Fanfic: Home Again (Part 2/2)
Title: Home Again (Part 2/2)
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Word Count: Approx. 4500
Summary: This was originally started for Tropes Week during last summer's challenge and I thought now would be a good time to finally post the second half. “What would happen if Ben lost his memory and couldn’t remember his life with Leslie and his new friends in Pawnee.”
Author’s Note: I’ve never actually had amnesia or know anyone who has; so all accounts are from what I see on tv and what fit my story. :)
A couple days after waking up in a foreign world and learning he’d become a real Pawneeian, it was easy for Ben Wyatt to see why he decided to stay here. Sure Leslie Knope’s constant attention and smiles were amazing, but also the genuine kindness from everyone who’d come through his door touched his heart. Many concerned coworkers from every department of the Pawnee government had stopped by; calzones and waffles had been sent to his room from JJs dinner many times and he even received an extremely odd personal phone call from local celebrity, Joan Calamezo. She wanted an exclusive interview with him on his ordeal, but before she even finished asking the question he knew he wasn’t going to get in front of a camera. If he was being honest Joan kind of freaked him out anyways. Overall though, the people he met genuinely cared about one of their own in need of help and it surprisingly made him feel much better to know he was one of them.
Andy and April, who were just acquaintances of his from what he remembered, were in his room first thing the next morning with a million apologies and promises to be better roommates in the future. Andy even brought him a stuffed pig that squealed, but quickly let him know that he would want it back when Ben was feeling better.
Tom and Ron, who from before the accident were also people he’d met in passing, stopped by shortly after his roommates. After only a couple minutes in their presents, it was quickly apparent to Ben that he had very little in common with these men. If he was being honest, they were polar opposites of each other in every way and any friendship between the three men was highly improbable. But somehow he quickly felt relaxed in their presents, despite their odd conversation.
After a couple minutes of casual pleasantries, Ron asked if there were any scares from his accident, which immediately got Tom excitedly talking about how women loved scars. Tom then jumped into a detailed play by play on how they would use this new information during their next trip to the Snakehole Lounge. Though Ben really didn’t want to pick-up women when he was pretty sure the girl of his dreams was standing in the room, he smiled at Tom’s genuine excitement at the prospect of hanging out in the future. Ben knows that this most likely had little to do with actually spending time with him personally though.
While listening to a rather terrifying description of the Tommy Ritual, Ben noticed Ron give Leslie a questioning look from the corner of his eye. Being less sneaky then he means too, he turns to Leslie in time to see her respond with a frown and negative shake of her head. Ben may have no idea what this is referring too, but from the sad smile Leslie give him when she sees him staring at her makes him nervous. Even Ron, who he doesn’t know very well at this point though he concluded is not overwhelmingly compassionate in many situations, gives him a supportive squeeze and sad smile on his departure.
At lunch, Chris burst into the room, overly worried about his partner’s physically health and enthusiastic at the prospect of getting Ben out of bed for strength and balance training as soon as possible. Needless to say, Chris was exactly as he remembered him.
Also stopping by every couple hours was Leslie’s best friend and beautiful nurse, as she was referred to many times, to check on Ben and get him out of bed for short walks. Though nothing had been broken during his fall, he had a sprained ankle and needed to take short walks to stretch the mussel.
Of course Leslie had been there the entire time, keeping him company and assisting him in anything he needed. While taking his first steps the day he woke up, he had faltered and on instinct they reached for each other. Her hands were as soft and warm as he remembered from when he woken up that morning. Yet since they realized a large part of their history had gone missing her touches had been far and few between. And he couldn’t help but miss something he never really had…well at least that he remembered.
Things with Leslie had been wonderful since he woke up three days ago, but he still felt like there was something he missed. He knew Leslie was a kind person with a beautiful heart and that he should just be grateful, yet his mind also knew that the Leslie he remembered hated him. And no sane person spent this much time and effort helping a co-worker or friend let alone someone they detested. In the past couple days he had ample time to be around this new wonderful woman. His favorite moments were their walks. Sometimes they simply walked to the cafeteria, other times they would go outside and venture into the small courtyard gardens. Anywhere they walked though it was clear to see that Leslie would stand closer than necessary for a co-worker or friend. He wasn’t one to complain about this newfound friendship he’d been given, no matter how confusing and complicated his feelings were getting by the moment.
