Embers (part two) [Kingdom Hearts, Axel/Roxas/Naminé, R]

[syvia]

Title: Embers (Part Two)
Author/Artist: syvia
Rating: R
Warnings: Adult language, situations
Word Count: 20,000 + (and counting)
Summary: Axel’s story, in his own words. The Elders set Marluxia up long before the Organization moved into Castle Oblivion.
Prompt: - Kingdom Hearts, Axel/Roxas/Naminé: Warmth/companionship - "Whenever I'm with them, I feel like I have my heart back."
Author's Notes: I luff my betas, osmandias and crimsoncookie. Hope you enjoy!

Part One


There. Roxas. Happy now?

He made waves as soon as he got in. We got back to the Castle, dropped right into 'Where Nothing Gathers' and Xemnas had already manipulated the room into fixing him a seat. Everyone was present, sitting and smirking. Disconcerting as hell even without a heart because one, all the seats are at least six feet above your head. Two, your average Nobody's smile- however friendly we're trying to make it- is 'Hi, how are ya,' with a side order of 'We're gonna fuck you up.'

Lucky, or maybe not, for Roxas- he didn't catch on. Or maybe he thought it was normal, since I was doing it too. Xemnas gave the usual invitation- kid was already wearing our coat, but he's anal like that- and Roxas accepted.

They waited all of five minutes before having him face off, there in front of everyone, with Xigbar.

I'd told a Dusk to drop Roxas' bags off in his room but I sat and watched and had a mental image of Roxas facing off with Number II, guns versus struggle bat. Probably a good thing he didn't- Larxene would have been telling dildo jokes for days.

She told jokes about the Keyblade and they weren't much better.

They started fighting, Xigbar was going easy on the kid but it changed- quickly. Roxas pulled the Keyblade a hell of a lot faster than I'd gotten my weapons and gave Xigbar a run for his munny. He'd been good with the bat- he was hell on wheels with the Keyblade. Whatever he'd forgotten, he remembered this and I figured that was the answer to my question.

The Keyblade was what kept him going without memories. He didn't have a past, but he had that and if there were Heartless to be killed, a Keyblade had to do it- even if the heart went bye-bye. Still, how had he kept it? It wasn't like the King had snuffed it and taken his Keyblade out of the running. Didn't explain why he had it and no heart to put it in, but I'm not the scientist in this group. I'm not even one of them.

Things were looking up. New recruit who could kick ass, move things along, stir up trouble, maybe.

But since I didn't really give a shit, the next day I was back in the normal routine. Get up, eat, get a mission or not, find something else to do or not, eat again, interact with anyone who crosses your path, eat again, get some sleep. Using Roxas to cause new and interesting events in the Castle was there and gone again. If the kid showed up, I would have seen what kind of reaction I could get.

He didn't, and I had my rut, which was comfortable as any other rut a Nobody can get into. You deal with the unusual shit that comes your way and go back to what you normally do.

Until something happens to drag you back out.

I was doing research for a mission by reading the local paper of some world I never did end up burning down. Someone had passed through it and seen what they thought might be the Earful King- or a clone of him, or something.

The Toontown Tribyoune is apparently funny as hell. I didn't get anything out of it but explosions and farting noises. Weird for a newspaper, but there's a fuckton of other worlds that have weirder.

"They're calling it Castle Oblivion," Xigbar said, directly above me.

"Who's calling what?" I asked, but I kept reading an ad about the ACME 10,000 and trying to figure out why the hell anybody would want to buy one.

"That castle you found with the girl surprise," he said it the way an adult talks about their kid's cereal box toy. I snorted. Xigbar kept talking, "We're calling her Naminé."

"Wow," I said, "the Superior can come up with names that don't have an 'x' in them." Sounded like the girl wouldn't get a coat. I thought about it for a second and kept reading the paper.

Not that I was ignoring Xigbar. Sometimes he'll get in your face, talk until you have no idea what point he's trying to make, then ask you why the hell you're not doing your job. He's that kind of asshole.

"He's just that creative," Xigbar agreed. Then he stole my reading material. I looked up- and how the fuck a man with one eye can glare better than someone who has both, I don't know. If asked, Xigbar would smirk and say he's 'just that much of a badass'. The glare-and-pleasant-smile combo was bad news. "So, Roxas talked back to me today."

More bad news. See, Xigbar's one of the more easy-going Elders. But. He's still second-in-command. However the hell he wound up there isn't relevant. He stayed there... probably because Xemnas is anal like that. Either way, Xigbar is fucking dangerous when he wants to be.

So the important questions at that point were; 'Did he want to rip the responsible party a new asshole?' and 'Can I blame this on someone else?'

But I grinned. Xigbar's one of the Elders who can dish it out and take it, and as far as I knew, he didn't have any reason to blame me for this. "Fast learner," I said. "Did you smack him around for it?"

Xigbar smirked and reintroduced himself to gravity- walking on air so his head stayed where it was and the rest of his body tilted till his feet touched the ground. He sat down next to me.

The reintroduction thing isn't really true though. Gravity and him know each other well. They're best buddies. Get along great. No matter how hard you fight, it's impossible to drop Xigbar on his ass.

"Nah. It was funny. I gotta wonder about the one comment though."

"Hmm?"

"He told me I could 'sort my own damn candy'."

"Kids these days," I murmured.

"He's got your glare," Xigbar was smirking.

"They grow up so fast," and I fake-sniffed, wiped a tear from my eye.

He shoved the paper at me. It squeaked. "Are you planning to teach him to kiss ass too?"

"Xigbar you pervert," I drawled. "I'm not that easy."

"Hah. But you knew what I wasn't talking about, also-perv. We're setting up a sting, Ax," he said abruptly. "You in?" he shoved out of the couch and turned around, suddenly glaring again. I smelled flowers, but Marluxia wasn't important at the moment. "You do that shit again and you're going up in front of Xemnas for it."

