(no subject)
Its amazing how quick someone fails when they are held to the same standards you hold yourself to.
I got so very horribly, awfully drunk last night it was pretty ridiculous. Like to the point where I'm half surprised I'm not dead. Not healthy and an experience I do not wish to repeat. However, for reasons that should be fairly obvious I wasn't able to make it home nor was I very much able to get it into my head that I should call Theresa and tell her that I am plastered and won't make it home and will stay in Matt's house. Though to be honest, if it had occurred to me I'm not sure I would have followed through with it because she hates it when I drink.
So today she pulled her ignoring me bullshit that I am so horribly tired of. To begin with it wasn't as bad as its been, but when I told her she could come to me when she was ready to forgive me instead (this part was left unsaid) of me waiting by her side like a lapdog for her to toss me a scrap of affection. Cause I was tired of trying and trying and trying to make things better when in all honesty nothing was wrong.
The sad thing is the thing that seems to be the last straw for me is almost a legitimate reason. However, its not because if she even began to ask how my night had been I would have explained. If she took the slightest of interests in anything that had happened to me I would have at least had a chance to explain and THEN she could hate me. But no. She doesn't ask, she just hates. I'm tired of being hated.
So back to the standards. She left tonight to have dinner with a couple friends, one of whom is a relative of hers and the other is a mutual friend of both her and me, closer to her. Didn't invite me, didn't surprise me, didn't matter, I would have turned the offer down anyway. However, I set up a test, which as I mentioned she failed. I broke the fans out, opened the windows and turned them on. I then fell asleep on the couch without a shirt on with the tv left on.
She comes home. What does she do. She goes to bed after putting her food away. Might have looked at me, but I doubt it. She didn't turn the tv off. She didn't put a blanket even near me. She didn't think, she didn't care, she didn't do anything. Not like I have in the past when she has been a complete bitch to me, she didn't take me to bed, she didn't tuck me in, she left the fucking TV on. Whatever. honestly, at this point, its her loss. She was right about one thing, I can do better.
I got so very horribly, awfully drunk last night it was pretty ridiculous. Like to the point where I'm half surprised I'm not dead. Not healthy and an experience I do not wish to repeat. However, for reasons that should be fairly obvious I wasn't able to make it home nor was I very much able to get it into my head that I should call Theresa and tell her that I am plastered and won't make it home and will stay in Matt's house. Though to be honest, if it had occurred to me I'm not sure I would have followed through with it because she hates it when I drink.
So today she pulled her ignoring me bullshit that I am so horribly tired of. To begin with it wasn't as bad as its been, but when I told her she could come to me when she was ready to forgive me instead (this part was left unsaid) of me waiting by her side like a lapdog for her to toss me a scrap of affection. Cause I was tired of trying and trying and trying to make things better when in all honesty nothing was wrong.
The sad thing is the thing that seems to be the last straw for me is almost a legitimate reason. However, its not because if she even began to ask how my night had been I would have explained. If she took the slightest of interests in anything that had happened to me I would have at least had a chance to explain and THEN she could hate me. But no. She doesn't ask, she just hates. I'm tired of being hated.
So back to the standards. She left tonight to have dinner with a couple friends, one of whom is a relative of hers and the other is a mutual friend of both her and me, closer to her. Didn't invite me, didn't surprise me, didn't matter, I would have turned the offer down anyway. However, I set up a test, which as I mentioned she failed. I broke the fans out, opened the windows and turned them on. I then fell asleep on the couch without a shirt on with the tv left on.
She comes home. What does she do. She goes to bed after putting her food away. Might have looked at me, but I doubt it. She didn't turn the tv off. She didn't put a blanket even near me. She didn't think, she didn't care, she didn't do anything. Not like I have in the past when she has been a complete bitch to me, she didn't take me to bed, she didn't tuck me in, she left the fucking TV on. Whatever. honestly, at this point, its her loss. She was right about one thing, I can do better.