Funnies
One of my favorite group of websites is the Overheard websites. It's essentially people sending in funny conversations that they've overheard in different places. It's comprised of the following:
Overheard In The Office
Overheard In New York
Overheard At The Beach
Celebrity Wit
Overheard Everywhere
Here are some of my favorites:
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.
***
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I'd like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I'll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
***
Office manager, on the phone: Which one of Mommy's boyfriends beat you badly enough as a child to turn you into the bitter, empty, hollow shell of a human being you are today?
Supervisor, to trainee: See? That's why we have to answer the phone quickly in this office: to keep the managers from picking up the phone. Ever.
***
British employee: Well, this was supposed to be completed by now. It looks like it's gone all cock-up.
American #1: What?
British employee: I'm sorry, do you not have that phrase here?
American #2: In America, you can't say cock like that. I shouldn't hear you say cock.
American #1: We say fuck. Fucked up.
British employee: Ok, how's this: Fuck off.
***
Black student, casually: Wait, let me get this straight: he was going to participate, but he was late, so he decided to hate, and that's what started this debate?
Teacher, baffled: Did you just rap that at me?
***
Sassy flight attendant: In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be released from the overhead above your seat. After the screaming subsides, please place the oxygen mask around your nose and mouth. If you are traveling with a child or an adult who is acting like a child, place your mask on first before attempting to help put theirs on.
***
Angry customer on phone: Where are you located at?
CSR: Iowa.
Angry customer on phone: I outta come there and kick your ass!
Calm CSR: With all due respect sir, bring it. (hangs up)
***
IT guy: Your laptop is not booting up because you have a stuck function key. What happened, anyway?
Rep (refusing to make eye contact): Yeah, I ... uhhh, think I dropped something on it.
It guy: Like what?!
Rep: Ummm yeah, well, like my fist.
Ahlavit!