Fic: "Lettres Azkabanes", for mereol
Title: Lettres Azkabanes
Author: cutecoati
Recipient: mereol
Rating: PG (humour)
Character: Draco, Fudge, and many more. And yes, Lucius. Somehow.
Summary: While you were imprisoned...
Author's notes: Many thanks to my wonderful betas lusiology, oddnari, and coyotegoth. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Lettres Azkabanes
Dear father,
Don't worry, corresponding via these owls is safe. Please excuse my scribbling, but there's neither decent parchment nor quills to be had around here.
I sincerely hope that you are well, considering the circumstances; please tell me what I can do to mitigate support you. You know that I'll spare neither trouble nor expense, so please just let me know if there is what you need, and I'll see to it.
I am okay, and safe for the time being, and so is Mum; and although the present state of things makes it impossible to say what the immediate future will bring, I do not doubt that we will see each other our family will withstand all adversities.
Your loving son,
Draco
************
Cornelius O. Fudge, Director
Azkaban Fortress
North Sea
To
Ministry of Magic
Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Sub-Department of Financial Affairs
Re: Additional report concerning application for reimbursement
Dear Sirs,
As requested, please find enclosed herewith my detailed elaboration of the incident which caused my request for reimbursement.
First, let me again express my gratitude for appointing me as Director of Azkaban; I still consider myself a loyal servant of the wizarding folk and will always do my utmost to merit the trust you have so kindly placed in me.
However, moving on to the events in question, I can only re-emphasise that the damage resulting from these events have by no means been my fault; therefore, I am hereby confirming my application for compensation.
On March 12th, around 1:00 pm, I was visited by the house-elf of Prisoner ZW362 (Mr Lucius Malfoy), known as Prissy, who is accommodated in the closet adjoining Mr Malfoy's cell. She has been a regular caller at my office (five times a week on the average) since she has been allowed to attend to Mr Malfoy's needs (see enclosed item B1), putting forward her Master's demands requests with due servility.
She generally strikes me as a particularly nervous specimen of her kind, and has already been the cause of several damage reports on my and my staff's behalf (see enclosed item B2). Yet on that day, she seemed even more frantic than usual; upon my invitation, she scurried into the room, heading straight for my desk and colliding with it with full force. This first onslaught, as I learned later, already caused my wife's fine bone china cup (i.e. the object of said damage, see my wife's description which you find enclosed to my first petition, item A1) to tilt.
After Prissy had taken a seat, I tried to find out the purpose of her visit, but to my horror, she grabbed my letter-opener, allowing its teeth to mangle her fingers (see enclosed items B3-5). When I eventually managed to wrest the opener out of her hands, she gave a heart-wrenching howl and repeatedly banged her head against my desk, causing the cup to tip over and spill some tea onto my left cuff.
The sight of my maculated cuffs frightened her further, and she was unable to answer any of my gently put questions as to why she was here. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to nudge a heavy parchment weight and my auto-cutting scissors she'd been casting surreptitious glances at from within her reach; otherwise far more serious and costlier harm might have been done.
Despite being already used to the elf's laments, I found myself moved by her huge eyes which were, by then, brimming with tears. Thus, since she seemed in an exceptionally panicky state of mind, I directed some kind, soothing words at her. Eventually, she informed me that she needed to speak to me about Mr Malfoy's quarters. In an effort to calm her down further, I mentioned that Mr Malfoy had repeatedly been pesteri asking me for better quarters, yet since he already occupied the best this place has to offer, I would have no choice but to decline his request again.
It is, however, possible that it was my mention of Mr Malfoy's name that triggered the elf to resume her head-banging (since she was bereft of all harmful objects, due to my prudence) which she executed with such vigour and zeal that the desk was vibrating under the repeated impact of her skull. It must have been during those minutes that my wife's precious china cup fell to the floor, where it shattered beyond the effective use of Reparo.
