Euro-English
The European Commissioners have just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the European Union rather than German, which had been the other possibility. This had been fiercely contested but reluctantly accepted by the Germans.
As part of the negotiations, Prime Minister Gordon Brown conceded that the English language had some room for improvement. He has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that will become known as ‘Euro-English’.
In year 1, the letter ‘S’ will replace the soft ‘C’. Sertainly, this will make Sivil Servants happy. The hard ‘C’ will also be dropped in favour of the letter ‘K’, which should help klear up konfusion.
In the sekond year, the letter ‘F’ will replace the troublesome ‘PH’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes kan be introdused. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the silent ‘E’ in the language is a disgrasful and horibl mes and should be removed.
In the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘TH’ with the leter ‘Z’ and ‘W’ wiz ze leter ‘V’.
During the fifz year, ze unesesary ‘O’ kan be droped from vords containing ’OU’.
After the fifz year, ve vil hav a sensibl written styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivon vil find it ezi to understand each ozer. Ze dream of a united Urop vil finaly com tru.
ZEN VE VIL RUL ZE VORLD!
As part of the negotiations, Prime Minister Gordon Brown conceded that the English language had some room for improvement. He has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that will become known as ‘Euro-English’.
In year 1, the letter ‘S’ will replace the soft ‘C’. Sertainly, this will make Sivil Servants happy. The hard ‘C’ will also be dropped in favour of the letter ‘K’, which should help klear up konfusion.
In the sekond year, the letter ‘F’ will replace the troublesome ‘PH’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes kan be introdused. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the silent ‘E’ in the language is a disgrasful and horibl mes and should be removed.
In the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘TH’ with the leter ‘Z’ and ‘W’ wiz ze leter ‘V’.
During the fifz year, ze unesesary ‘O’ kan be droped from vords containing ’OU’.
After the fifz year, ve vil hav a sensibl written styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivon vil find it ezi to understand each ozer. Ze dream of a united Urop vil finaly com tru.
ZEN VE VIL RUL ZE VORLD!