The change was quick, but I'm not an idiot, and I'm good at improv.

"We want that kid to be obedient," he talked at me like I was five, and Larxene wandered in behind Marluxia, both of them moving silently across the room, watching. I paid attention but I didn't look at them, Xigbar was still talking. "There's all kinds of shit he doesn't need to know, and you don't get to tell him. You think you can handle that, Number VIII?"

"Well fuck me very much for not getting the memo," I drawled. "I act as babysitter while the rest of the Organization gets clued in and you figure I-"

"I figure you can think with your big head, flame-boy," Xigbar smirked, all kinds of insulting. "If you like babysitting so much, you can go visit Oblivion and keep the girl company for the next four hours."

"What the hell did-"

"Keep talking, Axel."

"Xigbar-"

"I hear eight-"

"That's my number, don't wear it-"

"Twelve hours. Sold to the asshole with the tattoos. Get your ass over there."

I made some kind of noise and called a portal out. I took my time in heading through Darkness to the castle. A sting operation, huh? Three guesses who they were trying to catch, but I hadn't realized he was stupid enough to let on that the Elders had reason to worry. Maybe someone had tattled about his prodding. Or- the Elders were smarter than Marluxia gave them credit for. I still don't know which one, but that's when it started.

Probably the last. Xemnas does the Space Case act convincingly because it's not an act. The mistake thinking he's absorbed in Kingdom Hearts to the exclusion of every other damn thing around him.

It's a big mistake.

I look back now and realize I hadn't fooled him either. Settling in- acting like I was there and loyal right from the get-go. They never bought it. The Elders- at least three of them, anyway- knew I was watching for an out. What I didn't realize was how easy it was for them to keep me from getting one until I'd gotten used to the Organization.

That's how they keep you. Oh yeah, they can threaten and that helps, but a slow mindfuck is better for long-term results. Repeating 'You don't have a heart- and you don't have a heart- and did we mention you don't have a heart?' until you believe it just enough that you can't give much of a shit about anything. You want your heart back, sure, you'll go on missions to keep the cause alive, no problem. But mostly you're in your rut, and you're existing, and you sit in the back seat of the car like a good little boy while the Elders drive. You figure they'll get to the amusement park eventually, like they promised, and when you say 'are we there yet?' every few months they pat you on the head and say 'soon'. Like a good little moron, you believe them.

They help you into your rut and trust you'll follow orders like the obedient flunky you are. That frees them up to pay attention to the new flunky and wear him down.

They barely had time to get Demyx to a place where he had a rut- whining that he had a heart was part of it- when Luxord showed up. Luxord actually did seem to be on board from the beginning, but then came Marluxia, and then came Larxene, and then Roxas and Naminé, and the Elders just didn't have time to give the slow and gentle mindfuck I got, and Saïx and Demyx got.

Problem with hard and dirty is that not everyone survives it.

I didn't bother with stairs this time- dropped into the room at the top of the castle and looked around.

She looked only slightly less doll-like when she was awake.

"Hey," I saluted her and noticed I was still holding the newspaper.

She blinked, eyes still wide, just as stone-faced as Roxas had been the first day. Was this a trend? Would the next human-looking Nobody we found be just as cute and blank?

"I thought-" her voice just kept the metaphor going- soft and sweet and blank. "I thought I was alone."

Okay.

"You were," I said. "Now I'm here. And you're not."

She got up from the little chair she'd been sitting on- and it was the only piece of furniture in the room. More importantly, it hadn't been there the first time I visited. She walked over to me and looked even smaller by comparison. When she reached up to my face, she just barely touched my chin and hey- she was more responsive than Roxas.

I moved back for a little room, bent down and crouched on the floor, putting her head higher than mine. Her fingers brushed my cheeks, forehead, down over my eyelids so it was either close my eyes or get them poked. She touched my face all over with both hands.

Babies. They were both babies that could walk and talk and think- but they didn't know anything. Nobody instincts? I'd been 'born' with all of my memories- Lea but slightly fucked up. Roxas had no past. Naminé's behavior said neither did she.

"What are they for?" She put her index finger just below one eye, then the other.

Thirty minutes of those two hours (yes, two) I spent wandering around a department store while I should have been running for my life with all the other heart-bearing crazies during my world's apocalypse were spent staring in a mirror.

Staring in a mirror and thinking 'Hey, that's different.'

The question showed she could think, at least- what are they for, like I'd done it on purpose and had a reason for it.

I didn't- I'd woken up and my hair was dry and crunchy as fuck, I had marks under my eyes that didn't rub off and significantly less body fat (and muscle tone- which fucking sucked during some of the fights I've gotten into). They were just there. Like the rest of me. Part of the existence-that-was-Axel. But I said-

"You tell me, kid."

She didn't tell me, she just kept exploring, and I let her.

I wound up sitting on the floor with my back against the legs of her chair. I read the newspaper while Naminé combed my hair like a primate for bugs. Her touch was light enough that I didn't feel her fingertips- only the way they shifted my hair around.

For all that I say they were like babies, it's a good thing the metaphor didn't go that far. I can deal with kids, but I draw the line at diapers. If you have to pause a war because one of your fighters needs his nappy changed, there's something seriously wrong.

I didn't bother paying attention to the time. Naminé showed no signs of getting bored with my hair and I was still trying to get info from the newspaper- which tended to play hide-and-seek with those end pieces of headline stories the editors shove in the back for more room. I tried to finish a column, it ran from me. Maybe I should be glad I never went back to ToonTown.

Eventually someone was going to show up and take over, or give me orders to move on. The Elders wouldn't leave the girl alone long if they wanted her continued existence- someone had to remind her she was here. I figured they were invested in that because if you weren't going to try and keep a Nobody around, you didn't bother to name it. The little random Dusks, my Assassins, these, those and the other ones, weren't important enough. Sure, they had categories, they used those as names 'What are you?' 'Dusk.' etcetera, but if one forgot itself and faded, there were a thousand others to pick up the slack.