For as long as Ben could remember he’d been a dreamer at heart. He may not show it on a daily bases, but many of his quite moments were filled with daydreams. As a child it was as simple as a real family vacation together. When his life really crashed around him, he would spend days imagining what his life would have looked like if he hadn’t bankrupted his town at 18. Then during his time on the road in Indiana, he liked to picture himself in his dream job, with a loving family and supportive group of friends to lean on. And since waking up from his ordeal, he couldn’t seem to get the vivid image of Leslie’s hair between his fingers and her soft lips on his. The later images were consuming his every thought these last couple days and his mind was beginning to lose track of his fantasy and the reality of the situation. Well at least what he assumed was reality.
As much as Ben was a dreamer at heart, his mind was a realist and knew there was no way his life could have become that perfect. He would never even mention it to Leslie because that could mess up the relationship they already had. But his mind still would not let go of the images and they were almost becoming memories he was pretty sure were not real.
That morning, Leslie had softly woken him from his sleep and he actually reached up to stroke her face and pull her into a kiss. Of course he quickly caught himself and played this off as an awkward stretch. From that moment he began insisting that he was fine and should be sent time immediately. Really he just needed to get out of such close proximity to this woman that was quickly consuming his ever thought, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone that.
As Ann check’s Ben’s vitals for the tenth time that day, Leslie steps away for a work phone call. Ben can hear her in the distance as she talks Tom out of using his life savings on what sounds like a useless party finder website. Ben decides to use this chance to ask Ann some questions he could never ask with Leslie around.
“Ann…can I ask you a personal questions?” Ben starts timidly. He knows he’d not good in stressful situations like this, but he has to at least try to get some answers. And if anyone knew Leslie it would be Ann Perkins.
“Sure,” she says with obvious trepidation.
“Leslie is great; she has been so sweet and helpful towards me. Which if I’m being honest was not what I remember of Leslie Knope from before the accident. So I’m just going to ask, what was the relationship between Leslie and I like before the accident? I mean have we become close friends or is she just being super nice because I am injured? I know that’s an odd question, but I was just...I’m confused.”
The sympathetic smile she gives him makes Ben feel like he’s not losing his mind. Ann pauses for a couple moments before quietly answering, “I think it would be best if you spoke with Leslie.”
It’s not the answer he wanted, but he understands. Before he can reply she continues, “Leslie is one of the kindest people I’ve ever meet,” which Ben takes to mean Leslie’s just being nice. “But she cares about you a lot Ben and you really need to ask Leslie about it.”
This does give Ben a much better outlook on the situation, but of course he has no idea how he’s going to proceed with this information. As Ann is walking out of his room, she turns and smiles before continuing, “Just a heads up though, she’s not going to make this easy for you. You may need to drag it out of her, but it will be worth it.”
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“So how are you feeling today, Mr. Wyatt? Any changes in the way you feel or what you remember?” Dr. Harris begins speaking the moment he walks into the room, taking the seat Leslie had been forced to vacate a few moments before. Ben can still feel the comfort of her presents in the suddenly darker room. “Any flashes or déjà?”
So far Ben has stayed quite on these doctor visits, but this morning decides to take this Leslieless moment to get his feeling out and hopefully receive some professional advice. “I think, but I can’t tell if they’re real or not. For example…you know…like…umm…” He doesn’t know how he’d ever be able to talk to Leslie about this when he is stuttering like an idiot for the doctor. Ben pauses and begins again, “This won’t leave the room, right?”
“Of course,” Dr. Harris replies in his consistently apathetic voice. “We have patient-doctor confidentiality.”
