lazra
in
springkink
[Fic] no title; Renji, Byakuya
Title: ???
Author: Lazra
Rating: PG
Warnings: Alcohol and paper
Prompt: Bleach; Byakuya Kuchiki/Renji Abarai; paperwork - origami
Summary: Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.
A/N: Couldn't think of a title for this. :(
Kuchiki Byakuya stood in the doorframe and surveyed his usually pristine office.
Matsumoto was sitting on a cushion and taking a swig from a sake jug. Kira was passed out on the floor in a puddle of drool. (It had better be drool.) And his own vice-captain was sitting on top of the desk, cheerily cutting up--
His eyes narrowed. "Are those my expense reports?" he intoned with deadly menace.
"Captain!" Renji waved the remains of the paper in a happy greeting. Matsumoto saluted him with her jug and a drunken grin. Kira gurgled, but it may have been coincidence.
Byakuya grabbed the paper from him. He recognized his own writing and the text of his reports, which represented over half a day's tedious work. "Why are you shredding my reports? Why are you even in my office?"
"We were jus' havin' a drink," Matsumoto slurred, "when we deshided to haf a contest."
"WHOCANMAKETHEBESTPLANE!" Renji crowed. He dug into his shirt and produced a handful of planes.
At least Byakuya assumed they were all planes. Some looked capable of flight, while others were little more than crumpled lumps.
"An' we ran outta paper," Matsumoto continued, "s'we came here. 'Cuz you alwaysh haf lotsa paper, righ'? F'r all those booooring repords 'n stuff." Matsumoto frowned at the last bit, as though even mentioning work might kill her joyful buzz.
Renji carried on the explanation. Byakuya knew that when Renji drank, he didn't slur, but as his brain slowed down, his speech could speed up to squirrel-on-espresso levels. "AfterKirawonIdecidedtoworkonmyorigamiskills'causeit'smyhobby." He grabbed a few wrinkly papers that vaguely resembled some simple origami birds. "ThenIfiguredouthowtomakeanORIGAMIZABIMARU!!!"
He grabbed the scissors and stabbed them through a wadded ball of red paper. "BANKAI!" he cried, wildly snipping the air at invisible origami enemies.
Byakuya deftly snatched "Zabimaru" away before Renji could stab himself. "That still doesn't explain why you are shredding my reports."
Renji cocked his head and looked wide-eyed at his captain. "Youcan'ttell?"
Byakuya glared sternly. "No, I cannot."
Renji gathered up all of his shreds. Curiously, Byakuya thought, Renji seemed to hold himself a bit straighter and in a low, authoritative voice, he uttered a single command...
"Scatter."
Byakuya mentally facepalmed as Renji tossed the shreds into the air and giggled madly. He so should have seen that coming.
Byakuya sighed. Ever the gentleman, he went over to Matsumoto and offered her a hand up from her seat. Bemused, she let herself be led outside the office. Then Byakuya grabbed Renji by the scruff of his collar and Kira by an ankle and unceremoniously tossed them out. He shut the door firmly, set about repairing the damage, and wondered what a suitable form of punishment would be.
He paused as an idea came to him, and a rare evil grin slowly spread across his face.
The next day, Renji was quite certain something had crawled into his mouth and died. Probably trampled to death by the chorus line of Hollows stamping through his skull.
What the hell had he done last night? He knew it started off as a cheer-up party for Kira, but Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.
Stupid hangover...Where was he? He prodded the squishy lump he'd been sleeping on.
"Do that again, and I will kill you," came a muffled but surly voice.
Renji sat up in shock when he realized he'd been using Kira's butt as a pillow. Kira didn't move. He kept his face hidden down in the crook of his elbow.
"We're naked," Renji noticed.
"I know."
"Why are we naked?"
Kira raised his head just enough to glare at Renji, then glare pointedly behind him.
Renji turned around slowly and found himself facing most of the Shinigami Women's Association. They all wore predatory grins. Renji quickly tried to cover himself. Kira only dropped his face back to his elbow.
"Good morning, gentlemen," said Nanao, adjusting her glasses. "We have tea and breakfast ready for you."
"You...do?" Renji was suspicious.
"Of course." Her grin widened. "We even got you some spare uniforms. Now, get dressed and start eating so we can negotiate the terms of our exchange."
"What exchange?"
Nanao's grin was malicious as she pulled a camera out of her pocket. "How much you two are willing to pay for the film."
Renji choked on his breath while Kira groaned.
Byakuya put the last fold in a delicate origami blossom and sipped his morning tea. For once, he mused, the ever-present annoyance of the SWA in his home had actually come in handy.
