The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Fullmetal Alchemist, Roy/Riza)
Title --The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Author-- cornerofmadness
Fandom -- Fullmetal Alchemist
Disclaimer -- Arakawa owns all right, I’m just playing
Rating -- NSFW, explicit
Characters/Pairing --Roy/Riza
Timeline/Spoilers -- early in the series
Word Count --1,918
Warning --Roy’s frustrated potty mouth
Summary -- Things weren’t going according to plan.
Author’s Note -- written for springkink for the prompt -
Fullmetal Alchemist - Roy/Riza - Interrupted sex - They just can’t catch a break. Leave it to me to name erotica after a story from my childhood. Thanks to bay115 for the beta.
XXX
There were a few things Riza didn’t like to admit to, even to herself. Like the fact there were times she wanted sex even more than Roy, as hard as that was to imagine. This was one of those times, but that still didn’t mean she wanted to have sex in the supply closet, not that she could easily convinced Roy of that. His breath curled along the back of her neck, electrifying her skin, sending a rush of warmth lower.
“Roy,” she whispered, “I’m not doing that here. Someone will hear.”
“Havoc, Falman and Breda are at lunch.” Roy’s hands stole up under her shirt and into her bra. How did he manage that so easily? His erection pressed against her backside as he circled a finger over one of her nipples. “And I sent Fuery to learn how to work the new recording devices they just issued. He’ll be gone all day. We’re alone.”
“What is it with you and your office sex fantasy? I only came in here to get typewriter ribbons and paper,” Riza said, trying not to lean into his touch and adding fuel to the fire.
He kissed the back of her neck as one hand slid lower, forcing its way past her waistband. She gulped for air as his finger invited her clitoris to dance. “I’ll show you.”
Riza was about to let him when she heard something. She fought her way free, nearly hurting both of them in the process. Roy shot her a puzzled look as he sucked his jarred finger.
“Someone’s out there,” she hissed, surprised the door didn’t burst into flames under the heat of his glare. “I told you.”
Tugging her jacket completely closed to hide her erect nipples, Riza picked up a ream of paper and some file folders. She jammed them into Roy’s hands, slamming it into his crotch in the process. With a yelp, he grabbed the supplies.
“Someone in there?” Havoc’s smoke-graveled voice came from the other side of the drawer.
Riza grabbed the typewriter ribbon and some carbon paper before flinging the door open, nearly hitting him. “Just getting some supplies.”
Havoc’s eyes flicked to the door then to Mustang behind her. A smirk started to form on his lips. “That all?”
She glared and his smirk broadened. “What else would you be expecting?”
“You okay, Colonel?” Havoc ignored her. “You look…pained.”
“Paper cut,” Roy rasped.
Havoc’s expression hovered between disbelief and amusement. “A paper cut, sir?”
Roy held up a finger, a red rivulet rolling down it. “Hawkeye is a bit rough handing over supplies. What are you even doing here? It’s lunch.”
Havoc shrugged. “The mess hall was serving chopped steak, but it’s more like chopped gristle in lumpy gravy. I gave it a pass. I just came back to get fresh smokes before heading out to find something better. Thought I heard something.”
“Just the sounds of Hawkeye's slave driving again,” Roy said, pain still tainting his voice.
“If I knew you were going to be a baby about a little paper cut, sir, I would have handled everything myself,” Riza replied loftily, dodging around Havoc to return to her desk. Now if only the throbbing between her legs would cease, the afternoon would be good. If she were lucky Roy would blame Havoc for the whack he just took to the groin and not her. If she were really lucky, this would cure Roy of wanting office sex.
XXX
Curing Roy lasted exactly until everyone was out of the office for the night. He held up her departure by offering to take Hayate for his late afternoon walk, which somehow took well over an hour. Roy came back with flowers, so she assumed he’d seen one of his mother’s contacts in East City.
He grinned over the three gardenia flowers tied together with their dark greens by a red ribbon. Riza could smell their perfume from across the room. Roy had chosen wisely, flowers proclaiming secret love. “Did everyone go home?”
“I was planning to join them, but someone had my dog hostage.” She fought against her grin.
Roy pouted as he let Hayate off his leash before going to pull the curtains in his office. Both she and the dog followed him in. “And here I was hoping we could do a little overtime.”
“Work is never on your mind,” she countered.
Roy sauntered back over to her, catching her chin between his fingers, tipping her up for a kiss. “Definitely not the overtime I had in mind.”
“Oh, I can guess what you have in mind. Haven’t I said no to sex on your desk about a hundred times?”
“I’m ever hopeful.” Roy reached into his desk and pulled out a dog treat. He winged it into the anteroom. “Go get it, boy.” He shut and locked the door after Hayate charged after the treat.
Riza gave him a look, but didn’t protest when he came back over to her, sweeping her up in his arms. Kissing her hard, Roy bore her back against his desk. Riza cupped his crotch, feeling a growing hardness under the rough cloth of his uniform trousers. “You must have been thinking about this the whole walk. You’re already half hard,” she mumbled.
“It’s been so long,” he murmured, laying her back against his suspiciously cleaned desk. She should have noticed that all the files had disappeared from its top. Riza had to agree with him. It hadbeen too long. It was the only reason she wasn’t arguing as he undid her buttons, nuzzling into her shirt.
That familiar flood of warmth left her feeling swollen and completely ready for him. She didn’t want to know where he had a condom tin hidden, but Riza had no doubt Roy did. He rocked his hips against her, increasing the heat between them. Reluctantly breaking away from his mouth as it toyed with her breasts, Riza pushed him back a little so she could sit up. She freed his cock from its confines. She stroked its thick length, almost purple against the blue of his uniform. Her finger swept over the spongy head, peeking out from his foreskin. She rubbed the dew against his slit, making him moan. Just as she was considering twisting on the desk so she could get her mouth around his inviting flesh, the phone rang.
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” Roy growled.
“You know it has to be important if the switchboard put it through this late,” Riza said, wincing at her own words. That was the last thing either of them wanted to hear.
“Dammit.” Roy snatched up the phone, not bothering to tuck himself into his pants. “What? Obviously I’m still here, Hughes, but I shouldn’t be. What do you want? Yes, I’m testy. It’s been a long day…look, I can’t talk now…seriously, I know what your ‘it’s important’ usually means….This absolutely can’t wait? Hughes, I’m serious. If this isn’t important, I’m on the next train and the last thing you’ll hear is the snap of my fingers!” Roy snarled, sitting on the edge of the desk.
Riza buttoned up her shirt and collected Hayate’s leash. She knew just how long Hughes could talk.
“This is going to take forever, Hughes,” Roy whined.
Riza patted him on the head and went to collect her dog, chalking it up to another lost opportunity.
XXX
Riza was actually surprised to see him at her place. She pulled her robe closer as she stepped back. It was late and Roy smelled like he had come from the Pink Pearl, one of his mother’s bars in town, run by his elder ‘sister.’ Where Roy had gotten the blond wig from she could only imagine, but with his hat pulled low shadowing his obviously Xingese eyes, he could be mistake for Edward Elric if the boy was wearing platform shoes. Roy looked utterly ridiculous, but no one would recognize him.
“Do I even want to know?” she asked.
“About the hair or the long insufferable call from Hughes?” Roy grunted, ditching his jacket.
“Either.”
“Esmeralda wanted the new girls to get some experience in disguises.” Roy unpinned the wig. “And Hughes did have something important to say, but then it denigrated into more babbling about his wife and baby.” He took her hand. “I don’t want to talk about either.” He pulled her to him, fumbling with her robe’s tie.
Riza held it together. “Bed. People might see us here.” She nodded to the open window.
Roy didn’t argue. He swept her up and carried her to her bed, tumbling them both onto it. He had her robe off in one smooth move before kicking his shoes off. Straddling him and feeling the heat of him between her legs, Riza tugged his belt open, then unbuttoned his shirt. Leaning down, she caught one of his nipples in her mouth, giving it a tug.
Roy’s fingers trailed along her cleft, one of them dipping into her as his thumb found her clit. Riza ground down greedily on his hand. She thumbed his dampened nipple, making it stand up more before sucking it again. He moaned, but it took on a weird pitch. Lifting off his hand, Riza looked down at Roy. He looked just as puzzled. The noise hadn’t come from him.
Another retching sound echoed from the other room. Riza sagged down against Roy before rolling off the bed. She scrambled for her robe.
“What the hell is it now? Just leave it, Riza. Unless this place is burning down, just ignore it.”
“I can’t. I think Hayate is throwing up.”
“Oh, fuck.” Roy got up too and followed her into the living room.
The dog was head down, his belly heaving. An impressive pile of vomit had already accumulated on the floor.
“Roy, what did you let him eat?”
“Uh, he might have gotten into the trash when I was outside Joe’s Meat shop talking to Joe and he did eat grass in the park,” Roy said sheepishly.
Riza snatched the leash off the stand near the door. “Get him outside.”
Roy hefted Hayate up, grabbed the leash and headed for the door. Sighing, Riza went to get a bucket to clean up the stinking mess. She had half of it scrubbed up before she realized she had just sent Roy outside, shirt open, no shoes, and no wig with her dog. With the way this day had been running, someone was bound to notice. They just couldn’t catch a break.
It took Roy forever to walk a subdued Hayate back through her door. “I think he ate every bad hunk of meat in the garbage, but he seems to finally be empty.” He handed her the leash and stalked into the bedroom.
Roy came back out with his shoes on, seized his jacket off the back of the couch, slammed the wig on without pins and held it in place with his hat. “I’m going home. The rate this day is going, we’ll fall off the bed and I’ll break my dick. I’m not risking it.”
She stank like dog vomit and all Riza really wanted was a shower. “I understand.”
She gave him a kiss and locked the door after him. The sad part was, she was still really horny and was going to have to go to bed disappointed. Riza squatted down and petted Hayate once before heading back to the showers. Maybe tomorrow would be better.
Author-- cornerofmadness
Fandom -- Fullmetal Alchemist
Disclaimer -- Arakawa owns all right, I’m just playing
Rating -- NSFW, explicit
Characters/Pairing --Roy/Riza
Timeline/Spoilers -- early in the series
Word Count --1,918
Warning --Roy’s frustrated potty mouth
Summary -- Things weren’t going according to plan.
Author’s Note -- written for springkink for the prompt -
Fullmetal Alchemist - Roy/Riza - Interrupted sex - They just can’t catch a break. Leave it to me to name erotica after a story from my childhood. Thanks to bay115 for the beta.
XXX
There were a few things Riza didn’t like to admit to, even to herself. Like the fact there were times she wanted sex even more than Roy, as hard as that was to imagine. This was one of those times, but that still didn’t mean she wanted to have sex in the supply closet, not that she could easily convinced Roy of that. His breath curled along the back of her neck, electrifying her skin, sending a rush of warmth lower.
“Roy,” she whispered, “I’m not doing that here. Someone will hear.”
“Havoc, Falman and Breda are at lunch.” Roy’s hands stole up under her shirt and into her bra. How did he manage that so easily? His erection pressed against her backside as he circled a finger over one of her nipples. “And I sent Fuery to learn how to work the new recording devices they just issued. He’ll be gone all day. We’re alone.”
“What is it with you and your office sex fantasy? I only came in here to get typewriter ribbons and paper,” Riza said, trying not to lean into his touch and adding fuel to the fire.
He kissed the back of her neck as one hand slid lower, forcing its way past her waistband. She gulped for air as his finger invited her clitoris to dance. “I’ll show you.”
Riza was about to let him when she heard something. She fought her way free, nearly hurting both of them in the process. Roy shot her a puzzled look as he sucked his jarred finger.
“Someone’s out there,” she hissed, surprised the door didn’t burst into flames under the heat of his glare. “I told you.”
