Not Quite Sabine [KH/Greek Mythology, Hades/Persephone, R]

[syvia]

Title: Not Quite Sabine (Part Two)
Author/Artist: syvia
Rating: R
Warnings: coarse language, disturbing content, sexual themes
Word Count: 14,172
Summary: Hades/Persephone, Sora/Riku/Kairi, Hercules/Meg, Zeus/the entire world. It's okay to have really, really stupid ideas when you're drunk. The problem is following through with them once you're sober.
Prompt: Crossover: Kingdom Hearts 2/Greek mythology, Hades/Persephone: arguments/banter, jealousy - “That idiot Pirithous' is gonna get what's comin' to him!”

Part One

There was, according to some of the poets who would later attempt (and fail miserably, all told) to pen this epic, a heated discussion in which the Fates argued whether it would be more amusing if Pirithous and his very good friend Theseus were to reach the Underworld before or after Persephone left for Mt. Olympus.

As, all in all, the Fates had been laughing at Hades for such a long time already, Atropos thought it fitting that he have dibs on fraying this particular thread.

However, Clotho had made this particular decision years ago and there was nothing her sisters could do about it, so there. Atropos was a bit miffed, but so was she always when she wouldn't be using her scissors.

Clotho had, however, woven a number of interesting things having to do with Persephone into Pirithous' thread to keep it interesting. If Lachesis was required to allot extra to this one buffoon and Atropos would not be snipping, Clotho would at least make watching of the thread of particular entertainment. She was thoughtful that way.

The door into the Underworld was geographically close to the Coliseum, which could be found on the outer edge of Thebes. Very easy to find if you were looking for it. Quite easy to spot even if you weren't. It was, after all, a door straight into the land, with a wiggly blue-grey aura and the heat haze shimmer of magic which kept all that gloomy goodness inside. Neither of these factors delayed Pirithous' arrival in the Underworld.

Of all things, it was the morning training regimen.

The routine began with a hundred sit-ups, the same of push-ups, fifty lunges, followed by a brisk run- twenty miles on foot while Theseus led Pirithous' horse, at the end of which, they traded off. The next course of business was to stop at the closest available town with a fully equipped bathhouse. They were bathed, massaged and oiled. Then they moved on. At night, after setting up camp, typically they stripped naked, wrestled (the Muses would like to take this moment to clarify 'Not like that, you perverts.') and bedded down for the night.

They wanted to be in fine shape for the endeavor. Although they acknowledged each other as well-muscled specimens of manhood, they did realize they were walking into the Underworld. Domain of Hades, guarded by Cerberus, land of the Dead. If they wanted to avoid dying themselves, they needed to be in the best shape they'd ever been. Otherwise, Hades would make them into shapes, and that wouldn't be anywhere near as pleasant.

The land was well into spring by the time they finally got there.

Theseus had misgivings about this plan.

Nothing so concrete as a thought. Thoughts crowded into your mind while you fought, watching the movement of your enemy and not only what he was doing, but what he would do. Little flick of the eyes to the left and they would move that way. Shift of weight to one foot and they were ready to spring. What he had was instinct, training, and experience. All these things told him that being in the Underworld went against everything natural and human and... alive.

Walking through the door, moving down the long and narrow staircase, he felt ill. It only got worse as they descended and gained visibility. The river Styx glowed dimly violet on all sides and stretched for miles, pierced here and there by lifeless grey stone. The rock on which they stood, just as dull, just as depressing, jutted out from the wall and the staircase leading back to the upper world, flattened into a circular platform. Directly before them, the center of the platform glowed a poisonous green.

The first impulse to call this off and coax Pirithous into another choice- a more easily attainable choice- had come over him that morning after Pirithous had decided, spurred on by the call of the hunt and the desire for a new queen, to ride off that night in pursuit of the Underworld. Now that he had time to consider, he wished they hadn't. He would have felt better taking Helen back to Athens himself.

It wasn't that he didn't trust those brave young lads and their lady (who had been tempting... but it just wasn't done to ride off with someone else's woman. The centaurs had tried it and it really was the height of rudeness) so much that... what were their names? He tried to recall but the memory of that night was somewhat fuzzy. They had been drinking... it didn't matter. It wasn't that Theseus didn't trust them, but Helen was so beautiful.

