From the Ashes arose the Phoenix Part II
I speak for the hardcore
Our lives are defined by opportunities, we can make the best or the worst of them...But I was thinking, how sad it is that nothing lasts.
:D so I ugh took a little bit longer than expected. Its ok, I've been a busy bee this semester in school, but enough of that, time to continue where I left off...
Where to begin. Well for starters, although I was neck deep in the muddy waters of a pair of Art History classes, I was still battling the growing boredom I was accumulating since most of my time was being spent studying, working or sleeping, with very little time spent relaxing or with friends/family. The recluse lifestyle did help in terms of the self and getting my work done on time or at least done period, but the toll it was taking on me was surely building up. It didn't help that the schism between Lady X was clearly building despite the fact that we were supposed to be helping each other out. Seems I still needed work at the time on my communicator function - so its funny when I got the results back from the test- well rather than to sit and wait for somebody who was clearly disrespecting and not taking into consideration the bridge that we had built I opted to break free and deal with the demons on my
own. Sure enough I was in for a long battle.
For several weeks despite my attempts to get something planned, I was still out of luck and had to venture out.
Turn the Page -
On a cold September night in 2008.
On a dark and lonely highway west of East Los
you can listen to the waves crash as one loud roar,
while I thought about the girl I knew the night before.
But my thoughts began to wander the way they always do
When you're studying for hours and there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like reading, you just wish the class was through
Here I am - on the road again
There I am - up on the stage
Here I go - playing star again
There I go - turn the page
Sitting in the life house I pulled out the pen and pad and started the late night sessions again letting the ocean background dictate where my thoughts were going and what would transpire on paper. Some good pieces came out of it while several couples nearby just looked on at the brother sitting up in the tower listening to Buena Vista play on while the wind blew a steady cool breeze. Something just felt right that night. Like I belonged there. I had been driving for hours on PCH and for some reason opted to stop there thinking nobody would be there, but was surprised to see I wasn't alone. Sleep somehow never seemed to catch up to me that night and I realized it was getting ridiculously late. I was tempted to wait for the sun to come up, but instead decided to call it a night. The drive home was eerily smooth. Very little traffic and it also got to the point of putting me in a trance.
Somehow, something just evaporated that night and I was free momentarily from the latest round of torture or so I believed. However, just when it was looking good, the string of bad luck began and has not yet let go of me. From the knee injury in late October that sidelined me all of November and December, the flu I got following the study sessions for finals. The lost money for the game. The near fight at the game and the ensuing near crash on the drive home, missing
out on a real family get together for NYE, the engine damage due to the neglect from studying so much, the DQ for the grad petition and then the ankle sprain that has sidelined me since late January. Something is going on here. I clearly fucked something up somewhere.
Despite this though I've seemed to draw even more attention to myself somehow.
Dept Chair Jim giving praise and words of advice out of the clear blue when all I was asking for was a possible internship in the summer.
The Queen telling me we have to hang out some more despite only talking to me for a couple hours. Lady Red calling back the next day, Brother John sparking it up like old buddies talking about the lack of love for graff and the decline in respect from the new class coming up.
Its funny how quickly Ive adapted and progressed from just a few months ago. I've managed to pick up on signals and body language so easy now I practically know when and how to strike. Slowly, I feel stronger and more capable than ever, which is just what I need for the shift that is coming this fall when I transition to my full time school to finish out this GD plan. Talking it up with random girl #2 on saturday I really got the impression Im projecting
something right now that is working to my advantage, which helps, given the string of luck I seemed to be having as of late.
To give in, to lose hope has resulted in gaining more strength and finding out what really lies beneath the surface.
The Word Warrior with the Heart of Gold.
Word Warrior
Your IQ Score is: (Its up there)
You are equipped with a verbal arsenal that enables you to understand complex issues and communicate on a particularly high level. These talents make you a
Word Warrior.
Whether or not you recognize it, your vocabulary is your strongest suit-use it whenever you can. Since your command of words is so great, you are also a terrific communicator - able to articulate big ideas to just about anyone. Your wordsmithing prowess will also help in artistic and creative pursuits. The power of words translates to fresh ideas off paper too. Since you have so many words at your disposal, you are in a unique position to describe things in an
original way, as well as see the future in your mind's eye. In short, your strengths allow you to be a visionary - able to extrapolate and come up with a multitude of fresh ideas. And you are in good company - bask in the brilliance of Word Warriors who have walked before you. William Shakespeare let loose the power of his pen. His ability to articulate the most subtle nuances of human nature and to create colorful characters are why his stories still have a major impact - even 400 years after he first wrote them. Whether you put pen to paper or use your understanding of the words around you to come up with creative approaches to problems, your potential as a Word Warrior is terrific.
