In Scientia Veritas (Bleach/Phoenix Wright, Szayel/AJ!Ema, G)
Title: In Scientia Veritas
Author/Artist: incandescens
Rating: G
Warnings: Suggestive.
Word count: 970
Prompt: June 6th - Crossover, Bleach/Phoenix Wright, Szayel/AJ!Ema - experiments - What happens when I do this?
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Luminol
Thank you for the improved Luminol recipe! It's much more sensitive now. I managed to bring out some bloodstains that had been apparently washed away years ago.
You were right about the possible side-effects. Dousing the subject in water got rid of most of them, and it was his own fault that he ran his hands through his hair first. I heard the glimmerous fop (you know the one I mean) calling him "Herr Greenhead" on the way out. Laughed all the way home.
Only wish I had a more permanent way to stop him meddling in investigations.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Luminol
Delighted to hear that the recipe worked as planned. Have been using it myself to check up on blood spatters after impalement. (Hazardous work environment here, don't ask.)
May I suggest that if you seriously want to stop the little defense brats interfering, then a couple of sets of handcuffs may be useful. Just think how much more forensic analysis you'll be able to carry out if you don't have them nagging and pestering you all the time!
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Handcuffs
It worked! It actually worked! I was able to thoroughly survey the entire crime scene without a couple of whining idiots constantly trying to ask me questions!
What's more, we had significantly less evidence disappear from the crime scene than usual. I'm sure there's a link here somewhere.
The only flaw in an otherwise perfect day was the glimmerous fop commenting on the handcuffs AND MAKING SOME UNWARRANTED ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHERE I GOT THEM FROM AND WHAT I USE THEM FOR and asking if he could visit my flat tomorrow evening.
Why must we constantly suffer the interruptions of small-minded fools?
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Handcuffs
Attachments: TortureChamber.doc
I totally sympathise with your comments re the interruptions of small-minded fools. How are we expected to work under these circumstances? Why should we be expected to toil under such restraints when we are the ones with the vision, the insight, the broad-minded viewpoint that will establish new horizons in science? How much longer must we struggle with their petty attitudes about budgets and materials and experimental subjects? Why must we suffer like this?
Suggest easy and straightforward method of dealing with glimmerous fop involving a few thousand volts across his nipples. Wet them first.
You may also find the attached equipment list useful.
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: A Few Thousand Volts Across The Nipples
Thank you for the attached equipment list. I had to use some of the departmental budget to pay for it, but no expense is too great for scientific investigation!
Glimmerous fop crawled out of my apartment whimpering.
He says that his next rock song will be called Electric Queen Of Judgment.
Department is running much more smoothly now.
Main remaining problem is annoying ex-defense-attorney who has become poker player and pianist and who wishes to introduce new trial Jurist system depending on opinions of group of jurists rather than unalterable glorious evidence produced by science. I fail to see how this is in any way a good thing.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: A Few Thousand Volts Across The Nipples
Is that the one who was disbarred earlier for fake evidence?
(Not that there's anything wrong with fake evidence if it proves a greater truth, c.f. path of least bloodshed, as an acquaintance of mine is fond of quoting. Indeed, it is the duty of those like you and me who have more complete understanding of situation, greater comprehension, fuller grasp of eternal verities and higher science, etc, to ensure that justice is carried out even if we must ourselves take a hand and perform actions which lesser minds might consider dubious.)
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Faked Evidence
Attachments: Pink.jpg
Yes, that one. He was also the one who dealt with the matter regarding my sister years ago. I'm sure things would have been handled much more smoothly if Prosecutor Edgeworth had been in charge. (See attached photo.)
Feel that releasing flesh-eating virus on roomful of jurists would possibly be over-reacting, yet would like to do something to remedy situation before we're all stuck with petty-minded civilian input weighed against proven evidential forensics. Thoughts gratefully received.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Faked Evidence
Attachments: Aizensama1.doc, Aizensama2.doc, Aizensama3.doc, Aphrodisiac.doc, QuincyShinigami.jpg
As per earlier email, you shouldn't look on it as over-reaction, you should look on it as a higher cause where you alone have the high and noble purpose/duty/understanding required to achieve your lofty goal. (I attach some speeches by my supervisor on the subject which I think you will find inspirational.)
Look at it this way. The man's already a proven failure who has tried to deceive the court in the past, and who uses his teenage daughter in poker games. You will be making the world a better place by stopping this jurist rubbish before it goes any further.
Suggest application of attached aphrodisiac formula to said pest when in proximity to suitable targets in order to utterly destroy his reputation. Have had remarkable success with this when dealing with intruders to my lab (see attached photo).
Do let me know what happens.
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Need For Urgent Visit
Attachment: Orgy.jpg
Slight miscalculation in amount of aphrodisiac has resulted in major courtroom orgy.
Think that laboratory evidence may point in my direction.
Feel that it would be better to pursue my researches elsewhere.
Any chance that I could visit?
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Need For Urgent Visit
Will be delighted to have you visit. Kindred spirits are few and far between.
Bring the Luminol, the handcuffs, and the electric prod.
S.