Nothing for it, now. Pirithous was so set on a Daughter of Zeus that Theseus wouldn't attempt to delay the hunt, or convince him to settle for some mortal. Nor would he offer Helen just to appease his friend, although the red-haired girl had been attractive enough that Theseus had considered her, seriously, as an alternative. There was something about her that drew the eye... and the groin.

But he had won Helen fair and square, looked forward to going home and finding her waiting in Athens for him. He could imagine her there as she had been at Artemis' altar, clean, coiffed, dressed in the finest stola woven by human hands and waiting for him to take her out of it.

All they had to do was enter the Underworld (which they had done), find Pirithous' wife-to-be (still in progress), and get back to the surface without meeting-

"Boys!"

... Hades.

Theseus froze, then, when he wasn't incinerated on the spot, drew his sword. Pirithous did likewise. Hades smiled at them as if the blades didn't exist.

"Okay, now which one is Pirithous," he pointed at them, shifted his hand back and forth, "and which one is Theseus? You bodybuilders all look alike."

Theseus couldn't help glaring, tried not to, and Hades seemed to notice.

"You're Theseus," he clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Right. Welcome to our humble abode," Hades gestured to their surroundings.

Pirithous took the last few steps down, drawing level with the god. He circled to one side. Theseus mirrored him and they stood on either side of Hades, taking up position so keeping one in his sights meant Hades had to turn his back on the other. The god didn't seem to mind, talking to them politely, engaging each in turn.

"Little damp, little hint of sulfur in the air- mostly from the Phlegethon- but it's nice," Hades grinned, and under the friendly tone was something... not. "Maybe we can swing by- go for a dip, whattaya say?"

They said nothing. Hades showed no evidence that he cared.

"It's roomy. Full of dead guys, but what can you do?"

He had to know this wasn't a social call. He had to- if nothing else, the swords would have tipped him off- but he greeted them as friends? The Lord of the Dead had no companions. Even his wife remained under duress, escaping as soon as she could every year.

"You two look hungry!" he said. "Can't be a bad host. Seph would have my head, and if we starved ya, you'd be sticking around longer than a day trip. C'mon!" then he turned and walked away. Two paths lay before him, walkways of stone that led to a pair of very wide, very tall doorways with jagged closures. Hades took the right and didn't look back to see if they were following. The door opened for him, stone grinding against stone, and remained open as he disappeared into the murky fog beyond it.

Pirithous looked at Theseus.

Theseus looked at Pirithous.

They side-stepped across the platform until they smacked into each other, shoulder to shoulder, swords pointed in the direction Hades had gone.

"Do you think he knows?" Pirithous asked.

"He mustn’t think we pose a threat to him."

“Ah," Pirithous' eyes lit up, "a challenge! I will have my bride and foul Hades shall suffer the humiliation of my triumph despite knowing what I came here to do!"

Theseus tried to speak- lost his balance and stumbled as Pirithous strode off down the path, sword raised jauntily... and then propped just as jauntily against his shoulder. Theseus sighed. He did not like this. The gnawing of apprehension in his gut, the growing sense of doom. His misgivings had spawned and raised their children to be just as foreboding as they were. But he had sworn to help Pirithous, his confidant, his brother in arms, win his chosen bride. He would see this to the end. He had to stay positive in spite of the sinking feeling in his stomach... which was nothing, really.

Hunger. That was it. That's all it was.

Hades grinned. It wanted to be an evil grin, but he kept it cheerful, nice and innocent and Seph said he wasn’t good at it, but these yutzes were five beans short of a salad.

Everything was going according to plan.

Well... no. Not so much. He'd liked the 'kidnap from Olympus' plan better. More toes stepped on, more deities annoyed- more chaos he didn't have to cause himself. It really was so much more entertaining to watch everyone else fall all over themselves and screw things up.

Still.

There was something to be said for the hands-on approach.

"Help yourselves, boys! It's all from upstairs," Hades stood at the head of the table as they walked in- Pirithous on one side, Theseus on the other- already starting to feel the strength-sapping power of the Underworld. He softened his voice.