I haven't recognized it for a long time till now. But apparently now was when I needed to see it in order to break free and transition into the individual I'm supposed to be. Just seeing how quickly everything came back to me once I switched over was amazing. I was even told recently, "I don't like this new confident Danny" lol, sorry to disappoint you my friend, but it was always there, just dormant for far too long. I'm still the same, I'm just starting to use more of my full arsenal now so get ready or get out of the way.
With this in mind I was wondering a while back if it had anything to do with the trip last December.
In the midst of a downpour that made watching the game all that more interesting and a hassle, I was approached by an obvious inebriated fan who felt the need to call me and Jony out although we hadn't done a single thing to provoke him. With the score against the home team I had the feeling this guy was looking for a fight to blow off some steam at having spent money for what should've been a more competitive game. Although TB was out for the season his Pats
were still taking care of business and that day was no exception. Despite Oakland's effort to keep up the pace, they were simply being out manned and out hustled on the field. Period. As painful as it was to travel from LA to the Bay to see a game in the pouring rain, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.
It would've been a blast to have seen an epic game at least but this was not to be. In any case, since our seats had been taken by somebody else and there was an abundance of empty seats in the area due to the weather, we decided to sit several rows closer to the field. While carrying on our own conversation and taking in the scene of what had to be a gritty game on the field, our friend turns around and starts up a conversation with me very calmly with a as-a-matter-of-fact tone. I looked at him and wondered to myself what he must be thinking sitting there alone with a beer in hand, watching as the home team was struggling to keep pace with one of the league's premiere teams but simply couldn't meet the task. I wondered, if he was a local fan or if he had traveled as well or for how long he had been a fan of the Silver and Black. I guess it was the optimist in me expecting to run into a fellow fan who wasn't a
prototypical Silver & Black fan. I have no beef with drinking and watching the game, but when you start to act like a jackass then it just gets obnoxious and ruins the game AND makes the fans look bad. I have no problem with strong support for the team, but being a moron is something else. So while this guy is talking to me about the team and the game taking place, he ends the conversation with a stern tone in his voice as he looked me in the eye and said we were sitting in his friends' seat. I wasn't taken aback just yet, just slightly confused as to what the big deal was since he had about 6 seats right next to him in his row available for his "friends", meanwhile he was sweating me and Jony for a pair of seats in the row behind him.
I calmly asked what the fuss was about and pointed out to him that there was vacant seats next to him that they could use if and when they returned. All the while in the back of my mind I was tracing back before we decided to sit in that area and at no point during the beginning, halftime or second half did anyone even sit down in the seats we were in. clearly something was not right here so I decided to let it go. At this point my good friend decides to take it
personal and accuse me of ruining his game experience and attempts to correct the situation by calling me out to sit in my purchased seat. Seeing his body language clearly agitated and ready to strike I refused to back down and stood up to brace myself for a possible attack. Having trained extensively for the last 7 months in the blistering summer heat and toning down my frame for speed I was ready to counter if needed. We stood about the same height and I knew I
had the advantage over him since he was standing at an angle beneath me. As he continued to press into me weather I was going to move or not I refused to back down and stood my ground while raising my voice and flipping the script on him accusing him of making a big deal out of nothing. Although Jony is larger than me, I could tell from the corner of my eye that he was a bit nervous, so I had to make sure if anything was going to happen to keep an eye on him as
well. Standing face to face with my friend, the thought of striking him on the spot crossed my mind, but I knew I had too much to lose and besides, having practiced Karate and Taekwondo growing up and now Boxing, I was disciplined enough to know and accept that I would only strike if provoked. The aggression and anger grew within so strongly that my fists began to shake as I looked into his eyes with no fear. I was tempted to swing and even go for a rear naked choke, but I knew I shouldn't. I wasn't in the best moods that day with having lost money on the game or having shown up late due to traffic and the fact that the Silver and black were losing in lousy weather, so I was pretty primed to dance but I held myself back.
On and on we went for the rest of the second half until I finally snapped and called him out on the spot. Seeing he struck a nerve, my friend suggested we settle the problem outside the stadium at which point I called him out again and suggested we take care of it then and there. He was looking for a dance and I was ready, but as expected, he backed out with a sinister look on his face as he walked away. Once the game was over, I waited a while before we walked
back to the car since I wasn't sure what to expect and was not about to get ambushed or blindsided by this clown. We made it back to the car without incident and started our drive back home to LA.
