Fic: "Upon Waking" (Part II), for jessicaqueen
Title: Upon Waking (part II)
Author: fiona_fawkes
Recipient: jessicaqueen
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape (minor appearances by Ginny Weasley, Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin)
Warnings: Angst, Violent Themes
Word Count: 12k
Summary: Harry Potter can't escape the horrors of what happened in the brutal last days of the war. Labeled a traitor and thought to be dead, Severus Snape doesn't have anyplace else to go. Together, they learn that having someone who actually understands you can make all the difference in the world.
Author's Notes: jessicaqueen, your prompt gave me the excuse to tell a story that has been festering in the back of my mind for years. Thank you so much for that opportunity. I do hope you enjoy. Also, so much love goes out to the people that helped me out along the way. It took the enthusiasm and support of an embarrassingly long list of people to get me to finish this fic. Without them, it would have never seen the light of day. Thank you so very much.
Upon Waking
* * *
Part I
Severus spent his afternoon in the first floor drawing room, staring at a book and pretending not to be waiting for Minerva to call. When the bell at the front door rang at a quarter after three, Severus heard Harry's heavy footfalls on the stairs before the young man dismissed the house elf to let Minerva in himself.
Harry, my boy. You're looking much better than when last we spoke. How is your appetite?
It's good, Professor. The house elf that you sent over is spoiling us rotten.
Indeed. And how have you been sleeping?
It's been a bit difficult at times, but I think I'm starting to straighten things out.
Splendid.
You got my letter, I assume?
I did, Harry. But I must say, I would hate to provide you with more potion if it isn't-
I was going to tell you, I don't think I'll be needing any more of the potion.
Really? Well, I'm glad to hear of it, Harry. You've found something else that's working, then?
Severus wasn't sure when he'd gotten up out of his chair, but he suddenly found himself sulking behind the door frame, listening to the conversation spilling up the stairs.
I think so. At least, I'm willing to give it a try. Severus has been working with me on it.
Severus? Really? Well that is interesting. Will you be joining us for tea?
No thank you, Professor. I was actually just about to have a lie down, but I wanted to catch you before I did.
Well, I'm glad you did, Harry. I don't know when you'll be starting Auror training, but I'll be calling back the Hogwarts staff next week to begin cleaning up the castle in preparation for reopening this fall. If you find yourself with more time than you know what to do with, do consider coming by to lend a hand. We could use all the help we can get.
I just might have to do that, Professor. I don't think I'm going to be joining the Aurors after all."
Had enough fighting the forces of evil for one lifetime, have you?
Yeah, Harry chuckled. Something like that.
Well that's not such a bad thing. It's good to figure these things out now. Just do try to let Kingsley down gently. He was so looking forward to having you.
I will, Professor.
Good. Now tell me, where can I find Severus?
He's upstairs; in the drawing room. I think he's pretending not to be waiting for you.
Severus scowled at Minerva's chuckling at his expense.
Well, I'll stop making him wait, then. Good day, Harry.
Good day, Professor.
At the sound of Minerva's practical shoes clicking their way up the stairs, Severus hurried back to his chair and picked up his book. "Come in," he replied to the sharp knock against the door frame.
"Severus. I do hope I didn't keep you waiting."
"Of course not," he said, standing to welcome his old friend. "How have you been, Minerva? Quite busy, I'd think."
"Quite. You heard that we are to begin work on Hogwarts soon," Minerva asked with a smirk.
Severus pretended not to notice. A tray of tea service, complete with an empty pot and a steaming kettle appeared on the table between two chairs.
"Oh, excellent!" Minerva exclaimed. "I brought a new tea with me," Minerva said, pulling a pouch out of the pocket in her robes. "Do you like oolong?"
"You know that I have never been one for idle chat," Severus said, taking a seat and indicating for Minerva to do the same. "What is it that brings you by? Some news, perhaps, regarding when I can be rid of this house for good?"
"Always so impatient, Severus. Are you really in such a hurry to leave? These are the last of your days in Britain, perhaps you should enjoy them."
"As I'd said in my owls-"
"Yes, Severus, the owls? Surely you don't think that I am so senile as to require a daily reminder of your situation."
The dressing down made Severus uncomfortable, and he tried to hide it by serving the tea.
"To be honest, Severus, it was the sudden lack of letters over the last few days that had me worried. I'd feared for the worst."
"All is well, Minerva. Although it is too kind of you to show such concern for my well being."
