growing pains

Sep 18, 2006 01:49

I was just reading over some past entries and it seems since about May my life has completely turned around and has almost come full circle. So much has happened with my love life it's crazy. I was completely devestated about things with Lee and every guy that i've dated since then has obviously been so wrong for me mostly because in the back of my mind I knew i wasn't ready for anyone new but still wanted someone in my life.
With lee we had the chemistry but the timing and location was off. Then things with pat we had the physical chemistry but the love wasn't there. and the other guys in between were merely there for my amusement even though that sounds wrong that's how I look at things.

Things with chris made me realize what I could possibly have again even if it isn't with him. I miss having someone to just talk to about anything, not saying I couldnt do that with my girlfriends but obviously it isn't the same thing. i've been this comfortable with someone where we had so much in common from music, food, humor, sexuality.. cuddling on the couch felt like we've been bf and gf for years or at least knew eachother more intimately than we really did. I couldnt believe it was our first time hanging out 1 on 1 after knowing eachother for 6 some years. my only concern is that i'm not interested in him romantically and just a friendship which would be even more ironic considering everyone that i've considered for more something has come up wher it just wouldnt work.

that would be a shame.. i need to just stop thinking about it and play it by ear... maybe this is the part of my dream that i need to work out.."the journey up the hill"
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