Saiyuki (Hakkai/Gojyo)
Title: Death Shall Not Become Him
Words: 5000
Rating: R!
Prompt: #68. Saiyuki, Hakkai/Gojyo: Post-crisis sex - accidental injury and zombies. Hahahahahaha!
Notes: Unbeta'd (I am so running up to the line with these challenges) pre-journey adventures, slight AU? Not exactly to the prompt, but close! And omg complete crack!fluff. Not as porny as I'd originally intended, not even remotely serious and totally B-grade. Cheap plot devices, schlock antics and cheesy endings awaits! Oh, and it might be a bit squicky. But then again, zombies, so duh! They're very au tres at the moment, you know!
He remembered the conversation clearly - Hakkai for his part being quite reasonable about the strange rumours surrounding the town where the relic Sanzo had been asked to recover had last been seen; Sanzo for his part palming the responsibility off on them, saying he was too busy and it was a simple job even morons could handle. Go there, get the relic, don't kill too many people, bring the relic back. Gojyo had been forced to accept on principle, and a couple of weeks on the road, a few careful questions and some easy conclusions later and he had Hakkai found themselves in a secret basement underneath said creepy town's local temple, equally creepy relic in hand. And Gojyo was feeling just a teeny bit miffed. Sanzo had been right; it really had been that simple.
Or at least, that's what he thought, right up until the moment he felt someone's hands close around his ankle, someone who was not Hakkai, since he was standing on the other side of the room perusing a dusty manuscript by the light of one of the nearer candles. Gojyo looked down, just in time to see the nasty guy he'd not a minute ago sliced clean in half haul himself - the half of himself that had arms, at any rate - up by Gojyo's pants leg. And before Gojyo could even say Dawn of the Dead, the bastard's teeth sank into the flesh of Gojyo's calf.
It was right about then that Gojyo thought they might have a bit more of a problem than Sanzo had initially made out. And that - once again - Hakkai had been right.
"Fuck!" he grunted, because he'd been bit before but he'd never had a piece taken out of him and it damn well hurt. "Uh... Hey, Hakkai? I think we have a problem."
"Why do you say that, Gojy- Oh. Oh, dear."
Outta most people, an ‘Oh, dear' wasn't nothing to be worried about. Outta Hakkai, on the other hand...
"Yeah," Gojyo sighed, and drove the blade of his shakujyo into the centre of the dead guy's head, severing a hand in the process. "That's what I thought." He levered the crescent blade out of bone and reached down to peel the now inert hand off his leg and toss it into a corner, and then limped a couple of steps back, just in case. The movement gushed what felt like a nice stream of warm, fresh blood down his shin. "So, how long do you reckon I have, then?" he wondered, hoping the blood wouldn't ruin his boot leather; he'd only just broken this particular pair in recently, and he really didn't want to have to buy another pair.
For a second, Hakkai just stared at him. "How long...?" he repeated, as if he wasn't quite clear on what Gojyo was asking.
"Yeah, until whatever the fuck this guy had infects me too. That's the way these things usually work, isn't it?" Gojyo tucked the relic - an ugly little fetish carved in dirty green jade in the image of some god he didn't even recognise - into his jacket. All this hassle for one unattractive little fuck - and Sanzo had never mentioned what exactly the thing's power was supposed to be, now that Gojyo thought about it. Seriously, when he got back to Chang An, he was going to shove this fetish right where those stupid monks - and more specifically Sanzo - would never lose it again.
"Well..." Hakkai began vaguely, adjusting his glasses. He probably meant for that to look calm and collected, but Gojyo was on to him after a year and a bit of living with they guy and when Hakkai adjusted his glasses like that, he was anything but calm and collected. "Well, as far as I know, there aren't any actual cases of...zombie infection. It's more of a scary story, really. Are you sure it wasn't just a post-mortem reflex?"
Gojyo arched an eyebrow and hopped around a bit to point at the bloody, oozing bite mark on the back of his left leg visible through the tear in his favourite jeans. "Hakkai," he said patiently. "Dead Again Boy here tried to eat me; I don't think it was a reflex."
"Well, there's really no accounting for taste..."
"Oh, hardy-har-har." Hakkai trying to be funny under any circumstances was pretty much far from it. Not that Gojyo necessarily held that against him, but still. "You can eat me too, you know."
"Not if you're infected with something, thankyou. But what a predicament. I guess we'd better have Sanzo check you out, just in case-"
Gojyo didn't like the idea of becoming a zombie anytime soon, but he liked that idea even less. "What?! No way. I'm not having that smug asshole excuse for a holy man coming anywhere near me. He'll probably try and exorcise me or something."
"I believe that's for demon possession, Gojyo," Hakkai pointed out, although he didn't seem terribly put out about Gojyo's strident objection to his suggestion. "I suppose I could try healing you... Although, I have no idea whether zombies have any ki, since technically they're already dead..."
"Hakkai. I am not, you'll observe, a fucking zombie. Yet."
"True. Do you think the other zombies will notice?"
"What?"
"Well I assume if one resident came back from the dead, others have too, and we did kill a few residents on our way here. It was unavoidable, of course, since they were attempting to kill us, but I was just wondering if they'll notice you're not a zombie. Yet."
Right on cue, one of the residents in question smashed through the basement door at the top of the stairs.
Neither of them moved. It was a dead end basement; there wasn't anywhere for them to move to. Of course, it would only have been a problem if the zombie at the top of the steps hadn't taken one shuffling step and promptly missed its footing. Watching it go a-over down the stairs - like a rag doll only messier - might have even been amusing in other circumstances but Gojyo was starting to think that life as one of the undead was probably not for him.
"Uncool," he observed as the zombie flopped to a stop. Definitely not for him.
"Oh dear," Hakkai remarked, as what had once been a townsperson climbed awkwardly back to its feet again. One of its arms was hanging from a torn shoulder, completely useless and oozing a kind of icky grey pus; not of course that it seemed to notice. "I believe this one was my fault."
Gojyo rolled his eyes as the zombie started shuffling forward again, right past him in fact and straight for Hakkai. "What gives it away? It's that big hole in his chest where your ki blew out his spine, right? Hey! Back off, buddy. He's my piece of ass."
