(no subject)
I have alot of decisions to make and im really confused on what to do and i have to figure out if i want to stay here and get told that its only temporary and then later on get told its my last chance im not sure whether or not i want to stay and continue to get phone calls that just make me hate my life even more or move and see what happens when i leave him but im not sure if im strong enough to live without him. I never thought i would leave him but he's mean to me and says im a regret. He needs to decide if he wants me or not and if not im leaving i love him but he's hurting me by all the shit he's doing i wish things turned out diffrent i know i fucked up by lying all those times but we both have problems and thats mine....i just wish people would stop telling him things there not sure of,im at home everyday and my only friend as of right now is my mom and i hate her more than anything how pathetic is that? my whole rest of my life is just the worst thing ever to think about..i have nobody and the one person i had left me and fucks with my head...and im powerless over it im stuck...i miss being happy he says what i've been writing lately breaks his heart well mines already broken or so it feels like it is i wish it would all end i wish someone would come take care of me im so alone my whole life is just for shit im having a baby alone and i would take it all back if it could just be the way it use to be when i was his first priority not third or fourth...i wish i was important again and happy,i loved being with him,even if we had no money and sleeping in cars i would do it again and never come back as long as it was like it was. I wish i didnt have emotions it was so much easier not to feel what he did to me but its what he wanted and now he bitches at me for crying over him all the time its his fault im all depressed and fucked up he says he's not worth it but to me he's worth it all. I want him to realize i will always love him and he's the only one i'd give my life for the only one i cry over and the only person ive ever given a shit about...the only person i have emotions and feeling left for noone else is important.