On the drive home as we were talking about the game amongst several topics, again in the pouring rain, I looked on in disbelief as Jony's car stopped in the middle of the road on the darkest of nights in some of worse driving conditions I have ever been in and spun out. Traveling on I-5 on a sunday night we were fortunate that there wasn't a significant amount of traffic but we were accompanied by an entourage of big rigs not far behind. Immediately when we stopped spinning (and thankfully we stopped with traffic instead of against it) I knew I had to keep J cool otherwise he was going to start to panic. I directed him to the edge of the road to make sure there was no damage to the tires or body of the G ride, and then back onto the road once we realized everything seemed fine. Spinning out after doing about 85 and seeing oncoming traffic in the horizon followed by the semi that swerved to avoid us was not the best way to end what should've been a nice end of the year trip to the Bay to catch a football game.
However just like at the game, I was either delusional or just supremely confident that it would turn out in my favor. Had this take place any other time prior I might've panicked in both situations and the results would've been disastrous. What I noticed in each instance though was that I was relatively calm and wasn't worried about things going bad. Either all that positive thinking pays off and in my case, I always seem to think that way or I was going through a test to see how confident I was and how I would handle the situation. I thought about it ever since and hearing today what Lady Farrah is going through and that she has "looked at the face of fear and not stuttered" I cant help but wonder if that has been the case here with my situation. Jony straight out flipped out as soon as we pulled over, so much that it started to affect me. But it wasn't till we pulled over down the road to double check the car that it sunk in how close we came to getting smashed by the big rig barreling down the road. Even then though, I didn't dwell on it too long since I knew if I did it would only distract me from studying for finals and just rattle my positive outlook in general.
With this semester nearly complete I've noticed the attention continue still and the people who I've come in contact with and it still trips me out that for so long I was not paying closer attention to it all. Nearly the end of April is here and I remember the end of last month thinking wow 2 more months left. Now there's only one month left and just like last year I have to kick it into high gear so I can maintain my grades and do well enough to score As and Bs. My applications are almost complete so I have to make sure to get caught up on that so I can apply for my internships, but something about not knowing whats going to happen after May is both nerve wrecking and exciting. I'm not really fazed by it at the moment, rather I'm enjoying my time at ELAC or my last semester here and doing my best to make the most of it.
Plenty more to follow no doubt. Hopefully sooner than 3 months from now.
Peace Out.
Our lives are defined by opportunities, we can make the best or the worst of them...But I was thinking, how sad it is that nothing lasts.
:D so I ugh took a little bit longer than expected. Its ok, I've been a busy bee this semester in school, but enough of that, time to continue where I left off...
Where to begin. Well for starters, although I was neck deep in the muddy waters of a pair of Art History classes, I was still battling the growing boredom I was accumulating since most of my time was being spent studying, working or sleeping, with very little time spent relaxing or with friends/family. The recluse lifestyle did help in terms of the self and getting my work done on time or at least done period, but the toll it was taking on me was surely building up. It didn't help that the schism between Lady X was clearly building despite the fact that we were supposed to be helping each other out. Seems I still needed work at the time on my communicator function - so its funny when I got the results back from the test- well rather than to sit and wait for somebody who was clearly disrespecting and not taking into consideration the bridge that we had built I opted to break free and deal with the demons on my
own. Sure enough I was in for a long battle.
For several weeks despite my attempts to get something planned, I was still out of luck and had to venture out.
Turn the Page -
On a cold September night in 2008.
On a dark and lonely highway west of East Los
you can listen to the waves crash as one loud roar,
while I thought about the girl I knew the night before.
But my thoughts began to wander the way they always do
When you're studying for hours and there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like reading, you just wish the class was through
Here I am - on the road again
There I am - up on the stage
Here I go - playing star again
There I go - turn the page
Sitting in the life house I pulled out the pen and pad and started the late night sessions again letting the ocean background dictate where my thoughts were going and what would transpire on paper. Some good pieces came out of it while several couples nearby just looked on at the brother sitting up in the tower listening to Buena Vista play on while the wind blew a steady cool breeze. Something just felt right that night. Like I belonged there. I had been driving for hours on PCH and for some reason opted to stop there thinking nobody would be there, but was surprised to see I wasn't alone. Sleep somehow never seemed to catch up to me that night and I realized it was getting ridiculously late. I was tempted to wait for the sun to come up, but instead decided to call it a night. The drive home was eerily smooth. Very little traffic and it also got to the point of putting me in a trance.