I am aware of the fact that usually, no claim for damages can be asserted for objects of private property. Yet, I would like to stress that my caution to remove all harmful objects from within the elf's reach beyond all doubt prevented further, and more far-reaching, damage which would have occasioned considerable costs for the Ministry. I am therefore confident of the Ministry's positive decision concerning my reimbursement, and would like to thank the Ministry in advance for its understanding and generosity. Also, I would like to enquire whether a decision has been made concerning the elf's request (i.e. a bed for herself, which she argued for by stating that she is not the criminal)?
Furthermore, if the Ministry decides to withdraw the special permission, please let me know and I will see to it immediately.
Expecting your final decisions,
Yours sincerely
Cornelius O. Fudge
Director of Azkaban
Enclosures:
B 1: Special Permission Y3/5P9 for Mr Lucius Malfoy re. house-elf keeping at Azkaban, issued by MOM, Magical Law Enforcement.
B 2: List of reports handed in by C. O. Fudge and staff of Azkaban, re. damages caused by house-elf Prissy.
B 3-5: Documents stained by the blood of Prissy the house-elf on March 12th, the time she mangled her fingers with a letter-opener.
Enclosure mentioned:
A 1: Detailed description of china bone cup, handed in by Mrs Xanthippa Fudge, enclosed to petition for reimbursement of Mr C. O. Fudge, March 13th.
************
Dear father,
I hope you are doing better, and I apologise for the belated delivery of my last parcel, but I couldn't get hold of a Safety Owl while I was still in [name scratched off]. I am sorry to hear about the problems you're still encountering and will see what I can do to alleviate them.
Things have taken a slight turn for the better here recently, or probably for the worse; somehow, I've lost the ability to make a distinction, if there is one to begin with. At least, Mum and I are no longer on the run, although why Professor Snape chose to hook us up with Potter and his bunch of incompetent fools of all people is beyond me. Nevertheless, since I've already thrown in my lot with Professor Snape, I might as well stay for now, and despite everything, I think he can be trusted; and haven't you always considered him a friend of our family? I'm trying to make the righ intelligent choice, and I'd be grateful for your
Mum's fine now, but the past week's events have shattered her considerably, and although I strive to be a support for her, I'm very glad that Aunt Andromeda looks her up on a regular basis. She misses you, and so do I.
Your son,
Draco
************
To the
Ministry of Magic
FAO Mr Rufus Scrimgeour, Minister of Magic
Dear Minister,
We are well aware of the fact that you have grave and important tasks at hand, tasks that demand your own and your Ministry's full attention and may, if not conducted with utmost care and prudence, bring about disaster and harm for our entire world.
Thus, rest assured that we all highly esteem your efforts in regard to protecting us from the vile assaults of You-Know-Whom, and we avouch you of our unlimited support. Also, far be it from us to doubt the legitimacy of any of your decisions.
Yet, we consider it possible that the Ministry has not realised some of the far-reaching consequences of its decisions. Political decisions - and we will never cease to aver our explicit consent to your policy - are the basis of our community; however, under certain circumstances, it might happen that justified political moves can bring about unexpected and unwanted yet still inevitable effects on other aspects of our society. Economy is, albeit often ignor not taken seriou a bit under represented, crucial to the general flourishing of our community.
Thus, we do not doubt Your Honour's readiness to reconsider one of your minor decisions, since we are sure that the Ministry can not possibly want loyal, law-abiding members of the society to sink into poverty, a danger we find ourselves facing at present and which could be averted so easily.
We demand the immediate release of Mr Lucius Malfoy from Azkaban!
Your sincerely,
The Honourable Guild of Barbers and Periwig Makers
The Honourable Guild of Hat Makers and Furriers
************
Dad,
I know I promised to assist you in any way I could, and of course I'll stand by that promise. Correct me if I'm mistaken - hadn't I sent you your Extra Silken sheets and the baby-owl feather bed only recently? I hope your night's rest has improved now.
Well, Dad, you may know that I'm actually trying to save my life here, and Mum's as well, and, come to that, those of the entire wizarding population, so it could be said I'm just a tad preoccupied.
Also, there are NO DEMENTORS left at Azkaban. I know that you're addicted to Belgian chocolate, but THERE'S NO WAY I'M LEAVING MY SAFEPLACE TO GET YOU SOME! LIVE WITH IT!
