After 6 days...
Yes, Shinee's Jonghyun's death still affects me, not in a good way. It's unnerving, unsettling. It got me to reflect, ponder, and wonder. He's still young, not even 30 yet (I'm quite certain he has not yet gone for his national service yet, but I may be wrong), talented and successful (Shinee has seen their glory days with Lucifer, Ring Ding Dong (I even got it as my ring tone at one time and annoyed the hell out of my colleagues), and even now they're still popular), so why did he end it? Reading his notes is just utterly heartbreaking. It's not like he didn't try to get better, he tried! He tried, tried and tried so hard to get out of his vicious cycle, until in the end he gave up, and only asked for people to tell him 'you've done well'. I felt his loneliness and his sadness from his point of view in here and somehow I could relate, though I couldn't imagine how painful his burden was.
Here's the thing, living as a person is hard. Living as a person in Asia is harder, with varying level depending on which country. There're unwritten rules, norms and cultures that are just there for the sake of being there and our elders just enforce it for the sake of enforcing it. Nobody question and everybody just follow them. There're people try to deviate, to break out from the norm, off course, some succeed, some don't, but those who succeed often succeed not unscatched, something got to give. There're expectations on how you should conduct yourself and what's deemed as successful, or as a person. If you deviate from that, you're labelled 'left over', 'not good enough', 'not worth mentioning' to the worse labels 'trash', 'stupid', 'cannot make it', and people are not shy of throwing these labels in front of you, either blatantly or in sneer, not just behind your back. On top of these, competition is fierce! Everybody wants or needs to be on top. 'You need to get straight As to be successful', 'You need to get Honor's degree to get a good job', 'You need to have xxx (insert any car, bag brands)', 'You need to live in xxx', 'You have to earn xxx$'. So many things in the checklist to be deemed successful by the society, and comparison is paramount.
Now, if living as a person is already hard with all these expectations and boundaries, it'll be much much harder when you're a celebrity, especially an idol. All those standards shoot up high and people expect you to be perfect, an idol, literally. Any small things you've done will be under scrutiny, and little mundane things can become a scandal. There'll be haters, anti fans (I have no idea how this one come about, seriously, if you don't like some celebrities, then ignore them, why you have to bring all the hates, what's the purpose... crazy!), and you need to be very strong to be unfazed with all these. But what if you're not strong enough? Do you have any support around you? Is there anybody you can reach out to? If you're just a person, you have your family, you have your friends (REAL friends), but what if you're a celebrity where even your friends can betray you (Narimiya's case come to mind)? Does your family understand your troubles? Who are your listening ears with confidentiality? I can really understand that it'll be very easy to feel the loneliness, pressured and depressed, so your surrounding is very important. But what if you're expected to put on smiley face at all times, irregardless of your turmoil inside because idol's job is to make fans happy, and you've been ingrained to do this for years that it just come naturally that nobody knows, literally. So many more what ifs that just think about it makes me suffocated, and I can't even dare to imagine if this is my real life.
Jonghyun's tragic sad story makes me wonder about other idols. First person comes to mind is Aiba-chan. He's all smiley face and we all know his smile is sunshine and it makes us, fans, happy. But how is he as a person? Aiba-chan himself mentioned in an interview before that he as a person is a gloomy person but he would never show that side of his in front of anybody. This then leads the question, how does he vent out things? Does he keep everything inside? It's very worrying because this is toxic cause and effect, a vicious cycle. Other example that I can think of on top of my head is Shingo. To me Shingo is an eccentric being on screen. But every now and then, even in SMAPxSMAP, he dropped hints like how difficult to get his phone numbers (it shows how difficult he is to trust people, which he should be when he's that famous), or how he isolate himself off screen. Other example, from K-pop realm, the ever smiley on screen Lee JunKi did share his low point in life story which was unnerving (he shot to the stardom too fast and he had issues friends and also some depression, if I remember correctly). My fave Shin HyeSung had gambling addiction years ago, which must be triggered by something, could be due to wrong crowd, or just a way to vent from something. I do wonder in the case of LJK and SHS, how they overcome their issues, do they relapse, how are they actual well being, because frankly what we see on screen is image and character that they build because it's their job.
I'm not going to talk about how these celebrities' agencies manage and treat them or even how the fandom treat their idols. I have my opinion and both J-pop and K-pop got their shares of the bad and the worse. Discussing this will make this post very very lengthy and my blood pressure go up, so let's just leave it with right now. In summary though, I think K-pop is still worse than J-pop (and J-pop has so many of the shaddy things going on, and it's a more mature industry as a whole) and from the looks of it, it won't change anytime soon. But at the end of the day, I think it all ends what are we as a person. Do we treat people nicely? Do we treat our idols nicely? How do we support them? Are we criticize people in constructive manner? Do we throw hate flippanly?
We can make our surrounding a better place by just doing simple things:
In real life:
Do pat your peers/colleagues 'good job' when they've done something well. It's a small gesture but it can mean a lot.
Do say 'I love ...' SINCERELY when you see something nice from other person.
Do NOT say things for the sake of talking, and just shut your mouth if you have nothing nice to say.
Do NOT ask nosy questions. Nobody likes that, period. They will tell you when they want to share with you. If not, it's none of your business.
Do NOT judge other people. You can't see anything face value because you do NOT know what other people have gone through with their lives. I think this is the most important and easily forgotten. I myself have to always remind myself not to do so.
In fandom:
Do put nice comments on your favorite's IG or social media. Apparently they do read them sporadically, and they deserve the loves.
Do NOT expect your favorite(s) to read or reply your comment. You're a fan, period.
Do NOT expect your favorite(s) to do xxx. Whatever projects they have is not decided by you. You just need to enjoy what they offer. If you don't like it, then move on. Nobody expect you to like everything, and hence you can't expect your favorite(s) to always release something that you like.
Do NOT put hateful comments, ever. Think how would you feel if you're the end recipient? Don't like it? Don't say it!
Do NOT post comments on your favorites in OTHER people's favorite. That'll just create fanwars. Only nasty people like this, and you don't want to be that nasty person, do you?
Happy Birthday Aiba-chan.
Merry Christmas!
I hope 2018 will be a better year.