somebody get the number of that bus

[spunky_chocobo]

Mmmm...well I'm back, and yeah I'm of sound mind and judgment more or less. Just a little sleepy and I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach by a T-Rexaur...but on a positive note the colds gone. Well it's not much of a consolation

Comments

[spunky_chocobo]

Mmmmm…I saw this comin’ so I’m pretty much prepared for anything you gotta say to me. You’re being a bit polite with the first time though, the alcohol was stupidity, I should have spat but I didn’t think about it.

The thing with the medicine was an act of nature, if you’ve ever been delirious from a fever you’d know what I was talking about. I was sick and I wasn’t thinkin’ straight to begin with, I was thinkin’ about getting better so that no one would have to worry. That didn’t work out like it had in my mind at the time.

The pills I did take I remember were narcotics I used when I had a hole blown in my shoulder. I thought I had grabbed something a bit milder. If I did or didn’t take care of myself, either way I probably would’ve ended up in the same place so either way woulda been a failed attempt. Everyone acts like I did this consciously though; it was an unconscious act of will to feel better. On top of that everyone acts like I’m some kinda regular junkie.

I am human, probably more prone to accidents and acts of will than most, but I’m not quite as adaptive. Because you and Squall were worried I don’t cook with alcohol anymore so I’m making efforts to adapt.

I know you and Selphie and Squall and…on some level Seifer are worried. That fact is ingrained into my soul, and the guilt is more painful than anything anyone could say to me. I can only say I’m sorry and I can promise you (through trial and error) I won’t harm myself like this again. I can’t promise that no harm wont ever come to me again, that’s impossible.

I love you dearly so I can make attempts and promise you that I wont do the same stupid things again. I can't stop being me though, you know, that'd probably fix the problem right there.

[katayoku_tenshi]

...Not from a fever, but from Mother's influence in my mind, both in my former world and in this one -- I have done things that ought to have been appalling even then, but somehow She made Her every suggestion seem wonderful. I do understand that loss of control.

In my case, it took a team of mages and far too great a cost in human lives to see Her banished from this world, so that no other might fall prey to Her as Shelke and I had. But since I could not trust my own control in Her presence, the situation was removed so that my control was no longer a source of danger to me or to those around me.

In your case -- Zell, when you feel that ill, call someone. Let someone else manage your medication so that you don't have to remember what you took or when. Let someone else see to the cooking and feed you and bring you juice and tea until you recover.

When you don't ask us for the help that you need, then you worry us more, particularly when you land yourself in the hospital over it.

The next time you fall ill, call me. I don't care when it is. If I can't come, I'll find a friend of yours or a trusted patrol member or someone who can. And if you won't call me, call Selphie or Yuna or Aerith or someone.

All right?

[spunky_chocobo]

I don't really know much about all that stuff that happened to you. I mean, I've heard a little bit here and there and I'm sorry you had to go through it. I feel bad for not bein' able to do anything for you and when you were in the hospital and stuff.

Yeah, I'll keep it in mind...I mean...I guess there's always that thing you know...where I don't wanna have to cause anyone to worry too much...but I do anyway. Then there's that part that wants to take control all by myself just to see if I can be a singularly functioning person you know? I want to do that, especially when I see that others can do it...you know...and that small part of me that says you can't is maddening. I mean the first time I got sick Selphie took care of me for days and I felt pretty useless and it kinda bothered me.

Guess I can't explain it real well, but I'll call you or someone next time, and I'm sorry.

[ooc: Oh, just so you know, Yoshitsune will eventually be a bad influence on Zell XD It's more crack than anything else, but to give you an idea Yoshitsune is a panties and bra thief XD]

[katayoku_tenshi]

It's all right now. For the first time since Nibelheim, I feel safe from Her now. And, really, I'm glad that you weren't involved in that fight. I don't want to wonder who else might have died because I couldn't hold my mind together long enough to recognize that Shelke had to be hurt in the interests of breaking Mother's hold on her...

Believe me, I know all about that little voice that says any failure in self-reliance is a threat to survival. That you have to do it all alone, that you can't trust anyone because they might not be there when you need them, might betray you -- I know that voice, and even though half of it was Mother's, half of it wasn't. The military trains it into you, and I suspect your background is military enough to have a similar effect. 'Accomplish the mission regardless of its cost to yourself?' Very professional. But not very good for living.

Sometimes it's difficult to accept aid, because it makes you feel weak. But think about it from the other side -- do you think less of me because I was hospitalized after that battle? Or because I was born with an 'infection' that damaged my mind?