Hakkai, unperturbed by the monster's approach, flicked a mild, amused glance his way. "Charming, Gojyo, as always," he murmured dryly, and calmly reached for an empty candelabra resting on the table he had been standing next to. "Unless of course you were speaking literally." There was a dull, fleshy sounding thunk, and the base of the candelabra punched through the back of the zombie's skull. Gojyo screwed his nose up and leaned back as the zombie toppled over and landed hard enough to force the candelabra the back through again, straight enough to put a candle back on it.
"Hey, well, you never know. I might get hungry or somethin', later on." Gojyo felt a little ill - or actually it might have been hungry after all; were those bloody, white-ish bits brains or bones, and why the hell did it even matter?
"Ah," Hakkai intoned, frowning faintly as he wiped his hands on the leg of his jeans. "Perhaps I should attempt that healing as soon as possible. At least that answers one question, though."
+++++++++++
As it turned out, by the time they reached street level again, it answered several. Not only did the zombies - somewhat multiplied but hey, that was hardly their fault - completely ignore Gojyo now that he was apparently a distant cousin or what the hell ever, but they ignored Hakkai too, as long as Hakkai was standing close. Maybe the undead subscribed to some sort of territorial code after all, or maybe Gojyo's new part-zombie magnetism put them off trying to hit on his lunch. Date. Gojyo grinned and slung an arm across his friend's shoulders, pulling him closer still, enough that he could feel the jut of Hakkai's hip against his.
"Well now, this ain't so bad," he decided, and put out his good leg as another zombie shuffled blindly into range. His other leg protested in a flare of pain that burned a path up his calf and into his thigh, and Hakkai struggled a bit under the change in his balance, but the result was worth it. "Ow. Oops! Heh heh..."
Hakkai barely glanced down at the prostrate zombie, but he was still doing a piss-poor job of looking like he hadn't just found that as funny as Gojyo did. "Gojyo, it's in poor taste to make fun of the mortally challenged..."
"Awww. Come on Hakkai. It's not like it hurt; she's already dead."
"Well," Hakkai said, change-of-subject tone firmly in place. "I was going to suggest we start for home, but I'm a little concerned about your temperature. It's quite high. How are you feeling?"
Gojyo shrugged and suffered the back of Hakkai's hand against his forehead for a moment, before twitching him away and dragging him around the zombie and out onto the street. "Okay, I guess," he lied, leaning on Hakkai probably a little more than he needed to. "My foot's a bit numb, maybe." He didn't like to say 'dead', but the fact of the matter was he sort of couldn't feel his toes anymore. "But hey, I'd never dream of eating anyone but you." And with another grin, he craned his head over, buried his face against Hakkai's neck and opened his mouth on his throat and sucked; merely for demonstrative purposes of course. Hakkai started to push him off; when Gojyo's teeth sank playfully into his flesh, they practically tripped.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai said in the strained, barely tolerant tone one uses with a trouble child, as he tried - not really all that seriously - to shrug him away. "You'll forgive me if I say that doesn't make me feel any better about the situation, precisely."
Gojyo chuckled and swept a kiss up to the shell of Hakkai's ear. "Mmm...But, you know you taste kinda...good, Hakkai..." Actually, he tasted better than kind of good. Had he always tasted like that? Gojyo couldn't quite work out what it was - Hakkai's smell, or the warmth of his skin or the way his breath speeded up a fraction as Gojyo spoke - but whatever it was, it was starting to make him salivate.
"Ah-hahaha," Hakkai laughed, and shivered. "A room. I think we had better find a room."
"Hakkai, you little hussy," Gojyo cooed, relishing the decisiveness with which Hakkai dragged him back off the street in search of somewhere they could apparently continue. It wasn't really like Hakkai to be so openly premeditated about it - normally he just smiled a particular kind of smile and then Gojyo found himself bent over the kitchen table or whatever - but this made for a nice change. Gojyo went, nuzzling Hakkai every couple of steps and laughing when he kept getting pushed off, too busy trying to walk and reach Hakkai's brain with his tongue - an idea that was somehow getting him a little hard - at the same time to bother to paying attention to where they were going.
So he didn't realise that the first door that Hakkai dragged him to was actually a hotel until the door swung open on the lunch crowd - literally having the hotel staff for lunch. They both froze, and the zombie stacks-on stopped and turned and sort of looked their way, but apparently the still kicking receptionist was giving much better service.
"Ah. No Vacancy," Hakkai decided, and Gojyo couldn't find any reason to argue. "Come on."
It was only then, when Hakkai began to physically drag him away from the door that he realised he was staring, mouth hanging open and dry, and that he actually was seriously hard. He stumbled a bit, more with the realisation than the fact that the lower part of his bitten leg had lost almost all feeling, and Hakkai caught him effortlessly, solid and strong and warm and he smelled so, so good...
"Gojyo!"
Gojyo blinked. It felt like he'd been asleep standing up. "What!?"
"Everything will be fine," Hakkai told him, stopping to turn and smooth his hair back from his face. It felt really good and he sort of liked the way Hakkai was smiling at him, like he wanted to kiss him, which was just fine with Gojyo and always had been. "You just have to stay awake for a little while longer, okay?"
"Oh, yeah, okay. Sure," Gojyo agreed. Wait. What was he agreeing to again?
"You're still shaking..." Hakkai said softly, like he was almost worried and trying not to show it. Gojyo forced himself to breathe evenly and stand mostly on his own two feet. Didn't look good to cling to Hakkai like that, no matter how good he felt under his hands.
"I'm fine," he lied. "Let's keep going."
The next door they tried - the next one that wasn't busted, swinging open and/or littered with bits of bloody things Gojyo deliberately did not look at - was a Peking Duck restaurant, and it was shut fast with what seemed like large pieces of furniture braced against it on the inside; a pretty good sign.
"Excuse us," Hakkai called experimentally. "If there's someone in there, would you, ah, mind letting us in?"
"Go 'way," came a harsh male voice after a telling pause.
"Nice," Gojyo said, leaning against the wall by the door and his tongue felt a little strange, thick and leaden. Making it work like normal felt like a lot of effort for very little return. "Could just bust our way in, I guess."
Hakkai didn't seem to notice; he shook his head, frowning. "And run the risk of the proprietor shooting you? No." He raised his voice again, along with his fist to bang on the door. "Please. Sir! We honestly pose no threat!"
