Suicidal Kitty
So I don't think I have shared with you the antics of Mr. Mystery!
That would be a picture of what he is doing at this moment while I am trying to explain what a pest he is! I've really just got to start at the beginning . . .
Julie was over at one of her past boyfriend's apartments and for a week straight she heard this horrible crying. The horrible crying of what she would finally learn was a 5 week old Russian Blue. After 5 days of continued screaming, being driven out of her damn mind she finally grabbed her guy of the month and went downstairs in search of the sound. They finally discovered baby Mystery lodged in the motor of a car. Luckily for this kitten the car didn't move the whole week. They tried frantically for over an hour to . . . . sorry I had to stop typing for a moment cause Mystery just crawled under the desk to pull the cord out of my computer speakers! They went tumbling to the ground. He ran away proud to have once again pissed me off!
. . . ok so where was I? Uhm of yea . . . after over an hour's worth of crawling under this seemingly abandoned car she finally got grasp of the oil and gasoline covered kitty. Just to let you understand the depth of his stupidity he was NOT stuck! He was simply choosing to stay in the motor of a car covered in deadly and intoxicating fumes instead of being warm and happy in someone's home!
Julie bathed him a kept him for one night. But he drove her out of her damn mind so much she decided sharing was caring. So she conned me into taking the little bastard! The vet was so impressed that I snagged a free Russian Blue. They have a great reputation for being both beautiful and intelligent. Well, I can't say Mystery fully posses the second one. He spent a week after all, covered in gasoline and oil! Right away he has his way with Sniper. He fit into the palm of my hand and he bulled around this dog:
Mystery spent the next several months attempting to kill himself. I kid you not! He through himself into the toilet 5 times! I had to train every guest to put down the toilet seat cause the little tike was small enough to drown in it! He wasn't even actually old enough to be winged from his mother yet. He was just a tiny baby. When drowning no long became an option he went for a bit different of an approach. He decided he wanted to follow in the asian tradition of eating cats. He tried to shut himself in the fridge. Everytime I would swing the fridge door shut and walk away he would slip in! Luckily I saw him out of the corner of my eye everytime he succeeded!
His next antic was even more severe. The cat through himself in the oven! Omg I have to interrupt this for an update. He is currently nawwing his back claws off! I'm going to go wrap his feel in masking tape to keep him from succeeding, brb.
Ok so yes the oven. I would turn it on to preheat. Then go back 10 minutes later to put the food in. As I open the oven door the kitten jumps in! My reflexes immediately grab him as he barely touches down in the oven. Luckily for him I have catlike reflexes of steel! Mystery continued to try this suicide trick 4 times! Everytime I caught him in the air or just as he was landing! He suffers no severe burns or problems. God apparently really REALLY loves this one!
He eventually takes it a step further. At 6 months he jumps out the window of a two story building landing on the dirt. I ran out that door, down the stairs and into the yard so fast I forgot I wasn't wearing shoes or anything appropriate for public. When I got to him he was still laying in the dirt recovering from his confuzzlement. I grabbed him and took him back to the apartment. No more open windows for us!
One morning during rush hour he came up with a different solution to ending his life. As I was rushing out the door to work he ran past me. The cat ran out the door and down the steps. The building I was in at the time had a closed in hallway. Luckily for Mystery, one of my neighbors had left the front door of the building open though. He flew out into rush hour traffic on Gaston! I went running after him, purse, laptop, and lunch bag on my shoulder. He darted out in that stop and go traffic playing frogger with his life. And my ass ran after him darting cars and causing all sorts of traffic problems. 20 minutes later I finally got ahold of his furry butt and marched him back upstairs. I was so mad! Of course explaining to my boss why I was a half hour late was great! She hates cats and didn't understand why I didn't just leave him to fend for himself. Bitch!
Now he is too fat for most of those antics. The "oh so goth" cat has reduced himself down to just doing things that piss me off. Such as fighting with me on whether or not he gets to sleep on my face! Yes I said ON my face at night. If he wants me awake he will stick his tongue in my nostrils. When I manage to ignore that he will go put his paws in his water bowl and them put the wet paws in my ear! Waking up to a wet paw in the ear isn't at all pleasurable! I have come to ignore the random crashes he makes through out the night. I have come to accept that the mini blinds will inevitably all be destroyed and that the curtains will not stay on the wall for many days at a time.
He has even learned how to smuggle food from the dog. The cat waits til the dog is chewing and then smuggles a bit. Sniper cant attack him while his mouth is full. I now have to shut him in the bathroom or monitor when the dog is being fed cause the damn cat takes half his food from him. Then once Snipe is out of food he will go work on his own bowl of food.
Yesterday the cat decided to show me who's boss by taking a piss on my video games! This earned him 5 hrs locked in the bathroom with his litterbox! He came out 5 hrs later proud of his accomplishment!
Ok this is long enough so I will give you more on his antics later.