"Nonsense. I was worried about Harry."
Severus snorted inelegantly into his tea.
"You and Harry are getting along, then? You do not seem to be at each other's throats as I had initially feared. I do so like to see the two of you learning to play nice."
Severus thought for a moment before answering. "We have come to- an understanding."
"Well I am pleased to see it. There is much you could learn from Harry. The two of you are more alike than you'll ever know."
"Alike! Hardly. We are merely the victims of circumstance, sharing the same space."
"At the very least, you appear to be companionable.
Severus sniffed. "At the least."
"Harry mentioned that you were helping him with his sleeping problems."
"I must have some way to pass my time here, Minerva."
"Well, call me a hopeless optimist if you will, but I had so hoped that the two of you would come to make some sort of amends while you were both here."
Severus eyed Minerva critically. "Please tell me that you have not intentionally delayed my departure simply on account of a desire to see Potter and myself learn to play nice as you so eloquently put it."
Minerva smiled against the edge of her tea cup. "Of course not, Severus. This was merely a pleasant advantage of having the two of you here together. You must forgive an old woman, for it is those impossible dreams which are the most magical to see come true."
Severus looked away, mumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like more like Albus everyday.
"Hm, what was that, Severus?"
"Nothing, Minerva. Please tell me that you had a purpose for today's visit beyond just the sharing of a new tea."
Minerva's good mood vanished just as quickly as it had come. "There are some in the Ministry that are starting to ask questions, Severus - about the war and the Order's role in it. Unfriendly questions. It seems that some official toes were stepped on over the years, and now they have nothing better to do than pursue the subject."
"I have done my best to shield Harry from the bulk of their inquiries, but it will not last. He will be pulled in for official questioning, as have the rest of us."
"Tell me that the Ministry has not stretched so far as to administer Veritaserum to it's war heroes."
"No, Severus, they have not. But it's not Harry so much that I'm worried about. He will do fine, I am sure. I am worried about you, Severus. The boy's familiarity with you could prove devastating should he let it slip that you are alive and well and hiding in his very house. No, for all of our sakes, I think it best if you left the country immediately."
Abandoning his chair, Severus began pacing the room as he spoke. "Immediately? As in right now? Minerva, you can't be serious. Harry needs-"
"Harry will be fine, Severus. Just fine. I will make sure of it."
"I cannot leave him now, Minerva. It is not an option."
"Be reasonable, Severus. Think of how much harder it would be on Harry if you were to be taken into Ministry custody. He would blame himself, as he is prone to do." Minerva stood and laid a hand upon Severus's arm to still his pacing. "I am sorry, Severus. I truly am. But we really have no other choice." She turned her back on Severus and began gathering her things. "I have made arrangements for a friend to meet you at the border tonight. Here," she said, handing Severus a scrap of parchment. "At nine o'clock, Apparate to these coordinates where you will be met by a Muggle named Roger White."
"A Muggle!"
Minerva ignored Severus's outburst. "Be sure you are prompt, Severus. You will have a train to catch. And now, let's just say our goodbyes and be done with it."
"Will you not be there?"
"Of course not," Minerva sniffed. "Come now, and be quick about it. I have places to be."
Minerva embraced Severus warmly for the first and last time. "Do take care of yourself, Severus. I'd hate to have gone through all that trouble for nothing."
"I will."
"Good. That's settled, then. I'll be on my way. No need to see me out."
And just like that, she was gone. Severus stood dumbly in the middle of the room for several moments, letting the enormity of the situation sink in. Tonight, he would be leaving Britain forever. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his book and strode from the room. There were a few things that he still needed to do.
* * *
It didn't take Severus long to sort out his belongings. Most of the books he left behind, taking the potions texts down to the lab and leaving the rest in the library. He wanted to travel light. Severus had remarkably few personal effects and most of what he took with he had packed was seasonal clothing and whatever gold he had set aside over the years. Thinking of Muggle transportation that he would be required to take, Severus laid out his traveling cloak across the bed, transfiguring it into a less conspicuous overcoat. After one last check about the room to see that he indeed had everything, Severus shrank his trunk and wrapped it in a cloth, storing it at the bottom of a leather satchel.
Harry had slept peacefully through the afternoon. Severus knew this, because he had checked on him twice. Having the opportunity to tell someone about what he had done seemed to have lifted a sort of weight off of the young man's shoulders. Harry was strong, but it was important for Severus to impart upon him that his healing would be a life-long process. And Severus had precious little time left to teach this to him. The horrors of war were not something that you could forget about over night.
