December 6: Fondness Alone Can't Stop Anger Grown
AAAACK, I'M SOO LATE AGAAAIINNNNN!!! I really need to write up a stock of these chapters, so I'm not so late every single day I'm busy or something... *grumble* there are a lot of busy days in December, after all...
Warnings: None, except PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! OR MY ANGELS! At least not until their different points of view has been explained in the next... two chapters or so...? *puppy!dog eyes* Will hopefully post next chapter before bed. Be early for once...
Mithraiel headed homeward, confused by both his own thoughts, as well as Rin’s behavior. He had wanted to kiss Rin; he hadn’t really realized how much, until his kiss was denied, and he could feel the depths of his own disappointment.
He had wanted to kiss Rin, and more. And wasn’t that selfish and extravagant, from someone who claimed he couldn’t keep up with Indra and Leilan. Two beautiful, caring Angels, who wanted him, looked out for him, and gave him more than he’d ever though he would receive. And he had such a wonderful friend in Rin, too. He didn’t lack for anything, and yet it still wasn’t enough?
Just because Leilan had been slightly frustrating lately, and Rin was such pleasant company, such a fascinating person. It was far from enough to justify these thoughts. He couldn’t help but feel disgusted by his own greed.
And Rin! Acting as if choosing Leilan over him was the most natural thing in the world. It had sounded like it was experience talking, but still! Did he think so little of Mithraiel that he thought he’d cast away a friend that easily?
Did he think so little of himself that he didn’t believe his continued company was worth it?
And to think that the term love had shown up. Not to mention the idea that he belonged to Leilan, like he was some mere possession. The thought alone was ridiculous.
The more he thought about it, the more annoying and frustrating he found the whole thing. He didn’t often get angry, but he was starting to feel the first sparks of it now, even if he couldn’t quite tell who he was angry with. Rin and his outlandish remarks, his own behavior and stupid, greedy thoughts, or maybe even Leilan and his increasingly frustrating sulking.
He just wanted to stop the worrying and be happy. Content, and sure in the knowledge that the people he cared about were, too.
Storming into their small cottage, he went to search for Indra and Leilan. He needed them to help him forget, at least for a little while. Simple pleasure and warmth to take away everything unpleasant.
“You’re home early,” Leilan said when Mithraiel found the two of them. It hadn’t been much of a search, really, they were both in bed, Leilan in Indra’s lap, Indra hugging him from behind.
He sighed. Leilan was clearly in a bad mood; bad even compared to his general mood lately.
“I’m surprised. I thought your precious Winter was so fascinating company that you’d forgotten all about us,” Leilan continued sourly. “Or perhaps he was busy, so you’re settling for second best?”
“Lei...” Indra said warningly, exasperation clear in his voice. But his warning was too late.
“Enough,” Mithraiel yelled. He didn’t want to deal with this, not today. Even if he knew Leilan didn’t really mean it, he was in no state of mind to let it slide. “Enough of the sulking and the snide remarks! Rin is my friend. And I will continue seeing him. Why is that so hard for you to accept?”
Leilan blinked at him in surprise over the outburst. He had probably expected Mithraiel to say that wasn’t true, or apologize, or smile and kiss him or something, but he had no intentions of doing so. He’d done so for too long already.
“Because he’s always been looking at you!” Leilan shot back, when he got over the inital shock. “For years, decades, centuries. Always, always looking, like some love-sick puppy, and never saying anything, never even talking to you. But I saw you first, I made the effort to get to know you, and he has no right to suddenly come out of nowhere and try to take you away. You’re mine, mine and Indra’s! He has no right!”
Mithraiel gaped in astonishment. At the heat in Leilan’s voice, and his angry expression. At what he had just said; he couldn’t believe that Rin had been right, that Leilan somehow thought Mithraiel was his, as if he owned him or something. Not to mention his claims that Rin had been watching him, that Rin... wanted him? And apparently had been for a long time, since long before Mithraiel had even entered his current relationship with Indra and Leilan.
It didn’t make sense, it couldn’t possibly be true. Rin had done nothing to indicate such a thing, after all! He shook his head slightly. One thing at a time.