So she wasn't gonna get a coat, but the Elders wanted her around. Any Nobody strong enough to look like a normal human was worth at least a little research.

A portal opened in the center of the room, out came Xigbar. He looked at us, smirked.

"You want some ribbons for that hair, kid? It's totally doable."

I checked Naminé's face. She looked like she was considering it.

"Extra punishment, Xig?" I drawled.

"Yeah, let's talk about that." He flapped his hand at me, then the door.

I got up and Naminé grabbed my hand- I could have gotten away, but the grip stopped me. That she did it, and she was stronger than she looked.

"Will you come back?" Her face was still blank but there was something in her voice- a little fear maybe. I wondered where she'd learned that.

"We'll be right outside the door, kid," and it sounded like Xigbar was trying to be comforting. That was rare.

"Here." I gave her the newspaper. "Keep yourself busy."

She took it slowly, like it wasn't adequate compensation, and didn't let go of me.

"Look, if anything happens while we're gone- Heartless, meteor shower, random and inexplicable craziness, just call me."

"How?"

"Names work." No clue why I hadn't given it to her before then- but I hadn't. "Yours is Naminé, mine's Axel," I drawled, smirked.

She blinked at me and I realized she hadn't known that a moment ago. I looked at Xigbar.

"What, were you keeping it a secret?"

He smirked. I scratched my head and shrugged with one arm. "Fine. Get that memorized, Naminé. I'll be back." I messed up the kid's hair a little and she finally unclenched, watched us leave.

Xigbar shut the door and we stood beside it.

"You were keeping it a secret?"

"Vexen thought she might remember her own name if we didn't give her another one first."

"There goes that plan." We both smirked. "So what's the deal?"

"Had to get you out of the castle, flamer. You did fine with the kid yesterday, but you were right- you didn't get the memo with everyone else."

"What about Marluxia?"

Xigbar's grin got wider. "He's getting a little too big for his jockey shorts. Xemnas wants someone in place to knock him down if he starts getting Ideas and you're elected."

"Oh gee," I drawled, "thanks."

"You know you love being important. Anyway, blame pansy-boy. He's been making eyes at you since he got here."

"Yeah, I noticed that. I thought he wanted payback for his weapons-training hell." Why not? I had. Never did get it.

"Whatever. Point is, he's interested. If you look like you're on the outs with us, he'll be even more interested." Xigbar exaggerated the innocent look on his face. "For some reason, he doesn't seem to like us Elders."

"You're all just so trustworthy," I said. "So I'm gonna start getting into trouble?"

"Like you didn't before?" Xigbar spun a finger in the air. "The kid's a good cover. You'll go on missions with 'im, he'll get back and have more personality, one of us will bitch you out in front of the neophytes for encouraging Roxas to have a brain. Punishment will probably be double shifts or hanging out here to keep Naminé and Oblivion on the map."

I shrugged. This was one of the easier missions I'd gotten, and it wasn't like I'd never kept tabs on the newer Nobodies before. I had a bunch of missions with Demyx before they decided he wasn't worth sending out- manipulative little slacker- and I got more solo operations.

"Do you want the kid to have a brain?" I asked. I could do that, or I could keep him ignorant. I didn't and couldn't give a shit, but either they were going to give specific instructions, or I'd do whatever the hell I chose to do. Just like the first day- what would guarantee Roxas mixed things up in the Organization, and kept mixing.

Xigbar grunted. "We might want to send him out by himself at some point. He shouldn't take anybody's shit, but if he mouths off to us, he's gonna get slapped down for it."

Same as anyone else. "Fine," I said.

Then Xigbar gave me the memo. Roxas was Sora's Nobody- I'd figured that out by myself. The kid had died- but he hadn't stayed that way. So Roxas had a heart that walked and talked and kept the Keyblade running. Sora had a heart, Roxas could reach into it and pull the Keyblade out. Xemnas didn't want the two of them to meet, he didn't want Roxas to know his heart was out and wandering somewhere, and he didn't want any moral issues to pop up if Roxas found out just who he'd been- who he was supposed to be.

Well that was fine. The kid was a blank slate. We could write whatever the hell we wanted, and as long as we were paying attention, it wouldn't be hard to keep them separated. There were lots of worlds out there and ours was Nobodies Only. If, by some chance, we did drop in on Sora, we could get out again quick.

"Great. So what's her deal?" I asked, tilting my head at Naminé's room.

"You know those chicks Xemnas' darker half was picking up?"

"The Princesses of Heart, yeah-"

Xigbar shrugged. "They don't make Heartless, and they don't make Nobodies. No Darkness in them."

"Okay. Weird, but okay." I had paid attention during meetings, but what did we care about that Ansem guy other than cheering him on while he made more Heartless?

"But," Xigbar stuck a thumb at the door, "say you expose that kind of Heart to a little Darkness. It's in a body, even if it's not it's own body, so that doesn't matter much. Then, hypothetically, say that body carrying it around gets exposed to a little Heartless and makes a little Heartless of his own."

"Hypothetically, what was a body doing walking around with two hearts?"

Xigbar can spout off sciency gibberish with the best of the pencil-necks. He did. Yes, I do remember it, and no, I'm not going to bother repeating it. Xigbar is that kind of asshole too.

"So what-" I broke in eventually, "she's like some mutation of a Princess' heart and a Keyblade Master's Darkness?"

His grin was so damn close to glee it should have been frightening. "We're not supposed to exist, but she's really not supposed to exist. Freaky, huh? The name Xemnas picked- it means 'waves'. Sora- wind, Kairi- water, so-"

"Wind over water makes waves, yeah yeah, cute."

Maybe all the 'clever' names really are Xemnas' fault. These are the things I think about. That, and ways to make existence more interesting for- mostly me, but if I get more of us involved, hey, better for everyone, right? So if the hearts that had spawned the kiddies were familiar- and nothing says familiar like 'I rode around in your body, nice set of veins you got there'- "Whaddaya think might happen if Roxas and Naminé got together?"

