"Coming Home", Legal Drug, Saiga/Kakei
Title: Coming Home
Author: lady_ganesh
Rating: R
Pairing: Kakei/Saiga
Prompt: Sex as an escape or distraction - massage, pampering that turns erotic, quickening of breath and other physical reactions: Give me the strength to lay this burden down
Notes: Contains wild backstory speculation. Thanks to synergic for betaing!
"Are you all right?" Kakei asked, guiding Saiga up the stairs. Saiga'd been practicing with the cane, but the nurses had explained it was a long process, and he'd have to be especially careful in his first few days home, while he once again got accustomed to Kakei's apartment.
Saiga had had weeks to adjust to blindness, reminded of his condition every second, but now the true weight was finally hitting Kakei, and hitting him hard; Saiga couldn't see, wouldn't ever see again. "I'll fix this," he said, gripping Saiga's arm a little tighter than he should have. "I'll fix it. There's a woman, she has--"
"Don't," Saiga said. "Not now. There's been enough of that for a while."
Kakei blew breath out from between his teeth. That, at least, was true enough. The horror of Saiga's face haunted him; bandages and dark glasses covered the devastated flesh, but they both knew what was beneath. The doctor said that glass eyes might help Saiga feel more 'normal,' if the damage to the eyesockets healed enough.
Normal. As if things had ever been that.
Kakei wished, stupidly, that they'd been face-to-face the last time--
"You gonna let me in?" Saiga asked, and Kakei could hear the edge of humor.
"I'm sorry," Kakei said, and guided him through the door.
"Stop apologizing." Saiga swept into the apartment just as he always had, broad shoulders and confidence. "You didn't move anything?"
"No," Kakei said. He'd been terrified to move even the mail for the first few days Saiga had spent in the hospital until he'd realized how absurd that was. But he'd been careful to keep all the furniture in place, all the chairs carefully pushed into the table. Still, Saiga swept the cane out before him, checking for each obstacle.
"I'm glad you like your place uncluttered," Saiga noted wryly.
"I've been cleaning more regularly since I knew you'd be coming home soon."
Saiga reached over and wrapped his arm around Kakei. "You take good care of me," he murmured into Kakei's hair.
A ridiculous thing to say, given how badly Kakei had failed. But Saiga's touch was still a comfort.
"Come on," Saiga continued. "I'm tired. Put me to bed?"
Kakei walked him slowly to the bedroom, warning Saiga before he turned. Saiga leaned heavily on Kakei, but Kakei suspected it was more an excuse to murmur reassurance into Kakei's hair than out of need. That was all right. He'd missed this intimacy. He let Saiga's fingers travel down his back, gentle and sweet.
"You could rub my back," Saiga said.
It hadn't been a suggestion. Kakei sighed; Saiga was never going to be subtle. He took his glasses off, and waited while Saiga peeled his shirt over his head.
He tilted his head in Kakei's direction and grinned. "I'm tense."
Kakei rolled his eyes, then realized Saiga wouldn't see it. "Of course you are."
Saiga got down on the futon and Kakei followed, his hand sweeping across the broad expanse of Saiga’s back. "Should I get some lotion?"
"Yeah," Saiga said thoughtfully. "That'd be good."
Kakei reached over and fussed with the supplies they kept at the side of the futon until he found the lotion. He snapped the lid open and smoothed some onto his palm. With Saiga lying down like this, he could almost pretend everything was normal.
"You all right?"
"Yes," Kakei said, and turned his attention back to Saiga, who was wiggling into the futon expectantly. "Be patient."
"I've been patient for two months," Saiga said. "'You need to take things slowly, Saiga-san.' 'You just need to wait a bit longer, Saiga-san.'"
"I know," Kakei said, smoothing the first of the lotion onto Saiga's broad shoulders. "I'm sorry."
Saiga sighed. "It's all right," he said.
Kakei could feel Saiga relaxing under his touch, his breaths deepening.
"I'm glad to be out of the hospital," Saiga continued. "This feels like home."
Kakei paused. "It's your home as long as you want it to be," he said, hoping those were the right words.