“I’m not yours, Leilan, or anyone else’s. You do not own me; it’s not possible to own another person,” he said with a sigh. He had thought this obvious, but apparently not.
“You belong here, with us,” Leilan insisted stubbornly. “Winter doesn’t understand you like we do, he can’t make you happy like we can. You don’t need him!”
“At least he understands that it’s possible for me to care for other people as well, without it sending him into a snit,” Mithraiel thundered, angrier than ever. “At least he considers my feelings, and is willing to ease my problems, even to the cost of his own happiness. I’m not sure it’s even possible for you to understand the concept of that.”
Leilan stared at him in shock. Not too surprising; Mithraiel didn’t think he’d ever actually been angry with Leilan before, or called him out on any personality flaws. It didn’t seem like he could even come up with a reply.
“It seems like our relationship has caused some misunderstandings,” Mithraiel continued coolly after a few deep, calming breaths. “My apologies. I’ll do my best to clear things up for you: No matter how much I care for you, or how much time we spend together, you don’t own me. I belong to myself and myself alone. If that’s not something you can understand and accept, then I’m afraid I’ll have to leave.”
“Leave...?” Leilan repeated in a tiny voice, eyes wide with disbelief and what looked like hurt.
Mithraiel hesitated. He didn’t want to hurt Leilan, never that, but he just couldn’t go on like this anymore, waiting for understanding that might never come. Finally, he nodded.
“Yes, leave. I do not want to; I like living with you and Indra and wouldn’t mind doing so forever. But my friendship with Rin is a part of me, and as long as you can’t accept all of me, then me being here will just make us all miserable.”
He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the next words he had to say. “Goodbye, Leilan. Maybe one day you will understand, and we can...” He paused, and shook his head with a sad smile. “I hope you will still count me as a friend, ‘cause I would miss you terribly if not. You’re still one of the most important people in my life.”
“Mith, don’t...” Indra protested softly, his dark brown eyes filled with sadness.
“I’m sorry, Indra,” Mithraiel replied. “I know I said I’d be patient, but... I’m exhausted.”
And he really was. He was dead tired, and even thinking or feeling was a chore. With a last sad smile, he turned around and left.
Warnings: None, except PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! OR MY ANGELS! At least not until their different points of view has been explained in the next... two chapters or so...? *puppy!dog eyes* Will hopefully post next chapter before bed. Be early for once...
Mithraiel headed homeward, confused by both his own thoughts, as well as Rin’s behavior. He had wanted to kiss Rin; he hadn’t really realized how much, until his kiss was denied, and he could feel the depths of his own disappointment.
He had wanted to kiss Rin, and more. And wasn’t that selfish and extravagant, from someone who claimed he couldn’t keep up with Indra and Leilan. Two beautiful, caring Angels, who wanted him, looked out for him, and gave him more than he’d ever though he would receive. And he had such a wonderful friend in Rin, too. He didn’t lack for anything, and yet it still wasn’t enough?
Just because Leilan had been slightly frustrating lately, and Rin was such pleasant company, such a fascinating person. It was far from enough to justify these thoughts. He couldn’t help but feel disgusted by his own greed.
And Rin! Acting as if choosing Leilan over him was the most natural thing in the world. It had sounded like it was experience talking, but still! Did he think so little of Mithraiel that he thought he’d cast away a friend that easily?
Did he think so little of himself that he didn’t believe his continued company was worth it?
And to think that the term love had shown up. Not to mention the idea that he belonged to Leilan, like he was some mere possession. The thought alone was ridiculous.
The more he thought about it, the more annoying and frustrating he found the whole thing. He didn’t often get angry, but he was starting to feel the first sparks of it now, even if he couldn’t quite tell who he was angry with. Rin and his outlandish remarks, his own behavior and stupid, greedy thoughts, or maybe even Leilan and his increasingly frustrating sulking.
He just wanted to stop the worrying and be happy. Content, and sure in the knowledge that the people he cared about were, too.
Storming into their small cottage, he went to search for Indra and Leilan. He needed them to help him forget, at least for a little while. Simple pleasure and warmth to take away everything unpleasant.
