2 of 4 one-shots, 2nd ~ YooSu ~ I Never Knew ~ Junsu's POV ~
~~~~ I Never Knew ~~~~
Author: Spudacus
Length: Number 2, in a group of 4 One-Shots.
Rating: PG
Pairings: YooSu ~ Kim Junsu’s POV ~
Genre: angst, fluff, romance (Ummm I don’t know, sorry)
Summary: Junsu’s feelings and his reaction to Yoochun’s confession of love.
No.1/4 ~ YooSu ~ You Never Know ~
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I Never Knew
The cry of my love’s never ending start, came again last night, me as a whole can only think of you, and you breathe the air the surrounds the every move I make, and I never sleep, without endless dreams, of a love so deep, between you and I.
Its impossible escaping you, I'm so intrigued by the things you do.
I can’t stop thinking about you, nor your beautiful lips and your deep and chocolate smooth, velvety touch, how I yearn for you to hold me again and play with me like you did before, oh how I want that for real.
These games are fine, it’s just that I wish and lie awake wanting and hoping that some celestial being would make them real for him, because to a part of me they are real……. Why do I torture myself so much?
I know why.
I have always known why.
I love him…………. That’s why, I Kim Xiah Junsu, loves Park Micky Yoochun.
It hurts me inside, yet I have to keep on smiling, for the group, for the fans, and most importantly, for him.
I can’t contend with my aching heart, nor with my feelings for him, I just seem to sit here, in the medium blue, walled kitchen, and ponder what it is that I must do, this hole in my heart is too big to be filled by something else.
Please, what must I do?
I love it when he touches me, when he plays with me, even if it is for the fans, I love all of those times, they all mean something deep and powerful to me, my life would be empty and meaningless without him anywhere near me.
I just want him to come and rescue me, from this twisting of my weakened heart, there must be some demon playing with my heart, give it back to me, I beg of you, if you have no love or need for it……………..then please, return my heart.
The light rain, that’s now falling from the heavens above, reminds me of my own long and stingingly acidic tears, maybe the heavens are weeping for Yoochun, me and our love?
“Junsu-y ah!”
Yoochun’s deep and sexy voice rang out loud and powerfully throughout the house, I couldn’t help but to give a light and airy, yet happy sigh at hearing that chocolate like voice, pour all over me and cover my ears.
I got up immediately upon hearing my name being called, and so I went to find out what Yoochun wanted.
“Hey, Chunnie, What is it you want!?”
I tried to sound really happy and high, with as sugary tone lacing it as possible.
He looked so serious, I wondered what it was he was going to say, I knew he was troubled, but I knew not what it was about though.
“Sit down, here beside me Junsu…please, and wait until I have finished with what I have to say”
I couldn’t help but to feel so anxious now,’ omg, this must be serious, is he hurt, or in pain, can I help you, you…my Chunnie, please just tell me what is on your mind’ my trail of thoughts flowed too quickly for me to even keep up with, so I just went with the safe option of playing dumb and so bounced over to him and sat beside him on his bed.
I noted something then for the first time, about that room, that there were two distinctly different feelings of colours, and emotions throughout the room, and the occupants, one bright, outgoing and happy, the other cold, tired, sad, and introverted.
“Junsu- ah”
He begun, slowly and hesitantly, ‘what’s wrong Chunnie?’ I thought heavily.
“I….I……….I have something I want to tell you”
I just kept my head down and trying to avoid his gaze, and those, oh so emotional and full, deep dark brown eyes of his, I couldn’t look deep into them, because if I did then I would probably die a little more on the inside, than I am now.
“Junsu, I…. I …… I love you, I have loved you since we first met, and it hurts me so much inside and its just pulling at me so much that I don’t know how much more of this that I can take! I just hope that you won’t hate me or disown me or anything like that because I would actually be a visible mess, if you weren’t there by my side or even near me, just lease don’t hate or be angry with me, please you will probably never know how much pain and love, sorrow and joy my heart holds for you, I just want to love you, even if it isn’t in the way I want to, whatever you want, the I will life by your decision.”
It came out so fast, and I didn’t know if I had heard him right, but I knew, on the inside, what he had said, and what he had meant swell, all to well, ‘OMG! What do I do know? He has just confessed his love for me, I don’t know how I should respond, how should I react? What should I say or do? I never knew that he felt that way about me before!, omo I have put him through soo much torment, too much torture he has endured because of me, I must fix this and him….hopefully’
“Junsu-ah, say something please, you are scaring me!”
I was lost, in my thoughts, with no sign of being found, so I just sat there, mouth open a little, with a searching look upon my face, stunned into silence, which was rare for me, I must admit.
I could almost feel that hole in both of our hearts and souls……… it was yearning for the other, then it hit me…..reality, ‘aw! Reality hurts, well they say it bites but It felt more like a light slap than a bite, but anyway’.
I turned slowly to Yoochun then, I searched his face for something, I don’t know what though, I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than I had done so already, how much did it hurt and pull at him on the inside, without being able to tell me how he felt, nor about his inner turmoil.
All I gave then, after the realisation, that he told me he loved me, was a little, very faint, no one else, except for Chunnie, would have been able to see it, a ghost faint smile had come and played at the corner of my big and pouty lips.
“Act …actually, Chunnie, I …. I … I love you too, I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, it has hurt me too, so I understand how you feel, I just hope that maybe we can be together now and forever, and all I want now, is to be with you, love you, comfort you, hold you, feel you, I never wanted you to ever be hurt, or to feel so twisted up and pulled apart by me, or your love for me, I’m sorry, but now we may finally be able to help each other!”
“I just want to leave my heart in your, warm, life giving hands, because I love you, it’s my love from me to you.”
I just wanted to try and express my love for him; I wanted to show him how much he mattered to me.
“Juns…Junsu-ah, I…I don’t know what to say, accept that I love you so much, and that I will always look after your heart, I never knew either that you hurt so much, aww my Su!”
We suddenly smiled at each other and then embraced one another, in a tight-never-letting-go type of hug, I never want to let Yoochun go, not ever, and no will ever take him away from me, I just hope now, that Chunnie’s world and my own will become brighter now, all I can feel In my heart is warmth, love, happiness, lightness, and the life-giving feeling of having the love of another.
I feel like my life, our life is complete, because we now have each other.
~~~~ THE END ~~~~