Show, don't tell
I was reading on the train to work this morning, and I ran across a few bit of prose in the book that disturbed me.
There was some cases where the author chose to use specific numbers to describe things, which I didn't really like.
The first was describing a suite sized room as '5 meters square' (I forget the exact wording). My first read was 5 square meters, which is about the size of my bed and obviously wrong. When I thought about it, I thought maybe he meant a square 5 meters on a side. Which is 275 square feet, which doesn't, in my mind, fit the description of a room like a luxurious hotel suite, but it's probably close. Except rooms aren't usually square. Well, that's neither here not there I guess.
Although it's worth noting the author slips from English to metric units describing things, which is just hard to deal with sometimes.
The other item that really bothered me was describing someone as 6'4" and 150 pounds. Now, being that height myself, I have a good sense of how weights at that height translate to builds. Since, however, the recommended weight for that height is 215 pounds (recommended by BMI anyway, which I think is too low), we're talking about someone 65 pounds underweight. Or 30% underweight. While I suppose it's possible, it really jarred.
Then, since I'm the same height and all, I thought about how the hypothetical reader would visualize me from a simple height and weight. Weight is in the vicinity of 275.
Given that people most often comment things like "you carry it well," when I tell my weight, chances are you think I'm bigger than I am.
You'd probably be better off, if you described me, to use the height and weight most people seem to think I am (6' maybe 6'1", 200 pounds give or take a few). At least, the reader would have a better mental picture of what I looked like. It would be totally inaccurate, in terms of reality. Then again, is it more important to be accurate about your fictional characters... well, they don't exist outside of your head.
I'd like to hope that if I ever had to evade the law, they'd publish my actual height and weight, then no one would ever find me.
And I was thinking about how an author might describe me, but it all seemed GaryStuish. Then I remembered how someone described me to help someone pick me out of a crowd.
"Former New England prep school football player now middle aged."
The response? "I totally know who you mean."
Much clearer.
There was some cases where the author chose to use specific numbers to describe things, which I didn't really like.
The first was describing a suite sized room as '5 meters square' (I forget the exact wording). My first read was 5 square meters, which is about the size of my bed and obviously wrong. When I thought about it, I thought maybe he meant a square 5 meters on a side. Which is 275 square feet, which doesn't, in my mind, fit the description of a room like a luxurious hotel suite, but it's probably close. Except rooms aren't usually square. Well, that's neither here not there I guess.
Although it's worth noting the author slips from English to metric units describing things, which is just hard to deal with sometimes.
The other item that really bothered me was describing someone as 6'4" and 150 pounds. Now, being that height myself, I have a good sense of how weights at that height translate to builds. Since, however, the recommended weight for that height is 215 pounds (recommended by BMI anyway, which I think is too low), we're talking about someone 65 pounds underweight. Or 30% underweight. While I suppose it's possible, it really jarred.
Then, since I'm the same height and all, I thought about how the hypothetical reader would visualize me from a simple height and weight. Weight is in the vicinity of 275.
Given that people most often comment things like "you carry it well," when I tell my weight, chances are you think I'm bigger than I am.
You'd probably be better off, if you described me, to use the height and weight most people seem to think I am (6' maybe 6'1", 200 pounds give or take a few). At least, the reader would have a better mental picture of what I looked like. It would be totally inaccurate, in terms of reality. Then again, is it more important to be accurate about your fictional characters... well, they don't exist outside of your head.
I'd like to hope that if I ever had to evade the law, they'd publish my actual height and weight, then no one would ever find me.
And I was thinking about how an author might describe me, but it all seemed GaryStuish. Then I remembered how someone described me to help someone pick me out of a crowd.
"Former New England prep school football player now middle aged."
The response? "I totally know who you mean."
Much clearer.