head + ground = trauma relief
Here we are again. The thoughts a huge untidy blur. My mind racing at a crawl, and then at hundreds of miles an hour. There's some Bush blaring in the room at the moment. I honestly don't know how to put these thoughts together. There's just so much to sort out, so much to understand. I don't feel like I am whole. I feel like a piece of me is missing, that part of my drive is hidden elsewhere, being held captive by some other person. Is my memory fleeting me? Are my feeling betraying their god? This pandoras box that I keep deep down under the murky waters of my thoughts is just thrashing about creating a stir. It wants to unleash itself the intensity that is kept within. I put together this pandoras box for a reason, so that I could be able to deal with it at a later time, an appropriate time. In all due honesty it seems that I have locked away more then previously assessed. More then just the feelings, longing, I'm starting to think I locked away some of my intensity. Now substituted for short bursts, and bouts of random drinking to bring it out.
I need those feelings back, I need them to be received and responded back with similar feelings of their own. It's fucking hard dealing with it, but everybody around me does not notice, a goddamn thing. Underneath the surface there's a sickening laughter of everything I have hidden.
All I long is blue skies, crashing waves, a cool breeze, and that warm feeling curled up next to me. That free comforting feeling you get once in a lifetime. It is most definitely a drug, and is usually experienced by oneself, rarely with another. Feeling that with another is an intensity as great as a supernova, and as calming as the flittering of ashes and dust thereafter, a glow so to speak, a comforting warm glow that everything is right and proper, "in the force".
It truly is a toiling trouble brewing up in the ole noggin. Once under control, it wants to bust free. Create chaos, mixing of a molatov cocktail of madness. Hair pulling, dark cries, passionate intensity.
The certainty is, a good many nights of long driving may not even be able to keep things in check. There was a point where all it took was a good drive to a nether region of this fair and unjust city to take care of things. It's been so long I'm not sure if it will work again, having the same calming effect.
Someone save us. Save me.
I need those feelings back, I need them to be received and responded back with similar feelings of their own. It's fucking hard dealing with it, but everybody around me does not notice, a goddamn thing. Underneath the surface there's a sickening laughter of everything I have hidden.
All I long is blue skies, crashing waves, a cool breeze, and that warm feeling curled up next to me. That free comforting feeling you get once in a lifetime. It is most definitely a drug, and is usually experienced by oneself, rarely with another. Feeling that with another is an intensity as great as a supernova, and as calming as the flittering of ashes and dust thereafter, a glow so to speak, a comforting warm glow that everything is right and proper, "in the force".
It truly is a toiling trouble brewing up in the ole noggin. Once under control, it wants to bust free. Create chaos, mixing of a molatov cocktail of madness. Hair pulling, dark cries, passionate intensity.
The certainty is, a good many nights of long driving may not even be able to keep things in check. There was a point where all it took was a good drive to a nether region of this fair and unjust city to take care of things. It's been so long I'm not sure if it will work again, having the same calming effect.
Someone save us. Save me.