(no subject)
not doing much in the way of things that matter. you know. like school. i'm having a fabulous time slacking off, but then i sit on my couch and feel guilty for all that i haven't accomplished. i just want to get it all together. my foggy one way brain and my scattered life. i need to do everything that needs to get done. and own up to guilt that drags me down. from homegrown always been here guilt, to swiping a sip of kellys wine when she wasnt looking tonight kind of guilt. all that guilt needs to be evacuated so i can fill that newfound empty space with things like importance and meaning. honesty and realization. must-stop making excuses for myself. i'm so good at it i almost don't want to stop. i'm happy. in every aspect of my life except myself. i can do better for me, the people around me, and the life i'm hankering for. i just need to stop perpetual dissapointment of me to me. i made all these promises when i was in zimbabwe and realizing the potential i could have if i wanted it. and i really thought i would come back all new and improved. all fucking true and clear minded. but really, i suck. and here i am complaing with a bowl in my hand when i should really be doing something worthwhile. see heres the thing. i'm all talk.