(no subject)
looking a my facebook picture tonight i realised how many things im my life i have left behind. Ive learned that when something get ripped out of your pattern of daily life, it hurt so much because it is such a shock to you. That is why ending a friendship or a relationship is the hardest thing in the world to do.... th eworst pain you can go through. But if the same thing happens over a longer period of time, it doesnt hurt until you finally have tim e to catch your breath and realize what is gone.
I go and go and go. constantly. My friends know my schedule. they know on tuesdays, wednesday and thursday i dont get to eat lunch with them because i have class. they know dinner is hit and miss because i have work and volunteer and homework. They know a social life during the week is almost impossible. They know i am opionionated and loud.... but they dont know me the way my friends back home do.....
I miss Mike, I miss Nico.... and i miss Matt. Jesse too. When i left Arizona I thought it was going to be so hard for the entire time i was out here. i didnt know how i was going to cope with being ripped from the life i lived and loved. But, i got busy, made friends, had things to do. Now, that is worse than ever. i have tim eto call home every 3 or 4 days... mike always tells me i dont have enough time to talk to him... I miss the people who could just look at me and know something is wrong. Who knew that just sitting with me was more than enough.... I think thats why I go so close to Chris. He reminded me so much of Nico. If there is one person I miss more than any one else (besides mike of course, but i get to see mike once a month) it would be Nico....I miss the comfort i had in the boys. All of them. I could act how i wanted and be who i was and no be afraid they would judge me. the friends i have now are good people, dont get me wrong, but they dont kinow ME.
Over break my mom said something that surprised me. She said that even she knows I am guarded around people until i trust them.that i dont open up to many people. Its funny how well my mom can know me and me not even realize it.
i mean, i am getting close to people out here. Rebby and Ethan are my two best friends at school. but i dont ever see myself being as close to them as i am to nico matt mike or even jesse.
I surpised myself tonight when i looked at my pictures and... my life out here was all that mattered..... i dont know how to describe it. This whole entry isnt very coherrient.
hah
sorry
with <3 as always,
~!Me!~
I go and go and go. constantly. My friends know my schedule. they know on tuesdays, wednesday and thursday i dont get to eat lunch with them because i have class. they know dinner is hit and miss because i have work and volunteer and homework. They know a social life during the week is almost impossible. They know i am opionionated and loud.... but they dont know me the way my friends back home do.....
I miss Mike, I miss Nico.... and i miss Matt. Jesse too. When i left Arizona I thought it was going to be so hard for the entire time i was out here. i didnt know how i was going to cope with being ripped from the life i lived and loved. But, i got busy, made friends, had things to do. Now, that is worse than ever. i have tim eto call home every 3 or 4 days... mike always tells me i dont have enough time to talk to him... I miss the people who could just look at me and know something is wrong. Who knew that just sitting with me was more than enough.... I think thats why I go so close to Chris. He reminded me so much of Nico. If there is one person I miss more than any one else (besides mike of course, but i get to see mike once a month) it would be Nico....I miss the comfort i had in the boys. All of them. I could act how i wanted and be who i was and no be afraid they would judge me. the friends i have now are good people, dont get me wrong, but they dont kinow ME.
Over break my mom said something that surprised me. She said that even she knows I am guarded around people until i trust them.that i dont open up to many people. Its funny how well my mom can know me and me not even realize it.
i mean, i am getting close to people out here. Rebby and Ethan are my two best friends at school. but i dont ever see myself being as close to them as i am to nico matt mike or even jesse.
I surpised myself tonight when i looked at my pictures and... my life out here was all that mattered..... i dont know how to describe it. This whole entry isnt very coherrient.
hah
sorry
with <3 as always,
~!Me!~