Thoughts Welcome
Soo...as my first semester as a grad student comes to a close, I have some internal conflict in which I would appreciate comments and advice, even if we barely talk anymore.
So as most of you know, I am currently a G1 graduate student (first year graduate, that is) in the chemistry program at UVM. I have a full scholarship and a teaching stipend, which pays me a LOT of money (about 14,000 before taxes, plus more money in the summer). Plus, I am living rent free in an apartment and am working about a jillion hours a week at Bath and Body Works. Now, I don't mean to include this to be a brat, because I know that a lot of you are working really hard and taking out loans and things to be in grad school and trust me, I appreciate that. I'm just including this info to put the rest of my quandry into prospective.
The problem? I don't really like it. I don't really care for the research opportunities. I don't really like my classes. The faculty are good, but not amazing enough to stay in spite of the material. I just don't care about theory and this internuclear chemical crap and bonding anymore. I know I'm bad at change and maybe I should just give it another chance, but I'm not doing well in my classes because I don't study at all anymore. It's just not interesting.
It's also very lonely. I'm used to doing my homework with other people around and it being a social thing. This is not at all the case anymore. I'm either alone in my apartment or alone in my office. The grad students are also really competitive, and I'm just not anymore. I know I should be, but whatever. It's like all of my motivation went right out the window.
But, I started looking back into the School of Natural Resources, which was one of the programs that I started applying to and then just didn't when I found out I got into the chem program. There is a guy that I am dying to do research for, and when I look at the course lists I get really excited. Problem? He doesn't have any room for more graduate students and there is no way that I would get the same kind of financial support outside of the chemistry department.
But....I also have never ever taken out a student loan, so would it be so bad to try to change programs and then just live on student loans for a few years?
But then sometimes I think I just need to step back and take a break to remotivate myself. There are a couple of really cool water classes being offered next semester so maybe I'll take one and try to pay for it and then continue to work at BBW? Ah!
I don't want to drop out of grad school (mostly pride) but is it really dropping out or just changing directions?
I don't know what to do, I just know that I'm not happy right now.
Did I even apply to this program for the right reasons or just to please someone else? I'm feeling very lost right now...
So as most of you know, I am currently a G1 graduate student (first year graduate, that is) in the chemistry program at UVM. I have a full scholarship and a teaching stipend, which pays me a LOT of money (about 14,000 before taxes, plus more money in the summer). Plus, I am living rent free in an apartment and am working about a jillion hours a week at Bath and Body Works. Now, I don't mean to include this to be a brat, because I know that a lot of you are working really hard and taking out loans and things to be in grad school and trust me, I appreciate that. I'm just including this info to put the rest of my quandry into prospective.
The problem? I don't really like it. I don't really care for the research opportunities. I don't really like my classes. The faculty are good, but not amazing enough to stay in spite of the material. I just don't care about theory and this internuclear chemical crap and bonding anymore. I know I'm bad at change and maybe I should just give it another chance, but I'm not doing well in my classes because I don't study at all anymore. It's just not interesting.
It's also very lonely. I'm used to doing my homework with other people around and it being a social thing. This is not at all the case anymore. I'm either alone in my apartment or alone in my office. The grad students are also really competitive, and I'm just not anymore. I know I should be, but whatever. It's like all of my motivation went right out the window.
But, I started looking back into the School of Natural Resources, which was one of the programs that I started applying to and then just didn't when I found out I got into the chem program. There is a guy that I am dying to do research for, and when I look at the course lists I get really excited. Problem? He doesn't have any room for more graduate students and there is no way that I would get the same kind of financial support outside of the chemistry department.
But....I also have never ever taken out a student loan, so would it be so bad to try to change programs and then just live on student loans for a few years?
But then sometimes I think I just need to step back and take a break to remotivate myself. There are a couple of really cool water classes being offered next semester so maybe I'll take one and try to pay for it and then continue to work at BBW? Ah!
I don't want to drop out of grad school (mostly pride) but is it really dropping out or just changing directions?
I don't know what to do, I just know that I'm not happy right now.
Did I even apply to this program for the right reasons or just to please someone else? I'm feeling very lost right now...