That sounded like one of Hakkai's not-exactly truths, although why would he lie about something like that? Gojyo stared at him as he banged some more. There was something about the look on his face too, the tone of his voice... But Gojyo suddenly couldn't seem to focus on anything other than how smooth Hakkai's skin looked, like cream, or the soft skin of the palest peach. It looked... Gojyo swallowed, and then sort of wished he hadn't.
"Sir, please!" Hakkai cried a little more passionately. "Please! My friend's injured! If we could just have somewhere safe until I can treat him-"
He heard wood scraping across floors somewhere inside. Then the door cracked open a couple of inches and the barrel of a very large shotgun appeared.
"You're a doctor?" the shotgun asked. Hakkai barely flinched.
"Yes," he said without hesitation.
"Alright. I'll let you in. But you gotta look at some 'n for me."
"Certainly," Hakkai agreed and the shotgun disappeared, the door shut again, and then something heavy, solid and very wooden sounded like it was being dragged slowly out of the way. Another moment and the door cracked open again. This time there was no shotgun, just half of someone's face.
"Quick then," they were told and then Hakkai was scooping up Gojyo from where he'd been propped by the door and helping him limp over the threshold. Gojyo lifted his head to look around as they slipped inside. A semi-wrecked dining room, the windows boarded up. There was a smear of blood like a paint swipe over the service counter in the back and through the service window, the kitchen lights had shorted and were blinking on and off like a heart-attack. There were three people huddled in the far corner, and that's where Gojyo stopped, his own heart skipping beats in his rib cage. Two of them looked frightened and shell-shocked, which was probably understandable, and they smelled so... Gojyo had no idea how the third one, a pretty girl in a waitress' uniform who was cradling her bloody arm and looked about as good as Gojyo felt, could stand it. Just being this close to Hakkai was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.
"What happened?" Hakkai asked.
"What's it look like?" grunted their host to the accompanying scrape of wood again as the sideboard went back in front of the closed door. "Fuck'n undead got into my kitch'n an' ate my chef. What happen'd t'you?"
"Tripped and fucking fell," Gojyo grunted in return; it might not have been such a good idea to say he'd been bit. "Hakkai..."
"Yes," he agreed, and; "Some privacy, if you please," he told the proprietor promptly. "So I can see to my friend. And then I'll take care of whatever it is you'd like me to look at."
"Upstairs on the right," the restaurant owner told them, and cocked his gun to check for rounds like it wasn't the first time he was doing it. "There's a sleep out and a store room next door with a first aid kit if you need it."
Gojyo felt his fingers flex convulsively into Hakkai's arm as they turned and started up the stairs, in an effort not to laugh until he at least got to the top. Somehow, he didn't think a first aid kit was going to cut it.
"I'm fucked," he observed, as Hakkai pushed the door to the room open and they stumbled inside, and he really didn't want to die - or come back for that matter - in a dingy little place like this.
"No, you're not," Hakkai said, with the grim determination of someone who knew what he was saying probably wasn't true. The door shut, and Gojyo sprang.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai only had time for that, before his breath left him on a grunt at the impact of his back against the door and Gojyo's weight against him. And maybe he was struggling, but Gojyo didn't care.
"I'm fucked," he insisted, and buried his head in Hakkai shoulder and just breathed him in and oh, fuck, that just made it worse. "Otherwise I wouldn't be thinking right now about what's under your skin and lickin' my lips..."
Hakkai grabbed his head, and for a second he thought that was it. He'd seen Hakkai snap necks before; it'd be painless.
"Whatever," Hakkai said, and brought his head up not to break his neck but merely to kiss him, and his mouth was warm and wet and so soft Gojyo thought maybe he had died after all. "Whatever you want. Don't you know that?"
"Don't fucking say that," Gojyo mumbled against his lips as their breath mixed. "You asshole. Goddamn it."
"I'm not leaving this place without you, Gojyo."
Bastard. That was a double edged statement and he knew it. "I really don't think I can stop me," Gojyo told him, and dropped to his knees.
"What are you - ?!"
What was he doing? That was an excellent question. Under normal circumstances, and what with the way his shaking hands were unbuttoning Hakkai's fly, it'd look like he was going to blow him. But right now, when he smelled so good - every inch of him, his skin, the sweat clinging to his clothes under the leather of his coat, the faint musky scent that reached him as Hakkai's fly came open - and all he could think about was how he would taste, Gojyo wasn't so sure. He was so hungry; starved, and it felt like he'd never be anything but. He wanted it - something, Hakkai - so bad, there wasn't even any room for preliminaries. As soon as he had Hakkai out, he had him in his mouth, and then it was just all about trying to swallow without biting down first.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai gasped, and both his hands came down on Gojyo's head, fingers clenching into his hair. He wasn't pulling him off though. "You really shouldn't be... I don't think... "
Whatever Hakkai didn't think, he was still going from half hard to fully hard in Gojyo's mouth. At least that made them sort of even; Gojyo had been hard since the hotel. And rather than say, If I don't do something, I might end up tearing you open to get at your liver, Gojyo thought it was probably best not to waste any time discussing it. He gripped Hakkai's hips and dragged him roughly forward, and the feel of warm, living flesh inside his mouth, pressed against his lapping tongue, shoving past his gag reflex and into his throat, made him moan probably way too loudly for this small room with its thin walls. He sucked hard, swallowed, and Hakkai made a choked, panting noise and fell back against the door again with a thud. Gojyo didn't even care if it was really any good at this point; he just wanted to taste...
Hakkai's hands suddenly fisted in his hair, half fighting him as his thighs trembled and his pulse raced under Gojyo's thumbs, half fighting himself as he thrust forward involuntarily. Gojyo moaned again, couldn't get enough air, relished the painful stretch at the corners of his mouth as he closed his lips around cock as close to the base as he'd maybe ever gotten before, and he wished he could tell Hakkai everything that he felt before it was too late.
And then it didn't matter; Hakkai was gasping his name, shivering and coming fast. Gojyo backed off to let it fill his mouth, then splash his face, swallowed, dizzy with the taste, almost blind with a need he couldn't name that Hakkai's cock in his mouth and jizz on his tongue almost filled. He shuddered and his hands reached for Hakkai again; he only just managed to turn his head aside in time.
His teeth closed and he tasted blood, and Hakkai's fist connected with the side of his head.