Draco
************
To
Gringotts Wizarding Bank
15 Diagon Alley
London, Great Britain
Re: Vault 333, Withdrawal of Letter of Authority
Honoured Sirs,
Please note that we hereby withdraw the letter of authority issued to Mr Lucius Malfoy concerning the assets of our shared business vault. Neither monetary capital nor chattel may be, in any form, taken from our business vault and surrendered at Mr Malfoy's disposal who is, for the time being, not considered a partner of ours.
Furthermore, we would like to inform you that we are considering launching an investigation concerning the removal of several items, including the gold-and-emerald cutlery and the bone china tableware with the enchanted dragons pattern, which have been illicitly taken out of our vault at some time during the past months. We would be grateful if you would be so kind and hand us over the correspondence regarding this incident.
Yours sincerely,
Lorenzo de Cafaggiolo
Henri d'Albert de Luynes
Via Vicenzo Cascariolo 37
Rue Montmorency-Laval 2-6
Forte dei Marmi
Tours
Italia
France
************
Father,
I apologise for my tardy reply to your last letter, but since Harry has decided that he trusts me well enough, I have been busy fighting that madman you so misguidedly took for the wizarding world's guarantee to a glorious future.
I am fine, though.
Concerning the disinheriting issue, I'd like to bring the following facts to your attention, that
(a) there's not much left, and
(b) what's left is already mine.
Do get a grip on yourself. Without chocolate.
D.
************
Cornelius O. Fudge, Director
Azkaban Fortress
North Sea
To
Mr Draco Malfoy, War Hero
12 Grimmauld Place
London
Re.: Items ready for collection
Dear Mr Malfoy,
I hereby inform you that your father's items have been ready for collection from Azkaban since his release. If you fail to collect them within the following two weeks, a fine of 20 Galleons will be charged.
Please take into consideration that despite the repeated use of Shrinking Spells, huge means of transport will still be necessary.
You will find your father's belongings at your disposal in Rooms # 23/8, 23/9, and 23/10. Don't forget to bring this letter with you since you will be required to produce it upon request.
Best regards,
C. O. Fudge
Director of Azkaban
Author: cutecoati
Recipient: mereol
Rating: PG (humour)
Character: Draco, Fudge, and many more. And yes, Lucius. Somehow.
Summary: While you were imprisoned...
Author's notes: Many thanks to my wonderful betas lusiology, oddnari, and coyotegoth. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Lettres Azkabanes
Dear father,
Don't worry, corresponding via these owls is safe. Please excuse my scribbling, but there's neither decent parchment nor quills to be had around here.
I sincerely hope that you are well, considering the circumstances; please tell me what I can do to mitigate support you. You know that I'll spare neither trouble nor expense, so please just let me know if there is what you need, and I'll see to it.
I am okay, and safe for the time being, and so is Mum; and although the present state of things makes it impossible to say what the immediate future will bring, I do not doubt that we will see each other our family will withstand all adversities.
Your loving son,
Draco
************
Cornelius O. Fudge, Director
Azkaban Fortress
North Sea
To
Ministry of Magic
Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Sub-Department of Financial Affairs
Re: Additional report concerning application for reimbursement
Dear Sirs,
As requested, please find enclosed herewith my detailed elaboration of the incident which caused my request for reimbursement.
First, let me again express my gratitude for appointing me as Director of Azkaban; I still consider myself a loyal servant of the wizarding folk and will always do my utmost to merit the trust you have so kindly placed in me.
However, moving on to the events in question, I can only re-emphasise that the damage resulting from these events have by no means been my fault; therefore, I am hereby confirming my application for compensation.
On March 12th, around 1:00 pm, I was visited by the house-elf of Prisoner ZW362 (Mr Lucius Malfoy), known as Prissy, who is accommodated in the closet adjoining Mr Malfoy's cell. She has been a regular caller at my office (five times a week on the average) since she has been allowed to attend to Mr Malfoy's needs (see enclosed item B1), putting forward her Master's demands requests with due servility.