Author: Lazra
Rating: PG
Warnings: Alcohol and paper
Prompt: Bleach; Byakuya Kuchiki/Renji Abarai; paperwork - origami
Summary: Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.
A/N: Couldn't think of a title for this. :(
Kuchiki Byakuya stood in the doorframe and surveyed his usually pristine office.
Matsumoto was sitting on a cushion and taking a swig from a sake jug. Kira was passed out on the floor in a puddle of drool. (It had better be drool.) And his own vice-captain was sitting on top of the desk, cheerily cutting up--
His eyes narrowed. "Are those my expense reports?" he intoned with deadly menace.
"Captain!" Renji waved the remains of the paper in a happy greeting. Matsumoto saluted him with her jug and a drunken grin. Kira gurgled, but it may have been coincidence.
Byakuya grabbed the paper from him. He recognized his own writing and the text of his reports, which represented over half a day's tedious work. "Why are you shredding my reports? Why are you even in my office?"
"We were jus' havin' a drink," Matsumoto slurred, "when we deshided to haf a contest."
"WHOCANMAKETHEBESTPLANE!" Renji crowed. He dug into his shirt and produced a handful of planes.
At least Byakuya assumed they were all planes. Some looked capable of flight, while others were little more than crumpled lumps.
"An' we ran outta paper," Matsumoto continued, "s'we came here. 'Cuz you alwaysh haf lotsa paper, righ'? F'r all those booooring repords 'n stuff." Matsumoto frowned at the last bit, as though even mentioning work might kill her joyful buzz.
Renji carried on the explanation. Byakuya knew that when Renji drank, he didn't slur, but as his brain slowed down, his speech could speed up to squirrel-on-espresso levels. "AfterKirawonIdecidedtoworkonmyorigamiskills'causeit'smyhobby." He grabbed a few wrinkly papers that vaguely resembled some simple origami birds. "ThenIfiguredouthowtomakeanORIGAMIZABIMARU!!!"
He grabbed the scissors and stabbed them through a wadded ball of red paper. "BANKAI!" he cried, wildly snipping the air at invisible origami enemies.
Byakuya deftly snatched "Zabimaru" away before Renji could stab himself. "That still doesn't explain why you are shredding my reports."
Renji cocked his head and looked wide-eyed at his captain. "Youcan'ttell?"
Byakuya glared sternly. "No, I cannot."
Renji gathered up all of his shreds. Curiously, Byakuya thought, Renji seemed to hold himself a bit straighter and in a low, authoritative voice, he uttered a single command...
"Scatter."
Byakuya mentally facepalmed as Renji tossed the shreds into the air and giggled madly. He so should have seen that coming.
Byakuya sighed. Ever the gentleman, he went over to Matsumoto and offered her a hand up from her seat. Bemused, she let herself be led outside the office. Then Byakuya grabbed Renji by the scruff of his collar and Kira by an ankle and unceremoniously tossed them out. He shut the door firmly, set about repairing the damage, and wondered what a suitable form of punishment would be.
He paused as an idea came to him, and a rare evil grin slowly spread across his face.
The next day, Renji was quite certain something had crawled into his mouth and died. Probably trampled to death by the chorus line of Hollows stamping through his skull.
What the hell had he done last night? He knew it started off as a cheer-up party for Kira, but Matsumoto's parties never ended the way they started.
Stupid hangover...Where was he? He prodded the squishy lump he'd been sleeping on.
"Do that again, and I will kill you," came a muffled but surly voice.
Renji sat up in shock when he realized he'd been using Kira's butt as a pillow. Kira didn't move. He kept his face hidden down in the crook of his elbow.
"We're naked," Renji noticed.
"I know."
"Why are we naked?"
Kira raised his head just enough to glare at Renji, then glare pointedly behind him.
Renji turned around slowly and found himself facing most of the Shinigami Women's Association. They all wore predatory grins. Renji quickly tried to cover himself. Kira only dropped his face back to his elbow.
"Good morning, gentlemen," said Nanao, adjusting her glasses. "We have tea and breakfast ready for you."
"You...do?" Renji was suspicious.
"Of course." Her grin widened. "We even got you some spare uniforms. Now, get dressed and start eating so we can negotiate the terms of our exchange."
"What exchange?"
Nanao's grin was malicious as she pulled a camera out of her pocket. "How much you two are willing to pay for the film."
Renji choked on his breath while Kira groaned.
Byakuya put the last fold in a delicate origami blossom and sipped his morning tea. For once, he mused, the ever-present annoyance of the SWA in his home had actually come in handy.