it just hit me...
I'm leaving New Orleans in a week...people keep on asking me when I'm going to return...and it breaks my heart that I dont have an answer....I don't want to leave New Orleans. I'm going to be really fucking depressed for a long time. As if it isnt bad enough that my falls/winters are usually my low stage anyway...
I dont want to go back to Miami, I dont, I'm going to be really unhappy. I cant relate to the people and I cant relate to the lifestyle. I'm not about getting really dressed up everytime I'm trying to go out, I'm not about showing off my fake loui vouton (or however you fucking spell it), I'm not about wearing stilletoes everywhere I go. I'm not going to be able to relate to anybody and I'm going to have nobody. who am I going to befriend, who am I going to hang out with or party with...I'm not about the hardcore "try-way-too-fucking-hard-to-be-different" scene, and I'm certainly not into the latino scene...I really dont think there are any more scenes. I'm going to need people to challenge me intellectualy and I'm convinced that its going to be a lot harder to find than expected. I DONT WANT TO GO BACK. I'm going to miss turning every corner and finding music and a dancing crowd, or being able to drink an afternoon brew sitting in a terrace just chilling like in spain, or eating shit tons of cheap crawfish and oysters while chilling with some daiquiries by the mississippi, or being able to go to a shitload of festivals, and having so many flavors and restaurants to choose from that everytime i make a dinner date its hard to decide. I'm going to miss the southern charm in people and their politeness and their kindness. The music, the flavor, the people, the party, the culture...Miami is void of culture, its all fake, it has no grounds to stand on...and one would think we are overwhelmed by culture, but thats not true it all messhes into a flashy competition for all to be the most plastic and fake person out there. I cant I just cant....
sure free rent, no bills, free food, but that also comes with the burden of having my parents breathing down my neck remainding me of how big of a failure I am for not getting cum-laude(even though I have a 3.2) bc "my major wasnt that hard" or everytime time my father has a mid-life crisis break down to throw at my face and remind me how "spolied" I am and how comfortable and this and that even though I'm fucking glad he doesnt have a stressful job anymore...I have made myself a promise; I'm giving them three strikes, the third one I'm moving out. I have become very comfortable and sure of myself being by myself, sure there have been trials, but i have defeated them by myself here. Not once did my family have to come and rescue me, they hardly visited in comparison to most actually....I need my freedom. I need my mother to stop bitching at me when I dont feel like eating but then bitching at me when I dont exercise bc I'm fat. Or insinuating i stayed out way too late or if I have a hang over, I dont need my father to drag me out of bed at 9 on a saturday just bc he cant sleep and he has been up since 6 and misery loves fucking company. I'm about to lose my life and sink into a nasty rut...watch 9-5 job living with the rents being miserable as hell....here i come
I dont want to go back to Miami, I dont, I'm going to be really unhappy. I cant relate to the people and I cant relate to the lifestyle. I'm not about getting really dressed up everytime I'm trying to go out, I'm not about showing off my fake loui vouton (or however you fucking spell it), I'm not about wearing stilletoes everywhere I go. I'm not going to be able to relate to anybody and I'm going to have nobody. who am I going to befriend, who am I going to hang out with or party with...I'm not about the hardcore "try-way-too-fucking-hard-to-be-different" scene, and I'm certainly not into the latino scene...I really dont think there are any more scenes. I'm going to need people to challenge me intellectualy and I'm convinced that its going to be a lot harder to find than expected. I DONT WANT TO GO BACK. I'm going to miss turning every corner and finding music and a dancing crowd, or being able to drink an afternoon brew sitting in a terrace just chilling like in spain, or eating shit tons of cheap crawfish and oysters while chilling with some daiquiries by the mississippi, or being able to go to a shitload of festivals, and having so many flavors and restaurants to choose from that everytime i make a dinner date its hard to decide. I'm going to miss the southern charm in people and their politeness and their kindness. The music, the flavor, the people, the party, the culture...Miami is void of culture, its all fake, it has no grounds to stand on...and one would think we are overwhelmed by culture, but thats not true it all messhes into a flashy competition for all to be the most plastic and fake person out there. I cant I just cant....
sure free rent, no bills, free food, but that also comes with the burden of having my parents breathing down my neck remainding me of how big of a failure I am for not getting cum-laude(even though I have a 3.2) bc "my major wasnt that hard" or everytime time my father has a mid-life crisis break down to throw at my face and remind me how "spolied" I am and how comfortable and this and that even though I'm fucking glad he doesnt have a stressful job anymore...I have made myself a promise; I'm giving them three strikes, the third one I'm moving out. I have become very comfortable and sure of myself being by myself, sure there have been trials, but i have defeated them by myself here. Not once did my family have to come and rescue me, they hardly visited in comparison to most actually....I need my freedom. I need my mother to stop bitching at me when I dont feel like eating but then bitching at me when I dont exercise bc I'm fat. Or insinuating i stayed out way too late or if I have a hang over, I dont need my father to drag me out of bed at 9 on a saturday just bc he cant sleep and he has been up since 6 and misery loves fucking company. I'm about to lose my life and sink into a nasty rut...watch 9-5 job living with the rents being miserable as hell....here i come