Being a mom is hard work, or why I won't have children until the early stages of menopause.
My parents left for Vermont this morning (they’re up there for my grandfathers 70th birthday party, which I’m very upset about missing). I had to get up at 6:30 and get my brother ready for school, get him on the bus, wake my sister up, take her to school late because she begged and I’m a pushover, sign her in and receive death stares from Mrs. Hamp who probably thought I was still a student and was trying to pull a fast one on her, go to The Academy to get my scholarship check, walk around the mall a hundred times trying to find anything nice AND IM GOING TO INTERRUPT HERE.
I met the most suave guy of all time. Seriously. I don’t know how he did it, and I don’t know what sort of magical powers he had but I came this close to buying a 60 dollar nail buffer set. I don’t even give a shit about my nails. But he stopped me while I was walking and asked me to sample some lotion, so I did. But then I somehow was lured over to his stand and he proceeded to buff my right hand thumbnail with this thing and put oil on it and lotion and all sorts of things and my nail is still so soft and gorgeous looking. It made me extremely nervous the whole time because he just kept staring at me. I wasn’t even attracted to him or anything, it wasn’t like that. He just had a way with making me want to buy this stupid nail buffing set. Oh, and he had an accent, but I couldn’t really place it, and I think it was probably middle eastern. Yeah, he kind of looked middle eastern. Very good looking guy. Anyway, it was really awkward and weird, and he’s probably the antichrist because anyone who makes me come THAT close to buying a 60 dollar nail buffing set has to be of Satan.
Okay, resuming mom duty talk. Then I had to rush home to be there when Elton got off the bus, go pick Maddison up from the bus stop, order them pizza, take Elton’s temperature because he suddenly didn’t feel so well and didn’t want to go to soccer practice, take Maddison to the high school for Swing, go all the way back home only for Elton to decide he wanted to go to soccer practice after all, drive all the way back up town and take Elton to soccer, drive 20 miles to the nearest Books-A-Million to look for something to go with Elton’s Harry Potter costume, drive back and wait for him to finish soccer practice, take him to Wal-Mart to find him more costume stuff, go home and feed the dog, go all the way back to the high school AGAIN to pick up Maddison from Swing, and finally…get all of Elton’s soccer shit together again so we can get up at 8am for his soccer game.
It really makes me appreciate my mom. I mean, I even got away with easy stuff today, like ordering pizza for dinner and going to the mall instead of going to work. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to work two jobs and then come home and cook dinner and cart three kids around and listen to them complain about wanting this and wanting that and why don’t you understand me, YOU DONT EVEN LISTEN. I’d go nuts and kill my whole family, I think. Which is why I’m waiting a long long time until I have kids.
Tomorrow I get a half day, because I get to drop my sister off at the high school and my brother off at my Grandmother’s and sneak away to Tampa for some parties. Elton is staying at my Grandmother’s and Maddison is having a friend over, so I don’t have to worry about babysitting or carting people around and I’m gonna get DRUNK. Then drive an hour and half home at like, 5am. I don’t know why I do these sorts of things to myself.
BUT I’M GOING TO GET DRUNK. So I’m forgiven.
I met the most suave guy of all time. Seriously. I don’t know how he did it, and I don’t know what sort of magical powers he had but I came this close to buying a 60 dollar nail buffer set. I don’t even give a shit about my nails. But he stopped me while I was walking and asked me to sample some lotion, so I did. But then I somehow was lured over to his stand and he proceeded to buff my right hand thumbnail with this thing and put oil on it and lotion and all sorts of things and my nail is still so soft and gorgeous looking. It made me extremely nervous the whole time because he just kept staring at me. I wasn’t even attracted to him or anything, it wasn’t like that. He just had a way with making me want to buy this stupid nail buffing set. Oh, and he had an accent, but I couldn’t really place it, and I think it was probably middle eastern. Yeah, he kind of looked middle eastern. Very good looking guy. Anyway, it was really awkward and weird, and he’s probably the antichrist because anyone who makes me come THAT close to buying a 60 dollar nail buffing set has to be of Satan.
Okay, resuming mom duty talk. Then I had to rush home to be there when Elton got off the bus, go pick Maddison up from the bus stop, order them pizza, take Elton’s temperature because he suddenly didn’t feel so well and didn’t want to go to soccer practice, take Maddison to the high school for Swing, go all the way back home only for Elton to decide he wanted to go to soccer practice after all, drive all the way back up town and take Elton to soccer, drive 20 miles to the nearest Books-A-Million to look for something to go with Elton’s Harry Potter costume, drive back and wait for him to finish soccer practice, take him to Wal-Mart to find him more costume stuff, go home and feed the dog, go all the way back to the high school AGAIN to pick up Maddison from Swing, and finally…get all of Elton’s soccer shit together again so we can get up at 8am for his soccer game.
It really makes me appreciate my mom. I mean, I even got away with easy stuff today, like ordering pizza for dinner and going to the mall instead of going to work. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to work two jobs and then come home and cook dinner and cart three kids around and listen to them complain about wanting this and wanting that and why don’t you understand me, YOU DONT EVEN LISTEN. I’d go nuts and kill my whole family, I think. Which is why I’m waiting a long long time until I have kids.
Tomorrow I get a half day, because I get to drop my sister off at the high school and my brother off at my Grandmother’s and sneak away to Tampa for some parties. Elton is staying at my Grandmother’s and Maddison is having a friend over, so I don’t have to worry about babysitting or carting people around and I’m gonna get DRUNK. Then drive an hour and half home at like, 5am. I don’t know why I do these sorts of things to myself.
BUT I’M GOING TO GET DRUNK. So I’m forgiven.