He landed hard against something - the side of the shabby little day bed about three feet away - and reached a still shaking hand up to see if Hakkai had crushed his throbbing skull in with that blow and he just couldn't feel it.
"Mother fucker," he swore shakily, almost laughing. "Anything I want, huh? Glad to see that's not entirely true."
"Gojyo..." Hakkai was standing still slumped against the door, pants open, face pale and eyes bright, with his hand pressed against the point low on his hip where Gojyo had tried to take a piece out of him, and he looked about as debauched and delicious as Gojyo had ever actually seen him. Such a pity Gojyo was thinking about that last part somewhat literally. "Glad to see you avoided the important parts," he joked hoarsely and Gojyo did laugh then. After all, what else was he supposed to do?
"Reckon this is it then, Hakkai."
"No."
"Remember to give the priest shit for me."
"Give it to him yourself; you are not dying." And Hakkai looked like he was going to say more, but there was a crash from downstairs, breaking glass, screaming and then gunshots.
"That'll be the waitress," Gojyo observed. "Go on," he urged, slumping, digging in his jacket for his cigarettes, because if he couldn't be fucking right now, he was at least going to have a smoke. His fingers encountered cool stone instead of cellophane; the fucking little shitty object d'art that had started this mess in the first place. "There's still people downstairs, Hakkai. They need somebody. Go on. I'll be right here when you get back. You can heal me then."
Hakkai stared at him. "You promise me," he said finally, and Gojyo stared back. He should have known he couldn't fool Hakkai.
"Fuck. Alright. I promise. I'll even keep the home fires burning for you." He grinned cockily and glanced meaningfully down at his still raging boner.
Hakkai looked as well, and then he was smiling.
"Oh, I thought that was just the torch you've been holding for me all this time," he teased gently and Gojyo laughed again as Hakkai turned, opened the door and stepped outside.
"Torch, y' say?" Gojyo said as the door closed. "Fuck, for a smart guy, you're slow sometimes."
And then he was alone. The racket from downstairs sounded like the waitress was proving a handful, or maybe the undead had gotten in the back way; that was how these things usually worked too, right? Maybe if he was lucky, Hakkai wouldn't come back. Maybe he'd deal with the trash downstairs and then just get his ass away, relic or no relic.
Gojyo grunted, and tugged the stupid thing out of where he'd had it shoved inside his jacket. Who was he kidding? Even death and cannibalism obviously wasn't enough to deter Hakkai. And damn, if that didn't make him feel incredibly good somewhere deep down inside. The irony of that being that it probably wasn't a good thing right at this point.
"Stupid fucking errand," Gojyo concluded, to the little ugly statue in his hand. "Stupid fucking priest. You know what? Since I'm gonna fucking die anyway, I think I'm gonna take you with me."
Gojyo hefted the thing in his hand experimentally, turned and eyed the far wall and the open window, and then threw it, a nice easy overhand lob clean and clear. For a second the little guy glinted in the sunlight as he went, glaring back at him. Gojyo grinned and flipped it off at it as it disappeared out of sight, and listened for the smash when it hit the street two floors below.
And he heard it alright.
Because it felt like a bomb just went off in his head. The floor, and darkness, rushed up rudely to meet him.
+++++++++++
He came to slowly, like he was trying to think through cotton wool crammed tight into his skull. Felt a lot like a hang over, actually.
"Whu-" he muttered, and next to him, someone moved.
"Awake, I see."
"No," Gojyo denied, but then Hakkai's fingers gently brushed against his brow and of course he had to open his eyes. "Fuck."
"So," Hakkai began, and he looked a bit mauled, like someone other than Gojyo had tried to use him for a chew toy, but otherwise he was smiling. "How are you feeling?"
"Am I dead? Err, undead?"
"Not at all."
"Then I feel great. Is there any reason I'm tied to the bed though?"
"Ah-hahaha. Not really. Well, perhaps, just in case..."
"In case?"
"Well, there were zombies in the restaurant - including the waitress - and we were sorely out numbered. And then I heard something smash, and suddenly the undead were dead again. I notice you don't have the relic on you any more?"
"I threw it out the window."
"Good thinking. In hindsight, it was probably the source of power for the infection."
"I'm not sure I believe it, but it would have been nice if the priest had warned us."
"Yes, wouldn't it." Hakkai had that look in his eye. Gojyo was glad it had nothing to do with him. For once.
"So, uh, Hakkai. What was the 'in case' part of that?"
"Ah-hahaha. Well you almost bit my thing off before," Hakkai pointed out amiably.
"Cock," Gojyo sighed. "Dick. Wanger. Penis. Why the hell do you have so much trouble with that one word?"
"And I didn't want to take any chances until I'd determined whether you still needed healing," Hakkai continued, blithely ignoring him.
"And?"
"And you're fine."
"And you?"
Hakkai laughed; it sounded a little nervous actually. "Oh, I'm fine too."
Gojyo sighed patiently. "You telling me the truth?"
"Yes. No. Well, there is the fact that you bit me."
"Sorry. But you tasted good."
"I'm flattered. However, it still hurts."
"Well," Gojyo grinned crookedly and shifted into a more comfortable position, spreading his legs in a hopeful manner. "Come here an' let me kiss it better."
Hakkai hesitated. "I'm not sure I want your mouth that close to my private parts again so soon..."
"Cock," Gojyo repeated automatically. "Alright, fine. So untie me and let's get outta this dump."
"Hmm," Hakkai agreed and leaned over to start unbuttoning Gojyo's fly.
Gojyo watched for a second, mouth hanging open. At least now it wasn't because he was fanging for a nice piece of meat, though.
"Um, Hakkai? What are you doing?"
Hakkai smiled, and stopped and leaned up to kiss him, gentle mouth and slow tongue and hint of teeth. Gojyo let him, and it was as nice as any of the other times he'd ever kissed him. There was also the added bonus of Hakkai's hand snaking into his pants.
"I'm looking for that torch, of course," Hakkai laughed softly when he finally released him and Gojyo stared.
"You're kidding."
"Not in the slightest."
And looking at Hakkai's fond, warm smile, and that wicked light in his eyes Gojyo was normally used to seeing right before he was face down, suddenly, tied to a sagging bed in a small, shabby room, after a minor zombie holocaust of which he'd almost been part, everything was utterly perfect. He grinned.
"Then Hakkai?"
