What drives you? (Repost--Originally written 7/21/07)

[spydervash]

It's late, but as I sit here staring at the computer screen a question that always pops in my head, sits here again. "What drives you?" No this isn't a commerical for the new Lancer, there will be no references to "Your Fast" and no little girl saying "Zoom Zoom". This is more or a question of what motivates you? Whether it's towards greatness

Comments

And now, a story I've never told anyone.

[robleonhart]

Once upon a time, one night, after all my friends had gone home, and after I walked my girlfriend home and kissed her good night, I really didn't feel like turning in yet. I went up to the beach and started walking. I didn't really have a destination, I just kept walking towards [diety]-knows-what. I walked along the water line, up to about my calves when the waves would rush in, and saw a lit cherry up near the dunes. I took a walk over and asked the fella what he had.

"I'm not selling, I brought this shit with me from home, you can have a few tokes if you want."

I sat down and took a pull, it was good shit. I asked him where home was, and he told me that all I needed to know was that it wasn't here. We passed it back to each other a few times, making small talk. Eventually he sorta returned the original question and asked me where I was going. I answered honestly, I had no idea. We went back to smoking and I don't know why I started talking again, as the answer I had given was sufficient, but I kept going. "Yaknow, sometimes I just come up here to walk. I know eventually I'll hit one of the boardwalks, or turn around. It's the same sand and the same water. Something just makes me walk. I couldn't tell you what it is." Right about then, I passed it back to him. He took a long one and held it in for what seemed like an eternity. Waves crashed, I think some frogs jumped from star to star, a baby might've been born or died in that instant. I'll never forget what he said to me.

"We're all born into this river without knowing how to swim. Eventually, we learn how to keep the water under our chin. Sometimes this river's so cold to be in, it freezes our soul and solidifies our skin. Regardless of how far I see, I never see my travels end. I'm just carried by the current or driven by the wind. The scenery we pass, we'll never see again, so we store it up at memories and don't let go of them. We're under a spell thinking that this river should go straight, so we set goals and desires to control our own fate. All this pain we experience is a result of our expectations, 'cause it's the river's nature to twist and turn. That shit can burn. And I know this, I have the same conflict. But I try and sit and flow with the river's natural process. And then sometimes when I watch myself float downstream, I see the beauty of it all, and man, it feels like a dream. When that happens I appreciate the river's course, some could call it God, reality, momentum, force. I stare up at the naked moon and she stares down at me. Outside false boundries for all the world to see. All the universe is not something separate from yourself. When you need direction just look up at the stars, 'cause everything that is up there is what you really are."

He passed it back to me, when I finished my toke he continued.

"Each problem that we face is just a part of this movement. It seems helpless, but if you understand this you'll get through it, and return to the essence from which you've been uprooted. The second you can look into the sky, and see your own reflection, you know your headed in the right direction. The river's always gonna flow, and I can live with that, because everything is perfect just the way it is."

I passed it back and he finished it. He said it was cool talking to me and got up to leave. It was late and I was high, so I don't remember going anywhere after that. The next morning, I woke up in a friend's backyard sleeping on a lounge chair not to far from where I had that chat.