misura
in
springkink
Slayers (Xellos/Zelgadiss)
Title: The One Where Zelgadiss Doesn't Kiss Frogs
Author: misura
Rating: PG
Warnings: General silliness? Naw, no real warnings.
Summary: Life's a tough cookie when you're a chimera.
It started with frogs. They showed up everywhere - in his bed, in his pockets, in his saddlebags, in the bookshop he promptly got kicked out of from bringing them in ...
"Look at it from the bright side," Gourry said over dinner.
"What bright side?" Zelgadiss asked sourly.
"At least they haven't shown up in your soup." Gourry smiled. "Yet."
"Croak," went Zelgadiss' soup.
x
Next, it was books. This might actually have been enjoyable - Zelgadiss loved to read, and although he had an understandable preference for magic books that might contain a clue to how he could get his own skin back, he also liked books about history, swordsmanship and old legends (with or without mentionings of a treasure - Zelgadiss didn't really care). Unfortunately, all of the books he discovered in his bed, pockets or saddlebags were romance-novels, and none of them featured a heroic knight saving a lovely princess. So to speak.
"Are you ... gay?" Amelia asked, holding up the richly and quite explicitly illustrated book that had dropped out of Zelgadiss' backpack as she'd accidentally stumbled over it.
Gourry choked on his pizza. Lina started coughing.
"NO, I'M NOT!" Zelgadiss shrieked. "I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not."
"I think poor Zel's still in the closet," Gourry 'whispered' to a wide-eyed Amelia.
"No, no, it's called 'in the Nile'," Lina corrected him. "Right?"
"I thought the Nile was a river in Egypt," Amelia objected.
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Zelgadiss yelled.
"In the Nile, definitely," Lina said. "Dessert, anyone?"
x
Thirdly, they met Xellos.
"Helloooo, Zel-chan!" Xellos said. "Did you miss me?"
"Don't talk to me like we're friends!" Zelgadiss snapped.
"Hey, the first parts of your names are kind of alike!" Gourry said. "Zel-chan and Xel-chan. That's - "
"You're lucky he wasn't carrying our money," Lina informed Xellos.
"If you must address me by something other than my name, at least make it a -kun," Zelgadiss snapped, kicking the burnt crisp that had been Gourry. "I'm not your little sister."
"Whatever you say, Zellikins," Xellos said.
"Are the two of you lovers?" Amelia asked.
x
"I'd have thought your skin was thick enough to take a joke," Gourry complained. "I mean, it looks as tough as rocks. Get it? Skin as tough as rocks? That's - "
"I'm /not/ going to thank you!" Zelgadiss snarled at Xellos.
"Oopsies." Xellos smiled. "Did I do that?"
"I think it's cute," Amelia declared. "Defending the one you love ... "
"He's not in love with me," Zelgadiss growled.
"You really think it's cute?" Xellos asked Amelia. "Really?"
"If the two lovebirds can shut up for a moment, I might be able to decide which direction we should take to get to the treasure," Lina said.
"Can I watch the two of you make out some time?" Amelia made puppy-eyes at Zelgadiss.
"I - " Zelgadiss began.
"FIREBALL," Lina screamed. "Now, as I was saying ... "
x
"C'mon, Zel, be reasonable," Lina pleaded. "We really need the money."
"No." Zelgadiss crossed his arms over his chest. "Find some other way to get some money."
"It's called 'shoo and aye', and the girls who like it are members of the YAOI-organization," Amelia told Gourry, proudly flashing her brand-new badge. "I got a discount on my membership because I actually knew someone who was gay."
"You are obviously idiots," Zelgadiss snarled.
"Is that what YAOI stands for?" Gourry asked, blinking.
"All you need to do is let a few people watch you and Xellos kiss!" Lina fumed. "What's the big deal?"
"One, I'm not gay. Two, I don't want to kiss him. Three, even if I did want to kiss him, I wouldn't want to do it in front of other people, just so you could earn some coins." Xellos glared at Lina.
"Besides, Xellos isn't here right now," Gourry put in. "See, Lina, it's not going to work."
"/You/ could kiss him," Amelia said. "I mean, you're a guy, too."
"Me? That's - " Gourry began.
"Yes?" Amelia prompted.
"I thought I wouldn't get beyond the 'that's' before Xellos would toast me for even thinking about kissing Zel," Gourry confessed. "I mean, that's - "
"Sorry I'm late," Xellos said.
"What's happened to Amelia?" Lina inquired. "And what's that pink bunny doing here?"
x
In the end, it was agreed that, in exchange for a considerable amount of money, Xellos would get to make out with Zelgadiss in private.
"Don't I get to have a say in this?" Zelgadiss asked.
"Of course not!" Lina said, counting the coins she'd gotten from Xellos one more time.
"He acts like he doesn't like me, but actually, he's just shy," Xellos confided to Amelia, whose hairs were still pink. "Secretly, I know that he loves me."
"How do you know that?" Amelia inquired curiously.
"I sent him lots of lovely princesses, but he didn't kiss any of them," Xellos said.
"You sent me /frogs/" Zelgadiss said.
"If you'd kissed them, they'd have turned into beautiful, lovely princesses," Xellos assured him.
"Wow, maybe I should go look if some of those frogs are still at that pond where we left them," Gourry said.
"Hey!" Amelia protested. "What about me? I'm a beautiful, lovely princess, too!"
"And then I sent you romance-novels, and you read all of them," Xellos continued.
"Not all of them," Zelgadiss said, the tips of his ears slightly red.
"Can we wrap this up already?" Lina asked. "In case you've all forgotten: /I'm/ the lovely female heroine of this story."