"Hmm?"
"Look lower."
Words: 5000
Rating: R!
Prompt: #68. Saiyuki, Hakkai/Gojyo: Post-crisis sex - accidental injury and zombies. Hahahahahaha!
Notes: Unbeta'd (I am so running up to the line with these challenges) pre-journey adventures, slight AU? Not exactly to the prompt, but close! And omg complete crack!fluff. Not as porny as I'd originally intended, not even remotely serious and totally B-grade. Cheap plot devices, schlock antics and cheesy endings awaits! Oh, and it might be a bit squicky. But then again, zombies, so duh! They're very au tres at the moment, you know!
He remembered the conversation clearly - Hakkai for his part being quite reasonable about the strange rumours surrounding the town where the relic Sanzo had been asked to recover had last been seen; Sanzo for his part palming the responsibility off on them, saying he was too busy and it was a simple job even morons could handle. Go there, get the relic, don't kill too many people, bring the relic back. Gojyo had been forced to accept on principle, and a couple of weeks on the road, a few careful questions and some easy conclusions later and he had Hakkai found themselves in a secret basement underneath said creepy town's local temple, equally creepy relic in hand. And Gojyo was feeling just a teeny bit miffed. Sanzo had been right; it really had been that simple.
Or at least, that's what he thought, right up until the moment he felt someone's hands close around his ankle, someone who was not Hakkai, since he was standing on the other side of the room perusing a dusty manuscript by the light of one of the nearer candles. Gojyo looked down, just in time to see the nasty guy he'd not a minute ago sliced clean in half haul himself - the half of himself that had arms, at any rate - up by Gojyo's pants leg. And before Gojyo could even say Dawn of the Dead, the bastard's teeth sank into the flesh of Gojyo's calf.
It was right about then that Gojyo thought they might have a bit more of a problem than Sanzo had initially made out. And that - once again - Hakkai had been right.
"Fuck!" he grunted, because he'd been bit before but he'd never had a piece taken out of him and it damn well hurt. "Uh... Hey, Hakkai? I think we have a problem."
"Why do you say that, Gojy- Oh. Oh, dear."
Outta most people, an ‘Oh, dear' wasn't nothing to be worried about. Outta Hakkai, on the other hand...
"Yeah," Gojyo sighed, and drove the blade of his shakujyo into the centre of the dead guy's head, severing a hand in the process. "That's what I thought." He levered the crescent blade out of bone and reached down to peel the now inert hand off his leg and toss it into a corner, and then limped a couple of steps back, just in case. The movement gushed what felt like a nice stream of warm, fresh blood down his shin. "So, how long do you reckon I have, then?" he wondered, hoping the blood wouldn't ruin his boot leather; he'd only just broken this particular pair in recently, and he really didn't want to have to buy another pair.
For a second, Hakkai just stared at him. "How long...?" he repeated, as if he wasn't quite clear on what Gojyo was asking.
"Yeah, until whatever the fuck this guy had infects me too. That's the way these things usually work, isn't it?" Gojyo tucked the relic - an ugly little fetish carved in dirty green jade in the image of some god he didn't even recognise - into his jacket. All this hassle for one unattractive little fuck - and Sanzo had never mentioned what exactly the thing's power was supposed to be, now that Gojyo thought about it. Seriously, when he got back to Chang An, he was going to shove this fetish right where those stupid monks - and more specifically Sanzo - would never lose it again.
"Well..." Hakkai began vaguely, adjusting his glasses. He probably meant for that to look calm and collected, but Gojyo was on to him after a year and a bit of living with they guy and when Hakkai adjusted his glasses like that, he was anything but calm and collected. "Well, as far as I know, there aren't any actual cases of...zombie infection. It's more of a scary story, really. Are you sure it wasn't just a post-mortem reflex?"
Gojyo arched an eyebrow and hopped around a bit to point at the bloody, oozing bite mark on the back of his left leg visible through the tear in his favourite jeans. "Hakkai," he said patiently. "Dead Again Boy here tried to eat me; I don't think it was a reflex."
"Well, there's really no accounting for taste..."
"Oh, hardy-har-har." Hakkai trying to be funny under any circumstances was pretty much far from it. Not that Gojyo necessarily held that against him, but still. "You can eat me too, you know."
"Not if you're infected with something, thankyou. But what a predicament. I guess we'd better have Sanzo check you out, just in case-"
Gojyo didn't like the idea of becoming a zombie anytime soon, but he liked that idea even less. "What?! No way. I'm not having that smug asshole excuse for a holy man coming anywhere near me. He'll probably try and exorcise me or something."
"I believe that's for demon possession, Gojyo," Hakkai pointed out, although he didn't seem terribly put out about Gojyo's strident objection to his suggestion. "I suppose I could try healing you... Although, I have no idea whether zombies have any ki, since technically they're already dead..."
"Hakkai. I am not, you'll observe, a fucking zombie. Yet."
"True. Do you think the other zombies will notice?"
"What?"
"Well I assume if one resident came back from the dead, others have too, and we did kill a few residents on our way here. It was unavoidable, of course, since they were attempting to kill us, but I was just wondering if they'll notice you're not a zombie. Yet."
Right on cue, one of the residents in question smashed through the basement door at the top of the stairs.
Neither of them moved. It was a dead end basement; there wasn't anywhere for them to move to. Of course, it would only have been a problem if the zombie at the top of the steps hadn't taken one shuffling step and promptly missed its footing. Watching it go a-over down the stairs - like a rag doll only messier - might have even been amusing in other circumstances but Gojyo was starting to think that life as one of the undead was probably not for him.
"Uncool," he observed as the zombie flopped to a stop. Definitely not for him.
"Oh dear," Hakkai remarked, as what had once been a townsperson climbed awkwardly back to its feet again. One of its arms was hanging from a torn shoulder, completely useless and oozing a kind of icky grey pus; not of course that it seemed to notice. "I believe this one was my fault."
Gojyo rolled his eyes as the zombie started shuffling forward again, right past him in fact and straight for Hakkai. "What gives it away? It's that big hole in his chest where your ki blew out his spine, right? Hey! Back off, buddy. He's my piece of ass."
