is it really worth it?
I have been trying so hard to make my marriage work. its getting harder tho. I'm at my breaking point. I dnt know anymore if its really worth the fight. especially when im the one left cryng all the time...I can't remember the last time ray did anything to try to make move happy... he's saying I'm not trying either. all the things we did before we left apparently doesn't count. I want to spend every waking moment with my girls, but it doesnt seem like he cares. just today he wanted to go out without them, he said for quality time. but he has had me for himself since I got back from deployment til we left dc. now, I think he's just being selfish.
we just got into a fight again, he called me a whore, slut and a cunt. im getting number everytime something like this happens. its not sex with him that m completely turned off about. its sex in general. maybe its because of how much importance he gives it. how he is willing to fight with me over it. and how I feel less important because of it. its starting to feel like thats the only reason left as to why he's still with me. I still remember the man I fell in love with...I miss him...I miss feeling safe and secure. not hurt and check vulnerable.
the girls are gettng so big. pretty soon theyre going to notice things are not ok...anm I willing to wait til they find out? or should I be the bad guy and just break it off...and let them keep thinking of ray as the hero? I just dont wait it to get to the point where he starts hurting them while im gone. its been a year, and even he has admitted he's not quite used to them anymore....im scared....
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