"Wouldn't want you eating the home-grown stuff and dying on me." He glanced at Theseus, guy had a few more brain cells left in his musclehead than his buddy, who went a little pale. Then Hades broke into guffaws, stepped over to Pirithous and slapped him on the back a little harder than necessary, right into the chair he was leaning on. The sword fell out of his hand, struck the side of the table, and hit the floor.

"Ooh-ouch." Hades snapped his fingers, ignored Pirithous' startled cry as the sword he reached for was suddenly in Hades' grip.

"Aww," he held it in one hand, twisted from side to side and made a great show of examining the blade. Swords weren't his thing. He left them to hotheads like Ares and Hephaestus, but any idiot could tell which end to hold, and there were enough yutzes on the banks of the Cocytus muttering about this or that new weapon for him to identify it. Pirithous and his fancy Makhaira were easy to size up. Light as a feather, easy to handle, not as scary as they seemed.

"Look at that," he slung an arm around his guest's neck and held the sword up for Pirithous' inspection, dangerously close to his eyes, "there's a nick in it! I'm so sorry. I'll get that sharpened for ya. Use my own personal armorer and everything, whattaya say?"

He didn't have an armorer, but the imps would have fun melting or cutting daisy-chain satyrs out of the metal. Pirithous seemed a bit speechless. In awe of his godliness... or lacking air.

"Mighty Hades-" Theseus burst out. He paused, calmed down a little, and realized he was on the other side of the table. Hades so hoped he wouldn't vault over the food. The imps had set it up so nicely. "That is a most," he continued, carefully, "generous offer-"

"And you want it too, dontcha, kid? No problem!"

Hades was, Theseus realized after his sword vanished, very tall. One might say 'titanic' even. He stood head and shoulders above them both and seemed to be keeping Pirithous in a headlock with no effort at all.

Theseus took a step toward the head of the table, some idea of separating them- and then Hades let Pirithous go. The god pushed him forward, the chair in his path disappeared and Pirithous hit the table at stomach height. He grunted. The chair reappeared as he doubled over and began to cough, legs folding beneath him. Theseus glared at Hades, drifting close to the table.

The silver wine pitcher looked heavy, might work as a bludgeon... there were knives at each place setting, if he couldn't lift the pitcher. He felt nauseated, and a rubbery sensation in his limbs. Even if he had the sword back, his arms trembled at the thought of lifting it. Hades smirked in his direction and Theseus heard the grinding just before a chair hit his legs. He lost balance and sat down, hard.

"So," Hades snapped his fingers. The chair at the head of the table was pulled out by unseen hands. He sat down and it moved in... and so did the chairs under Theseus and Pirithous, right up to the edge of the table.

Hades smiled. "Everyone comfy?"

"Lord," Pirithous sounded as if he were chewing excrement as he said it, "Hades. Where is Persephone?"

Hades raised a quietly burning eyebrow.

"What he means is- he so hoped to pay tribute to her beauty," Theseus assured, shooting Pirithous a look.

Hades eyed them both in turn.

"Riiiight."

There had been, Theseus realized as the god stared at him, more comfortable seats. Stone could be made into a perfectly serviceable bench. At the same time he was grateful. He didn't think he was capable of standing-

"I," Pirithous announced, almost talking over Hades, "am here to liberate her from this Underground prison and make her my wife!"

Theseus stared. He hadn't heard that. He could not, in a thousand years, have heard that, because it simply was not possible that Pirithous was that... oh who was he trying to fool?

Hades looked at the king of the Lapiths, eyebrows so high that they mingled with his hair, still the blue of a flame where it burned closest to the oil. He swung around to face Theseus.

"He can't be this stupid."

Theseus was proud of how very dry his tone came out. "I only wish it weren't possible."

The god gave him a look, a nod and a humming noise that could have meant 'guess you aren't as dumb as your friend' or maybe 'for that bit of wisdom, your eternity shall be slightly less agonizing.' Hades sat back, conjured himself a bowl of something pink and squirming- and just before Theseus could imagine what horrible thing filled it, he realized they were worms. Big ones.

"I tire of this falsely polite chatter!" Pirithous struck the table with his fist. The table shook, but not as much as it should have. Then all of a sudden he looked green. His cheeks were haggard and sunken. He swallowed thickly and his skin went from green to grey. "I will have Persephone, I will take her from this place, and you will not stop me," he shouted, "because I am a hero!"