Author/Artist: incandescens
Rating: G
Warnings: Suggestive.
Word count: 970
Prompt: June 6th - Crossover, Bleach/Phoenix Wright, Szayel/AJ!Ema - experiments - What happens when I do this?
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Luminol
Thank you for the improved Luminol recipe! It's much more sensitive now. I managed to bring out some bloodstains that had been apparently washed away years ago.
You were right about the possible side-effects. Dousing the subject in water got rid of most of them, and it was his own fault that he ran his hands through his hair first. I heard the glimmerous fop (you know the one I mean) calling him "Herr Greenhead" on the way out. Laughed all the way home.
Only wish I had a more permanent way to stop him meddling in investigations.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Luminol
Delighted to hear that the recipe worked as planned. Have been using it myself to check up on blood spatters after impalement. (Hazardous work environment here, don't ask.)
May I suggest that if you seriously want to stop the little defense brats interfering, then a couple of sets of handcuffs may be useful. Just think how much more forensic analysis you'll be able to carry out if you don't have them nagging and pestering you all the time!
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Handcuffs
It worked! It actually worked! I was able to thoroughly survey the entire crime scene without a couple of whining idiots constantly trying to ask me questions!
What's more, we had significantly less evidence disappear from the crime scene than usual. I'm sure there's a link here somewhere.
The only flaw in an otherwise perfect day was the glimmerous fop commenting on the handcuffs AND MAKING SOME UNWARRANTED ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WHERE I GOT THEM FROM AND WHAT I USE THEM FOR and asking if he could visit my flat tomorrow evening.
Why must we constantly suffer the interruptions of small-minded fools?
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Handcuffs
Attachments: TortureChamber.doc
I totally sympathise with your comments re the interruptions of small-minded fools. How are we expected to work under these circumstances? Why should we be expected to toil under such restraints when we are the ones with the vision, the insight, the broad-minded viewpoint that will establish new horizons in science? How much longer must we struggle with their petty attitudes about budgets and materials and experimental subjects? Why must we suffer like this?
Suggest easy and straightforward method of dealing with glimmerous fop involving a few thousand volts across his nipples. Wet them first.
You may also find the attached equipment list useful.
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: A Few Thousand Volts Across The Nipples
Thank you for the attached equipment list. I had to use some of the departmental budget to pay for it, but no expense is too great for scientific investigation!
Glimmerous fop crawled out of my apartment whimpering.
He says that his next rock song will be called Electric Queen Of Judgment.
Department is running much more smoothly now.
Main remaining problem is annoying ex-defense-attorney who has become poker player and pianist and who wishes to introduce new trial Jurist system depending on opinions of group of jurists rather than unalterable glorious evidence produced by science. I fail to see how this is in any way a good thing.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: A Few Thousand Volts Across The Nipples
Is that the one who was disbarred earlier for fake evidence?
(Not that there's anything wrong with fake evidence if it proves a greater truth, c.f. path of least bloodshed, as an acquaintance of mine is fond of quoting. Indeed, it is the duty of those like you and me who have more complete understanding of situation, greater comprehension, fuller grasp of eternal verities and higher science, etc, to ensure that justice is carried out even if we must ourselves take a hand and perform actions which lesser minds might consider dubious.)
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Faked Evidence
Attachments: Pink.jpg
Yes, that one. He was also the one who dealt with the matter regarding my sister years ago. I'm sure things would have been handled much more smoothly if Prosecutor Edgeworth had been in charge. (See attached photo.)
Feel that releasing flesh-eating virus on roomful of jurists would possibly be over-reacting, yet would like to do something to remedy situation before we're all stuck with petty-minded civilian input weighed against proven evidential forensics. Thoughts gratefully received.
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Faked Evidence
Attachments: Aizensama1.doc, Aizensama2.doc, Aizensama3.doc, Aphrodisiac.doc, QuincyShinigami.jpg
As per earlier email, you shouldn't look on it as over-reaction, you should look on it as a higher cause where you alone have the high and noble purpose/duty/understanding required to achieve your lofty goal. (I attach some speeches by my supervisor on the subject which I think you will find inspirational.)
Look at it this way. The man's already a proven failure who has tried to deceive the court in the past, and who uses his teenage daughter in poker games. You will be making the world a better place by stopping this jurist rubbish before it goes any further.
Suggest application of attached aphrodisiac formula to said pest when in proximity to suitable targets in order to utterly destroy his reputation. Have had remarkable success with this when dealing with intruders to my lab (see attached photo).
Do let me know what happens.
S.
To: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
From: ScientificForensics
Subject: Need For Urgent Visit
Attachment: Orgy.jpg
Slight miscalculation in amount of aphrodisiac has resulted in major courtroom orgy.
Think that laboratory evidence may point in my direction.
Feel that it would be better to pursue my researches elsewhere.
Any chance that I could visit?
E.
To: ScientificForensics
From: UltimateTriumphOfScience8
Subject: Re: Need For Urgent Visit
Will be delighted to have you visit. Kindred spirits are few and far between.
Bring the Luminol, the handcuffs, and the electric prod.
S.