Yom Kippur: Atonement for sins
*Disclaimer: This entry is completely based around religion and my thoughts and opinions behind it at this moment in time. If you have no desire to hear religious ideas, then don't read any further. Thank you.*
Friday night started Yom Kippur. This is the Day of Atonement in relation to Rosh Hashannah (The Jewish New Year). Rosh Hashannah starts, then we have the ten days of Awe in which we ask forgiveness and forgive others, then Yom Kippur comes and we repent for our sins. From sunset to sunset we fast as a way to feel the pain we cause others when we hurt them, and we pray. We pray a lot. We hold Kaddish as well, in which we honor those who have passed away. My mother and my sister are joining a new congregation, so we went to their service instead of the services at our old temple. I missed my old temple, especially the singing (they are a brand new congregation so very few people sing) but the service was still lovely (minus my growling stomach and runny nose; I love allergy season).
During the silent prayer I was standing there reading through the prayers when I realized something. There's been a lot that has happened since the last year. For one thing, I was able to attend services this year, whereas last year I got sick and couldn't make it. I also realized just how many times I've held something against someone and not let go of it. There have been so many people who have hurt me or whom I have hurt and not forgiven. Yes, it is a human flaw, but still, there is a lot more than I would've thought. When you sit down (or stay standing, as my case was) and really think about the hurt that you've faced or that you've caused others to face, it really shocks you. Now, there's no way anyone could possibly be perfect and not make anyone upset or mad, but there are still ways that you can try to avoid conflict. I'm one of those people who tries to please everyone, so when it comes to taking care of myself, I feel guilty for doing it, especially if I have something big that I'm working on or with. When I throw my foot down and say "no" a lot more heads turn than I would expect. However, you can't please everyone in the end. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you could possibly do. As for hurting others or being hurt, it takes time to forgive. It takes courage to be able to lay aside the pain you feel from what has happened and move on.
I can't change what has happened in the past, but learning to let go is something I can work hard at. Learning to say "Yes, they were rude, they hurt me, but I'm going to accept the hurt and move on with my life" is going to take some time, but I'm confident enough that I will be able to do it. It's a bit trickier to ask forgiveness, but if in my heart I mean it, then eventually those whom I hurt can learn to forgive as well. Yes, the past will continue to haunt, and I will continue to fight in my efforts to move on, but, well, baby steps at this point. See the situation and accept it for what it is. Moving on takes time, but it will happen eventually, when the hurt is gone.
And as for the holiday? I said refuah-schlemah for the boy-o and we said kaddish for his mom, Grandma Miller and Grandpa Semaria. The holidays make you remember a lot of things, and those who have passed on is one. Sis and I broke fast at Mimi's Cafe, then broke a second fast at one of the congregants' houses. I chalk this holiday up, on a whole, though, to being a little more than just sitting in a temple praying. It has merit, and atonement for sins, even the smallest of sins, can make all the difference.
@~>~~
Friday night started Yom Kippur. This is the Day of Atonement in relation to Rosh Hashannah (The Jewish New Year). Rosh Hashannah starts, then we have the ten days of Awe in which we ask forgiveness and forgive others, then Yom Kippur comes and we repent for our sins. From sunset to sunset we fast as a way to feel the pain we cause others when we hurt them, and we pray. We pray a lot. We hold Kaddish as well, in which we honor those who have passed away. My mother and my sister are joining a new congregation, so we went to their service instead of the services at our old temple. I missed my old temple, especially the singing (they are a brand new congregation so very few people sing) but the service was still lovely (minus my growling stomach and runny nose; I love allergy season).
During the silent prayer I was standing there reading through the prayers when I realized something. There's been a lot that has happened since the last year. For one thing, I was able to attend services this year, whereas last year I got sick and couldn't make it. I also realized just how many times I've held something against someone and not let go of it. There have been so many people who have hurt me or whom I have hurt and not forgiven. Yes, it is a human flaw, but still, there is a lot more than I would've thought. When you sit down (or stay standing, as my case was) and really think about the hurt that you've faced or that you've caused others to face, it really shocks you. Now, there's no way anyone could possibly be perfect and not make anyone upset or mad, but there are still ways that you can try to avoid conflict. I'm one of those people who tries to please everyone, so when it comes to taking care of myself, I feel guilty for doing it, especially if I have something big that I'm working on or with. When I throw my foot down and say "no" a lot more heads turn than I would expect. However, you can't please everyone in the end. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you could possibly do. As for hurting others or being hurt, it takes time to forgive. It takes courage to be able to lay aside the pain you feel from what has happened and move on.
I can't change what has happened in the past, but learning to let go is something I can work hard at. Learning to say "Yes, they were rude, they hurt me, but I'm going to accept the hurt and move on with my life" is going to take some time, but I'm confident enough that I will be able to do it. It's a bit trickier to ask forgiveness, but if in my heart I mean it, then eventually those whom I hurt can learn to forgive as well. Yes, the past will continue to haunt, and I will continue to fight in my efforts to move on, but, well, baby steps at this point. See the situation and accept it for what it is. Moving on takes time, but it will happen eventually, when the hurt is gone.
And as for the holiday? I said refuah-schlemah for the boy-o and we said kaddish for his mom, Grandma Miller and Grandpa Semaria. The holidays make you remember a lot of things, and those who have passed on is one. Sis and I broke fast at Mimi's Cafe, then broke a second fast at one of the congregants' houses. I chalk this holiday up, on a whole, though, to being a little more than just sitting in a temple praying. It has merit, and atonement for sins, even the smallest of sins, can make all the difference.
@~>~~