Tugging her jacket completely closed to hide her erect nipples, Riza picked up a ream of paper and some file folders. She jammed them into Roy’s hands, slamming it into his crotch in the process. With a yelp, he grabbed the supplies.
“Someone in there?” Havoc’s smoke-graveled voice came from the other side of the drawer.
Riza grabbed the typewriter ribbon and some carbon paper before flinging the door open, nearly hitting him. “Just getting some supplies.”
Havoc’s eyes flicked to the door then to Mustang behind her. A smirk started to form on his lips. “That all?”
She glared and his smirk broadened. “What else would you be expecting?”
“You okay, Colonel?” Havoc ignored her. “You look…pained.”
“Paper cut,” Roy rasped.
Havoc’s expression hovered between disbelief and amusement. “A paper cut, sir?”
Roy held up a finger, a red rivulet rolling down it. “Hawkeye is a bit rough handing over supplies. What are you even doing here? It’s lunch.”
Havoc shrugged. “The mess hall was serving chopped steak, but it’s more like chopped gristle in lumpy gravy. I gave it a pass. I just came back to get fresh smokes before heading out to find something better. Thought I heard something.”
“Just the sounds of Hawkeye's slave driving again,” Roy said, pain still tainting his voice.
“If I knew you were going to be a baby about a little paper cut, sir, I would have handled everything myself,” Riza replied loftily, dodging around Havoc to return to her desk. Now if only the throbbing between her legs would cease, the afternoon would be good. If she were lucky Roy would blame Havoc for the whack he just took to the groin and not her. If she were really lucky, this would cure Roy of wanting office sex.
XXX
Curing Roy lasted exactly until everyone was out of the office for the night. He held up her departure by offering to take Hayate for his late afternoon walk, which somehow took well over an hour. Roy came back with flowers, so she assumed he’d seen one of his mother’s contacts in East City.
He grinned over the three gardenia flowers tied together with their dark greens by a red ribbon. Riza could smell their perfume from across the room. Roy had chosen wisely, flowers proclaiming secret love. “Did everyone go home?”
“I was planning to join them, but someone had my dog hostage.” She fought against her grin.
Roy pouted as he let Hayate off his leash before going to pull the curtains in his office. Both she and the dog followed him in. “And here I was hoping we could do a little overtime.”
“Work is never on your mind,” she countered.
Roy sauntered back over to her, catching her chin between his fingers, tipping her up for a kiss. “Definitely not the overtime I had in mind.”
“Oh, I can guess what you have in mind. Haven’t I said no to sex on your desk about a hundred times?”
“I’m ever hopeful.” Roy reached into his desk and pulled out a dog treat. He winged it into the anteroom. “Go get it, boy.” He shut and locked the door after Hayate charged after the treat.
Riza gave him a look, but didn’t protest when he came back over to her, sweeping her up in his arms. Kissing her hard, Roy bore her back against his desk. Riza cupped his crotch, feeling a growing hardness under the rough cloth of his uniform trousers. “You must have been thinking about this the whole walk. You’re already half hard,” she mumbled.
“It’s been so long,” he murmured, laying her back against his suspiciously cleaned desk. She should have noticed that all the files had disappeared from its top. Riza had to agree with him. It hadbeen too long. It was the only reason she wasn’t arguing as he undid her buttons, nuzzling into her shirt.
That familiar flood of warmth left her feeling swollen and completely ready for him. She didn’t want to know where he had a condom tin hidden, but Riza had no doubt Roy did. He rocked his hips against her, increasing the heat between them. Reluctantly breaking away from his mouth as it toyed with her breasts, Riza pushed him back a little so she could sit up. She freed his cock from its confines. She stroked its thick length, almost purple against the blue of his uniform. Her finger swept over the spongy head, peeking out from his foreskin. She rubbed the dew against his slit, making him moan. Just as she was considering twisting on the desk so she could get her mouth around his inviting flesh, the phone rang.
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” Roy growled.
“You know it has to be important if the switchboard put it through this late,” Riza said, wincing at her own words. That was the last thing either of them wanted to hear.