Hakkai, unperturbed by the monster's approach, flicked a mild, amused glance his way. "Charming, Gojyo, as always," he murmured dryly, and calmly reached for an empty candelabra resting on the table he had been standing next to. "Unless of course you were speaking literally." There was a dull, fleshy sounding thunk, and the base of the candelabra punched through the back of the zombie's skull. Gojyo screwed his nose up and leaned back as the zombie toppled over and landed hard enough to force the candelabra the back through again, straight enough to put a candle back on it.
"Hey, well, you never know. I might get hungry or somethin', later on." Gojyo felt a little ill - or actually it might have been hungry after all; were those bloody, white-ish bits brains or bones, and why the hell did it even matter?
"Ah," Hakkai intoned, frowning faintly as he wiped his hands on the leg of his jeans. "Perhaps I should attempt that healing as soon as possible. At least that answers one question, though."
+++++++++++
As it turned out, by the time they reached street level again, it answered several. Not only did the zombies - somewhat multiplied but hey, that was hardly their fault - completely ignore Gojyo now that he was apparently a distant cousin or what the hell ever, but they ignored Hakkai too, as long as Hakkai was standing close. Maybe the undead subscribed to some sort of territorial code after all, or maybe Gojyo's new part-zombie magnetism put them off trying to hit on his lunch. Date. Gojyo grinned and slung an arm across his friend's shoulders, pulling him closer still, enough that he could feel the jut of Hakkai's hip against his.
"Well now, this ain't so bad," he decided, and put out his good leg as another zombie shuffled blindly into range. His other leg protested in a flare of pain that burned a path up his calf and into his thigh, and Hakkai struggled a bit under the change in his balance, but the result was worth it. "Ow. Oops! Heh heh..."
Hakkai barely glanced down at the prostrate zombie, but he was still doing a piss-poor job of looking like he hadn't just found that as funny as Gojyo did. "Gojyo, it's in poor taste to make fun of the mortally challenged..."
"Awww. Come on Hakkai. It's not like it hurt; she's already dead."
"Well," Hakkai said, change-of-subject tone firmly in place. "I was going to suggest we start for home, but I'm a little concerned about your temperature. It's quite high. How are you feeling?"
Gojyo shrugged and suffered the back of Hakkai's hand against his forehead for a moment, before twitching him away and dragging him around the zombie and out onto the street. "Okay, I guess," he lied, leaning on Hakkai probably a little more than he needed to. "My foot's a bit numb, maybe." He didn't like to say 'dead', but the fact of the matter was he sort of couldn't feel his toes anymore. "But hey, I'd never dream of eating anyone but you." And with another grin, he craned his head over, buried his face against Hakkai's neck and opened his mouth on his throat and sucked; merely for demonstrative purposes of course. Hakkai started to push him off; when Gojyo's teeth sank playfully into his flesh, they practically tripped.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai said in the strained, barely tolerant tone one uses with a trouble child, as he tried - not really all that seriously - to shrug him away. "You'll forgive me if I say that doesn't make me feel any better about the situation, precisely."
Gojyo chuckled and swept a kiss up to the shell of Hakkai's ear. "Mmm...But, you know you taste kinda...good, Hakkai..." Actually, he tasted better than kind of good. Had he always tasted like that? Gojyo couldn't quite work out what it was - Hakkai's smell, or the warmth of his skin or the way his breath speeded up a fraction as Gojyo spoke - but whatever it was, it was starting to make him salivate.
"Ah-hahaha," Hakkai laughed, and shivered. "A room. I think we had better find a room."
"Hakkai, you little hussy," Gojyo cooed, relishing the decisiveness with which Hakkai dragged him back off the street in search of somewhere they could apparently continue. It wasn't really like Hakkai to be so openly premeditated about it - normally he just smiled a particular kind of smile and then Gojyo found himself bent over the kitchen table or whatever - but this made for a nice change. Gojyo went, nuzzling Hakkai every couple of steps and laughing when he kept getting pushed off, too busy trying to walk and reach Hakkai's brain with his tongue - an idea that was somehow getting him a little hard - at the same time to bother to paying attention to where they were going.
So he didn't realise that the first door that Hakkai dragged him to was actually a hotel until the door swung open on the lunch crowd - literally having the hotel staff for lunch. They both froze, and the zombie stacks-on stopped and turned and sort of looked their way, but apparently the still kicking receptionist was giving much better service.
"Ah. No Vacancy," Hakkai decided, and Gojyo couldn't find any reason to argue. "Come on."
It was only then, when Hakkai began to physically drag him away from the door that he realised he was staring, mouth hanging open and dry, and that he actually was seriously hard. He stumbled a bit, more with the realisation than the fact that the lower part of his bitten leg had lost almost all feeling, and Hakkai caught him effortlessly, solid and strong and warm and he smelled so, so good...
"Gojyo!"
Gojyo blinked. It felt like he'd been asleep standing up. "What!?"
"Everything will be fine," Hakkai told him, stopping to turn and smooth his hair back from his face. It felt really good and he sort of liked the way Hakkai was smiling at him, like he wanted to kiss him, which was just fine with Gojyo and always had been. "You just have to stay awake for a little while longer, okay?"
"Oh, yeah, okay. Sure," Gojyo agreed. Wait. What was he agreeing to again?
"You're still shaking..." Hakkai said softly, like he was almost worried and trying not to show it. Gojyo forced himself to breathe evenly and stand mostly on his own two feet. Didn't look good to cling to Hakkai like that, no matter how good he felt under his hands.
"I'm fine," he lied. "Let's keep going."
The next door they tried - the next one that wasn't busted, swinging open and/or littered with bits of bloody things Gojyo deliberately did not look at - was a Peking Duck restaurant, and it was shut fast with what seemed like large pieces of furniture braced against it on the inside; a pretty good sign.
"Excuse us," Hakkai called experimentally. "If there's someone in there, would you, ah, mind letting us in?"
"Go 'way," came a harsh male voice after a telling pause.
"Nice," Gojyo said, leaning against the wall by the door and his tongue felt a little strange, thick and leaden. Making it work like normal felt like a lot of effort for very little return. "Could just bust our way in, I guess."
Hakkai didn't seem to notice; he shook his head, frowning. "And run the risk of the proprietor shooting you? No." He raised his voice again, along with his fist to bang on the door. "Please. Sir! We honestly pose no threat!"