On his way down to the kitchen, Severus hung his satchel and transfigured a cloak on peg near the front door. The front entry way was the only room in the house from which one could Disapparate. Minerva had set it up so that even Harry couldn't Apparate directly into the house; the closest that one could come was the front steps.
Severus entered the kitchen to find Harry already seated at the table, holding a quill and staring at a blank sheet of parchment.
"You're dripping ink on the table."
Harry swore at Severus's words, scrambling to find a rag with which to clean up the mess.
"Oh for goodness sakes," Severus said, pulling out his wand and making the stains instantly disappear.
"Sorry," Harry muttered. "I keep forgetting that I'm allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts."
"Did you not use your wand daily during the war?"
"Well yeah, but that was different. The Ministry was pretty lax on the laws when there were Death Eaters involved. I've only legally been allowed to do magic for a little over a month."
"I see," Severus said, stowing his wand and taking the seat opposite of Harry's.
Harry set aside his quill and parchment as a small roast with vegetables and a bowl of hot rolls appeared on the table. The two served themselves in relative silence, with only the scratch of cutlery on stoneware to fill the room. Severus watched anxiously as the time ticked away. It was already eight thirty; in just half an hour, he would have to leave the house, and Harry, for good. He felt like there was so much that needed to be said; lessons that he should impart upon the boy before leaving.
As it turned out, it was Harry that broached the subject for him.
"You're going to be leaving, soon. Aren't you? That's what Professor McGonagall came to tell you."
Severus sighed wearily and set down his roll. He wasn't even hungry for it, instead merely looking for something to keep his hands busy. "Yes. It has become unavoidable at this point. I can't continue hiding in this house forever; and neither can you."
"Oh." Harry pushed his food around with his fork. "How long do you have?"
"I leave at nine o'clock tonight."
"WHAT? Severus, you can't! What if I-"
"Think about someone other than yourself for just a moment, Potter." Severus instantly regretted his words, but there was no taking them back. He simply had to make Harry understand. "Keep in mind who you're dining with. I'm a known Death Eater."
"You were a spy."
"I've done terrible things, Harry. I've hurt people."
"So have I."
"I killed Albus Dumbledore."
"BUT THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!"
"IT WAS MY FAULT!" Severus pushed away from the table, hard enough to send his chair crashing to the floor. "If I could have only gotten through to Draco Malfoy, all of that could have been avoided."
"Dumbledore wouldn't have lived out the night anyway. He was already dying. If anything, you did him a favor and made it quick."
"What are you talking about? I had seen Albus just that morning and-"
"We left the castle, Dumbledore and I. He took me to a cave where Voldemort had hidden a horcrux. It was a locket, hidden at the bottom of this stone basin. In order to get the locket out of the basin, somebody had to drink this awful green liquid that it was filled with. He made me let him do it. It was awful, Severus. I had to force him to drink cup after cup of that vile stuff until he was so weak that he couldn't even stand on up his own."
Severus placed his hands flat on the table, letting them support his weight. "He seemed so weak. I thought it was from the exertion of the broom flight."
Harry stood and laid a hand on Severus's shoulder. "It was what Dumbledore wanted. He wanted to give Draco a chance. Heh. I guess he made both of us do things to him that night. Terrible things, really, but it was all part of his bigger plan. You and I, we'll never really know what he had in mind for us. But we made it through, in the end. Voldemort is gone. We did it, Severus. We won the war. All those people out there, they get to go on with their lives, and people like you and I have to live with the consequences of what we did. But we did it for them. Doesn't that make it a little more bearable?"
"Heh. Dumbledore's man, through and through."
"Yup!" Harry declared proudly. "The both of us."
Severus's head snapped up as the clock on the wall began to chime. "Nine o'clock. Severus, you've got to go."
The two of them raced up the stairs to the front hall. Severus swung his transfigured cloak over his shoulders and quickly stuffed his wand in an inner pocket.
Harry held out his satchel to him and Severus took it, tossing it over his shoulder. "Will I ever see you again?"
"No, Harry. You will not."
Harry made a non-committal noise, watching his own feet for a moment, before taking a deep breath and raising his head to look Severus in the eye. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, extending it to Severus. "Good bye, then."