Xigbar shrugged, reached for the doorknob. "I'll run the idea by the boss man, maybe we'll find out."

We walked in on Naminé facing the wall- my newspaper in one hand, a pencil in the other. She was not only facing the wall, she was drawing on it. Bigger than her head and with every detail in the ad- a picture of the ACME 10,000.

Xigbar looked at me. I shrugged.

"I told her to keep herself busy."

But I had no fucking clue where she'd gotten the pencil.

Let's have a conversation about pain.

You hit your head on a low-hanging door frame, you feel pain. You trip and fall on your face, you feel pain. You stick your hand in a fire, you feel pain. I don't, but you do. You get hit in the chest with a fucking claymore, you feel pain.

Pain is what your body uses to tell you you're a fucking moron who's in danger and needs to get out of the situation you're in before you die. It's your signal that something is Not Good and you ignore it at your own risk. Your average animal runs the fuck away as soon as it feels pain. So does your average human. Your average Nobody feels pain the same as any of them but sometimes we stick around because it's another affirmation that we are, in fact, around.

Sometimes we don't stick around for our own pain, but causing someone else's is just fine with us.

The name 'Nobodies' is misleading as hell. I've never gotten a good explanation for that being the name of our... 'race', but you get bored enough, you start to think about it. Obviously we have bodies. I sleep on a bed, eat, get dirty. If I poke you, you'll feel it, if you poke me, I'll feel it. But we don't exactly bleed and I'm told (don't know for sure, don't care enough to find out) that we don't have internal organs.

Maybe because we're not our own people- technically. You'll get some argument about this depending on who you talk to. Some of the Organization says we're something totally different from the Somebodies we were. Some of them says we're still them but different- we're all that's really left, because we still have minds and your brain is what makes 'you' in the first place.

Either one you pick, our 'somebody' died, and we're not really alive, so we're 'Nobody'. Physically or psychologically (usually both) it's fucked up.

Anyway, bodies. Physical contact and pain- we've got that. Pain, pleasure, full stomachs, sleep, taking a shit, having sex, this, that the other thing, we respond to like humans. We don't need them for the same reason humans do, but that kind of thing, like everything else, is, say it with me- 'affirmation'. Acknowledgement and confirmation and the point I'm getting at here is instincts.

Some things look like emotion, but it's just the reaction that makes sense for the situation you're in. If you eat, you have to get rid of it later, and getting rid of physical discomfort is a good thing- looks like relief.

You get slapped in the face, it hurts, you pull away so it doesn't happen again. Actually no- most of us will attack you for that kind of shit, but that's a reaction too.

So reaction to physical pain, if Naminé had had a reason, wouldn't have surprised me. I could even explain away her grabbing me if the Elders hadn't sent anyone to talk to her. Left her alone, a Nobody's instinct is to freak out. Alone, you're liable to fade.

But there was that tone- better than Roxas' first attempts at communication. Naminé sounded more convincing- just a little bit scared. I hadn't given her that as an example, hadn't given her anything really, but something to look at, touch. Maybe instinct was working a little better for her, gave her the right vocal reaction with the physical. Maybe I was reading too much into it and she hadn't sounded afraid at all.

Whatever.

Xigbar took off.

My 'punishment' wasn't over and Naminé was occupied with the newspaper so I took a seat and watched her draw- copied all the pictures like a pro before getting bored with the newspaper and starting something else.

Kept the paper though, folded tight in her free hand.

What she started was me, from the hair and going down- detailed as a photo. I sat there and watched, eyebrows raised. She would look at me, then the picture, then me- and shake her head.

"What?" I asked.

"It isn't... right."

I don't pretend to know art, never really have. But as far as I could tell, she was drawing the same face I saw in the mirror.

"Why not?"

"It's..." she kept shaking her head, something that sounded like frustration crawling into her voice, raising it, "it doesn't-" she didn't know what she was trying to describe- or she knew it perfectly, but didn't have words that explained it.

"What's the difference between that and the other drawings?" I broke in on her muttering.

She froze, and stroked her fingers over them, looked at me. "You move."

The newspaper pictures didn't. You'd think they would, if the articles did, but no.

Then she reached for my hair- nearly poked me in the face with her pencil- and said, "I can't make this."

That's when I saw the tiny little symbol, right next to the metal ring holding the eraser on her pencil. The Nobody sigil- the shape you could find somewhere on nearly every damn thing we had- all of the Dusks, the backs of Luxord's cards, the outline of Demyx' sitar.

I smirked at her. "You sure about that?" I tugged the pencil away, held it up between us. "You wanted this, right?"

She nodded.

I shrugged. "So want something else."

To see if she could do it- and to see if my hunch was right.

So she looked at me, stared at the spikes and her hand closed, tight, like she could squeeze something out of the air. When she opened her hand there was a crayon in it. Bright red wax and little black Nobody symbols on the paper wrapped over it.

When Xaldin got there to relieve me there were green and yellow and skin-tone and silver and black (of course) all in her fist. She was using the black one, drawing thick lines up and down the wall. He looked at the wall, and looked at Naminé, then me.

"Where did they come from?"

Naminé looked at Xaldin and paused her drawing to make one the same color as his eyes.

I turned a page in the newspaper I'd reclaimed.

"Hammerspace."

I was getting into another rut.

I'd had solo missions for months- sometimes, but not often, having a partner. The Elders hatched their little plan and Roxas was there- every mission, nearly every day. We'd finish one, catch some shut-eye and an off-day, then start another.

Almost every time I had a mission with him- big or small- I'd get bitched at for teaching him things 'unbecoming to a young member of Organization XIII'.

I'd bitch back at the Elders and get sent to Castle Oblivion to sit with Naminé.