Before losing his nerve, Ben opens a floodgate of feeling on the doctor. “Well I’ve been having these déjà feelings for the past couple days, but I’m not 100 percent sure how to describe them. It first started when Leslie and I went for our first walk to the courtyard gardens it felt like I’d been there before. Not there specifically, but somewhere like that with Leslie. And while before the accident Leslie had taken me on numerous trips to the park to demonstrate their importance, this wasn’t like one of those. It’s the two of us watching this picturesque sunset and I feel free and alive for once. I don’t understand it though. We’ve never been in a situation like that and the vision feels so romantic. And to be honest the whole thing feels too perfect to be real. You know what I mean? Now all I see is the two of us, in the same spot on different days. When I think about it I feel so happy, but how do I know it’s real and not something my subconscious made up from the way I’m feeling about her. I mean before…well from when I can remember things I did have a massive crush on Leslie. And now that we’re friends and we’ve been spending more time together there is no way the ‘other me’ can’t be in love with her, because I can already feel myself falling for her. So how do I know what I’m feeling is real and not my imagination running wild.”
By this point Ben’s almost frantic and out of breathe. He looks straight at Dr. Harris for some direction and is not surprised by his impassive stare. He calmly finished his speech, “Needless to say she hasn’t said anything about an ‘us’ and neither has anyone else. And it’s really important to me that I don’t ruin what I do have with her, so what do I do?”
Without even much of a pausing though, Dr. Harris replies, “Well I’m not really a relationship counselor, but to fully understand the progress of your memory loss you need to speak with her.”
As always the Doctor is very helpful to Ben.
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Shortly after, the Doctor leaves without much useful advice or any prognosis. While Ben can admire Pawnee for some of the quarks it’s has to offer, the staff at this hospital worries him. Other then Ann Perkins, Ben’s interactions with the other flirty nurses, the good Doctor and the very strange MRI technical makes Ben want to get out of this hospital even more.
He quickly decides to go for a quiet walk to clear his mind before Leslie comes back. He just needs to get away from this room; it has been cramping his brain, as much as his legs all week.
When rounding the corner on the way to the cafeteria, Ben hears Leslie chatting with Ann in the waiting room. He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop but when he hears his name he realizes this could be the best way to get further information on himself.
Leslie sounds rather manic as she rambles on, “What if Ben never remembers, Ann? What if he gets annoyed with his life here and leaves before he's able to fall in love with Pawnee again? And oh my gosh what if he remembers and decides he still wants to leave?”
Though stricken by her obvious distress, the way that Leslie is so passionate about wanting him to stay feels amazing. He knows they are friends, but he's never felt so appreciated. In that moment he would give anything to be able to reassure her that he won't leave Pawnee or her.
Ann obviously has handled situations before though, because within moments she has Leslie breathing calmly and thinking about brownies. “Leslie, you don’t have to worry about any of those things. If Ben doesn’t remember, you will help him make new memories. Second he will have no problem falling in love with ‘Pawnee’ again. And third you are crazy if you think he would leave his ’Pawnee’ if he remembered his time with her.”
Even from around the corner Ben can hear the emphasis on Ann’s use of the word ‘Pawnee’ and a glimmer of hope that this means this is actually code for what he thinks it means warms Ben’s heart.
After a moment pause, Leslie responds just as agitated as before, "What are you talking about Ann! It took Ben months to see the potential in Pawnee the first time and without a reason to stay I might not have much time with him. This is a serious issue!”
His patients for this emotional roller coaster he’s on is really beginning to crumble. Without a moment of pause, Ben turns and walks back to his room. If he's meant to have these memories they will come to him and he's not going to fight it if they don't, especially if no one else will fight for them either.
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During dinner, Leslie sat in the chair next to Ben’s bedside as she devoured her waffles like she hadn’t eaten one the day before. He couldn’t help but stare at her soft lips, lips that seem to be meant for his kisses. How could he have spent over a year with her, yet never have this feeling overwhelm him into action before? He was determined to make his move the moment she gave him an opening.
She did not seem to be in a talking mood though. Since his morning meeting with Dr. Harris, Ben had been agitated with everyone, especially Leslie. Needless to say she was not too happy with him at the moment. Of course he wasn’t really upset her, he just needed answers somehow. All day his eyes would search hers for evidence that she was feeling what he was, but she shies away from him numerous times. But when they were watching television or he was supposed to be asleep, he would feel her eyes on his. It unnerved him and excited him at the same time.