Hades wore a lazy grin and sucked another worm into his teeth.

"Yeah, but you know what they say about heroes in the Underworld," he drawled. Reaching forward, Hades examined a sprig of purple grapes, plucked one off the twig and tossed it in Pirithous' direction. There was no supernatural strength to it, no unnatural heaviness. It flew through the air like a normal grape. Theseus expected to see Pirithous catch it- possibly in his mouth, as they had done many times before.

His hand never moved and the grape smacked him in the forehead.

Pirithous sat back as if crushed by the blow, all strength gone. Theseus flinched and looked at Hades, who smiled evilly.

"They become zeroes."

There was a pause. The silence grew deep and still....

"LADY PERSEPHONE!" Pirithous screamed.

Theseus flinched. Hades' eye twitched. He dug a finger into his ear and wiggled it around.

"I am here to liberate you!" Pirithous shouted- rather impressively, all things considered. He had rehearsed it beforehand.

After shouting, he slumped against the chair, sagging down into it- and Theseus grimaced, swallowed nervously. He wanted to do the same. Given that they were disarmed, lacking strength through some otherworldly means, in the lair and at the mercy of one of the oldest and most powerful gods, Theseus felt his misgivings had finally come together and formed a full, cohesive thought.

This had been a bad idea.

"Do not be afraid!"

Pirithous' screaming was... probably the last recourse, yes. Theseus admired his friend's spirit, his determination to win the day, despite how thoroughly beaten they were. Unfair really... Hades made it look simple.

"Oh she'd be here- believe me," the god said, falsely sympathetic. "She loves a good comedy routine."

Finally the realization seemed to dawn and Pirithous grimaced, eyes widening. "She-"

"But," Hades tossed another worm into his mouth and chewed, "she left for her mom's place two weeks ago."

Theseus would have slapped a hand to his face, but it was growing increasingly difficult to raise his head, much less his arms.

"Yeah," Hades told Pirithous' bulging eyes. "That little thing that she does every year. You mortals like to call it 'Spring'. I like to call it 'me time'." Hades paused, shrugging to himself. "I used to call it 'revenge of the mother-in-law' but Seph encourages me to be more positive."

"Well," Theseus could barely force out the words, "we shouldn't impose upon your-"

"Noooooo," Hades grinned, and the narrow eyes didn't make him feel any better. "Stay until she gets back. She'd hate to miss you. Whattaya say?"

Theseus was trying to stand. If he could stand, he could try and... okay, first he would brace his hands on the table... and then lift... his legs felt so heavy. Too heavy- he could feel something pressing on his skin and looked down, trying not to fall over from the sudden onset of vertigo. There was something... he dragged his hand into his lap, groped for it and his fingers brushed... cords. Like metal, cold and unyielding, but flexible... shifting against his skin and snaking upward like live things, creeping up his body.

"It's no trouble," Hades smiled, sipping delicately from a cup. His voice was low and soft. It accompanied Theseus as he faded into unconsciousness.

"No trouble at all."

Now. It could end there. Cautionary tales usually do. But then, we're talking about something that really happened, and those stories have no ending. So let's catch up with the Keyblade bearer, who had, with his companions, been traveling all this time. Going from place to place, visiting new cities, and eventually finding themselves back in the company of old friends.

Several days before Pirithous and Theseus got to the Underworld, they were taking in the sights of a newly restored Thebes, bigger and more grand than it had ever been. Megara appropriated Kairi for the pursuit of activities enjoyed more by women than men. Namely shopping. Hercules included Sora and Riku in his daily training as Phil looked on and critiqued their performance.

On the third day, they had a visitor.

"Seph!"

Sora winced. Riku noticed, being the only one looking at him instead of watching Hercules jog over to embrace the goddess, white stola and crown of flames glittering in the shadow of the coliseum wall. Moving into direct sunlight, she blazed.

Riku pulled him off the bench and into the cluster of people gathering to say hello- Meg, Phil, Kairi, even Pegasus dipped his soft nose to nuzzle her cheek.

Persephone took Kairi into her arms before she realized she had no idea who she was hugging.