I spent most of my time with one kid or the other and it was fine- kept them going, kept me entertained. They were good at drawing attention, then keeping it.

I've said it before- babies, the pair of them. They had to look around, explore their worlds, mess around with things and see what they were capable of. Once they started doing that, they took off. A baby doesn't have the motor skills, mental capacity or experience of your average teenager. What they did have in common was that acceptance of everything going on around them. No thinking it's weird that Xigbar walks on the ceiling. No thinking that Vexen did too many experiments. No calling Saïx' smirk creepy. No comments on Marluxia's attention to his plant life. That was just 'the way they were'. The Organization was their bar for normality.

Yeah, they were better or worse off than the rest of us. I can't decide which.

They took their cues from us on what to be and how to act. Their personalities were a mish-mash of things they picked up. But it wasn't just that. The more they settled into their own personalities, the more it was obvious they had something under the surface.

Something was prodding them toward- c'mon, you know what I'm going to say, yeah? A rut.

Everyone does it.

You get into the habit of acting a certain way so you'll get the response you want. How you act is based on how they act and how you want them to act, action, reaction and all that shit you learned about during physics class during school.

Or didn't, whatever.

If the other person reacts the way you want them to, you stick with them, want more of what they've got- 'be friends'. Compatibility and all that nicey-nice type of shit.

That's all personality really is. You, interacting with your world in a way that lets you get what you want out of it.

I might have tainted the kids by being around them the most early on.

I sat around Naminé, did my thing, watched her do her thing.

During my 'punishment', I'd tell her about the other members of the Organization- some she'd met, some she hadn't. She'd draw pictures of them, or of other shit I described. If I couldn't describe it, I'd send a Dusk out for it.

I sat with her so much that she got used to that kind of thing- used that as default rut and applied it when the others came around. She drew, and she was quiet. If you talked to her, she'd listen, and if you asked her a question, she'd answer, but she kept drawing.

Anyone who let her do that was fine. If you didn't though, she'd clam up, stop moving, stop reacting, until you went away and she could do whatever the hell she wanted again.

Not that I saw it happening. I left an Assassin there to keep track of her, get her something to eat, chase off any Heartless she couldn't order away, report back to me if she was ignored so long she started to freak. I could drop some monotony to give her attention. Nothing validates you like being the center of someone else's world.

Remember that- you'll see it again.

I learned a lot of things from that Assassin. If I'd known you could get so much info just from leaving a Dusk somewhere lots of people were going to be focused on something else, I'd have done it a long time ago.

... When I think about it, those Sorcerers of Xemnas' are really hard to detect.

Fuck.

Anyway.

The Elders were either nicer or even bigger assholes while they were around her. Weird, but true, and mostly they avoided the kid. Vexen did his research, they all did, but then they let everyone else do the watching.

Luxord played games. Seemed like he was teaching her cards and making her draw things when she lost- which was most of the time. Demyx played music, she didn't bitch at him and that made her a better audience than just about everyone else. Larxene did a little taunting at first, got bored when Naminé didn't react to it. She scorched a few of the murals, but Naminé responded by making herself a sketchbook to match her crayons. Larxene gave up and started to bring a book. Sometimes she'd read them aloud. There are physical demonstrations, but Larxene saved them for those who were 1.) taller than her and 2.) interested in her tits.

That's one way to introduce someone to sexual perversion.

Marluxia tended towards another. I don't know whether his Other fucked children or whether he had a size kink, but I'd bet the former. A Nobody his age is still too close to his human habits to let go of them. Marluxia's behavior around Naminé suggested that he liked children in a way that was illegal on several worlds and his was probably one of them.

I walked on them one time- Marluxia sitting in the chair, Naminé standing between his legs. They were still dressed, but he was touching- hair, shoulder, face, hands, legs. Almost like he was making sure everything was there and not obviously flawed.

"Marluxia," I greeted, like he wasn't infringing on my shift. Naminé turned to look at me, I was new and interesting in the last five seconds and she came over to examine my glove, after she'd taken it off my hand. Marluxia did a little twitch- like he thought about keeping her close to him. Naminé crawled onto her bed with my glove and Marluxia unbent just a little, since he was between the two of us.

That might sound like possession, not perversion- but I've seen the type. The kind that knows what they're doing and knows it's wrong, because they don't have the balls to do it out in the open in front of other people. All of a sudden I remembered the pedo who coached my younger brothers' sports team. I knew damn well why I had to show up early to pick the brats up, and we waited until all the other brats had gotten picked up before we left.

"Axel," he said, like I wasn't interrupting something. "I have no prior engagements, if you would be interested in leaving me to watch Naminé in your stead."

I smirked, pulled off the other glove and tossed it to Naminé. "Yeah? What's that gonna cost me?" Like he was doing me a favor. Like the pedo coach offered me twenty munny to go and get the brats some ice cream because they'd worked so hard during practice.

"It is simply a token of my respect," Marluxia said. "You work so hard for our Organization- I am sure you would benefit from a few hours leisure."

Was that the going rate for a pimp these days?

"Nice offer," I drawled, "but Xigbar's been on my ass for every little thing lately. Not gonna risk that for a little shut-eye." I smirked while I said it- meaning Marluxia might actually get me to take off, but not today, and not with that pansy a compensation.

"Very well," he looked at Naminé- wearing my gloves and messing with the tips that stuck out longer than her fingers. He opened a portal and took off.

You don't give pedo-guy an opportunity. So that Dusk sticking around for me stayed there and kept watch. If Marluxia started getting amorous, I conveniently showed up- punished again, damn, stuck in Castle Oblivion again- those fucking Elders.

Best damn plan ever.

Naminé being a research subject meant she never left Oblivion. If Marluxia wanted to see her he had to go there, then stay there. His kink meant he had to be alone with her, which never happened because of me- but I blamed on the Elders. Marluxia blames his ongoing state of blue balls on the Elders, is just thrilled to commiserate with me griping about them, and since we have a mutual gripe, Marluxia has more reason to think I might help his cause.