Somehow, something just evaporated that night and I was free momentarily from the latest round of torture or so I believed. However, just when it was looking good, the string of bad luck began and has not yet let go of me. From the knee injury in late October that sidelined me all of November and December, the flu I got following the study sessions for finals. The lost money for the game. The near fight at the game and the ensuing near crash on the drive home, missing
out on a real family get together for NYE, the engine damage due to the neglect from studying so much, the DQ for the grad petition and then the ankle sprain that has sidelined me since late January. Something is going on here. I clearly fucked something up somewhere.
Despite this though I've seemed to draw even more attention to myself somehow.
Dept Chair Jim giving praise and words of advice out of the clear blue when all I was asking for was a possible internship in the summer.
The Queen telling me we have to hang out some more despite only talking to me for a couple hours. Lady Red calling back the next day, Brother John sparking it up like old buddies talking about the lack of love for graff and the decline in respect from the new class coming up.
Its funny how quickly Ive adapted and progressed from just a few months ago. I've managed to pick up on signals and body language so easy now I practically know when and how to strike. Slowly, I feel stronger and more capable than ever, which is just what I need for the shift that is coming this fall when I transition to my full time school to finish out this GD plan. Talking it up with random girl #2 on saturday I really got the impression Im projecting
something right now that is working to my advantage, which helps, given the string of luck I seemed to be having as of late.
To give in, to lose hope has resulted in gaining more strength and finding out what really lies beneath the surface.
The Word Warrior with the Heart of Gold.
Word Warrior
Your IQ Score is: (Its up there)
You are equipped with a verbal arsenal that enables you to understand complex issues and communicate on a particularly high level. These talents make you a
Word Warrior.
Whether or not you recognize it, your vocabulary is your strongest suit-use it whenever you can. Since your command of words is so great, you are also a terrific communicator - able to articulate big ideas to just about anyone. Your wordsmithing prowess will also help in artistic and creative pursuits. The power of words translates to fresh ideas off paper too. Since you have so many words at your disposal, you are in a unique position to describe things in an
original way, as well as see the future in your mind's eye. In short, your strengths allow you to be a visionary - able to extrapolate and come up with a multitude of fresh ideas. And you are in good company - bask in the brilliance of Word Warriors who have walked before you. William Shakespeare let loose the power of his pen. His ability to articulate the most subtle nuances of human nature and to create colorful characters are why his stories still have a major impact - even 400 years after he first wrote them. Whether you put pen to paper or use your understanding of the words around you to come up with creative approaches to problems, your potential as a Word Warrior is terrific.
I haven't recognized it for a long time till now. But apparently now was when I needed to see it in order to break free and transition into the individual I'm supposed to be. Just seeing how quickly everything came back to me once I switched over was amazing. I was even told recently, "I don't like this new confident Danny" lol, sorry to disappoint you my friend, but it was always there, just dormant for far too long. I'm still the same, I'm just starting to use more of my full arsenal now so get ready or get out of the way.
With this in mind I was wondering a while back if it had anything to do with the trip last December.
In the midst of a downpour that made watching the game all that more interesting and a hassle, I was approached by an obvious inebriated fan who felt the need to call me and Jony out although we hadn't done a single thing to provoke him. With the score against the home team I had the feeling this guy was looking for a fight to blow off some steam at having spent money for what should've been a more competitive game. Although TB was out for the season his Pats
were still taking care of business and that day was no exception. Despite Oakland's effort to keep up the pace, they were simply being out manned and out hustled on the field. Period. As painful as it was to travel from LA to the Bay to see a game in the pouring rain, it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.
It would've been a blast to have seen an epic game at least but this was not to be. In any case, since our seats had been taken by somebody else and there was an abundance of empty seats in the area due to the weather, we decided to sit several rows closer to the field. While carrying on our own conversation and taking in the scene of what had to be a gritty game on the field, our friend turns around and starts up a conversation with me very calmly with a as-a-matter-of-fact tone. I looked at him and wondered to myself what he must be thinking sitting there alone with a beer in hand, watching as the home team was struggling to keep pace with one of the league's premiere teams but simply couldn't meet the task. I wondered, if he was a local fan or if he had traveled as well or for how long he had been a fan of the Silver and Black. I guess it was the optimist in me expecting to run into a fellow fan who wasn't a
prototypical Silver & Black fan. I have no beef with drinking and watching the game, but when you start to act like a jackass then it just gets obnoxious and ruins the game AND makes the fans look bad. I have no problem with strong support for the team, but being a moron is something else. So while this guy is talking to me about the team and the game taking place, he ends the conversation with a stern tone in his voice as he looked me in the eye and said we were sitting in his friends' seat. I wasn't taken aback just yet, just slightly confused as to what the big deal was since he had about 6 seats right next to him in his row available for his "friends", meanwhile he was sweating me and Jony for a pair of seats in the row behind him.