"Wait-" the goddess leaned back, looked her up and down, then gasped in delight. "Oh! You're here-" she looked around, "and there are the boys- in real clothes at last."

Sora tried to protest that their usual clothes were real clothes, but Persephone was hugging him and Riku talked louder.

"You know us," the taller boy said, "gotta blend in with the crowds, keep from meddling."

"You blend very well," the goddess teased, squeezing his bicep. Riku's smile turned slightly forced and Persephone forewent a hug, taking his hand. Meg chuckled and patted Riku on the shoulder. She linked arms with Persephone and led her off, which ended the flirting. The goddess of both Spring and the Underworld had gotten there just in time for lunch.

"I'm sorry I couldn't visit earlier," she pouted cheerfully and passed a platter of roasted lamb to Hercules. "The backlog is horrendous. Between starting to wake up the plants from downstairs, trying to organize the imps and getting in the last bits of quality time with Hades, there just aren't enough hours in the day."

"You have less to do once you get out though," Meg gave it the lilt of a question and Persephone nodded.

"Old hat," Persephone twiddled her fingers. "I'm so used to plant maintenance that I do it without thinking, but the nymphs will try to monopolize my time, dear girls. They always do."

Phil leered over his wine cup, "Nymphs, huh?"

Hercules rolled his eyes.

"The greater delay is in breaking into Spring. Wake everything up- make certain it stays awake, and this year," she sipped her wine, "all that flap about Pirithous."

Sora choked on his drink, coughed as Riku pounded his back. He waved off Hercules' concern. Persephone was chuckling to Meg.

"Hades and I spent so much time thinking up what to do when he finally arrived in the Underworld and he didn't even get there before I left. I hardly slept the last three days of winter- my second day on Mt. Olympus was spent on a couch, slack-mouthed and drooling."

"Don't forget snoring," Hercules confided to the table at large. Persephone gave him an incredulous look, ruined by the laughter in her voice.

"I do not snore!"

"What's the flap about Pirithous?" Phil asked. He reached for a bowl of pita rounds in the center of the table, dumped the bread and started munching on the bowl. Sora felt his cheeks heating and grimaced. Kairi, who noticed, sighed and put an arm around his shoulders.

Persephone drew herself up, smirking, leaning toward the satyr. "He planned to kidnap me."

Sora tried to look surprised, but needn't have bothered. Hercules and Meg's simultaneous 'What?' was lost beneath the sudden burst of laughter.

"Him?" Phil chortled. "Kidnap you? Oh that's rich! What a mook!"

Meg smirked at him around a chunk of bread. "I take it you've met the guy."

"Pffft- best buddies with one of the boys I trained before Herc."

Riku coughed delicately. "Theseus?"

"Yeah, him," Phil nodded. "Good fighter, nice heroic impulse, bad judge of character."

"You've mentioned him," Hercules said, nodding to Sora, who nodded back. Phil had spoken of his past students, who had all fallen short in some way. "What happened?"

Phil bleated in annoyance, "Kid always let people talk him into stupid plans for glory."

Okay. That was it. Sora couldn't keep quiet anymore.

"Uh..." he picked at the roasted olives to one side of his plate, "Hercules, I... may have... ow!" He reached under the table for whatever had bitten his ankle- grabbed and jerked upward, found himself holding something squishy... and pointy. Megara's face screwed up in disgust.

"Is that an imp?"

Persephone gave Sora a wry look, reaching with both hands for the rat-sized creature flailing in the Keyblade bearer's grip. It squeaked pathetically, reaching for its mistress and scrambling into her hands when Sora let it go.

"This," Persephone indicated the bright chartreuse skin and needle-sharp teeth, "is Guilt."

Sora blushed.

"You're lucky," Persephone smirked. "She usually goes for your heart."

Riku snorted. Sora coughed and scratched the back of his head.

"I think I got Theseus into trouble."

"Philoctetes," Persephone sighed, "this Theseus... would he often go on quests with Pirithous?"

Enough said. Phil planted both hands on the table and stood in the seat of his chair. "Those two morons are headed for the Underworld?"

Sora flinched, smiled sheepishly in Phil's direction. "...Yes?"

"Okay," Riku said, raising his hands, "I admit it. It was my idea."

