Reading back in journals...
I was going through such a roller coaster in my life 10 months ago. A lot of it is too personally to really feel okay with sharing. A lot of thoughts and reflecting. It hit me to remember some of the emotions that I went through then. I wrote on one page "Oct 18, 2011. No more talking. Nothing. I miss him."
And I still do. I'll always miss the people in my life that I've loved. But I feel like I'm missing a ghost. I'm missing the person(s) I fell in love with, not the person they are today. It's hard to remember that there is a difference. I'm different too, I know that.
Sometimes I look back on those decisions. Would I do things differently? Possibly. Do I regret what I did? No. Did I make mistakes? Yes.
I don't like blaming people. I can't put all the blame on myself, because I don't deserve that. But I also can't put all the blame on anyone else.
I'm happy where I am. Still bitter, but also happy. With things that relations with certain persons were different, but I'm tired of trying, or feeling like there was lack of trying in my direction.
I want someone to try for me.
And I still do. I'll always miss the people in my life that I've loved. But I feel like I'm missing a ghost. I'm missing the person(s) I fell in love with, not the person they are today. It's hard to remember that there is a difference. I'm different too, I know that.
Sometimes I look back on those decisions. Would I do things differently? Possibly. Do I regret what I did? No. Did I make mistakes? Yes.
I don't like blaming people. I can't put all the blame on myself, because I don't deserve that. But I also can't put all the blame on anyone else.
I'm happy where I am. Still bitter, but also happy. With things that relations with certain persons were different, but I'm tired of trying, or feeling like there was lack of trying in my direction.
I want someone to try for me.