incoherent christmas day rants
Wasn't exactly the finest 10hrs christmas morning I had. Been starting to have little feelings of nostalgia and lonliness seeing how some family traditions would change starting this coming year. Opening presents with the family at 12mn after christmas eve service. With my older sister getting married and moving out next year, the house is going to feel so empty. Especially since my younger sister stays in hostel. No one to come to home and pounce on.. to tell rubbish stories. To complain about our parents. Parents.. now focusing all their attention at you, having you as their only other source to vent their frustrations at.. I don't know if I'm actually looking forward to next year.
Sometimes I really dont understand my younger sister. Some days I just really want to shout, scream, strangle her to get things into that stubborn head of hers. I hate it how she does things like she's not responsible to anyone and I end up being the victim.
I hate how we were late for church, because my sister took 30mins to wake up and all she could say while in bed was "chill la.". I hate how my parents fight almost every sunday morning because dad wants to be early, and expects us to know it. Then there's mum who doesnt seem to understand time. So mum expects my older sister to conveniently pick us up. I hate how I wasn't able to sit in the sanctuary listening to the full ochestra play. Yes, I know Christmas isn't simply about the whole grandeur of carols and music that makes me feel good. But sitting in the dunman hall, watching the whole thing through a projector just didn't make me feel any less upset.
Maybe all these things are just what makes me want to live without fighting. I avoid it. At all costs. Writing this just makes me even more upset so maybe I should just stop here. There's just some things you love and hate about family.
On to some happy thoughts,
I had some awesome christmas presents, awesome meet ups, awesome extended family feast.
some days, I truely feel lonely.
Sometimes I really dont understand my younger sister. Some days I just really want to shout, scream, strangle her to get things into that stubborn head of hers. I hate it how she does things like she's not responsible to anyone and I end up being the victim.
I hate how we were late for church, because my sister took 30mins to wake up and all she could say while in bed was "chill la.". I hate how my parents fight almost every sunday morning because dad wants to be early, and expects us to know it. Then there's mum who doesnt seem to understand time. So mum expects my older sister to conveniently pick us up. I hate how I wasn't able to sit in the sanctuary listening to the full ochestra play. Yes, I know Christmas isn't simply about the whole grandeur of carols and music that makes me feel good. But sitting in the dunman hall, watching the whole thing through a projector just didn't make me feel any less upset.
Maybe all these things are just what makes me want to live without fighting. I avoid it. At all costs. Writing this just makes me even more upset so maybe I should just stop here. There's just some things you love and hate about family.
On to some happy thoughts,
I had some awesome christmas presents, awesome meet ups, awesome extended family feast.
some days, I truely feel lonely.