"We're a team, Riku," Sora muttered with the weary tone of an often-repeated argument. "As long as I didn't actually stop you, I helped."

"We agreed," Kairi said, smacking Sora on the arm, "that they deserved whatever Hades was going to do to them. But I'm sorry for the inconvenience it caused, Persephone," she put her hand to her chest, expression apologetic.

"Apology accepted," Persephone answered, staring at the imp in her hands... which was growing steadily larger and licking its chops. "Go home," she told it. Guilt pouted, but promptly disappeared.

Meg looked amused at their explanation, but she'd never felt much sympathy towards men as a group and figured that most could stand a little punishment- whatever they had done to deserve it. Hercules mirrored Sora's expression from that night, several weeks ago. He trusted his friends' judgment, but... Hades? Phil stood on his chair and stared at them, arms folded, waiting for an explanation, but not judging them... yet. Persephone tapped two fingers on her lips and looked thoughtful.

"You know... it didn't occur to me to wonder who the other lucky 'Daughter of Zeus' would be." She looked at them, "Or that perhaps I was the second conquest."

"They stopped at our campsite," Riku explained, no apology in his tone, "with an unconscious girl. They all looked a little worse for wear, and we thought something had attacked them."

"Later," Kairi said wryly, "we realized it was the girl who had attacked them, and only because they were trying to kidnap her at the time."

"Good for her," Meg glared. Hercules was frowning and Phil's expression was pained. He reached for the wine, refilled his glass and downed it in one gulp.

"Where'd you say you guys landed, again?" Hercules asked.

"Never mind that," Phil said urgently, "what was the girl's name?"

"We were near Sparta," Riku said, "and her name was Helen."

There was a moment in which everyone gaped at them.

"HELEN?" Phil burst out. "Hera's holy do-rag! They kidnapped Helen of Sparta?"

"Oooh," Persephone winced and rose from the table. "Okay. I need to go have a chat with Athena... maybe talk to Hermes while I'm at it." She disappeared, leaving a few curls of pleasantly fragrant smoke.

"Sparta... Sparta is bad?" Sora murmured.

Hercules shared a grimace with Meg. "Sparta is a city-state of warriors. You don't want to be on their bad side," he explained, "and they weren't on the best terms with Theseus' people before."

Sora put his head in his hands and groaned. They'd seen war-like communities before. You messed with one of them and the entire tribe would be out for blood. Even if they could be reasoned with, they'd want retribution and usually the pain and suffering of whoever had wronged them. This time it was the king. When the king did something wrong, the entire kingdom had to pay the price. They all knew that.

"What if we found Theseus?" Riku asked. "Would he give himself up to save his city?"

King Mickey would have. Theseus or Pirithous... well, they thought they were heroes. They probably would have.

"He would," Phil said, "but that's not what Castor and Pollux'll want." He said it with such certainty that they turned and stared. Hercules blinked.

"You know them too?"

Phil shrugged. "They sailed on the Argo for a while. Nah, those boys'll want to match punishment to crime. They'll probably carry off one of Theseus' female relatives."

It took Sora a few moments to find words. When he did, it sounded like he was whining.

"Why does it sound like this isn't a big deal to you?"

"Well thanks to you, Helen ain't dead, and she wasn't kidnapped for long," Phil pointed out. "She got roughed up a little and taken on a ride. Punishment fits crime, whoever they snatch'll be okay."

"What if it doesn't?" Riku asked.

"We should help them," Kairi said impatiently, "We could-"

"Ya see?" Phil grinned, shaking his finger at them. He looked at Hercules. "That's why these kids'er heroes. Jumping in to help and not thinking about it."

"You shouldn't go," Meg said, "because the Spartans will be pissed at you. Then, since you've been telling everyone you're from Thebes-" she gave them a helpless shrug.

Kairi grimaced.

Phil stroked his goatee. "I know what you should do," he said decisively. He jumped onto the table and stood like a miniature general, hands folded behind his back. "You, Herc, Meg and me. We're all going to get drunk."

Riku blinked. How very anti-climactic. He chuckled and shook his head. "I should have seen that one coming." He pulled Sora out of his chair even as the shorter Keybearer protested.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Kairi muttered, even smirking at Sora's weak complaints and the deaf ears Riku had turned on him. She got up, linked arms with Meg, "Would you believe Sora is actually a maudlin drunk?"