“You’re home early,” Leilan said when Mithraiel found the two of them. It hadn’t been much of a search, really, they were both in bed, Leilan in Indra’s lap, Indra hugging him from behind.
He sighed. Leilan was clearly in a bad mood; bad even compared to his general mood lately.
“I’m surprised. I thought your precious Winter was so fascinating company that you’d forgotten all about us,” Leilan continued sourly. “Or perhaps he was busy, so you’re settling for second best?”
“Lei...” Indra said warningly, exasperation clear in his voice. But his warning was too late.
“Enough,” Mithraiel yelled. He didn’t want to deal with this, not today. Even if he knew Leilan didn’t really mean it, he was in no state of mind to let it slide. “Enough of the sulking and the snide remarks! Rin is my friend. And I will continue seeing him. Why is that so hard for you to accept?”
Leilan blinked at him in surprise over the outburst. He had probably expected Mithraiel to say that wasn’t true, or apologize, or smile and kiss him or something, but he had no intentions of doing so. He’d done so for too long already.
“Because he’s always been looking at you!” Leilan shot back, when he got over the inital shock. “For years, decades, centuries. Always, always looking, like some love-sick puppy, and never saying anything, never even talking to you. But I saw you first, I made the effort to get to know you, and he has no right to suddenly come out of nowhere and try to take you away. You’re mine, mine and Indra’s! He has no right!”
Mithraiel gaped in astonishment. At the heat in Leilan’s voice, and his angry expression. At what he had just said; he couldn’t believe that Rin had been right, that Leilan somehow thought Mithraiel was his, as if he owned him or something. Not to mention his claims that Rin had been watching him, that Rin... wanted him? And apparently had been for a long time, since long before Mithraiel had even entered his current relationship with Indra and Leilan.
It didn’t make sense, it couldn’t possibly be true. Rin had done nothing to indicate such a thing, after all! He shook his head slightly. One thing at a time.
“I’m not yours, Leilan, or anyone else’s. You do not own me; it’s not possible to own another person,” he said with a sigh. He had thought this obvious, but apparently not.
“You belong here, with us,” Leilan insisted stubbornly. “Winter doesn’t understand you like we do, he can’t make you happy like we can. You don’t need him!”
“At least he understands that it’s possible for me to care for other people as well, without it sending him into a snit,” Mithraiel thundered, angrier than ever. “At least he considers my feelings, and is willing to ease my problems, even to the cost of his own happiness. I’m not sure it’s even possible for you to understand the concept of that.”
Leilan stared at him in shock. Not too surprising; Mithraiel didn’t think he’d ever actually been angry with Leilan before, or called him out on any personality flaws. It didn’t seem like he could even come up with a reply.
“It seems like our relationship has caused some misunderstandings,” Mithraiel continued coolly after a few deep, calming breaths. “My apologies. I’ll do my best to clear things up for you: No matter how much I care for you, or how much time we spend together, you don’t own me. I belong to myself and myself alone. If that’s not something you can understand and accept, then I’m afraid I’ll have to leave.”
“Leave...?” Leilan repeated in a tiny voice, eyes wide with disbelief and what looked like hurt.
Mithraiel hesitated. He didn’t want to hurt Leilan, never that, but he just couldn’t go on like this anymore, waiting for understanding that might never come. Finally, he nodded.
“Yes, leave. I do not want to; I like living with you and Indra and wouldn’t mind doing so forever. But my friendship with Rin is a part of me, and as long as you can’t accept all of me, then me being here will just make us all miserable.”
He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the next words he had to say. “Goodbye, Leilan. Maybe one day you will understand, and we can...” He paused, and shook his head with a sad smile. “I hope you will still count me as a friend, ‘cause I would miss you terribly if not. You’re still one of the most important people in my life.”
“Mith, don’t...” Indra protested softly, his dark brown eyes filled with sadness.
“I’m sorry, Indra,” Mithraiel replied. “I know I said I’d be patient, but... I’m exhausted.”
And he really was. He was dead tired, and even thinking or feeling was a chore. With a last sad smile, he turned around and left.