not bad
Today has been pretty ok, relatively. I'm watching the neighbor's dog for a couple days. A friend from college who directed me in a play came out to see me. We took the dog for a walk and had lunch at Panera. It was good to see her again. It had been 4-5 years. I got a little choked up talking about the brain business, but it wasn't awkward or anything. She's understanding about that stuff. I did some reading and some spinning. The dog has been calm, which is a blessing. Therapy is getting harder. Job search is still depressing. I still miss Corey.
Sunday was really good. Went with angel_heart to Scarn's birthday. We played a fucking hilarious game called Cards Against Humanity. There were hours and hours of laughter, more games, lots of cheese, and good times with friends.
Last night was D&D night. The group has been having trouble getting everyone to show, so the 4 of us who are the core decided to start another game for when the other 2 can't be there, and the DM wants a chance to play. We're doing the Dresden Files RPG. We spent last night coming up with themes and some world building and talked a bit about characters that have connection so we don't have to randomly meet in a tavern to kill rats in the basement. It's going to be a good time.
I know I recently talked about my bitterness. I don't take it back, but I examined it a bit deeper after an anonymous reader decided they needed to give me some pointed armchair analysis. I do have problems, and I don't pretend to have all my shit together. Bitterness is an expression of pain and disappointment and loss. I'm more bitter towards myself than I am anyone else (except maybe my mother). I'm angry at myself for not being easy to be with. I would love to be the put-together girl who is all smiles and support and fun and relaxed and bunnies who shit butterflies. I know I'm not that girl, and I don't think I've hidden it. I told him everything right from the beginning what he was getting into. It breaks my heart to be the girl who's hard to be with. I am working on me, on being a better me. Knowing that the effort is too great for someone to stay with me doesn't negate the pain I feel. I posted a vent, a small outlet for some of what's on my mind. I wanted to share some of the blame instead of feeling like a cancer of the ass of anyone who gets close to me. Was it unfair? Maybe. But I put it somewhere he's not likely to ever see it. The object was not to spit venom at him, just to spit it out of me. I don't know who it was that replied and that eats at me. I don't know why I'm bothering to explain myself. They probably won't have read this anyway.
Sunday was really good. Went with angel_heart to Scarn's birthday. We played a fucking hilarious game called Cards Against Humanity. There were hours and hours of laughter, more games, lots of cheese, and good times with friends.
Last night was D&D night. The group has been having trouble getting everyone to show, so the 4 of us who are the core decided to start another game for when the other 2 can't be there, and the DM wants a chance to play. We're doing the Dresden Files RPG. We spent last night coming up with themes and some world building and talked a bit about characters that have connection so we don't have to randomly meet in a tavern to kill rats in the basement. It's going to be a good time.
I know I recently talked about my bitterness. I don't take it back, but I examined it a bit deeper after an anonymous reader decided they needed to give me some pointed armchair analysis. I do have problems, and I don't pretend to have all my shit together. Bitterness is an expression of pain and disappointment and loss. I'm more bitter towards myself than I am anyone else (except maybe my mother). I'm angry at myself for not being easy to be with. I would love to be the put-together girl who is all smiles and support and fun and relaxed and bunnies who shit butterflies. I know I'm not that girl, and I don't think I've hidden it. I told him everything right from the beginning what he was getting into. It breaks my heart to be the girl who's hard to be with. I am working on me, on being a better me. Knowing that the effort is too great for someone to stay with me doesn't negate the pain I feel. I posted a vent, a small outlet for some of what's on my mind. I wanted to share some of the blame instead of feeling like a cancer of the ass of anyone who gets close to me. Was it unfair? Maybe. But I put it somewhere he's not likely to ever see it. The object was not to spit venom at him, just to spit it out of me. I don't know who it was that replied and that eats at me. I don't know why I'm bothering to explain myself. They probably won't have read this anyway.