misura
in
springkink
Sex, Tea and Me [See Note] (HHGG, Arthur/Ford, PG-13)
Title: Sex, Tea and Me [a]
Author: misura
Rating: PG-13 for much talking and thinking about tea
Warnings: none, really.
Summary: Everything's the fault of tea!
A/N: A somewhat liberal interpretation of the prompt. Ahem.
[a] Well, two out of those three. Or possibly one.
"Did you," queried Arthur, with a good deal of what he felt to be justified indignation and a spoonful of put-upon-ness, "tell Zaphod tea was some sort of drugs?"
"Certainly not!" Ford seemed shocked at the suggestion - and even, unless Arthur was mistaken (which he very well might be, given that only yesterday he'd mistaken Ford's expression of concern as to his getting enough sleep for an invitation to - well, not sleep) a little hurt.
"Oh." Arthur frowned. Although he disliked to admit it, part of him had been looking forward (just a bit, he hastened to reassure himself) to getting to tell Ford he was wrong. Because, really, it didn't seem quite fair, the way Ford seemed to know so much more about life, the universe and everything than he did, and (worse, in Arthur's opinion) insisted on going about pointing this out to Arthur at any given opportunity, except for those times when Zaphod beat him to the punch.
"Did you?"
Arthur blinked. "Of course not!" To be sure, he'd played a few practical jokes in his time (well, he'd considered playing them, anyway, on people who, on second thought, had quite a few things in common with Zaphod, except that none of them had had two heads ... or flown a spaceship, as far as he knew). The notion of joking about tea was just ... ridiculous, though. It simply wasn't done.
Besides, since the destruction of the Earth, Arthur hadn't had any and he quietly despaired of drinking tea ever again. [1]
"Why would I tell Zaphod tea was some sort of drugs when it's not?" Arthur asked.
"Well, why'd you think I would?" Ford replied, entirely too reasonably.
"I don't know?"
"There you go then." Ford looked relieved. "No reason at all."
"Lots of people say things for no reason at all," Arthur felt obliged to point out. Besides, it wasn't as if he had anything better to do than talk to Ford right now.
"I don't." Ford appeared slightly insulted at the suggestion. "Do you?"
"No!" Arthur denied vehemently - mostly because his instincts told him it was the right thing to do. "It was just something that Zaphod said. About how you were only sleeping with me because of tea or something silly like that. Completely ridiculous."
"Absolutely."
"I mean, tea's just tea. Not like it's some sort of ... thing that makes people do crazy things."
"Like have sex with someone like you." Ford chuckled.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well," said Ford. "I mean, it's not exactly the first thing people think of when they meet you, is it?"
"Er."
"The first time I met you, I thought you were a - well, I didn't think you were someone I'd ever want to have sex with." Ford chuckled again. Arthur found the sound irritated him, rather.
"You didn't," he said in a flat tone.
"Not at all," Ford confirmed cheerfully. "But, you know, once I'd sat down with a nice cup of tea, I just realized you actually weren't that bad. By comparison."
Arthur was surprised to find the foremost emotion he experienced at Ford's revelation was something akin to panic. After all if it was, indeed, tea that was reponsible for his and Ford's ... friendship (from Ford's side, obviously; Arthur'd been drinking tea for years and never been the worse for it - or better or well, experienced anything a normal person wouldn't expect to experience after drinking a nice cuppa), then it followed that sooner or later, the effect would wear off, at which point he, Arthur, would find himself stuck on a spaceship with a depressed robot, a maniac, a girl and a person who might have an almost but not entirely justified dislike of him.
"Oh, this is just typical." Of course, Arthur'd always known the universe wasn't fair. However, he'd assumed it wasn't fair to anyone. Whenever it seemed like other people had all the luck he didn't have, Arthur'd told himself it only seemed that way. (In a sense, he supposed, that still went - he hadn't been on Earth when it had been demolished and yet, sometimes, he wondered if that, too, hadn't been one of those incredibly unlucky things that never happened to other people.)
There was a difference between life not being fair and life following you around with a hockeystick, a puddle of water and whatever caused those mysterious stains that would appear on your favorite shirt and prove utterly impossible to remove.
"It is?"
Arthur looked at Ford. His first thought upon seeing Ford hadn't been about sex, either. In fact, he wasn't quite sure when he'd started to use 'Ford' and 'sex' in the same sentence. He supposed it might easily have been after a cup of tea, now that he really tried to remember.
In which case everything might yet end as well as might be expected. [2]
~the end~
[1] He'd tried to console himself with the thought that there were things he was getting now that he hadn't gotten back when he'd still had tea, such as really pretty amazing sex, but it didn't quite work, possibly because he only had Ford's word for the sex being really pretty amazing. Possibly, also, it was the number of people and/or creatures who'd tried to kill him - that, Arthur certainly felt to be really pretty amazing, and entirely Ford's fault, too. Well, mostly.