My rut, ladies and gentlemen. Never a dull moment. And on the other side of it; missions with Roxas. Well, watching Roxas raise hell on a mission.

His missions were pretty much clean-up on worlds so far into Falling that not even a crane could pick them back up. You find the best concentration of Heartless on a world that's near-death. We went in and Roxas killed as many Heartless as he could (a megafuckton of them) before the world finally got swallowed by Darkness.

Typical mission for Organization XIII is recon, tipping, or clean-up.

Recon, you go in, you take a look around. Talk to people. Show a little interest in the biggest talkers and let them babble. Identify the big sources of Light and Darkness and figure out where more Darkness can get in to fuck up the balance.

Tipping, you do that. You to cozy up to the important hearts- or you piss them off- or you fuck their wives, whatever makes them think more Darkness is a good idea. Their hearts tip, they set off some apocalypse, the world goes to hell in a shiny Darkness-covered hand basket.

Clean-up is clean-up. The world's Falling, most of the population are Heartless, but there are still enough hearts to keep 'em interested. Whatever hearts are still around panic, and the Heartless stay even with slim pickings.

Power is all about knowing what other people want and controlling whether or not they get it, kids. Remember that- it'll be useful.

Sometimes those missions would last for days, and Roxas didn't half-kill anything. Someone had to stick with him to do maintenance- to remind him to do maintenance. You'd have thought the kid didn't need to eat or sleep. He was cute little blond death on wheels and even with memories, I doubt he had a good sense of self-preservation.

It's pretty obvious Sora didn't.

Once every now and then you'd get one of the weird missions- 'find this source of power', 'talk to this old chick who knows about hearts'. But the clean-up stage is the Organization's ultimate goal, and it always has been.

Before we got Roxas, it was all about making more Heartless so someone would have to come along and kill them. There've always been Heartless- and there's always been some idiot with a Keyblade who has to take care of them. The more Heartless made- the more Heartless are made- the more the Keyblade bearer has to get his ass up out of his comfy chair and do something about it.

Now Organization XIII owned 'the idiot'- or one of them, anyway- and we could send him straight into the Heartless hot-spots. No worry that he might try and bring the world back to Light, no trying to get the survivors out. He didn't give a shit about them- he just did the mission and went home. I tagged along.

In a way- if I gave a shit- I could have resented my status as babysitter. I sat with Naminé to make sure she didn't disappear. I followed Roxas around to make sure no Heartless got in a lucky hit (because it's not like you can tell them to stand there and die. Without hearts we're not worth munching on but you attack them, they'll defend themselves).

I used to work my own missions. All three stages- no help- my party, my fights, my judgment calls. I found the townspeople with loose lips and warmed up to them. I got the attention of the higher-ups and coaxed them into Darkness. I started the fires, fanned them, and watched them consume worlds.

Now I babysat little Nobodies and wormed my way into the confidence of the uppity ones.

Still.

If I could have given a shit, I wouldn't have. It was a change of pace- the kids were interesting- and I could still remember that pissed-off look my co-workers wore the moment they realized I'd fucked them over.

I could just imagine it on Marluxia's face.

I couldn't feel, but I still knew fun when I plotted it.

Back to what I was saying earlier- tainting the kids. I worked with them, they acted, I re-acted.

Naminé's personality fell into 'quiet artsy type'. Roxas found his way into 'quiet angry type'. Maybe I can blame ski-cap kid for that. Roxas was sent out to fight, you were supposed to look pissed off when you fought (according to the Twilight Town brat). If he wasn't fighting you (and looking pissed), he was quiet, and he still hadn't broken out of that blankface habit.

Wasn't afraid of asking questions, though. I'm gonna say no one else ever answered him since he always had a hell of a lot to talk about during missions and he'd clam up once we got back to Never Was. Probably, he was saving the questions for me. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Hah. I answered enough to give him new behavior material, not enough to fill him in on the shit the Elders didn't want him to know. Gotta leave 'em wanting more.

"They keep following me."

We were standing on a rooftop in some world or other, waiting for the fun to start. Zexion had been working the place for a few days and he expected a quick Fall once things got going. Not that Roxas knew that. 'Have Keyblade, will travel' yadda yadda, he was still obedient enough to keep Xemnas happy... relatively speaking. When the Superior pointed out a world, Roxas went. Back then, he never questioned orders.

I turned and he was looking at me, waiting.

"Who 'they'?"

Roxas turned his head, stared at nothing and snapped his fingers down by his hip. I blinked, whistled. New Dusk. Overall darker grey than your average Dusk- the limbs belled out at the knees and elbows. It wore a bucket-like helmet and two swords strapped to its back. I would have been impressed if I could. It took me months to attract the first Assassins. Roxas had been around less than two weeks.

"Nice," I said. "What do you call them?"

Roxas blinked at me.

"Yeah," I shook my head. We still had work to do. I had to wonder about the reports of insubordination. Xigbar hadn't made up the candy thing- I confirmed it with Roxas later, congratulated him. The Elders might have been lying about some of Roxas' behavior but it wasn't like I could ask them about it. I couldn't compare stories with Roxas because the kid wasn't stupid, but he wasn't on board enough that I thought he could fake out Marluxia. Still- I was interested. How did Roxas act with the rest of the Organization? Which reports were true?

I couldn't watch him with everyone else because I was bitched out and booted to Oblivion. I had my mission, but I wondered.

"You," I said to the Dusk, "what are you?"

It turned to me, slowly, but like Saïx did sometimes- like it was just about to move, waiting for the right time.

Samurai, liege.

Roxas watched it, probably heard it, and I guess he hadn't known the answer because he repeated the word, testing it out.

"Are there a lot of you?"

It paused, took its time. I wanted to see it in action- wanted to call a few of mine to see what this Samurai could do.