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The next afternoon he is miraculously released from the hospital and he wastes no time taking the doctors up on this offer. While he quickly packs his things, Leslie works his paperwork and pesters the doctors for detail instruction on what Ben can and cannot be doing while still on the mend.
Though he remembers some of his time in Pawnee, the world outside this hospital scares Ben. There are so many things he doesn’t know out there. He doesn’t know where he lives, who he knows already and even what he’s been up to these past couple months.
“Are you excited to be going home?”
Ben looks up from packing to see Leslie bounce into the room with a smile on her beautiful face. Though he has loved being in her constant presents this week, he also knows that she is hiding something and just wants to get away suddenly.
“Well it’s not really my home,” Ben response shortly.
Her smile immediately disappears. She looks taken aback and a little scared him, No matter how frustrated he has been with her, he never wants to see that look from Leslie again. He can’t help himself from taking a step towards her as he continues in a kinder tone, “but I’m excited to make it home again.”
Her smile doesn’t completely replace the worried expression from before, but he knows she reads his apology and quietly helps him carry his things to the car.
After everything in loaded into Leslie’s car, his emotions suddenly tighten his chest and throat. And even though he’s been fighting for this moment, he knows he doesn’t want to go anywhere that won’t keep Leslie by his side.
Without much thought, he knows exactly what to say to get Leslie in a good mood again and keep her with him. He asks her to take him somewhere outdoors.
To which she looks immediately confused, so he attempts to clarify, “It’s just such a beautiful day and since I’ve been cramped up in doors all this time, I just though you of all people would know the best places in Pawnee to …I don’t know…just connect with nature and get some fresh air.”
Of course this brightens Leslie’s smile considerable and she excitably answers, “I know just the place. You actually love this spot and it’s really special.”
He doesn’t remember them having a special place, but at this point he would follow her anywhere.
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After a 30-minute car ride into the woods and a short walk, they emerge into a clearing with a beautiful view of Pawnee. He can see why Leslie loves this place so much and is ecstatic at the thought of them sharing this location before.
“Wow,” he whispers softly.
“See Ben, I told you Pawnee is special.” Leslie replies with a confidence and rather cocky smile.
He can’t help his childish side from coming out when she smiles like that at him, so he pokes her in the side. “Next you will take me to City Hall and demonstrate to me that the building really does have feelings.”
Ben knows it’s inappropriate for a coworker to tickle each other, but it doesn't stop him from softly raking his fingers across her side. After a couple seconds of basking in her playful squirming and laughter, he remembers reading about tickling being used as a means of torture and pauses at the thought of bringing harm to this angel.
She smiles brightly at him as her laughter fades and for the millionth time since waking up a week ago, Ben's breadth gets caught in his chest as he gazes at her easy smile. How is it possible that he remembers a random fact from years ago but can not remember this?
Ben Wyatt has spent his life dreaming of a woman like Leslie Knope and a home like Pawnee, yet of course when he's been given these things in real life he can't remember them.
With reenergized conviction to gain these memories and create new ones, Ben throws his inhibition to the wind and pulls Leslie into his arms.
"Thank you Leslie, so much. For taking care of me, for being there for me, for everything. I've never had someone like you in my life and I didn't know what I was missing until this week." He pauses to brush a strand of her hair away before continuing, "Also...I want to apologize for the way I acted all those months ago. Having friends and a place to call home really is something worth fighting for. I finally understand that this place isn't just about the numbers. And really I feel very lucky to have learned that lesson."
For a couple moments Leslie stays quiet and Ben worries that he has over step his bounds in their relationship. Just when he is about to take it all back, she starts to play with his shirt buttons as she replies softly without looking at him. "Well there is nothing to thank me for. You would have done the same for me. And honestly, Pawnee has been very lucky to have you too. You have helped us build something," Leslie replies. She pauses to gather her strength before looking up at him to continue, "and I'm pretty sure you are perfect for Pawnee and that Pawnee is pretty perfect for you too. And no matter what...umm...it will be here for you...to take care of you and love you."