She generally strikes me as a particularly nervous specimen of her kind, and has already been the cause of several damage reports on my and my staff's behalf (see enclosed item B2). Yet on that day, she seemed even more frantic than usual; upon my invitation, she scurried into the room, heading straight for my desk and colliding with it with full force. This first onslaught, as I learned later, already caused my wife's fine bone china cup (i.e. the object of said damage, see my wife's description which you find enclosed to my first petition, item A1) to tilt.
After Prissy had taken a seat, I tried to find out the purpose of her visit, but to my horror, she grabbed my letter-opener, allowing its teeth to mangle her fingers (see enclosed items B3-5). When I eventually managed to wrest the opener out of her hands, she gave a heart-wrenching howl and repeatedly banged her head against my desk, causing the cup to tip over and spill some tea onto my left cuff.
The sight of my maculated cuffs frightened her further, and she was unable to answer any of my gently put questions as to why she was here. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to nudge a heavy parchment weight and my auto-cutting scissors she'd been casting surreptitious glances at from within her reach; otherwise far more serious and costlier harm might have been done.
Despite being already used to the elf's laments, I found myself moved by her huge eyes which were, by then, brimming with tears. Thus, since she seemed in an exceptionally panicky state of mind, I directed some kind, soothing words at her. Eventually, she informed me that she needed to speak to me about Mr Malfoy's quarters. In an effort to calm her down further, I mentioned that Mr Malfoy had repeatedly been pesteri asking me for better quarters, yet since he already occupied the best this place has to offer, I would have no choice but to decline his request again.
It is, however, possible that it was my mention of Mr Malfoy's name that triggered the elf to resume her head-banging (since she was bereft of all harmful objects, due to my prudence) which she executed with such vigour and zeal that the desk was vibrating under the repeated impact of her skull. It must have been during those minutes that my wife's precious china cup fell to the floor, where it shattered beyond the effective use of Reparo.
I am aware of the fact that usually, no claim for damages can be asserted for objects of private property. Yet, I would like to stress that my caution to remove all harmful objects from within the elf's reach beyond all doubt prevented further, and more far-reaching, damage which would have occasioned considerable costs for the Ministry. I am therefore confident of the Ministry's positive decision concerning my reimbursement, and would like to thank the Ministry in advance for its understanding and generosity. Also, I would like to enquire whether a decision has been made concerning the elf's request (i.e. a bed for herself, which she argued for by stating that she is not the criminal)?
Furthermore, if the Ministry decides to withdraw the special permission, please let me know and I will see to it immediately.
Expecting your final decisions,
Yours sincerely
Cornelius O. Fudge
Director of Azkaban
Enclosures:
B 1: Special Permission Y3/5P9 for Mr Lucius Malfoy re. house-elf keeping at Azkaban, issued by MOM, Magical Law Enforcement.
B 2: List of reports handed in by C. O. Fudge and staff of Azkaban, re. damages caused by house-elf Prissy.
B 3-5: Documents stained by the blood of Prissy the house-elf on March 12th, the time she mangled her fingers with a letter-opener.
Enclosure mentioned:
A 1: Detailed description of china bone cup, handed in by Mrs Xanthippa Fudge, enclosed to petition for reimbursement of Mr C. O. Fudge, March 13th.
************
Dear father,
I hope you are doing better, and I apologise for the belated delivery of my last parcel, but I couldn't get hold of a Safety Owl while I was still in [name scratched off]. I am sorry to hear about the problems you're still encountering and will see what I can do to alleviate them.
Things have taken a slight turn for the better here recently, or probably for the worse; somehow, I've lost the ability to make a distinction, if there is one to begin with. At least, Mum and I are no longer on the run, although why Professor Snape chose to hook us up with Potter and his bunch of incompetent fools of all people is beyond me. Nevertheless, since I've already thrown in my lot with Professor Snape, I might as well stay for now, and despite everything, I think he can be trusted; and haven't you always considered him a friend of our family? I'm trying to make the righ intelligent choice, and I'd be grateful for your
Mum's fine now, but the past week's events have shattered her considerably, and although I strive to be a support for her, I'm very glad that Aunt Andromeda looks her up on a regular basis. She misses you, and so do I.