Would you look down on me if I called you and said 'Cloud and Aelita aren't home, and I'm dizzy and don't want to hurt myself cooking' -- or would you be glad of the chance to help a friend?

I enjoy helping my friends. It makes me feel as though my creator was wrong, and that I can be more than simply a weapon of destruction. I may not make very good soup, but I need for you to give me the chance to try. I need to be able to offer life and shelter, not just destruction.

I promise you that you won't be inconveniencing me. I doubt anyone else would feel you inconvenienced them, either. In the interests of full honesty -- possibly Seifer, but he seems to have a complicated attitude that might well take delight in the opportunity to be stronger to counterbalance any momentary irritation he might feel. I looked up 'wuss' in the urban dictionary -- it's quite odd to find a term like that used as a form of endearment...

In any case -- I'm glad that you'll call someone next time. And I promise that if I am ever ill, I will return the request, so that you needn't feel that the balance is not maintained.

[ooc: (sweeeeeatdrop) Suddenly I am relieved that there is not yet a Tifa. That somewhat reduces the chance that Zell might encounter a woman who'd want to punch him straight through a brick wall for it! Although there is still Christie... meep!]

[spunky_chocobo]

No, I wouldn't look down on you, of course I wouldn't...it's like you said though...about having the military background. The whole thing about survival and takin' care of yourself I'm still tryin' to adapt to that kind of lifestyle. Plus I'm not used to gettin' sick and I've been twice since I got here (must be somethin' in the air). I've also gotten into the habit of takin' care of people so I wouldn't look down on you for that...not that I could really look down on you anyway...I'd need to be standing on a bar stool for that heh.

I understand how that feels though, you know, taking care of friends...so next time I'll call and you can make enough soup to make up for this time as well. I don't turn down food after all. I'll definitely call someone next time though I'll have to remember to put numbers on speed dial or something cause when I'm sick it's hard to think. Seifer? You know I think he's not as bad as he makes himself out to be. That chicken wuss thing, he knows I hate it that's why he says it and he likes to bait me pretty much. Still...sometimes I think he hears the things I have to say. It kinda surprised me too cause I suggested that he go apologize to Selphie for something he said and they made up and he said sorry...or I think he did. A glorified moment in history and I missed it...just don't tell him I said that.

[ooc: lol well you know Zell, he's not a pervert or anything he's too naive heh.]

[katayoku_tenshi]

I'm sorry that this world's viruses don't seem to correspond to the ones you would have acquired an immunity to in your own world. I suppose one of the side benefits of having been infested with a very possessive alien virus is that Mother is SO possessive that She would never allow any other virus to take hold... I've never had a cold or the flu, though I've seen the misery they can cause. Oh -- and if you ever feel the need to look down on me, Cloud's bar is well stocked with barstools! :3

Here's my number, whenever you need it. [ooc: who knows what VDL's area code would be anyhow? XD]

I believe you're correct about Seifer -- for all the bluster and the storming, he was both concerned for you (beneath the inevitable veneer of mockery) and concerned for our friendship (in case Selphie or I offended you with our attempts to ensure your safety). I don't think I was misreading him, in any case. I wonder why he feels so much insecurity that he has to hide everything that might be taken for kindness behind such a sarcastic, defensive facade? ...but then, don't tell him I said that either! :3

[spunky_chocobo]

Heh yeah and I think Squall has caught whatever I had cause colds are contagious like that. I don't think either one of us can really remember what bein' sick feels like. I remember now >.< Damn that's so lucky, at least that's a plus huh? You don't have to worry too much about getting sick...it's not fun. Hahaha! You mean it, you'd let me be taller than you, and look down on you hee...well that'd probably be the only way it'd ever happen so I'll think about it.

Thanks. Hmmm...number number number...I dunno why Squall has a little black book...but he keep the home number in it so so here's min too [inserts the obligatory number]. (ooc: you know, I have no idea o.O hmmm...1-000-XXX-XXXX ???)

I was watching a movie and there was something I saw in one of the movies that describes him perfectly. Seifer is like an onion; they smell bad, make you cry, and they don't taste good on their own. That's not really the point though, onions have layers and Seifer does too. Hmmm well he's been through a lotta shit too I guess, It's kinda like the whole idea: get the other guy before he gets you. He probably worries about getting hurt first, but nobody can really be sure. Yeah yeah ssssh...he'd probably ram his Gunblade down our throats if he knew we were talkin' fondly about him.