My Grief - my friend's fic
My Grief
Length: One-Shot.
Rating: PG/12A
Pairings: JaeHo
Genre: Very angsty/death fic.
Btw, this was written by a very close and great friend of mine, and so I am posting this up for her! :D thank you! :D
The cold was as intense as the silence.
The silence that was broken only by gentle mewling sobs.
The cold wrapped itself around him like an icy finger, poking and prodding at his very soul.
His eyes were fixed on the coffin.
A white box that contained the essence of his life. White, chosen to represent the pure goodness of his soul mate and to contrast against the sheer injustice that had bought them here.
His eyes remained fixed on the white, imagining his love laying in that enclosed space, cold and alone, wrenching his heart until he could no longer remain dignified in his grief. People had tried to comfort him with words such as “He isn’t here, his spirit is in heaven, it’s just an empty shell laying in the coffin”.
“No!” He wanted to scream at them.
He wanted to tell them that he didn’t only love him for his spirit, and mind. It was his body that he loved too. His body that made him cry tears of joy while they were making love, His body that soothed away sadness and pain in times of trouble. His body that held him close in the dark of the night and helped chase the demons away.
The incantation of the priest sounded distant to him as he focused on the coffin being lowered into the dark, yawning chasm. He could feel his heart being tugged away from him as the coffin sunk lower and lower.
This was it.
This was goodbye. The goodbye that he hadn’t been able to say yet, that he couldn’t say. That he knew he would never be able to say.
He fell to his knees at the edge of the grave and all that could be heard in that cold, wet cemetry was his screams. Screams he’d held in for the sake of dignity and out of respect for family and friends who were finding their own grief so very difficult.
He fell forward, reaching for the coffin, not wanting to lose the person that made his life worth living. Not wanting to accept that his reason for being had gone from him. Comforting hands held him back for fear that he would follow the coffin into the dark. All he could do was scream to God or whoever decides a persons fate, that it wasn’t fair, please don’t take him, I want him back, I want him back , I want him back......
They visited frequently, not wanting to desert their hyungs. They visited him after each visit to their leaders’ grave. Walking away from the grave each time was heartbreaking.....but not as hertbreaking as seeing their hyung in that stark white room, unseeing eyes glazed and dead, muttering quietly ‘I want him back, I want him back, I want him back.........’