Severus took the proffered hand and shook it firmly. "Good bye, Harry Potter. It has been a pleasure." Severus pulled out his wand and prepared to Apparate. Just before the pressure fell down upon his ears, he heard Harry tell him, Good luck.
* * *
It was difficult, sleeping in a big house all by yourself, Harry thought to himself as he struggled to stuff yet another pair of pants into his trunk. He really needed to go through all of his old clothes and toss out what he didn't wear, but he didn't feel like wasting his time on it when Hermione would just do it for him later. Harry smiled as he thought about Ron trying to ask Harry if he minded Hermione visiting them in the flat that the two of them were moving into. His ears had turned so red when Harry had started reviewing various silencing charms that could be applied to his bedroom door.
Harry smiled sadly to himself. It was time to move on. Almost a month had passed since Severus had left, and quiet was, at times, almost unbearable. As it turned out, the constant fretting over by Mrs. Weasley had turned out to be more tiring for Ron than the recovery from his injuries. And so it was that they had decided to get a flat together in London. Molly had cried, but that was to be expected. Hermione had thought it a brilliant idea, and immediately began collecting books on simple cooking and household charms for the two of them. Harry doubted that anyone would read them but Hermione, but it had made her feel useful. Ron was quite proud of the fact that their building was on the same block as a pub, a pizza shop, and a deli. He was certain that they wouldn't starve.
Number 12 Grimmauld Place had been sold at an auction. A nice older couple were looking to relocate into the city from their country home in order to be closer to their grandchildren. They had fallen in love with the unique history and character of the house, and Harry had felt some measure of peace to know that the house was going to good people.
It was tough, leaving Grimmauld Place behind. But there were so many memories of the place that Harry needed to put behind him. Severus had been right; it was a long and difficult road, this getting over the past. Harry felt that moving was going to be a damn good start. The nightmares may never leave him for good, but it made them a bit more bearable, just knowing that he would have a friend there upon waking.
* * * THE END * * *
Don't fret precious, I'm here
Step away from the window
Go back to sleep
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do
Count bodies like sheep
Count bodies like sheep
Count bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums
Count bodies like sheep
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son
They're one in the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
* * *
A/N 2: The subtitle to this fic comes from the song Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums by A Perfect Circle.
Author: fiona_fawkes
Recipient: jessicaqueen
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Harry Potter, Severus Snape (minor appearances by Ginny Weasley, Minerva McGonagall and Remus Lupin)
Warnings: Angst, Violent Themes
Word Count: 12k
Summary: Harry Potter can't escape the horrors of what happened in the brutal last days of the war. Labeled a traitor and thought to be dead, Severus Snape doesn't have anyplace else to go. Together, they learn that having someone who actually understands you can make all the difference in the world.
Author's Notes: jessicaqueen, your prompt gave me the excuse to tell a story that has been festering in the back of my mind for years. Thank you so much for that opportunity. I do hope you enjoy. Also, so much love goes out to the people that helped me out along the way. It took the enthusiasm and support of an embarrassingly long list of people to get me to finish this fic. Without them, it would have never seen the light of day. Thank you so very much.
Upon Waking
* * *
Part I
Severus spent his afternoon in the first floor drawing room, staring at a book and pretending not to be waiting for Minerva to call. When the bell at the front door rang at a quarter after three, Severus heard Harry's heavy footfalls on the stairs before the young man dismissed the house elf to let Minerva in himself.
Harry, my boy. You're looking much better than when last we spoke. How is your appetite?
It's good, Professor. The house elf that you sent over is spoiling us rotten.
Indeed. And how have you been sleeping?
It's been a bit difficult at times, but I think I'm starting to straighten things out.
Splendid.
You got my letter, I assume?
I did, Harry. But I must say, I would hate to provide you with more potion if it isn't-
I was going to tell you, I don't think I'll be needing any more of the potion.
Really? Well, I'm glad to hear of it, Harry. You've found something else that's working, then?
Severus wasn't sure when he'd gotten up out of his chair, but he suddenly found himself sulking behind the door frame, listening to the conversation spilling up the stairs.
I think so. At least, I'm willing to give it a try. Severus has been working with me on it.
Severus? Really? Well that is interesting. Will you be joining us for tea?
No thank you, Professor. I was actually just about to have a lie down, but I wanted to catch you before I did.
Well, I'm glad you did, Harry. I don't know when you'll be starting Auror training, but I'll be calling back the Hogwarts staff next week to begin cleaning up the castle in preparation for reopening this fall. If you find yourself with more time than you know what to do with, do consider coming by to lend a hand. We could use all the help we can get.
