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[spot_loves_me]

i think saw someone today that i didnt really want to see. it's funny, because ive REALLY missed him, and even though it's been months i still tend to look for him everywhere i go. all the time. and every time i think i see him i panic for a moment and i have to see if it really is him, even to the point of driving recklessly, and every time it

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[omgrocketships]

my recent interest in studying law

you want to be a lawyer?

i think you would be EXTREMELY good at it, miss master debator ;]

i need to stop running away and assert myself as the most powerful force in my life. i have let someone insignificant hold that role for far too long. before him, it was another, and another before that. enough is enough. i need to rule my own life.

i really need to stop doing that too. i don't mean to, but i always let other people somehow become the "main focus" in my life, and its never been something that would benefit me later in life. and that "main focus" has always let me down somehow and it always hits me harder and eats away at me even more than the last person.

with the looking for him thing, i've kinda done that too... but a little bit opposite. i went places where this person would be SURE to see me, so they could be reminded of what they did to me. and i thought it would make them miss me and one day come back to me. but it never happened.

and since it never happened, each time i thought about it until i got even more pissed off and stopped doing homework and stuff because it upset me to the point i really didn't want to do anything with myself anymore. but as much as i hate that person, by not doing my homework or anything it didn't hurt them, it just hurt me even more and gave me more shit to think about.

i think you don't have to completely FORGET about them, thats really hard, but you just need to put yourself first in life. if you concentrate on school more than on this and make good grades and do a lot of volunteering, you're going to feel good about yourself and this is going to seem really small to you and it'll just be a thing of the past.