It doesn't sound like she's really talking about Pawnee anymore and he cant help the smile that erupts on his face. Her small hands feel like heaven against his chest and he just feels so happy he could burst. Before he can change his mind he goes in to give her a quick peck on the check, but Leslie turns her head and before he can react Ben's lips fall on hers.
It was only meant to last a moment, but Ben cannot pull away once he is this close to her and Leslie isn't stopping him. Suddenly strong arms pull him impossibly closer and he can feel finger thread through his hair. From the way she pulls at his bottom lip, obviously Leslie knows exactly what to do to drive him crazy. Leslie's kiss is overwhelming and Ben can feel all of her zealous emotions in her unbelievable soft lips.
There is no way that another kiss in the history of kisses can top this moment. Suddenly passionate kisses in his office, quick make-out sessions in storage closets, hidden nights together at Leslie's home and hours spent relaxing together watching the sunset come flying back into his memory.
Feeling a weight being lifted from his shoulders, Ben pulls away to look at her. “Leslie I,” Ben fumbles for words. “I think I remember.”
Leslie doesn’t say anything for a couple moments. She just looks at him anxiously, praying for something to come back to him.
“We were here…you and me. A couple different times, right?" without waiting for her response, he continues, "I definitely remember sitting right here having a picnic. I made breakfast foods one time for you and then on a different occasion I made calzones and fruit salads because I wanted you to try and possible like some of my favorite foods." he smiles at the beautiful memories coming back to him, "It did not work unfortunately, but we did make out a lot during that trip to compensate for the food."
Leslie still says nothing and just gives him an encouraging smile. There is no doubt in Ben’s mind that she smile outshines even the beautiful Pawnee sunset. He has been holding himself back for a week and finally brushes his hand against her pink cheeks and into her hair. Leslie doesn’t give him a chance to think about his next move before she pulls on his tie and brings his lips to hers.
There was no question that her lips were made for his kisses and he never plans to forget this feelings again. They leisurely reacquaint themselves with each other while the Pawnee sunset turns the sky behind them turns into beautiful shades or purple and amber. Leslie pulls back from him after awhile and burrows into his chest. Ben feels his heart tighten at the feeling of her pulling him closer then he thought possible. Looking around the small clearing they are in, scenes of them relaxing during peaceful picnic trips fill his senses with a feeling of purpose and liberation.
“This was a perfect place to take me, Leslie. I can be honest now that I'm me again, and I’ve been dreaming about you and me here all week.” He pauses to pull her even closer, “I couldn't say anything because this thing between us and you just seemed too good to be true.”
“I know what you mean. For a couple minutes there I thought that maybe I had even imagined everything between us. And that I’d never get this back…that I’d never get you back.” Her voice breaks as she buries her head into his neck.
As hard as this week has been on him, he knows that Leslie has been going through something even worst. He don't know what he would do if he lost her now that he knows first hard how wonderful they can be together. He needs her to understand that losing him will never be an issue again. “Leslie…if i have any say in it that will not happen. Plus you didn't lose me, I was still me. I may not have remembered everything, but I still had a major crush on you.” She looks up at him with one of her patent coy yet stunning smiles. “Even without a year of relationship foundation you had me wrapped around your finger.”
Leslie laughs but looks down at his chest like she embarrassed, “While I wanted to kiss you days ago and help you remember, I strangely felt like I was cheating on my Ben. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I felt like you weren’t mine yet.”
Ben just laughs and sways Leslie a little. He is just so relieved to know that sounds just like his Leslie, the wonderful perfect women in his arms he never wants to forget. "Well that is not an issues anymore, there is no question I am yours," he jokes though he knows its true deep in his heart. He can’t hold himself back from kissing her again and letting her know that she doesn’t need to hid from him anymore.
“Thank God, I’ve spent a week in a room with you and a bed, but have not been able to jump you once!” They both giggle, before Leslie pokes Ben in the ribs and continues, “Its not funny Ben…this had been a hard week.”
“No, I do know,” he smiles seductively at her. “Well we are alone now.”
“My plans exactly!” Leslie says before pulling Ben down for another loving kiss.
Ben couldn’t wipe the broad smile off his face. Leslie was in his arms and he finally felt like he was home again.