free
If i was a smart guy, i would be busting my ass much harder than i am currently. I dont know, i dont have the drive or endurance as a lot of other people in my class. maybe ive lost that determination a while back ago; maybe its old, bad habits. either case, im still trying to change all of that.
The material isnt necessarily hard. Everything is scantron; and ive been used to calculation/essay format. If it was a bio class, it would be half scantron, half essay. But sometimes that makes studying easier.
But some of these classes worry me simply because im thinking "how am i going to remember all this knowledge if i dont remember it 2/3 weeks after i took a quiz or test?" What kind of pharmacist would i be then if i couldnt answer basic questions or help people with their meds? not a very good one, thats for sure.
I kinda feel like a giant needle in a haystack because im a slacker in a group of highly motivated, cream of the crop students. I still kinda have that, over my head feeling, but it isnt as bad as it was before. I know i can get my degree, i just want to be able to get it with high marks. Hopefully that isnt too far over my head.
after i left csuf, i wasnt feeling too fantastic with myself. in a way, i lost my own self respect and thus, my self worth. when you dont have your self worth/respect, nothing really means anything or atleast thats how i feel about it. getting into pharm school and soon to be white coat ceremony doesnt mean too much to me yet. Hollow victories. doesnt matter what people say, they just feel hollow. And i know these moments wont be the last way i feel. Not until i regain my worth back; and that may be through solid hard work and excellant execution to get high marks. But lately, i have a slight feeling that im kinda getting it back, but i havent really worked academically for it. I have a hunch that some actions or a mere moment has started a chain reaction. Maybe im wrong in thinking that high scores is my only ticket out of limbo. If thats the case, it gives me greater hope, but i still need to bump it up a notch. i dont care if im part of some honor society or if my paper says blah blah blah. as long as i know where i stand, knowing that i gave it a solid try and succeeded, is more than enough for me. Ill probably still be making the same money, doing the same work, building the same relationships. Im feeling.. kinda free.
but then again, i could be wrong and the truckload of bricks is just waiting to crash on top of me again. i really hope it isnt all for the wrong reasons b/c i have a habit of spiraling and i cant really afford to spiral here. And quarter system sure takes some adjustment. I cant believe im studying for an exam this early on. but thats life.
The material isnt necessarily hard. Everything is scantron; and ive been used to calculation/essay format. If it was a bio class, it would be half scantron, half essay. But sometimes that makes studying easier.
But some of these classes worry me simply because im thinking "how am i going to remember all this knowledge if i dont remember it 2/3 weeks after i took a quiz or test?" What kind of pharmacist would i be then if i couldnt answer basic questions or help people with their meds? not a very good one, thats for sure.
I kinda feel like a giant needle in a haystack because im a slacker in a group of highly motivated, cream of the crop students. I still kinda have that, over my head feeling, but it isnt as bad as it was before. I know i can get my degree, i just want to be able to get it with high marks. Hopefully that isnt too far over my head.
after i left csuf, i wasnt feeling too fantastic with myself. in a way, i lost my own self respect and thus, my self worth. when you dont have your self worth/respect, nothing really means anything or atleast thats how i feel about it. getting into pharm school and soon to be white coat ceremony doesnt mean too much to me yet. Hollow victories. doesnt matter what people say, they just feel hollow. And i know these moments wont be the last way i feel. Not until i regain my worth back; and that may be through solid hard work and excellant execution to get high marks. But lately, i have a slight feeling that im kinda getting it back, but i havent really worked academically for it. I have a hunch that some actions or a mere moment has started a chain reaction. Maybe im wrong in thinking that high scores is my only ticket out of limbo. If thats the case, it gives me greater hope, but i still need to bump it up a notch. i dont care if im part of some honor society or if my paper says blah blah blah. as long as i know where i stand, knowing that i gave it a solid try and succeeded, is more than enough for me. Ill probably still be making the same money, doing the same work, building the same relationships. Im feeling.. kinda free.
but then again, i could be wrong and the truckload of bricks is just waiting to crash on top of me again. i really hope it isnt all for the wrong reasons b/c i have a habit of spiraling and i cant really afford to spiral here. And quarter system sure takes some adjustment. I cant believe im studying for an exam this early on. but thats life.