Doomsday Device? [Final Fantasy VII, Cloud/Tifa, G]
Title: Doomsday Device?
Author: sekiharatae
Rating: G
Word Count: 450ish
Prompt: Cloud/Tifa: Something new - What the hell kind of anniversary gift had Yuffie given them?!
Warnings: None
A/N: I hadn't originally planned to write anything for this round, but nobody else had taken this prompt (so it looked lonely...?)
They found it on the kitchen counter one Sunday morning, with a large white bow on top and a card from Yuffie encouraging them to “Enjoy!”
As it resembled nothing so much as an upside-down bullmotor cast in stainless steel, Cloud was hard-pressed not to give in to his first impulse, and smash it with one of his swords. Preferably into many, many pieces. Before it exploded, or shot them with the little metal spikes dotting its surface, or spit caustic oil out of the nozzle at the bottom.
Grabbing the bar’s hand-held, Tifa dialed the little ninja to find out exactly why she’d left them a monument to one of Corel Prison’s less memorable monsters.
“So, do you like it?” Yuffie answered after the second ring, skipping the traditional greeting once she saw the caller ID.
“That depends,” Tifa said, cautiously, “on what it is.”
“Your anniversary gift!” The ninja’s tone made it clear that this should have been obvious.
“Oh. Well, thank you.” That at least explained the bow.
“Don’t get so excited,” Yuffie complained, sounding at once annoyed and hurt, “it only cost most of a weekly paycheck.”
Tifa frowned at the strange, spiky sphere, confused anew as to its purpose. Even if Yuffie was exaggerating - and she probably was - she still must have spent a fair amount of gil on this... whatever it was. “Really Yuffie, thank you,” she said, striving to sound sincerely thrilled.
Cloud folded his arms and gestured for the phone with one hand, brows lowered in impatience. Waving him off, she mouthed at him to let her handle it.
“You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble, though, really.”
“Celebrating my best friend’s first anniversary is no trouble!” Bubbly humor restored, Yuffie was all bouncy excitement again. “So when are you going to use it?”
“We haven’t decided yet.” Biting her lip, Tifa tilted her head to examine the gift from a different angle, but found its mysterious purpose no more apparent than before. “It’s just...” she paused, swallowed, started again, “You see, Yuffie...”
Leaning in, Cloud wrapped his hand over hers to angle the phone toward himself. “We don’t know what it is or what it does,” he announced flatly, “but it looks like it could blow up if we get too close.”
Silence, and then Tifa was pulling the receiver away from her ear, allowing Yuffie’s loud, ungracious guffawing to ring out, only slightly muffled due to the connection. It took several minutes for her to calm down, and then - still chortling, she gasped a short explanation:
“It’s an espresso machine. Duh!”
The item in this fic is real. It's an espresso machine made by Saeco. Click for Images. I found it by doing a search for bizarre kitchen appliances, after my search for bizarre sex toys gave me nothing story inspiring.
Author: sekiharatae
Rating: G
Word Count: 450ish
Prompt: Cloud/Tifa: Something new - What the hell kind of anniversary gift had Yuffie given them?!
Warnings: None
A/N: I hadn't originally planned to write anything for this round, but nobody else had taken this prompt (so it looked lonely...?)
They found it on the kitchen counter one Sunday morning, with a large white bow on top and a card from Yuffie encouraging them to “Enjoy!”
As it resembled nothing so much as an upside-down bullmotor cast in stainless steel, Cloud was hard-pressed not to give in to his first impulse, and smash it with one of his swords. Preferably into many, many pieces. Before it exploded, or shot them with the little metal spikes dotting its surface, or spit caustic oil out of the nozzle at the bottom.
Grabbing the bar’s hand-held, Tifa dialed the little ninja to find out exactly why she’d left them a monument to one of Corel Prison’s less memorable monsters.
“So, do you like it?” Yuffie answered after the second ring, skipping the traditional greeting once she saw the caller ID.
“That depends,” Tifa said, cautiously, “on what it is.”
“Your anniversary gift!” The ninja’s tone made it clear that this should have been obvious.
“Oh. Well, thank you.” That at least explained the bow.
“Don’t get so excited,” Yuffie complained, sounding at once annoyed and hurt, “it only cost most of a weekly paycheck.”
Tifa frowned at the strange, spiky sphere, confused anew as to its purpose. Even if Yuffie was exaggerating - and she probably was - she still must have spent a fair amount of gil on this... whatever it was. “Really Yuffie, thank you,” she said, striving to sound sincerely thrilled.
Cloud folded his arms and gestured for the phone with one hand, brows lowered in impatience. Waving him off, she mouthed at him to let her handle it.
“You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble, though, really.”
“Celebrating my best friend’s first anniversary is no trouble!” Bubbly humor restored, Yuffie was all bouncy excitement again. “So when are you going to use it?”
“We haven’t decided yet.” Biting her lip, Tifa tilted her head to examine the gift from a different angle, but found its mysterious purpose no more apparent than before. “It’s just...” she paused, swallowed, started again, “You see, Yuffie...”
Leaning in, Cloud wrapped his hand over hers to angle the phone toward himself. “We don’t know what it is or what it does,” he announced flatly, “but it looks like it could blow up if we get too close.”
Silence, and then Tifa was pulling the receiver away from her ear, allowing Yuffie’s loud, ungracious guffawing to ring out, only slightly muffled due to the connection. It took several minutes for her to calm down, and then - still chortling, she gasped a short explanation:
“It’s an espresso machine. Duh!”
The item in this fic is real. It's an espresso machine made by Saeco. Click for Images. I found it by doing a search for bizarre kitchen appliances, after my search for bizarre sex toys gave me nothing story inspiring.