Soon I will be 30
I turn 30 on Wednesday. It will be the first time I've worked on my birthday, which I'm a little bummed about but I can't really get around. There are a ton of meetings and I don't have any vacation/sick time left and I work at home anyway, so -
For the past five years, I've tried to make August into a small festival just for me. By making a cake each week or having special dinners or just making time for the things that make me happy. But this August has flown by without any of that, too chaotic from the move and visits and my own exhaustion.
In a way, it's fitting. I'll be hitting 30 having just bought a house, a car, and with a Lady Jr on the way. I couldn't adult more than this. Funny how I never really considered those things when I thought about turning 30 before - mostly I just wanted to have a book published by now. Yet writing is the last thing I'm doing these days.
Usually I try to set goals for my birthday, like birthday resolutions in lieu of New Year's. But this year I recognize that I have no idea what's coming. So I'm just going to go with the flow until I'm deposited on a shore somewhere and can start gathering my wits and planning again.
There is one thing I want to focus on for 30 and onwards, though, and I've already started working towards, and that's becoming strong. When I think of myself as a mom and as a Real (TM) Adult, the version I like best is the one who can lift anything and do anything and has the endurance and strength for both.
I'm not sure how to tackle this mentally, but physically - well, as an early birthday present, I filled out my bumper plate set. I can now deadlift up to 235# in the garage gym, even though right now I can barely do 160#. I want to stay strong for labor and beyond and now I have 100% no excuses. My goal until then is to visit the garage every day, even if I don't do heavy lifting.
And then after baby and recovery, I want to work on getting back to my old PR's - and surpassing them. Maybe even compete, but we'll see when I get there. I've seen and met so many badass 30 and 40-year old ladies who can deadlift 300# that I know it's 100% possible - and I want to be one of those badass ladies. I want to be that role model for Lady Jr and every other girl out there. That's where I see myself in my 30's.
As for writing... I can only trust that will come back to me. In dribs and drabbles my imagination has begun turning back on again, but I'm afraid to force it. And it sucks because I have a story that is perfect to tell right now - about the after effects of global warming, about strength and resilience, about diseases spread by mosquitoes, about phage therapy - but I can't see it.
I don't know how to get that back except to be patient and to make room for it. So that's my other goal. A little bit of room each day just for writing. I can do that.
See you soon on the other side.
For the past five years, I've tried to make August into a small festival just for me. By making a cake each week or having special dinners or just making time for the things that make me happy. But this August has flown by without any of that, too chaotic from the move and visits and my own exhaustion.
In a way, it's fitting. I'll be hitting 30 having just bought a house, a car, and with a Lady Jr on the way. I couldn't adult more than this. Funny how I never really considered those things when I thought about turning 30 before - mostly I just wanted to have a book published by now. Yet writing is the last thing I'm doing these days.
Usually I try to set goals for my birthday, like birthday resolutions in lieu of New Year's. But this year I recognize that I have no idea what's coming. So I'm just going to go with the flow until I'm deposited on a shore somewhere and can start gathering my wits and planning again.
There is one thing I want to focus on for 30 and onwards, though, and I've already started working towards, and that's becoming strong. When I think of myself as a mom and as a Real (TM) Adult, the version I like best is the one who can lift anything and do anything and has the endurance and strength for both.
I'm not sure how to tackle this mentally, but physically - well, as an early birthday present, I filled out my bumper plate set. I can now deadlift up to 235# in the garage gym, even though right now I can barely do 160#. I want to stay strong for labor and beyond and now I have 100% no excuses. My goal until then is to visit the garage every day, even if I don't do heavy lifting.
And then after baby and recovery, I want to work on getting back to my old PR's - and surpassing them. Maybe even compete, but we'll see when I get there. I've seen and met so many badass 30 and 40-year old ladies who can deadlift 300# that I know it's 100% possible - and I want to be one of those badass ladies. I want to be that role model for Lady Jr and every other girl out there. That's where I see myself in my 30's.
As for writing... I can only trust that will come back to me. In dribs and drabbles my imagination has begun turning back on again, but I'm afraid to force it. And it sucks because I have a story that is perfect to tell right now - about the after effects of global warming, about strength and resilience, about diseases spread by mosquitoes, about phage therapy - but I can't see it.
I don't know how to get that back except to be patient and to make room for it. So that's my other goal. A little bit of room each day just for writing. I can do that.
See you soon on the other side.