"Okay then, guess that's - " Gourry said
THE END
Author: misura
Rating: PG
Warnings: General silliness? Naw, no real warnings.
Summary: Life's a tough cookie when you're a chimera.
It started with frogs. They showed up everywhere - in his bed, in his pockets, in his saddlebags, in the bookshop he promptly got kicked out of from bringing them in ...
"Look at it from the bright side," Gourry said over dinner.
"What bright side?" Zelgadiss asked sourly.
"At least they haven't shown up in your soup." Gourry smiled. "Yet."
"Croak," went Zelgadiss' soup.
x
Next, it was books. This might actually have been enjoyable - Zelgadiss loved to read, and although he had an understandable preference for magic books that might contain a clue to how he could get his own skin back, he also liked books about history, swordsmanship and old legends (with or without mentionings of a treasure - Zelgadiss didn't really care). Unfortunately, all of the books he discovered in his bed, pockets or saddlebags were romance-novels, and none of them featured a heroic knight saving a lovely princess. So to speak.
"Are you ... gay?" Amelia asked, holding up the richly and quite explicitly illustrated book that had dropped out of Zelgadiss' backpack as she'd accidentally stumbled over it.
Gourry choked on his pizza. Lina started coughing.
"NO, I'M NOT!" Zelgadiss shrieked. "I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not."
"I think poor Zel's still in the closet," Gourry 'whispered' to a wide-eyed Amelia.
"No, no, it's called 'in the Nile'," Lina corrected him. "Right?"
"I thought the Nile was a river in Egypt," Amelia objected.
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Zelgadiss yelled.
"In the Nile, definitely," Lina said. "Dessert, anyone?"
x
Thirdly, they met Xellos.
"Helloooo, Zel-chan!" Xellos said. "Did you miss me?"
"Don't talk to me like we're friends!" Zelgadiss snapped.
"Hey, the first parts of your names are kind of alike!" Gourry said. "Zel-chan and Xel-chan. That's - "
"You're lucky he wasn't carrying our money," Lina informed Xellos.
"If you must address me by something other than my name, at least make it a -kun," Zelgadiss snapped, kicking the burnt crisp that had been Gourry. "I'm not your little sister."
"Whatever you say, Zellikins," Xellos said.
"Are the two of you lovers?" Amelia asked.
x
"I'd have thought your skin was thick enough to take a joke," Gourry complained. "I mean, it looks as tough as rocks. Get it? Skin as tough as rocks? That's - "
"I'm /not/ going to thank you!" Zelgadiss snarled at Xellos.
"Oopsies." Xellos smiled. "Did I do that?"
"I think it's cute," Amelia declared. "Defending the one you love ... "
"He's not in love with me," Zelgadiss growled.
"You really think it's cute?" Xellos asked Amelia. "Really?"
"If the two lovebirds can shut up for a moment, I might be able to decide which direction we should take to get to the treasure," Lina said.
"Can I watch the two of you make out some time?" Amelia made puppy-eyes at Zelgadiss.
"I - " Zelgadiss began.
"FIREBALL," Lina screamed. "Now, as I was saying ... "
x
"C'mon, Zel, be reasonable," Lina pleaded. "We really need the money."
"No." Zelgadiss crossed his arms over his chest. "Find some other way to get some money."
"It's called 'shoo and aye', and the girls who like it are members of the YAOI-organization," Amelia told Gourry, proudly flashing her brand-new badge. "I got a discount on my membership because I actually knew someone who was gay."
"You are obviously idiots," Zelgadiss snarled.
"Is that what YAOI stands for?" Gourry asked, blinking.
"All you need to do is let a few people watch you and Xellos kiss!" Lina fumed. "What's the big deal?"
"One, I'm not gay. Two, I don't want to kiss him. Three, even if I did want to kiss him, I wouldn't want to do it in front of other people, just so you could earn some coins." Xellos glared at Lina.
"Besides, Xellos isn't here right now," Gourry put in. "See, Lina, it's not going to work."
"/You/ could kiss him," Amelia said. "I mean, you're a guy, too."
"Me? That's - " Gourry began.
"Yes?" Amelia prompted.
"I thought I wouldn't get beyond the 'that's' before Xellos would toast me for even thinking about kissing Zel," Gourry confessed. "I mean, that's - "
"Sorry I'm late," Xellos said.
"What's happened to Amelia?" Lina inquired. "And what's that pink bunny doing here?"
x
In the end, it was agreed that, in exchange for a considerable amount of money, Xellos would get to make out with Zelgadiss in private.
"Don't I get to have a say in this?" Zelgadiss asked.
"Of course not!" Lina said, counting the coins she'd gotten from Xellos one more time.
"He acts like he doesn't like me, but actually, he's just shy," Xellos confided to Amelia, whose hairs were still pink. "Secretly, I know that he loves me."
"How do you know that?" Amelia inquired curiously.
"I sent him lots of lovely princesses, but he didn't kiss any of them," Xellos said.
"You sent me /frogs/" Zelgadiss said.
"If you'd kissed them, they'd have turned into beautiful, lovely princesses," Xellos assured him.
"Wow, maybe I should go look if some of those frogs are still at that pond where we left them," Gourry said.
"Hey!" Amelia protested. "What about me? I'm a beautiful, lovely princess, too!"
"And then I sent you romance-novels, and you read all of them," Xellos continued.
"Not all of them," Zelgadiss said, the tips of his ears slightly red.
"Can we wrap this up already?" Lina asked. "In case you've all forgotten: /I'm/ the lovely female heroine of this story."
"Okay then, guess that's - " Gourry said
THE END