That sounded like one of Hakkai's not-exactly truths, although why would he lie about something like that? Gojyo stared at him as he banged some more. There was something about the look on his face too, the tone of his voice... But Gojyo suddenly couldn't seem to focus on anything other than how smooth Hakkai's skin looked, like cream, or the soft skin of the palest peach. It looked... Gojyo swallowed, and then sort of wished he hadn't.
"Sir, please!" Hakkai cried a little more passionately. "Please! My friend's injured! If we could just have somewhere safe until I can treat him-"
He heard wood scraping across floors somewhere inside. Then the door cracked open a couple of inches and the barrel of a very large shotgun appeared.
"You're a doctor?" the shotgun asked. Hakkai barely flinched.
"Yes," he said without hesitation.
"Alright. I'll let you in. But you gotta look at some 'n for me."
"Certainly," Hakkai agreed and the shotgun disappeared, the door shut again, and then something heavy, solid and very wooden sounded like it was being dragged slowly out of the way. Another moment and the door cracked open again. This time there was no shotgun, just half of someone's face.
"Quick then," they were told and then Hakkai was scooping up Gojyo from where he'd been propped by the door and helping him limp over the threshold. Gojyo lifted his head to look around as they slipped inside. A semi-wrecked dining room, the windows boarded up. There was a smear of blood like a paint swipe over the service counter in the back and through the service window, the kitchen lights had shorted and were blinking on and off like a heart-attack. There were three people huddled in the far corner, and that's where Gojyo stopped, his own heart skipping beats in his rib cage. Two of them looked frightened and shell-shocked, which was probably understandable, and they smelled so... Gojyo had no idea how the third one, a pretty girl in a waitress' uniform who was cradling her bloody arm and looked about as good as Gojyo felt, could stand it. Just being this close to Hakkai was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.
"What happened?" Hakkai asked.
"What's it look like?" grunted their host to the accompanying scrape of wood again as the sideboard went back in front of the closed door. "Fuck'n undead got into my kitch'n an' ate my chef. What happen'd t'you?"
"Tripped and fucking fell," Gojyo grunted in return; it might not have been such a good idea to say he'd been bit. "Hakkai..."
"Yes," he agreed, and; "Some privacy, if you please," he told the proprietor promptly. "So I can see to my friend. And then I'll take care of whatever it is you'd like me to look at."
"Upstairs on the right," the restaurant owner told them, and cocked his gun to check for rounds like it wasn't the first time he was doing it. "There's a sleep out and a store room next door with a first aid kit if you need it."
Gojyo felt his fingers flex convulsively into Hakkai's arm as they turned and started up the stairs, in an effort not to laugh until he at least got to the top. Somehow, he didn't think a first aid kit was going to cut it.
"I'm fucked," he observed, as Hakkai pushed the door to the room open and they stumbled inside, and he really didn't want to die - or come back for that matter - in a dingy little place like this.
"No, you're not," Hakkai said, with the grim determination of someone who knew what he was saying probably wasn't true. The door shut, and Gojyo sprang.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai only had time for that, before his breath left him on a grunt at the impact of his back against the door and Gojyo's weight against him. And maybe he was struggling, but Gojyo didn't care.
"I'm fucked," he insisted, and buried his head in Hakkai shoulder and just breathed him in and oh, fuck, that just made it worse. "Otherwise I wouldn't be thinking right now about what's under your skin and lickin' my lips..."
Hakkai grabbed his head, and for a second he thought that was it. He'd seen Hakkai snap necks before; it'd be painless.
"Whatever," Hakkai said, and brought his head up not to break his neck but merely to kiss him, and his mouth was warm and wet and so soft Gojyo thought maybe he had died after all. "Whatever you want. Don't you know that?"
"Don't fucking say that," Gojyo mumbled against his lips as their breath mixed. "You asshole. Goddamn it."
"I'm not leaving this place without you, Gojyo."
Bastard. That was a double edged statement and he knew it. "I really don't think I can stop me," Gojyo told him, and dropped to his knees.
"What are you - ?!"
What was he doing? That was an excellent question. Under normal circumstances, and what with the way his shaking hands were unbuttoning Hakkai's fly, it'd look like he was going to blow him. But right now, when he smelled so good - every inch of him, his skin, the sweat clinging to his clothes under the leather of his coat, the faint musky scent that reached him as Hakkai's fly came open - and all he could think about was how he would taste, Gojyo wasn't so sure. He was so hungry; starved, and it felt like he'd never be anything but. He wanted it - something, Hakkai - so bad, there wasn't even any room for preliminaries. As soon as he had Hakkai out, he had him in his mouth, and then it was just all about trying to swallow without biting down first.
"Gojyo!" Hakkai gasped, and both his hands came down on Gojyo's head, fingers clenching into his hair. He wasn't pulling him off though. "You really shouldn't be... I don't think... "
Whatever Hakkai didn't think, he was still going from half hard to fully hard in Gojyo's mouth. At least that made them sort of even; Gojyo had been hard since the hotel. And rather than say, If I don't do something, I might end up tearing you open to get at your liver, Gojyo thought it was probably best not to waste any time discussing it. He gripped Hakkai's hips and dragged him roughly forward, and the feel of warm, living flesh inside his mouth, pressed against his lapping tongue, shoving past his gag reflex and into his throat, made him moan probably way too loudly for this small room with its thin walls. He sucked hard, swallowed, and Hakkai made a choked, panting noise and fell back against the door again with a thud. Gojyo didn't even care if it was really any good at this point; he just wanted to taste...
Hakkai's hands suddenly fisted in his hair, half fighting him as his thighs trembled and his pulse raced under Gojyo's thumbs, half fighting himself as he thrust forward involuntarily. Gojyo moaned again, couldn't get enough air, relished the painful stretch at the corners of his mouth as he closed his lips around cock as close to the base as he'd maybe ever gotten before, and he wished he could tell Hakkai everything that he felt before it was too late.
And then it didn't matter; Hakkai was gasping his name, shivering and coming fast. Gojyo backed off to let it fill his mouth, then splash his face, swallowed, dizzy with the taste, almost blind with a need he couldn't name that Hakkai's cock in his mouth and jizz on his tongue almost filled. He shuddered and his hands reached for Hakkai again; he only just managed to turn his head aside in time.
His teeth closed and he tasted blood, and Hakkai's fist connected with the side of his head.