Plotting the death of his rodent sister Jettabella:
His innocent face:
That would be a picture of what he is doing at this moment while I am trying to explain what a pest he is! I've really just got to start at the beginning . . .
Julie was over at one of her past boyfriend's apartments and for a week straight she heard this horrible crying. The horrible crying of what she would finally learn was a 5 week old Russian Blue. After 5 days of continued screaming, being driven out of her damn mind she finally grabbed her guy of the month and went downstairs in search of the sound. They finally discovered baby Mystery lodged in the motor of a car. Luckily for this kitten the car didn't move the whole week. They tried frantically for over an hour to . . . . sorry I had to stop typing for a moment cause Mystery just crawled under the desk to pull the cord out of my computer speakers! They went tumbling to the ground. He ran away proud to have once again pissed me off!
. . . ok so where was I? Uhm of yea . . . after over an hour's worth of crawling under this seemingly abandoned car she finally got grasp of the oil and gasoline covered kitty. Just to let you understand the depth of his stupidity he was NOT stuck! He was simply choosing to stay in the motor of a car covered in deadly and intoxicating fumes instead of being warm and happy in someone's home!
Julie bathed him a kept him for one night. But he drove her out of her damn mind so much she decided sharing was caring. So she conned me into taking the little bastard! The vet was so impressed that I snagged a free Russian Blue. They have a great reputation for being both beautiful and intelligent. Well, I can't say Mystery fully posses the second one. He spent a week after all, covered in gasoline and oil! Right away he has his way with Sniper. He fit into the palm of my hand and he bulled around this dog:
Mystery spent the next several months attempting to kill himself. I kid you not! He through himself into the toilet 5 times! I had to train every guest to put down the toilet seat cause the little tike was small enough to drown in it! He wasn't even actually old enough to be winged from his mother yet. He was just a tiny baby. When drowning no long became an option he went for a bit different of an approach. He decided he wanted to follow in the asian tradition of eating cats. He tried to shut himself in the fridge. Everytime I would swing the fridge door shut and walk away he would slip in! Luckily I saw him out of the corner of my eye everytime he succeeded!
His next antic was even more severe. The cat through himself in the oven! Omg I have to interrupt this for an update. He is currently nawwing his back claws off! I'm going to go wrap his feel in masking tape to keep him from succeeding, brb.
Ok so yes the oven. I would turn it on to preheat. Then go back 10 minutes later to put the food in. As I open the oven door the kitten jumps in! My reflexes immediately grab him as he barely touches down in the oven. Luckily for him I have catlike reflexes of steel! Mystery continued to try this suicide trick 4 times! Everytime I caught him in the air or just as he was landing! He suffers no severe burns or problems. God apparently really REALLY loves this one!
He eventually takes it a step further. At 6 months he jumps out the window of a two story building landing on the dirt. I ran out that door, down the stairs and into the yard so fast I forgot I wasn't wearing shoes or anything appropriate for public. When I got to him he was still laying in the dirt recovering from his confuzzlement. I grabbed him and took him back to the apartment. No more open windows for us!
One morning during rush hour he came up with a different solution to ending his life. As I was rushing out the door to work he ran past me. The cat ran out the door and down the steps. The building I was in at the time had a closed in hallway. Luckily for Mystery, one of my neighbors had left the front door of the building open though. He flew out into rush hour traffic on Gaston! I went running after him, purse, laptop, and lunch bag on my shoulder. He darted out in that stop and go traffic playing frogger with his life. And my ass ran after him darting cars and causing all sorts of traffic problems. 20 minutes later I finally got ahold of his furry butt and marched him back upstairs. I was so mad! Of course explaining to my boss why I was a half hour late was great! She hates cats and didn't understand why I didn't just leave him to fend for himself. Bitch!
Now he is too fat for most of those antics. The "oh so goth" cat has reduced himself down to just doing things that piss me off. Such as fighting with me on whether or not he gets to sleep on my face! Yes I said ON my face at night. If he wants me awake he will stick his tongue in my nostrils. When I manage to ignore that he will go put his paws in his water bowl and them put the wet paws in my ear! Waking up to a wet paw in the ear isn't at all pleasurable! I have come to ignore the random crashes he makes through out the night. I have come to accept that the mini blinds will inevitably all be destroyed and that the curtains will not stay on the wall for many days at a time.
He has even learned how to smuggle food from the dog. The cat waits til the dog is chewing and then smuggles a bit. Sniper cant attack him while his mouth is full. I now have to shut him in the bathroom or monitor when the dog is being fed cause the damn cat takes half his food from him. Then once Snipe is out of food he will go work on his own bowl of food.
Yesterday the cat decided to show me who's boss by taking a piss on my video games! This earned him 5 hrs locked in the bathroom with his litterbox! He came out 5 hrs later proud of his accomplishment!
Ok this is long enough so I will give you more on his antics later.
Plotting the death of his rodent sister Jettabella:
His innocent face: