U of A
So... I have been thinking a lot lately. I have decided to change my major. I want to become a nurse. Cal State Fullerton does not have a nursing program. They will next year but are only allowing 40 people in. Since I just decided that this is what I want to do with my life, I am bottom on the list (no clue how many are on the list. This means that i am going to have to transfer. In a way I don't want to transfer. I have amazing friends here and I am established and know the area and people well. I know the routine of Fullerton and like it. I was also watching the Pac-10 Championships for gymnastics and it made me miss gymnastics all over again. I watched many girls out there that i have competed against. It's not fair that I got hurt and got a crappy coach who wouldn't let me come back from that injury. It not fair at all. I am back in physical therapy now hoping to heal it for real this time and get back out there if I can. I want it so bad and I worked sooo hard for it, everyone knows I did. I deserve it, i really do. I put injury on the line and pushed my self everyday for it. I just feel something in my heart tell me that I am not done yet. So when I sent out info to different school my senior year of high school, i talked with the University of Arizona coach. He offered me walk on (which is what I want). So I am almost positive that UofA has a nursing program and they have gymnastics. I am scared to talk to the coach though because I know he will talk to the Fullerton coach and my doctors about my back. I don't want to get rejected at the only hope I have left at the sport I have dedicated my life to. It's just a hard situation. In may my mom goes back on chemo-therapy so it will be hard to leave her. My dad also will be going back to Iraq soon. These things are in the back of my mind. I also just got a kitten. I know no one at U of A (except a few kids from high school). I will be on my own and alone for a while. My parents will be in another state. I live with my brother and have all my college life so I don't know any different. I could end up with a terrible room mate, or no room mate at all. There are just so many ups and downs to it. I just can't stop thinking about it though. My boyfriend will be here and a whole state away, is not what we want to put our relationship through. I don't see him that much now, if I moved far away, it would be harder. I don't want us to break up, but is this something I need to do for me. I feel like I am trying to please everyone by staying here, but what if leaving is the right thing to do for me? I am so close with my parents and brother, and maybe too dependent. Will moving help that? I haven't been single in forever(and I don't want to be)but will it end if I move away. Also, If I move away, would I regret it and would it be a mistake? I am so confused. I know that I love gymnastics and I am pretty sure I want to be a nurse. So is U of A the right choice? Do i stay because of my family and boyfriend and just find a school out here that has nursing and just give up on my dream of being a NCAA gymnast again? Also, I am on the fencing team at CSUF now, I will have to tell that coach that I am done. My heart has never been in it. It's just fun for me. Just like cheerleading was in high school for me. My passion has always been in gymnastics. With being on the fencing team, I am bound by NCAA rules, so I am not sure that I can even talk to the U of A gymnastics coach. I kind of just want to apply to U of A and talk to the coach behind everyone's back and just see if I get in and the coach wants me and then make my decision. But that will be inner turmoil for several months. I just don't know what to do. I know many people will tell me not leave because they don't want me to go, but then I think some will say that I need to do it. I need to grow up and do this for myself. Wow I wrote a lot. I just needed to vent. I am supposed to be writing a paper right now on race and its relevance in today's society. blah blah blah
<3tk
<3tk