as. Now people check on me 24/7 cause they don't think I am strong. I want to be who I was. Who loved life, saw the hard times but got through them with the one I loved. And accomplished my goals. That is who I will be again. Hopefully its the one everybody still loves. Cause that was the true me!