[2] In other words: not very.
Author: misura
Rating: PG-13 for much talking and thinking about tea
Warnings: none, really.
Summary: Everything's the fault of tea!
A/N: A somewhat liberal interpretation of the prompt. Ahem.
[a] Well, two out of those three. Or possibly one.
"Did you," queried Arthur, with a good deal of what he felt to be justified indignation and a spoonful of put-upon-ness, "tell Zaphod tea was some sort of drugs?"
"Certainly not!" Ford seemed shocked at the suggestion - and even, unless Arthur was mistaken (which he very well might be, given that only yesterday he'd mistaken Ford's expression of concern as to his getting enough sleep for an invitation to - well, not sleep) a little hurt.
"Oh." Arthur frowned. Although he disliked to admit it, part of him had been looking forward (just a bit, he hastened to reassure himself) to getting to tell Ford he was wrong. Because, really, it didn't seem quite fair, the way Ford seemed to know so much more about life, the universe and everything than he did, and (worse, in Arthur's opinion) insisted on going about pointing this out to Arthur at any given opportunity, except for those times when Zaphod beat him to the punch.
"Did you?"
Arthur blinked. "Of course not!" To be sure, he'd played a few practical jokes in his time (well, he'd considered playing them, anyway, on people who, on second thought, had quite a few things in common with Zaphod, except that none of them had had two heads ... or flown a spaceship, as far as he knew). The notion of joking about tea was just ... ridiculous, though. It simply wasn't done.
Besides, since the destruction of the Earth, Arthur hadn't had any and he quietly despaired of drinking tea ever again. [1]
"Why would I tell Zaphod tea was some sort of drugs when it's not?" Arthur asked.
"Well, why'd you think I would?" Ford replied, entirely too reasonably.
"I don't know?"
"There you go then." Ford looked relieved. "No reason at all."
"Lots of people say things for no reason at all," Arthur felt obliged to point out. Besides, it wasn't as if he had anything better to do than talk to Ford right now.
"I don't." Ford appeared slightly insulted at the suggestion. "Do you?"
"No!" Arthur denied vehemently - mostly because his instincts told him it was the right thing to do. "It was just something that Zaphod said. About how you were only sleeping with me because of tea or something silly like that. Completely ridiculous."
"Absolutely."
"I mean, tea's just tea. Not like it's some sort of ... thing that makes people do crazy things."
"Like have sex with someone like you." Ford chuckled.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well," said Ford. "I mean, it's not exactly the first thing people think of when they meet you, is it?"
"Er."
"The first time I met you, I thought you were a - well, I didn't think you were someone I'd ever want to have sex with." Ford chuckled again. Arthur found the sound irritated him, rather.
"You didn't," he said in a flat tone.
"Not at all," Ford confirmed cheerfully. "But, you know, once I'd sat down with a nice cup of tea, I just realized you actually weren't that bad. By comparison."
Arthur was surprised to find the foremost emotion he experienced at Ford's revelation was something akin to panic. After all if it was, indeed, tea that was reponsible for his and Ford's ... friendship (from Ford's side, obviously; Arthur'd been drinking tea for years and never been the worse for it - or better or well, experienced anything a normal person wouldn't expect to experience after drinking a nice cuppa), then it followed that sooner or later, the effect would wear off, at which point he, Arthur, would find himself stuck on a spaceship with a depressed robot, a maniac, a girl and a person who might have an almost but not entirely justified dislike of him.
"Oh, this is just typical." Of course, Arthur'd always known the universe wasn't fair. However, he'd assumed it wasn't fair to anyone. Whenever it seemed like other people had all the luck he didn't have, Arthur'd told himself it only seemed that way. (In a sense, he supposed, that still went - he hadn't been on Earth when it had been demolished and yet, sometimes, he wondered if that, too, hadn't been one of those incredibly unlucky things that never happened to other people.)
There was a difference between life not being fair and life following you around with a hockeystick, a puddle of water and whatever caused those mysterious stains that would appear on your favorite shirt and prove utterly impossible to remove.
"It is?"
Arthur looked at Ford. His first thought upon seeing Ford hadn't been about sex, either. In fact, he wasn't quite sure when he'd started to use 'Ford' and 'sex' in the same sentence. He supposed it might easily have been after a cup of tea, now that he really tried to remember.
In which case everything might yet end as well as might be expected. [2]
~the end~
[1] He'd tried to console himself with the thought that there were things he was getting now that he hadn't gotten back when he'd still had tea, such as really pretty amazing sex, but it didn't quite work, possibly because he only had Ford's word for the sex being really pretty amazing. Possibly, also, it was the number of people and/or creatures who'd tried to kill him - that, Arthur certainly felt to be really pretty amazing, and entirely Ford's fault, too. Well, mostly.
[2] In other words: not very.