I just might have to do that, Professor. I don't think I'm going to be joining the Aurors after all."
Had enough fighting the forces of evil for one lifetime, have you?
Yeah, Harry chuckled. Something like that.
Well that's not such a bad thing. It's good to figure these things out now. Just do try to let Kingsley down gently. He was so looking forward to having you.
I will, Professor.
Good. Now tell me, where can I find Severus?
He's upstairs; in the drawing room. I think he's pretending not to be waiting for you.
Severus scowled at Minerva's chuckling at his expense.
Well, I'll stop making him wait, then. Good day, Harry.
Good day, Professor.
At the sound of Minerva's practical shoes clicking their way up the stairs, Severus hurried back to his chair and picked up his book. "Come in," he replied to the sharp knock against the door frame.
"Severus. I do hope I didn't keep you waiting."
"Of course not," he said, standing to welcome his old friend. "How have you been, Minerva? Quite busy, I'd think."
"Quite. You heard that we are to begin work on Hogwarts soon," Minerva asked with a smirk.
Severus pretended not to notice. A tray of tea service, complete with an empty pot and a steaming kettle appeared on the table between two chairs.
"Oh, excellent!" Minerva exclaimed. "I brought a new tea with me," Minerva said, pulling a pouch out of the pocket in her robes. "Do you like oolong?"
"You know that I have never been one for idle chat," Severus said, taking a seat and indicating for Minerva to do the same. "What is it that brings you by? Some news, perhaps, regarding when I can be rid of this house for good?"
"Always so impatient, Severus. Are you really in such a hurry to leave? These are the last of your days in Britain, perhaps you should enjoy them."
"As I'd said in my owls-"
"Yes, Severus, the owls? Surely you don't think that I am so senile as to require a daily reminder of your situation."
The dressing down made Severus uncomfortable, and he tried to hide it by serving the tea.
"To be honest, Severus, it was the sudden lack of letters over the last few days that had me worried. I'd feared for the worst."
"All is well, Minerva. Although it is too kind of you to show such concern for my well being."
"Nonsense. I was worried about Harry."
Severus snorted inelegantly into his tea.
"You and Harry are getting along, then? You do not seem to be at each other's throats as I had initially feared. I do so like to see the two of you learning to play nice."
Severus thought for a moment before answering. "We have come to- an understanding."
"Well I am pleased to see it. There is much you could learn from Harry. The two of you are more alike than you'll ever know."
"Alike! Hardly. We are merely the victims of circumstance, sharing the same space."
"At the very least, you appear to be companionable.
Severus sniffed. "At the least."
"Harry mentioned that you were helping him with his sleeping problems."
"I must have some way to pass my time here, Minerva."
"Well, call me a hopeless optimist if you will, but I had so hoped that the two of you would come to make some sort of amends while you were both here."
Severus eyed Minerva critically. "Please tell me that you have not intentionally delayed my departure simply on account of a desire to see Potter and myself learn to play nice as you so eloquently put it."
Minerva smiled against the edge of her tea cup. "Of course not, Severus. This was merely a pleasant advantage of having the two of you here together. You must forgive an old woman, for it is those impossible dreams which are the most magical to see come true."
Severus looked away, mumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like more like Albus everyday.
"Hm, what was that, Severus?"
"Nothing, Minerva. Please tell me that you had a purpose for today's visit beyond just the sharing of a new tea."
Minerva's good mood vanished just as quickly as it had come. "There are some in the Ministry that are starting to ask questions, Severus - about the war and the Order's role in it. Unfriendly questions. It seems that some official toes were stepped on over the years, and now they have nothing better to do than pursue the subject."
"I have done my best to shield Harry from the bulk of their inquiries, but it will not last. He will be pulled in for official questioning, as have the rest of us."
"Tell me that the Ministry has not stretched so far as to administer Veritaserum to it's war heroes."
"No, Severus, they have not. But it's not Harry so much that I'm worried about. He will do fine, I am sure. I am worried about you, Severus. The boy's familiarity with you could prove devastating should he let it slip that you are alive and well and hiding in his very house. No, for all of our sakes, I think it best if you left the country immediately."
Abandoning his chair, Severus began pacing the room as he spoke. "Immediately? As in right now? Minerva, you can't be serious. Harry needs-"
"Harry will be fine, Severus. Just fine. I will make sure of it."