He landed hard against something - the side of the shabby little day bed about three feet away - and reached a still shaking hand up to see if Hakkai had crushed his throbbing skull in with that blow and he just couldn't feel it.
"Mother fucker," he swore shakily, almost laughing. "Anything I want, huh? Glad to see that's not entirely true."
"Gojyo..." Hakkai was standing still slumped against the door, pants open, face pale and eyes bright, with his hand pressed against the point low on his hip where Gojyo had tried to take a piece out of him, and he looked about as debauched and delicious as Gojyo had ever actually seen him. Such a pity Gojyo was thinking about that last part somewhat literally. "Glad to see you avoided the important parts," he joked hoarsely and Gojyo did laugh then. After all, what else was he supposed to do?
"Reckon this is it then, Hakkai."
"No."
"Remember to give the priest shit for me."
"Give it to him yourself; you are not dying." And Hakkai looked like he was going to say more, but there was a crash from downstairs, breaking glass, screaming and then gunshots.
"That'll be the waitress," Gojyo observed. "Go on," he urged, slumping, digging in his jacket for his cigarettes, because if he couldn't be fucking right now, he was at least going to have a smoke. His fingers encountered cool stone instead of cellophane; the fucking little shitty object d'art that had started this mess in the first place. "There's still people downstairs, Hakkai. They need somebody. Go on. I'll be right here when you get back. You can heal me then."
Hakkai stared at him. "You promise me," he said finally, and Gojyo stared back. He should have known he couldn't fool Hakkai.
"Fuck. Alright. I promise. I'll even keep the home fires burning for you." He grinned cockily and glanced meaningfully down at his still raging boner.
Hakkai looked as well, and then he was smiling.
"Oh, I thought that was just the torch you've been holding for me all this time," he teased gently and Gojyo laughed again as Hakkai turned, opened the door and stepped outside.
"Torch, y' say?" Gojyo said as the door closed. "Fuck, for a smart guy, you're slow sometimes."
And then he was alone. The racket from downstairs sounded like the waitress was proving a handful, or maybe the undead had gotten in the back way; that was how these things usually worked too, right? Maybe if he was lucky, Hakkai wouldn't come back. Maybe he'd deal with the trash downstairs and then just get his ass away, relic or no relic.
Gojyo grunted, and tugged the stupid thing out of where he'd had it shoved inside his jacket. Who was he kidding? Even death and cannibalism obviously wasn't enough to deter Hakkai. And damn, if that didn't make him feel incredibly good somewhere deep down inside. The irony of that being that it probably wasn't a good thing right at this point.
"Stupid fucking errand," Gojyo concluded, to the little ugly statue in his hand. "Stupid fucking priest. You know what? Since I'm gonna fucking die anyway, I think I'm gonna take you with me."
Gojyo hefted the thing in his hand experimentally, turned and eyed the far wall and the open window, and then threw it, a nice easy overhand lob clean and clear. For a second the little guy glinted in the sunlight as he went, glaring back at him. Gojyo grinned and flipped it off at it as it disappeared out of sight, and listened for the smash when it hit the street two floors below.
And he heard it alright.
Because it felt like a bomb just went off in his head. The floor, and darkness, rushed up rudely to meet him.
+++++++++++
He came to slowly, like he was trying to think through cotton wool crammed tight into his skull. Felt a lot like a hang over, actually.
"Whu-" he muttered, and next to him, someone moved.
"Awake, I see."
"No," Gojyo denied, but then Hakkai's fingers gently brushed against his brow and of course he had to open his eyes. "Fuck."
"So," Hakkai began, and he looked a bit mauled, like someone other than Gojyo had tried to use him for a chew toy, but otherwise he was smiling. "How are you feeling?"
"Am I dead? Err, undead?"
"Not at all."
"Then I feel great. Is there any reason I'm tied to the bed though?"
"Ah-hahaha. Not really. Well, perhaps, just in case..."
"In case?"
"Well, there were zombies in the restaurant - including the waitress - and we were sorely out numbered. And then I heard something smash, and suddenly the undead were dead again. I notice you don't have the relic on you any more?"
"I threw it out the window."
"Good thinking. In hindsight, it was probably the source of power for the infection."
"I'm not sure I believe it, but it would have been nice if the priest had warned us."
"Yes, wouldn't it." Hakkai had that look in his eye. Gojyo was glad it had nothing to do with him. For once.
"So, uh, Hakkai. What was the 'in case' part of that?"
"Ah-hahaha. Well you almost bit my thing off before," Hakkai pointed out amiably.
"Cock," Gojyo sighed. "Dick. Wanger. Penis. Why the hell do you have so much trouble with that one word?"
"And I didn't want to take any chances until I'd determined whether you still needed healing," Hakkai continued, blithely ignoring him.
"And?"
"And you're fine."
"And you?"
Hakkai laughed; it sounded a little nervous actually. "Oh, I'm fine too."
Gojyo sighed patiently. "You telling me the truth?"
"Yes. No. Well, there is the fact that you bit me."
"Sorry. But you tasted good."
"I'm flattered. However, it still hurts."
"Well," Gojyo grinned crookedly and shifted into a more comfortable position, spreading his legs in a hopeful manner. "Come here an' let me kiss it better."
Hakkai hesitated. "I'm not sure I want your mouth that close to my private parts again so soon..."
"Cock," Gojyo repeated automatically. "Alright, fine. So untie me and let's get outta this dump."
"Hmm," Hakkai agreed and leaned over to start unbuttoning Gojyo's fly.
Gojyo watched for a second, mouth hanging open. At least now it wasn't because he was fanging for a nice piece of meat, though.
"Um, Hakkai? What are you doing?"
Hakkai smiled, and stopped and leaned up to kiss him, gentle mouth and slow tongue and hint of teeth. Gojyo let him, and it was as nice as any of the other times he'd ever kissed him. There was also the added bonus of Hakkai's hand snaking into his pants.
"I'm looking for that torch, of course," Hakkai laughed softly when he finally released him and Gojyo stared.
"You're kidding."
"Not in the slightest."
And looking at Hakkai's fond, warm smile, and that wicked light in his eyes Gojyo was normally used to seeing right before he was face down, suddenly, tied to a sagging bed in a small, shabby room, after a minor zombie holocaust of which he'd almost been part, everything was utterly perfect. He grinned.
"Then Hakkai?"
"Hmm?"
"Look lower."