"So you missed me?"
Kakei began rubbing Saiga's shoulders again. "What do you think?"
"Hn." Kakei could hear the smile in Saiga's voice. "What else did you miss?"
"Don't you know?" Kakei made his touch a little less a massage, a little more a caress.
"You didmiss me," Saiga said, and was it Kakei's imagination, or was the skin he was touching warming a bit?
He applied a bit more pressure to Saiga's back, making his touches slow and affectionate. "Better?"
"Yeah," Saiga said, and this time there was no doubting the desire in his voice. "I couldn't even jerk off in that place, people were there all the time--"
Kakei felt his own breath coming faster.
"I missed you so much," Saiga continued. "Everything. Not just the sex. I mean, I missed the sex--"
"Shh," Kakei said, leaning over Saiga, letting the fall of his bangs brush against the back of Saiga's neck. He was hard, and Saiga must be too, by now. When they'd first been together, they drove each other crazy, the slightest touches leading to handjobs in the kitchen, Saiga on his knees in the bathroom, Kakei leaning over the still-folded futon as Saiga whispered are you ready?
Even after everything, Kakei knew Saiga trusted him. It made him ache, made it harder to breathe.
"Kakei," Saiga said again. "You don't have to--"
"But I--"
Saiga moved beneath him, turning over, grabbing Kakei's elbows and holding him in place. "You nothing," he said. "You didn't do this. He did. And I got in the way. Stop blaming yourself."
Kakei forced his lungs to draw in breath.
"Let it go," Saiga said. "I'm alive. I'm here. We're together." His leg shifted under Kakei, freeing his knee, and he pulled Kakei into his arms, between his legs.
Saiga was always so strong. Even through this.
"You're beautiful," Saiga said. He let Kakei's elbow go and put one of his hands against Kakei's face. "I know that. I'll always know that. Please. Let it go. At least for a little while."
Kakei turned his face into Saiga's palm. "All right," he said.
Still, as he let himself relax, as Saiga pulled his shirt over his head, he thought: The woman. I'll find her. He'll see again.
I'll make it right.
Author: lady_ganesh
Rating: R
Pairing: Kakei/Saiga
Prompt: Sex as an escape or distraction - massage, pampering that turns erotic, quickening of breath and other physical reactions: Give me the strength to lay this burden down
Notes: Contains wild backstory speculation. Thanks to synergic for betaing!
"Are you all right?" Kakei asked, guiding Saiga up the stairs. Saiga'd been practicing with the cane, but the nurses had explained it was a long process, and he'd have to be especially careful in his first few days home, while he once again got accustomed to Kakei's apartment.
Saiga had had weeks to adjust to blindness, reminded of his condition every second, but now the true weight was finally hitting Kakei, and hitting him hard; Saiga couldn't see, wouldn't ever see again. "I'll fix this," he said, gripping Saiga's arm a little tighter than he should have. "I'll fix it. There's a woman, she has--"
"Don't," Saiga said. "Not now. There's been enough of that for a while."
Kakei blew breath out from between his teeth. That, at least, was true enough. The horror of Saiga's face haunted him; bandages and dark glasses covered the devastated flesh, but they both knew what was beneath. The doctor said that glass eyes might help Saiga feel more 'normal,' if the damage to the eyesockets healed enough.
Normal. As if things had ever been that.
Kakei wished, stupidly, that they'd been face-to-face the last time--
"You gonna let me in?" Saiga asked, and Kakei could hear the edge of humor.
"I'm sorry," Kakei said, and guided him through the door.
"Stop apologizing." Saiga swept into the apartment just as he always had, broad shoulders and confidence. "You didn't move anything?"
"No," Kakei said. He'd been terrified to move even the mail for the first few days Saiga had spent in the hospital until he'd realized how absurd that was. But he'd been careful to keep all the furniture in place, all the chairs carefully pushed into the table. Still, Saiga swept the cane out before him, checking for each obstacle.
"I'm glad you like your place uncluttered," Saiga noted wryly.
"I've been cleaning more regularly since I knew you'd be coming home soon."