Some. Many blades. Not many bodies.

Whatever that meant. I was about to turn, ask Roxas if he could call more of them.

Then the screaming began.

Time to work.

Element-wise, Roxas had it easy. You figure, anything Dark has an aversion to Light. Heartless are made of Darkness.

There are different kinds of light; electric, sun, fire, star. I mean Light as magic- as an element. It's not the lack of darkness, just like Darkness the element isn't absence of light. They both exist independent of a source and if you have the right skills, you can call them up. I don't need a spark to make Fire, and Roxas doesn't need the sun to make Light. You just pull it out of yourself- want it to be there. Then it is.

Light and Darkness aren't mutually exclusive, ya' see. Anyone who's actually worked with them would know that. They exist side by side- as contrast. One has to exist if anyone's going to understand what the other is. Every living thing has to have both.

Well.

Most living things. I still don't get the whole Princess of Heart thing 'no Darkness' thing.

Light and Darkness are side-by-side all the time- chasing each other, pushing and pushing back.

Which explains a lot about Sora and Riku, if you think about it.

But Light as a weapon works, and it hurts like hell, because most things have both. The more Darkness you've got- the worse it feels- but even if you've only got a little, it's not something you can live without. It's like a lung, or a kidney... or maybe not a lung- maybe a leg. Yeah, you can live without it, but it's one hell of a handicap.

Again, talking about normal people here. Nobodies live without every element but their own. The Elders say the element we hang onto is part of what gives our personality a boost- a kick- a supernatural ginkgo that keeps our memory going.

Demyx said one time that it was interesting we hadn't had any repeat elements over the years.

I said he was lucky-

"No other water-boys more bad-ass than you so we could upgrade."

"It's somewhat tragic, actually," Xaldin talked right over Demyx' whining. "Competition would serve to strengthen us all."

I have to wonder if the Elders weren't asking, begging Marluxia to rebel and give everyone something to do. Weed the garden, so to speak.

Okay, tangent. Back to what I was saying- Roxas had it easy because he could use Light, and his targets were Heartless, who really didn't appreciate it. But. His power could also take out human assignments because everything has at least a little Darkness.

What Roxas' power did was banish it. Flooded his opponent with Light and gave the Darkness nowhere to hide, revealed it, surrounded it, then blasted it to hell.

It hurts. A lot.

Not that that mattered, since he preferred the Keyblade.

He was one of the few Nobodies to use a weapon like that. Nobodies don't do personal, and a short-distance weapon is all about personal. The shorter the weapon, the more you stare your mark in the face as they die. The more danger you put yourself in if you suck at it, because you're letting your opponent in close. But you feel it more- the hit, the kill. You feel it with your whole body.

I've done it- but I'm mostly long-distance. Keep safe out of range, throw, bring the weapon back. Most people would lose a little time waiting for the rebound, but I'm special.

Helps that I control the chakram just as easy when it's out of my hand. Keyblades don't do that. Roxas playing demolition squad to Heartless on a world that's Falling....

It always reminded me of watching a movie without the sound on. The adrenaline rush without real fear- without the sappy music that makes grown men cry like a babies. A video game without the CGI scene of the main character grinning while violins saw and trumpets blare.

You play the game slouched in your chair, mouth open and drooling, not giving a shit. You watch the movie but you don't get upset, you don't get happy, you don't get anything. The most you think is 'woah, those are good wire effects... what are the characters talking about?'

Roxas moved, the Heartless fell. He never stopped moving- never backed off to get a look at his surroundings, he knew where they were- let them come to him, and as soon as one dissolved, he turned to another.

It didn't occur to me back then that there was a reason. The Heartless didn't answer to him as well as the rest of us- he had the crazy-loyal Samurai to make up for it, but I didn't wonder why until that world- a shadow twitching near my foot while Roxas killed off dozens of its brothers, muttering to itself.

ours... ours and left... take him back... find the heart...

I listened- I don't use Heartless if I don't need them. Twitchy little bugs aren't as strong or cunning as Dusks. Usually don't pay attention- usually isn't worth it, but I can hear them.

knows where it is... can feel it...

They could, or he could? Before I could ask, it ran for Roxas and died on the Keyblade.

Those battles all kind of run together. Worlds Fall at night- even when they don't. When a world Falls, it's because Darkness gets into the heart of it and starts to chow down. Everything gets eaten- people, animals, land, sea, light (there's nothing left but Darkness and sunlight can't reflect off that, see?), air. It's uncomfortable as hell when the air goes before the land. You either get the hell out or hold your breath.

Blur- Heartless after Heartless and it's not like you can tell the sun's setting and it's been hours since you started out. The only indicators are a timepiece (if the world's that advanced), the place Falls, or Roxas goes down and actually takes a few seconds to get back up.

During that mission Zexion was right, the Fall was quick. Only took a few hours. One of my Dusks came to see me before it was over- got my attention and curled over my shoulders-

:Liege, the Assassin sits with the Chain.:

It was talking about Marluxia and Naminé.

There's actually a change in tone when they're talking about the thing or the Nobody. You can hear it... well, you can't hear it, but I can. It's the capital letter in a name that you could mistake for a thing.

I couldn't tell you if the Dusks came up with all those titles and Xemnas just approved them- or Xemnas came up with them and the Dusks knew first. The less human a Nobody looks, the more they're running on instinct than memory. Instinct tells them something about the higher-ups, and they just know things. Long before we realized just what Naminé could do- they saw what she was.

Here I thought they were talking about her castle-arrest.

So Marluxia was trying, again, for a little private time. I thought about it. Roxas had things in-hand, the Heartless weren't popping up as much, and nothing bigger than the extra-large shadows. I could tell him I'd gotten new orders from the Superior and just take off. I could tell him to go straight back to Never Was after he'd finished up. If Xigbar tried to bitch me out (seriously, and not as part of the sting operation) for letting the kid fly solo, I could say it was part of the trap for Marluxia. Since it was.

