tomorrow is yours.
I'm already counting down the days to my days off. :) Today would have been a great day just to sleep in and not have to worry about anything else. This weekend was just full of cleaning and overthinking. Holding everything together sometimes can be exhausting and if one thing gets tipped out of balance, this house of cards that I'm holding may just collapse. Maybe not feeling anything wasn't such a bad thing? I prayed last night. There's nothing else that I can do.
Speaking of, I need to call that lady today about the job and see if there's any hope there. Either answer will be a great relief in ways that you can't imagine. I'm about to drive myself crazy.
It's weird how a mix can bring two people together. I swear, I think he hated me. I just don't like being cornered, and everytime he would come into the shop, he would make me feel even shittier for my uncertainty. I'm just weary of people in general and sometimes I wish that I could have this huge warning sign on my back as some kind of explaination as to why I am the way I am. We talked about things. Apparently he's involved with someone else which I'm happy about. He deserves to be happy. It's just that I lost someone special when he decided to act the way he did. He was my musical soulmate and strangely enough, it was Ryan Adams that managed to straighten us out. Maybe it's our age difference that caused the rift. Obviously he wanted something that I couldn't give at the time, but in some way, I know that's not the answer. The first guy I ever dated was twice my age and I didn't think twice about going all in. Of course, that didn't end well due to other circumstances, but I suppose in life people that you adore fall into two catagories: people you'd be willing to risk things for and would date, and people you love far too much to ever lose and would never date. Or at least that's the way it works in my mind. Timing is a huge issue too, and obviously his timing was way off too because my heart was with someone else, and again- that didn't turn out well either. I don't seem to make the best decisions which is why I try not to make them.
The last three years have been a ridiculous learning experience. Half of the time I wish I could just erase that whole time period, but then the other half remembers that at least I know more now than I did back then.
Speaking of, I need to call that lady today about the job and see if there's any hope there. Either answer will be a great relief in ways that you can't imagine. I'm about to drive myself crazy.
It's weird how a mix can bring two people together. I swear, I think he hated me. I just don't like being cornered, and everytime he would come into the shop, he would make me feel even shittier for my uncertainty. I'm just weary of people in general and sometimes I wish that I could have this huge warning sign on my back as some kind of explaination as to why I am the way I am. We talked about things. Apparently he's involved with someone else which I'm happy about. He deserves to be happy. It's just that I lost someone special when he decided to act the way he did. He was my musical soulmate and strangely enough, it was Ryan Adams that managed to straighten us out. Maybe it's our age difference that caused the rift. Obviously he wanted something that I couldn't give at the time, but in some way, I know that's not the answer. The first guy I ever dated was twice my age and I didn't think twice about going all in. Of course, that didn't end well due to other circumstances, but I suppose in life people that you adore fall into two catagories: people you'd be willing to risk things for and would date, and people you love far too much to ever lose and would never date. Or at least that's the way it works in my mind. Timing is a huge issue too, and obviously his timing was way off too because my heart was with someone else, and again- that didn't turn out well either. I don't seem to make the best decisions which is why I try not to make them.
The last three years have been a ridiculous learning experience. Half of the time I wish I could just erase that whole time period, but then the other half remembers that at least I know more now than I did back then.