tribute to the unwanted fish.
The surface of my skin is irritable. Dry skin, maybe I got bit. all I know is ‘Something’ is getting old, really fast. I flick the scrapped skin out from under my finger nails. Then I bite them with my dull teeth. Crescents lay in a scattered pile around the vent at my bed.
It squirms. I raise my forearm out in front of me, with my elbow tucked in. Slippery and soft as any motion across my skin, fading to the left. I rotate my wrist to see it dance in a small area around my bicep. I think I might actually get a fish tattoo there one of these days. I just need to find significance for it now. Temporary significance will have to do; it looked cool on my casually brown skin.
Sometimes I feel like I want to be that first pin, out of the ten, waiting to lead and be the first to take the blow from any hard surface tossed our way. It comes it waves. Often it’s an unconscious desire, which I later label and fold away into my organized mess called “ambitions”. Other times it’s louder and less discrete. I try and church to give myself a voice. I want to be swallowed in the sheets that God and his church want to wrap me up in. and its not as if I’m ‘faking it, til I feel it’. I want to give the same passion I have for everything else into my faith and in his church. Stories and lessons, mixed in with half remembered devotional talks have all spoken about God using people to carry out his word. Each weren’t looking for it, it just happened. Or maybe they were looking for it, but it came to them unexpectedly. Well I didn’t think I would be ending this summer feeling such a passion to change. So does that count enough for shock value? Can God still use me now? Or do I have to wait longer for him to start?
Now my face itches. I hope I have huge welts tomorrow. Haha. jus kidding.
Sleep time. Goodnight.
It squirms. I raise my forearm out in front of me, with my elbow tucked in. Slippery and soft as any motion across my skin, fading to the left. I rotate my wrist to see it dance in a small area around my bicep. I think I might actually get a fish tattoo there one of these days. I just need to find significance for it now. Temporary significance will have to do; it looked cool on my casually brown skin.
Sometimes I feel like I want to be that first pin, out of the ten, waiting to lead and be the first to take the blow from any hard surface tossed our way. It comes it waves. Often it’s an unconscious desire, which I later label and fold away into my organized mess called “ambitions”. Other times it’s louder and less discrete. I try and church to give myself a voice. I want to be swallowed in the sheets that God and his church want to wrap me up in. and its not as if I’m ‘faking it, til I feel it’. I want to give the same passion I have for everything else into my faith and in his church. Stories and lessons, mixed in with half remembered devotional talks have all spoken about God using people to carry out his word. Each weren’t looking for it, it just happened. Or maybe they were looking for it, but it came to them unexpectedly. Well I didn’t think I would be ending this summer feeling such a passion to change. So does that count enough for shock value? Can God still use me now? Or do I have to wait longer for him to start?
Now my face itches. I hope I have huge welts tomorrow. Haha. jus kidding.
Sleep time. Goodnight.