(no subject)
May unlock this post one day, but for the moment locked.
Mum has cancer. I feel like I should be doing something, I feel guilty that I'm not. I feel glad for all the happy times we've had and sad for all those we may not.
On a practical level I want to be supportive to mum, dad and my younger brothers. At the same time I have my own feelings to deal with as well as a responsibility to Peri and Ebru not to get too wrapped up in it all. I've started telling my "support network", spoke to Sandy and Mel and Kanwalraj so far. Kamal has the medical skills and some bandwidth to chat, Mel has discussed medical stuff that upset me before, Sandy is one of my oldest friends. I'm not ready to mention it to Sheff gang because there are so many and I don't have enough facts. There are others like Taz who have suffered big family losses or serious illness who I would want to be a bit more together for before discussing.
I saw Dad at Auntie Cath's 90th birthday and he told me and David separately. I kind of wish he'd told us together as we need to work together as a family on this. John didn't find out till Sunday night. On Sunday we went to see mum. She looked good and healthy, seemed slightly dazed and very thin and scared. Was struck by how healthy her skin looks and how clear her eyes are, made me realise how young 71 actually is these days - Jeez I may still be working when I'm her age - and how much of how she's looked these last few months must have been down to the illness.
On a practical level, I think we can:
- Keep in touch and support each other as best we can. E.g. I can work out of Cambridge sometimes and it's not that far to drive. It's important that I and my brothers and my dad keep in regular touch.
- Understand what the doctors are telling Mum, this takes responsibility off Dad for disseminating information and means we can ask our own questions without upsetting them. Need to discuss with parents and doctors tomorrow.
- Keep hoping. It's really easy to feel hopeless and helpless and wait for the end. It's harder to keep rational hope alive for medical treatments while not getting too optimistic about the odds. We can't give up.
Mum has cancer. I feel like I should be doing something, I feel guilty that I'm not. I feel glad for all the happy times we've had and sad for all those we may not.
On a practical level I want to be supportive to mum, dad and my younger brothers. At the same time I have my own feelings to deal with as well as a responsibility to Peri and Ebru not to get too wrapped up in it all. I've started telling my "support network", spoke to Sandy and Mel and Kanwalraj so far. Kamal has the medical skills and some bandwidth to chat, Mel has discussed medical stuff that upset me before, Sandy is one of my oldest friends. I'm not ready to mention it to Sheff gang because there are so many and I don't have enough facts. There are others like Taz who have suffered big family losses or serious illness who I would want to be a bit more together for before discussing.
I saw Dad at Auntie Cath's 90th birthday and he told me and David separately. I kind of wish he'd told us together as we need to work together as a family on this. John didn't find out till Sunday night. On Sunday we went to see mum. She looked good and healthy, seemed slightly dazed and very thin and scared. Was struck by how healthy her skin looks and how clear her eyes are, made me realise how young 71 actually is these days - Jeez I may still be working when I'm her age - and how much of how she's looked these last few months must have been down to the illness.
On a practical level, I think we can:
- Keep in touch and support each other as best we can. E.g. I can work out of Cambridge sometimes and it's not that far to drive. It's important that I and my brothers and my dad keep in regular touch.
- Understand what the doctors are telling Mum, this takes responsibility off Dad for disseminating information and means we can ask our own questions without upsetting them. Need to discuss with parents and doctors tomorrow.
- Keep hoping. It's really easy to feel hopeless and helpless and wait for the end. It's harder to keep rational hope alive for medical treatments while not getting too optimistic about the odds. We can't give up.