Meg waved a hand and smiled. "Herc is a cheerful drunk. He annoys the heck out of me. They'll balance out. Besides- you haven't lived till you've tried Grecian wine."

Kairi sighed and let herself be pulled inside.

"So uh..." Meg cocked her chin in Riku's direction.

"He's very cuddly," Kairi said. Meg gave her a sly look, "Which is why I'll be sitting beside him."

"Or Sora can and they'll balance each other out."

Now that was a plan Kairi could get behind.

Persephone walked away from Athena and smiled without grinding her teeth. Hermes fluttered beside her, tipping his colorful little glasses upward and sighing. The patron goddess of Athens was not only aware of the situation, she was allowing it to happen, and Persephone's concern was both overdue and redundant.

Okay, so intellect wasn't a focus of her divine aspect. It did not mean she was stupid. It did not mean Athena had justification in using tones more appropriate for a newborn and with a speed to match. Pedantic immortal harpy.

"Don't look now, babe, but your hair is on fire."

She glared at Hermes, then took a deep breath, chuckled. Her crown grew shorter as she calmed.

"You want I should drop the Lapiths a message?"

"Please," she said gratefully. Persephone leaned forward. She and Hermes gave one another air-kisses, both cheeks, then Hermes spun and zipped off.

An arm draped over her shoulders. Persephone smelled wine and sighed.

"You're indirectly responsible, you know."

Dionysus grinned. Persephone didn't look at him, but she could hear it in his voice.

"Why, whatever do you mean, sister-dear?" he leaned on her a little too heavily, but Seph could handle him, and did.

"I'm very insulted," she said, tilting her head up and pouting at him. "I'm insulted," Persephone said again, "and so is my husband."

She was bluffing, and he knew it... but the god of wine, ecstasy, and madness was rather fond of her. Dionysus sighed deeply, plucked a cluster of grapes from his hat and offered them to her.

"Why not just blame father for this? It's more satisfying."

She took the fruit and considered that, humming, still frowning. Dionysus bumped hips with her and began walking, pulling Persephone along.

"Do you know what I'm going to do, as a personal favor, so my pretty sister won't stay angry with me?" he cajoled.

Back in Thebes, four mortals, one demi-god and one satyr settled in with a pitcher of wine. They stayed up half the night, drank until they passed out, and never found the bottom.

Six months later, give or take a few days, Persephone led Hercules into the 'special' dining room.

"I didn't have to try very hard to convince him," she murmured. All things considered, Hades was one of the less vindictive gods. He went after people in his way, and people who made him angry. Pirithous, being the one who actually had the balls to try and claim Persephone, was the one Hades wouldn't set loose. Theseus had been extra entertainment.

"Jerkules!"

Hercules felt a little sick. He was carrying the Olympus stone, so it wasn't caused by the Underworld. Hades' glee and the sight of the two men at the table were more than enough. Emaciated, slack-jawed and their hair overgrown, they looked nothing like Heroes... but they were alive.

"I saw the new faces hot off Charon's ferry," Hades gloated. He bounced in his chair, continued in a sing-song. "His dear mummy kidnapped? Hostile takeover? Spartan infestation? This was a vacation! I think Theseus the Minotaur Layer owes me money!"

Hercules winced, looked at Persephone. No help there. She had a hand over her mouth and was coughing to hide the laughter. He knelt beside Theseus' chair and pulled at the cords. They were tight, but motionless, and little resistance to his strength.

"The best part is," Hades grinned, looping an arm around Persephone's waist and pulling her into his lap, "he's leaving his buddy behind."

Persephone met Hercules' glare, a slight wince around her eyes. "At least Pandora closed the box?” she offered, shrugging.

"Yeah," Hades chortled, "I don't think hope's gonna work for this one. You have a safe trip there, Hercster!"

Unnerved by a jovial Hades, Hercules picked up Theseus, waved a hand in salute to Persephone, and left the two deities to do... whatever they did when no one else was around.

The once-King of the Lapiths sat in his chair, restrained and lacking all but the barest signs of life.

The next time you visit the Underworld, ask about the residents who aren't dead.

He’s probably still there.

(Fin~)