"I cannot leave him now, Minerva. It is not an option."
"Be reasonable, Severus. Think of how much harder it would be on Harry if you were to be taken into Ministry custody. He would blame himself, as he is prone to do." Minerva stood and laid a hand upon Severus's arm to still his pacing. "I am sorry, Severus. I truly am. But we really have no other choice." She turned her back on Severus and began gathering her things. "I have made arrangements for a friend to meet you at the border tonight. Here," she said, handing Severus a scrap of parchment. "At nine o'clock, Apparate to these coordinates where you will be met by a Muggle named Roger White."
"A Muggle!"
Minerva ignored Severus's outburst. "Be sure you are prompt, Severus. You will have a train to catch. And now, let's just say our goodbyes and be done with it."
"Will you not be there?"
"Of course not," Minerva sniffed. "Come now, and be quick about it. I have places to be."
Minerva embraced Severus warmly for the first and last time. "Do take care of yourself, Severus. I'd hate to have gone through all that trouble for nothing."
"I will."
"Good. That's settled, then. I'll be on my way. No need to see me out."
And just like that, she was gone. Severus stood dumbly in the middle of the room for several moments, letting the enormity of the situation sink in. Tonight, he would be leaving Britain forever. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his book and strode from the room. There were a few things that he still needed to do.
* * *
It didn't take Severus long to sort out his belongings. Most of the books he left behind, taking the potions texts down to the lab and leaving the rest in the library. He wanted to travel light. Severus had remarkably few personal effects and most of what he took with he had packed was seasonal clothing and whatever gold he had set aside over the years. Thinking of Muggle transportation that he would be required to take, Severus laid out his traveling cloak across the bed, transfiguring it into a less conspicuous overcoat. After one last check about the room to see that he indeed had everything, Severus shrank his trunk and wrapped it in a cloth, storing it at the bottom of a leather satchel.
Harry had slept peacefully through the afternoon. Severus knew this, because he had checked on him twice. Having the opportunity to tell someone about what he had done seemed to have lifted a sort of weight off of the young man's shoulders. Harry was strong, but it was important for Severus to impart upon him that his healing would be a life-long process. And Severus had precious little time left to teach this to him. The horrors of war were not something that you could forget about over night.
On his way down to the kitchen, Severus hung his satchel and transfigured a cloak on peg near the front door. The front entry way was the only room in the house from which one could Disapparate. Minerva had set it up so that even Harry couldn't Apparate directly into the house; the closest that one could come was the front steps.
Severus entered the kitchen to find Harry already seated at the table, holding a quill and staring at a blank sheet of parchment.
"You're dripping ink on the table."
Harry swore at Severus's words, scrambling to find a rag with which to clean up the mess.
"Oh for goodness sakes," Severus said, pulling out his wand and making the stains instantly disappear.
"Sorry," Harry muttered. "I keep forgetting that I'm allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts."
"Did you not use your wand daily during the war?"
"Well yeah, but that was different. The Ministry was pretty lax on the laws when there were Death Eaters involved. I've only legally been allowed to do magic for a little over a month."
"I see," Severus said, stowing his wand and taking the seat opposite of Harry's.
Harry set aside his quill and parchment as a small roast with vegetables and a bowl of hot rolls appeared on the table. The two served themselves in relative silence, with only the scratch of cutlery on stoneware to fill the room. Severus watched anxiously as the time ticked away. It was already eight thirty; in just half an hour, he would have to leave the house, and Harry, for good. He felt like there was so much that needed to be said; lessons that he should impart upon the boy before leaving.
As it turned out, it was Harry that broached the subject for him.
"You're going to be leaving, soon. Aren't you? That's what Professor McGonagall came to tell you."
Severus sighed wearily and set down his roll. He wasn't even hungry for it, instead merely looking for something to keep his hands busy. "Yes. It has become unavoidable at this point. I can't continue hiding in this house forever; and neither can you."
"Oh." Harry pushed his food around with his fork. "How long do you have?"
"I leave at nine o'clock tonight."
"WHAT? Severus, you can't! What if I-"
"Think about someone other than yourself for just a moment, Potter." Severus instantly regretted his words, but there was no taking them back. He simply had to make Harry understand. "Keep in mind who you're dining with. I'm a known Death Eater."
"You were a spy."
"I've done terrible things, Harry. I've hurt people."
"So have I."
"I killed Albus Dumbledore."
