Why is life so complicated?
It's Saturday, and today has totally fucking sucked. I guess you could say that I have no idea what I wanna do with my life, and all I really want is to be living with Jase. I need to get my ass in gear and decide on what I wanna do for a living. I know that I am getting out of the education field hopefully into business or computers. Really wanna get into computers, because I have always wanted to do that....just afraid of failure and trying something new. I am really thinking maybe I should join the military and hope like hell I get blown up or something. At least then I'd be dieing for my country.
Right now, I guess I am going through a stage of not being around Jase. It's like part of me is actually gone since I have came back to the parents house. It sucks so bad to be going to bed and wakeing up by myself without him there. I don't like it at all, but at least I know that he's going through it to! I guess I have done alotta thinking, and its time for me to take a risk in my life and quit fearing failure and shit. Why fear it, because if it's going to happen, it's going to happen...nothing I can do to stop it. Dust myself off and try again, and if I keep failing then I'll learn from my mistakes.
I really wish I was dead, so that maybe people around me would be happier without me!!! Im seriously falling appart, maybe kiked outta my parents house and maybe jobless.. All though with the jobs it doesn't matter because it seems like everyone wants me to work for them. I have a job offer at advance, carquest, iceweb. I just don't know what I wanna do...but I do know that I am not going to be a loser for the rest of my life....and I hope that I will still be marrying Jase and we will be happy.
Right now, I guess I am going through a stage of not being around Jase. It's like part of me is actually gone since I have came back to the parents house. It sucks so bad to be going to bed and wakeing up by myself without him there. I don't like it at all, but at least I know that he's going through it to! I guess I have done alotta thinking, and its time for me to take a risk in my life and quit fearing failure and shit. Why fear it, because if it's going to happen, it's going to happen...nothing I can do to stop it. Dust myself off and try again, and if I keep failing then I'll learn from my mistakes.
I really wish I was dead, so that maybe people around me would be happier without me!!! Im seriously falling appart, maybe kiked outta my parents house and maybe jobless.. All though with the jobs it doesn't matter because it seems like everyone wants me to work for them. I have a job offer at advance, carquest, iceweb. I just don't know what I wanna do...but I do know that I am not going to be a loser for the rest of my life....and I hope that I will still be marrying Jase and we will be happy.