“Dammit.” Roy snatched up the phone, not bothering to tuck himself into his pants. “What? Obviously I’m still here, Hughes, but I shouldn’t be. What do you want? Yes, I’m testy. It’s been a long day…look, I can’t talk now…seriously, I know what your ‘it’s important’ usually means….This absolutely can’t wait? Hughes, I’m serious. If this isn’t important, I’m on the next train and the last thing you’ll hear is the snap of my fingers!” Roy snarled, sitting on the edge of the desk.
Riza buttoned up her shirt and collected Hayate’s leash. She knew just how long Hughes could talk.
“This is going to take forever, Hughes,” Roy whined.
Riza patted him on the head and went to collect her dog, chalking it up to another lost opportunity.
XXX
Riza was actually surprised to see him at her place. She pulled her robe closer as she stepped back. It was late and Roy smelled like he had come from the Pink Pearl, one of his mother’s bars in town, run by his elder ‘sister.’ Where Roy had gotten the blond wig from she could only imagine, but with his hat pulled low shadowing his obviously Xingese eyes, he could be mistake for Edward Elric if the boy was wearing platform shoes. Roy looked utterly ridiculous, but no one would recognize him.
“Do I even want to know?” she asked.
“About the hair or the long insufferable call from Hughes?” Roy grunted, ditching his jacket.
“Either.”
“Esmeralda wanted the new girls to get some experience in disguises.” Roy unpinned the wig. “And Hughes did have something important to say, but then it denigrated into more babbling about his wife and baby.” He took her hand. “I don’t want to talk about either.” He pulled her to him, fumbling with her robe’s tie.
Riza held it together. “Bed. People might see us here.” She nodded to the open window.
Roy didn’t argue. He swept her up and carried her to her bed, tumbling them both onto it. He had her robe off in one smooth move before kicking his shoes off. Straddling him and feeling the heat of him between her legs, Riza tugged his belt open, then unbuttoned his shirt. Leaning down, she caught one of his nipples in her mouth, giving it a tug.
Roy’s fingers trailed along her cleft, one of them dipping into her as his thumb found her clit. Riza ground down greedily on his hand. She thumbed his dampened nipple, making it stand up more before sucking it again. He moaned, but it took on a weird pitch. Lifting off his hand, Riza looked down at Roy. He looked just as puzzled. The noise hadn’t come from him.
Another retching sound echoed from the other room. Riza sagged down against Roy before rolling off the bed. She scrambled for her robe.
“What the hell is it now? Just leave it, Riza. Unless this place is burning down, just ignore it.”
“I can’t. I think Hayate is throwing up.”
“Oh, fuck.” Roy got up too and followed her into the living room.
The dog was head down, his belly heaving. An impressive pile of vomit had already accumulated on the floor.
“Roy, what did you let him eat?”
“Uh, he might have gotten into the trash when I was outside Joe’s Meat shop talking to Joe and he did eat grass in the park,” Roy said sheepishly.
Riza snatched the leash off the stand near the door. “Get him outside.”
Roy hefted Hayate up, grabbed the leash and headed for the door. Sighing, Riza went to get a bucket to clean up the stinking mess. She had half of it scrubbed up before she realized she had just sent Roy outside, shirt open, no shoes, and no wig with her dog. With the way this day had been running, someone was bound to notice. They just couldn’t catch a break.
It took Roy forever to walk a subdued Hayate back through her door. “I think he ate every bad hunk of meat in the garbage, but he seems to finally be empty.” He handed her the leash and stalked into the bedroom.
Roy came back out with his shoes on, seized his jacket off the back of the couch, slammed the wig on without pins and held it in place with his hat. “I’m going home. The rate this day is going, we’ll fall off the bed and I’ll break my dick. I’m not risking it.”
She stank like dog vomit and all Riza really wanted was a shower. “I understand.”
She gave him a kiss and locked the door after him. The sad part was, she was still really horny and was going to have to go to bed disappointed. Riza squatted down and petted Hayate once before heading back to the showers. Maybe tomorrow would be better.