Or, I could wait. I could move the plot along.

"Go tell Xigbar I'm going to introduce the kids."

The Assassin slipped between realms and I strolled into the fight.

"Pick up the pace, Roxas-" chased a few Heartless toward his blade. A fireball here, chakram there, done. Just in time to feel the first earthquakes start.

I opened a portal.

"Let's go."

Roxas didn't ask where, he just followed.

Marluxia had Naminé in his lap- some kind of father-daughter play that put his hands on her back and her thigh, fingertips just under the edge of her dress. Her hands were on the tips of his hair, ruffling them.

She was tiny compared to him. Always has been- might have looked that way even after she'd gotten bigger. Roxas and Naminé kept that trick after the rest of us lost it- dead things don't grow.

Doesn't mean they can't take up more space than they should. The things Marluxia remembered about egotism could've filled Castle Oblivion and spilled out into the Darkness around it.

Naminé turned to look at us. Marluxia had about two seconds before we took off our hoods to leave- order us out- hell, shield Naminé's eyes, maybe.

He didn't do any of it.

But maybe it was too late by then- Naminé was staring. Roxas stood with one hand up, frozen mid-reach. He looked like he wanted to wave. I did.

"Axel," Marluxia started, softly. He had this closed-mouth smile that never got to his eyes. Not that many of us can make an emotion go that far, but I doubt he realized- or knew I knew, that half-assed effort said something completely different. He was 'not happy' and putting on a nicey-nice face. "Our Thirteenth member has never been assigned Oblivion duties before."

"He's a Neophyte, same as the rest of us," I drawled. Nice non-answer there. Roxas was still frozen. I pushed his arm down and tugged back the hood myself. No reaction. Kid was less responsive than the first day, but this time it looked like shock and not 'blank'.

I was still looking at Marluxia, at Naminé, when the hood came down. Naminé shifted- almost too small to notice. Her breath stopped, mouth opened a little. Subdued reaction, but still the best imitation of surprise I've ever seen.

"I did not know our Superior's mandate had changed," Marluxia said. He kept calm, but his eyes narrowed. He was good at subtle. The best assassins are.

Now technically, Xemnas had never said Roxas couldn't go see Castle Oblivion- but no one ever talked to the kid about it, and he'd never been ordered to sit with Naminé. The rest of us figured we knew why.

"What?" I smirked. "You don't think he could protect her?" I nudged Roxas and he shuffled forward a little, still staring. This was a change of pace- this was new for the kid... so it was good.

It was still kinda boring.

Marluxia finally got up- lifted Naminé and put her in the chair. She watched Roxas until Marluxia physically put himself between them. Then she leaned to the side and peeked around his coat.

"I think it would be unwise to place two such valuable Nobodies together in a relatively unfortified area."

He was just pissed we'd interrupted his alone time. Not that he'd ever admit it. Next he'd say I should take Roxas back to Never Was. His points were valid. But. I had to look disreputable, I wanted to make trouble for Marluxia that he couldn't call me on. Besides, Xigbar hadn't said I couldn't arrange the kiddies a play date.

"Well here I am," I said, waving a hand, "and here you are," over at him. "I think they're safe."

"Your hair is different," Roxas finally decided to open his mouth. Marluxia stared, Naminé stared. I kept watch. Not that I seriously thought Marluxia would take a swipe at the kid- but it's interesting what you can say you did 'in the best interests of the Organization' and get away with. I know better than anyone.

"It... looked pretty spread over the sand. Now- it would blend in."

Holy fuck, that was an opinion. Aesthetics and opinions and given 1.) that Roxas had never been to a beach much less 2.) seen Naminé with different hair or 3.) at all-

We had memory, people.

Naminé had a little frown on her face- a frown. She'd never looked angry before- never even tried an expression that could be misread as anger. If I hadn't been paying attention to Marluxia, I'd have grinned, maybe done a fucking victory dance. This, this was new. This was interesting! She was reacting like he'd insulted her- like she gave a shit that he'd insulted her.

Breakthroughs! If I hadn't been trying to put one over on him, I would have socked Marluxia in the arm and told him to enjoy the show.

"Number XIII," he finally spoke to Roxas, who he outranked, and I knew there was a reason he wasn't using the kid's name. Roxas never looked up. "Number XIII, you will return to The Castle that Never Was at once."

Kid still wasn't paying attention. I smirked. Marluxia didn't ask for help and I didn't offer any. Marluxia took a step forward and reached for Roxas' arm. I could have told him that was a bad idea but... naaaaah.

Roxas side-stepped, pulling the Keyblade. He dodged behind Marluxia. The kid could take him, but if they were pulling weapons, this could blow up into something I would get bitched out over and Naminé was sitting in her chair- perfect collateral damage.

"C'mon, Roxas," and I said it with a little edge to his name. Naminé did the little gasp thing again and Marluxia flinched. "It's about time we reported to the Superior. Naminé," I nodded to the kid, and Roxas twitched. Marluxia's jaw clenched and relaxed.

"You got much longer for this shift, Marluxia?" I asked. I knew damn well he wasn't supposed to be there at all. He'd dropped into a fifteen minute window between Saïx and Luxord and was probably ignoring something else. He wouldn't say anything about me and Roxas stopping in because he didn't want to say how he knew.

"No," he went back to calm and moved so he could keep us both in sight. Wasn't interested in explaining more than that. I shrugged.

"See ya later." I made a portal and jerked a thumb at it. Roxas glanced at me. He glared. He didn't want to leave. Didn't want to put up the Keyblade either. That was just too bad. I walked over, grabbed his arm and pulled him in with me- he didn't fight, but he made a noise like he wanted to complain.

We got back to Never Was and I got a good look at his shiny white Keyblade- thin lines, fancy grip, huge pointy star at the end.

I stared at it.

Where the fuck had he gotten a new one?

~~~

Part Three