"BUT THAT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!"
"IT WAS MY FAULT!" Severus pushed away from the table, hard enough to send his chair crashing to the floor. "If I could have only gotten through to Draco Malfoy, all of that could have been avoided."
"Dumbledore wouldn't have lived out the night anyway. He was already dying. If anything, you did him a favor and made it quick."
"What are you talking about? I had seen Albus just that morning and-"
"We left the castle, Dumbledore and I. He took me to a cave where Voldemort had hidden a horcrux. It was a locket, hidden at the bottom of this stone basin. In order to get the locket out of the basin, somebody had to drink this awful green liquid that it was filled with. He made me let him do it. It was awful, Severus. I had to force him to drink cup after cup of that vile stuff until he was so weak that he couldn't even stand on up his own."
Severus placed his hands flat on the table, letting them support his weight. "He seemed so weak. I thought it was from the exertion of the broom flight."
Harry stood and laid a hand on Severus's shoulder. "It was what Dumbledore wanted. He wanted to give Draco a chance. Heh. I guess he made both of us do things to him that night. Terrible things, really, but it was all part of his bigger plan. You and I, we'll never really know what he had in mind for us. But we made it through, in the end. Voldemort is gone. We did it, Severus. We won the war. All those people out there, they get to go on with their lives, and people like you and I have to live with the consequences of what we did. But we did it for them. Doesn't that make it a little more bearable?"
"Heh. Dumbledore's man, through and through."
"Yup!" Harry declared proudly. "The both of us."
Severus's head snapped up as the clock on the wall began to chime. "Nine o'clock. Severus, you've got to go."
The two of them raced up the stairs to the front hall. Severus swung his transfigured cloak over his shoulders and quickly stuffed his wand in an inner pocket.
Harry held out his satchel to him and Severus took it, tossing it over his shoulder. "Will I ever see you again?"
"No, Harry. You will not."
Harry made a non-committal noise, watching his own feet for a moment, before taking a deep breath and raising his head to look Severus in the eye. He pulled his hand out of his pocket, extending it to Severus. "Good bye, then."
Severus took the proffered hand and shook it firmly. "Good bye, Harry Potter. It has been a pleasure." Severus pulled out his wand and prepared to Apparate. Just before the pressure fell down upon his ears, he heard Harry tell him, Good luck.
* * *
It was difficult, sleeping in a big house all by yourself, Harry thought to himself as he struggled to stuff yet another pair of pants into his trunk. He really needed to go through all of his old clothes and toss out what he didn't wear, but he didn't feel like wasting his time on it when Hermione would just do it for him later. Harry smiled as he thought about Ron trying to ask Harry if he minded Hermione visiting them in the flat that the two of them were moving into. His ears had turned so red when Harry had started reviewing various silencing charms that could be applied to his bedroom door.
Harry smiled sadly to himself. It was time to move on. Almost a month had passed since Severus had left, and quiet was, at times, almost unbearable. As it turned out, the constant fretting over by Mrs. Weasley had turned out to be more tiring for Ron than the recovery from his injuries. And so it was that they had decided to get a flat together in London. Molly had cried, but that was to be expected. Hermione had thought it a brilliant idea, and immediately began collecting books on simple cooking and household charms for the two of them. Harry doubted that anyone would read them but Hermione, but it had made her feel useful. Ron was quite proud of the fact that their building was on the same block as a pub, a pizza shop, and a deli. He was certain that they wouldn't starve.
Number 12 Grimmauld Place had been sold at an auction. A nice older couple were looking to relocate into the city from their country home in order to be closer to their grandchildren. They had fallen in love with the unique history and character of the house, and Harry had felt some measure of peace to know that the house was going to good people.
It was tough, leaving Grimmauld Place behind. But there were so many memories of the place that Harry needed to put behind him. Severus had been right; it was a long and difficult road, this getting over the past. Harry felt that moving was going to be a damn good start. The nightmares may never leave him for good, but it made them a bit more bearable, just knowing that he would have a friend there upon waking.
* * * THE END * * *
Don't fret precious, I'm here
Step away from the window
Go back to sleep
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils
See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do
Count bodies like sheep
Count bodies like sheep
Count bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums
Count bodies like sheep
Go back to sleep
Go back to sleep
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son
They're one in the same
I must isolate you
Isolate and save you from yourself
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
* * *
A/N 2: The subtitle to this fic comes from the song Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums by A Perfect Circle.