I calmly asked what the fuss was about and pointed out to him that there was vacant seats next to him that they could use if and when they returned. All the while in the back of my mind I was tracing back before we decided to sit in that area and at no point during the beginning, halftime or second half did anyone even sit down in the seats we were in. clearly something was not right here so I decided to let it go. At this point my good friend decides to take it
personal and accuse me of ruining his game experience and attempts to correct the situation by calling me out to sit in my purchased seat. Seeing his body language clearly agitated and ready to strike I refused to back down and stood up to brace myself for a possible attack. Having trained extensively for the last 7 months in the blistering summer heat and toning down my frame for speed I was ready to counter if needed. We stood about the same height and I knew I
had the advantage over him since he was standing at an angle beneath me. As he continued to press into me weather I was going to move or not I refused to back down and stood my ground while raising my voice and flipping the script on him accusing him of making a big deal out of nothing. Although Jony is larger than me, I could tell from the corner of my eye that he was a bit nervous, so I had to make sure if anything was going to happen to keep an eye on him as
well. Standing face to face with my friend, the thought of striking him on the spot crossed my mind, but I knew I had too much to lose and besides, having practiced Karate and Taekwondo growing up and now Boxing, I was disciplined enough to know and accept that I would only strike if provoked. The aggression and anger grew within so strongly that my fists began to shake as I looked into his eyes with no fear. I was tempted to swing and even go for a rear naked choke, but I knew I shouldn't. I wasn't in the best moods that day with having lost money on the game or having shown up late due to traffic and the fact that the Silver and black were losing in lousy weather, so I was pretty primed to dance but I held myself back.
On and on we went for the rest of the second half until I finally snapped and called him out on the spot. Seeing he struck a nerve, my friend suggested we settle the problem outside the stadium at which point I called him out again and suggested we take care of it then and there. He was looking for a dance and I was ready, but as expected, he backed out with a sinister look on his face as he walked away. Once the game was over, I waited a while before we walked
back to the car since I wasn't sure what to expect and was not about to get ambushed or blindsided by this clown. We made it back to the car without incident and started our drive back home to LA.
On the drive home as we were talking about the game amongst several topics, again in the pouring rain, I looked on in disbelief as Jony's car stopped in the middle of the road on the darkest of nights in some of worse driving conditions I have ever been in and spun out. Traveling on I-5 on a sunday night we were fortunate that there wasn't a significant amount of traffic but we were accompanied by an entourage of big rigs not far behind. Immediately when we stopped spinning (and thankfully we stopped with traffic instead of against it) I knew I had to keep J cool otherwise he was going to start to panic. I directed him to the edge of the road to make sure there was no damage to the tires or body of the G ride, and then back onto the road once we realized everything seemed fine. Spinning out after doing about 85 and seeing oncoming traffic in the horizon followed by the semi that swerved to avoid us was not the best way to end what should've been a nice end of the year trip to the Bay to catch a football game.
However just like at the game, I was either delusional or just supremely confident that it would turn out in my favor. Had this take place any other time prior I might've panicked in both situations and the results would've been disastrous. What I noticed in each instance though was that I was relatively calm and wasn't worried about things going bad. Either all that positive thinking pays off and in my case, I always seem to think that way or I was going through a test to see how confident I was and how I would handle the situation. I thought about it ever since and hearing today what Lady Farrah is going through and that she has "looked at the face of fear and not stuttered" I cant help but wonder if that has been the case here with my situation. Jony straight out flipped out as soon as we pulled over, so much that it started to affect me. But it wasn't till we pulled over down the road to double check the car that it sunk in how close we came to getting smashed by the big rig barreling down the road. Even then though, I didn't dwell on it too long since I knew if I did it would only distract me from studying for finals and just rattle my positive outlook in general.
With this semester nearly complete I've noticed the attention continue still and the people who I've come in contact with and it still trips me out that for so long I was not paying closer attention to it all. Nearly the end of April is here and I remember the end of last month thinking wow 2 more months left. Now there's only one month left and just like last year I have to kick it into high gear so I can maintain my grades and do well enough to score As and Bs. My applications are almost complete so I have to make sure to get caught up on that so I can apply for my internships, but something about not knowing whats going to happen after May is both nerve wrecking and exciting. I'm not really fazed by it at the moment, rather I'm enjoying my time at ELAC or my last semester here and doing my best to make the most of it.
Plenty more to follow no doubt. Hopefully sooner than 3 months from now.
Peace Out.