Saiga reached over and wrapped his arm around Kakei. "You take good care of me," he murmured into Kakei's hair.
A ridiculous thing to say, given how badly Kakei had failed. But Saiga's touch was still a comfort.
"Come on," Saiga continued. "I'm tired. Put me to bed?"
Kakei walked him slowly to the bedroom, warning Saiga before he turned. Saiga leaned heavily on Kakei, but Kakei suspected it was more an excuse to murmur reassurance into Kakei's hair than out of need. That was all right. He'd missed this intimacy. He let Saiga's fingers travel down his back, gentle and sweet.
"You could rub my back," Saiga said.
It hadn't been a suggestion. Kakei sighed; Saiga was never going to be subtle. He took his glasses off, and waited while Saiga peeled his shirt over his head.
He tilted his head in Kakei's direction and grinned. "I'm tense."
Kakei rolled his eyes, then realized Saiga wouldn't see it. "Of course you are."
Saiga got down on the futon and Kakei followed, his hand sweeping across the broad expanse of Saiga’s back. "Should I get some lotion?"
"Yeah," Saiga said thoughtfully. "That'd be good."
Kakei reached over and fussed with the supplies they kept at the side of the futon until he found the lotion. He snapped the lid open and smoothed some onto his palm. With Saiga lying down like this, he could almost pretend everything was normal.
"You all right?"
"Yes," Kakei said, and turned his attention back to Saiga, who was wiggling into the futon expectantly. "Be patient."
"I've been patient for two months," Saiga said. "'You need to take things slowly, Saiga-san.' 'You just need to wait a bit longer, Saiga-san.'"
"I know," Kakei said, smoothing the first of the lotion onto Saiga's broad shoulders. "I'm sorry."
Saiga sighed. "It's all right," he said.
Kakei could feel Saiga relaxing under his touch, his breaths deepening.
"I'm glad to be out of the hospital," Saiga continued. "This feels like home."
Kakei paused. "It's your home as long as you want it to be," he said, hoping those were the right words.
"So you missed me?"
Kakei began rubbing Saiga's shoulders again. "What do you think?"
"Hn." Kakei could hear the smile in Saiga's voice. "What else did you miss?"
"Don't you know?" Kakei made his touch a little less a massage, a little more a caress.
"You didmiss me," Saiga said, and was it Kakei's imagination, or was the skin he was touching warming a bit?
He applied a bit more pressure to Saiga's back, making his touches slow and affectionate. "Better?"
"Yeah," Saiga said, and this time there was no doubting the desire in his voice. "I couldn't even jerk off in that place, people were there all the time--"
Kakei felt his own breath coming faster.
"I missed you so much," Saiga continued. "Everything. Not just the sex. I mean, I missed the sex--"
"Shh," Kakei said, leaning over Saiga, letting the fall of his bangs brush against the back of Saiga's neck. He was hard, and Saiga must be too, by now. When they'd first been together, they drove each other crazy, the slightest touches leading to handjobs in the kitchen, Saiga on his knees in the bathroom, Kakei leaning over the still-folded futon as Saiga whispered are you ready?
Even after everything, Kakei knew Saiga trusted him. It made him ache, made it harder to breathe.
"Kakei," Saiga said again. "You don't have to--"
"But I--"
Saiga moved beneath him, turning over, grabbing Kakei's elbows and holding him in place. "You nothing," he said. "You didn't do this. He did. And I got in the way. Stop blaming yourself."
Kakei forced his lungs to draw in breath.
"Let it go," Saiga said. "I'm alive. I'm here. We're together." His leg shifted under Kakei, freeing his knee, and he pulled Kakei into his arms, between his legs.
Saiga was always so strong. Even through this.
"You're beautiful," Saiga said. He let Kakei's elbow go and put one of his hands against Kakei's face. "I know that. I'll always know that. Please. Let it go. At least for a little while."
Kakei turned his face into Saiga's palm. "All right," he said.
Still, as he let himself relax, as Saiga pulled his shirt over his head, he thought: The woman. I'll find her. He'll see again.
I'll make it right.