Your son,
Draco
************
To the
Ministry of Magic
FAO Mr Rufus Scrimgeour, Minister of Magic
Dear Minister,
We are well aware of the fact that you have grave and important tasks at hand, tasks that demand your own and your Ministry's full attention and may, if not conducted with utmost care and prudence, bring about disaster and harm for our entire world.
Thus, rest assured that we all highly esteem your efforts in regard to protecting us from the vile assaults of You-Know-Whom, and we avouch you of our unlimited support. Also, far be it from us to doubt the legitimacy of any of your decisions.
Yet, we consider it possible that the Ministry has not realised some of the far-reaching consequences of its decisions. Political decisions - and we will never cease to aver our explicit consent to your policy - are the basis of our community; however, under certain circumstances, it might happen that justified political moves can bring about unexpected and unwanted yet still inevitable effects on other aspects of our society. Economy is, albeit often ignor not taken seriou a bit under represented, crucial to the general flourishing of our community.
Thus, we do not doubt Your Honour's readiness to reconsider one of your minor decisions, since we are sure that the Ministry can not possibly want loyal, law-abiding members of the society to sink into poverty, a danger we find ourselves facing at present and which could be averted so easily.
We demand the immediate release of Mr Lucius Malfoy from Azkaban!
Your sincerely,
The Honourable Guild of Barbers and Periwig Makers
The Honourable Guild of Hat Makers and Furriers
************
Dad,
I know I promised to assist you in any way I could, and of course I'll stand by that promise. Correct me if I'm mistaken - hadn't I sent you your Extra Silken sheets and the baby-owl feather bed only recently? I hope your night's rest has improved now.
Well, Dad, you may know that I'm actually trying to save my life here, and Mum's as well, and, come to that, those of the entire wizarding population, so it could be said I'm just a tad preoccupied.
Also, there are NO DEMENTORS left at Azkaban. I know that you're addicted to Belgian chocolate, but THERE'S NO WAY I'M LEAVING MY SAFEPLACE TO GET YOU SOME! LIVE WITH IT!
Draco
************
To
Gringotts Wizarding Bank
15 Diagon Alley
London, Great Britain
Re: Vault 333, Withdrawal of Letter of Authority
Honoured Sirs,
Please note that we hereby withdraw the letter of authority issued to Mr Lucius Malfoy concerning the assets of our shared business vault. Neither monetary capital nor chattel may be, in any form, taken from our business vault and surrendered at Mr Malfoy's disposal who is, for the time being, not considered a partner of ours.
Furthermore, we would like to inform you that we are considering launching an investigation concerning the removal of several items, including the gold-and-emerald cutlery and the bone china tableware with the enchanted dragons pattern, which have been illicitly taken out of our vault at some time during the past months. We would be grateful if you would be so kind and hand us over the correspondence regarding this incident.
Yours sincerely,
Lorenzo de Cafaggiolo
Henri d'Albert de Luynes
Via Vicenzo Cascariolo 37
Rue Montmorency-Laval 2-6
Forte dei Marmi
Tours
Italia
France
************
Father,
I apologise for my tardy reply to your last letter, but since Harry has decided that he trusts me well enough, I have been busy fighting that madman you so misguidedly took for the wizarding world's guarantee to a glorious future.
I am fine, though.
Concerning the disinheriting issue, I'd like to bring the following facts to your attention, that
(a) there's not much left, and
(b) what's left is already mine.
Do get a grip on yourself. Without chocolate.
D.
************
Cornelius O. Fudge, Director
Azkaban Fortress
North Sea
To
Mr Draco Malfoy, War Hero
12 Grimmauld Place
London
Re.: Items ready for collection
Dear Mr Malfoy,
I hereby inform you that your father's items have been ready for collection from Azkaban since his release. If you fail to collect them within the following two weeks, a fine of 20 Galleons will be charged.
Please take into consideration that despite the repeated use of Shrinking Spells, huge means of transport will still be necessary.
You will find your father's belongings at your disposal in Rooms # 23/8, 23/9, and 23/10. Don't forget to bring this letter with you since you will be required to produce it upon request.
Best regards,
C. O. Fudge
Director of Azkaban