Long Post. Do you remember me?
Love is built of the strongest and most intense feelings that you've ever experienced for anyone else in the world. It is always growing or deminishing, depending on how you care for it. That is why people are always "falling out of love". They are too eager to reach the peak that they cant see through the haze of the moment.
I have decided I need to not be so dramatic and just start living in the moment intstead of trying to see through it and on to the next. Sure, I want love, but I'm not naive enough to go looking for it. I've had enough boyfriends, best guy friends, and experience in life to know the difference. No matter if you are "one of the guys" or the girl that has a million studds crawling at your heals, its never perfect. You can not have it all. You just need to find the right person who makes you forget about feeling like you need to make up for all the you lack.
That's love.
--
That was from about 6 months ago...thought to be my last epic paragraph that means nothing to anyone but me. Heh.
Good news, I'm finally back into soccer. Like, real high school soccer, after taking all of last year off. I can feel it save myself, if you can get that.
Got into a phase of smokin killer bud all day long, every day. That was nice while it lasted, but real life started to slip and I can finally see how and why that's more important now.
Popularity got bitter. Now I can't escape the drama, but i'm trying. After all, I choose to be a part of it or not, right? Haha, yah right..
Had possibly one of the best conversations in the history of me with Caity, my older sister, today. Don't know why it was so great but it really was. She's calling me tomorrow at 8 pm.
It's so weird going back to the beginning of when I got this thing...even looking at my last entries. I am not that girl at all anymore. I'm not spunky random or so deeply caught up in things that really don't matter at all. I'm calm, now, and boy i've been on a trip...
...I'm finally home, though. It's nice knowing where home is. It defines you in a way everyone should ALLOW THEMSELVES to experience.
I'm very tired all the time these days in a non-its-just-a-weird-phase-thing way. Somethings up with that, but i dont know what yet. I don't believe anyone is taking that seriously that I don't feel normal.
And finally, I will be 17 this thursday. To me, from my owm life and world and views and experiences and trauma and memories..
It's a fucking lifetime.
One thing that I'd like to share with anyone who knows anything about running the 40 yard dash...
I got 4.68 which knowing me and my recent/lately lifestyle of herbs and cigarettes is IMPRESSIVELY good considering it placed third best time in tryouts against some really amazing athletes.
The point of that is its something I am honestly proud of myself for. Dont remember the last time before that off the top of my head...give me a minute to think.
Thank you. I'm finally equally tired mentally and physically to try and sleep.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams when you get there.
I have decided I need to not be so dramatic and just start living in the moment intstead of trying to see through it and on to the next. Sure, I want love, but I'm not naive enough to go looking for it. I've had enough boyfriends, best guy friends, and experience in life to know the difference. No matter if you are "one of the guys" or the girl that has a million studds crawling at your heals, its never perfect. You can not have it all. You just need to find the right person who makes you forget about feeling like you need to make up for all the you lack.
That's love.
--
That was from about 6 months ago...thought to be my last epic paragraph that means nothing to anyone but me. Heh.
Good news, I'm finally back into soccer. Like, real high school soccer, after taking all of last year off. I can feel it save myself, if you can get that.
Got into a phase of smokin killer bud all day long, every day. That was nice while it lasted, but real life started to slip and I can finally see how and why that's more important now.
Popularity got bitter. Now I can't escape the drama, but i'm trying. After all, I choose to be a part of it or not, right? Haha, yah right..
Had possibly one of the best conversations in the history of me with Caity, my older sister, today. Don't know why it was so great but it really was. She's calling me tomorrow at 8 pm.
It's so weird going back to the beginning of when I got this thing...even looking at my last entries. I am not that girl at all anymore. I'm not spunky random or so deeply caught up in things that really don't matter at all. I'm calm, now, and boy i've been on a trip...
...I'm finally home, though. It's nice knowing where home is. It defines you in a way everyone should ALLOW THEMSELVES to experience.
I'm very tired all the time these days in a non-its-just-a-weird-phase-thing way. Somethings up with that, but i dont know what yet. I don't believe anyone is taking that seriously that I don't feel normal.
And finally, I will be 17 this thursday. To me, from my owm life and world and views and experiences and trauma and memories..
It's a fucking lifetime.
One thing that I'd like to share with anyone who knows anything about running the 40 yard dash...
I got 4.68 which knowing me and my recent/lately lifestyle of herbs and cigarettes is IMPRESSIVELY good considering it placed third best time in tryouts against some really amazing athletes.
The point of that is its something I am honestly proud of myself for. Dont remember the last time before that off the top of my head...give me a minute to think.
Thank you. I'm finally equally tired mentally and physically to try and sleep.
Goodnight. Sweet dreams when you get there.