The Part I Would Like To Talk About (birdie)
The Part I Would Like To Talk About... (girls)
Katie texted me a couple of times - I haven't even seen Katie face-to-face more than 2 times this year. If you go way back in my Livejournal to the night that we went camping with the Deadletter Truck and Gabe slept in the rode and nearly got run over and the cops came and Lara and Ted met deadletter for the first time and Lapis was there and Shawn and all sorts of craziness - well, we met Katie because it was her going away campout that we were attempting to crash, and then she and I hung out for a few days. We got together once, and then she was off to South America. When she returned she had a boyfriend, and the nature of our relationship wasn't like that anyway. We chat on gmail (a lot this week) - mostly about the nature of the human psyche and how not to get too drawn into one's client's issues (she's a counselor).
When she finally found me outside of Solo late at night, she kissed me hello, and we made out later back in the other part of downtown. That was fun! If I hadn't met Birdie, perhaps I would have gone home with Katie and had our second encounter...
And then I met Birdie. First, examine Birdie in a network context - she works for the city in a transportation capacity (yum!) knows Handsome Dave, other ZBers - knows Carl Larson. She knows Kevee, K8, doesn't know Tucker, knows Tzara, MonkeyPuzzle...
Come to think of it, all of those people (and I did tell her this) are going to give her a lot of warnings about me if/when she bring me up...
Now, on a connections level, we totally geeked out about the metavirus, for about an hour straight in a crowded bar filled with Santas, with Handsome Dave and her friend Chop and other people we knew trying to get our attention and failing. I asked her early on if she wanted to make out, and she said, 'no'.
On a symbols level, she's smart, fun, beautiful, dances - I liked who I was hanging out with her. Like Edie, her natural interpretation of me and the metavirus makes the metavirus something relatively kind and pleasant. My "you can't trust me speech" was interpreted as, "thanks, awesome, I understand that you feel you need a warning label" in a positive (and well-communicated way) without going into a total feedback loop, mistaking that which I say (which is intentionally alarmist) with what I am doing, which it takes some time to discern the quantity and extent of energy I will put into someone/something _if_ I feel like it.
Analysis level - she's not available. She has a long-distance thing fucking with her head in Toronto, and not a new thing either. It's a long-distance thing involving a lot of _flying_ to Toronto and seeing each other and burning man. and so, despite our intense attraction and having a really good time, we choose not to kiss even once, the whole time we hung out. Which was about 20 hours straight.
Came back the Shed. Her friend Chop came to check out the space and we sat in front of the fire and talked until about 2am. At 3:30am she and I retired to my bed and... cuddled! I felt as if a part of me was channeling Helen Hunt and Greg Kinnear in "As Good As It Gets". In the morning we slept in, played hooky, and went to breakfast at Fat Albert's. After lunch, we came back to the building and she lay on the couch while I cleaned the living room. Then we cuddled for another hour - still not kissing!
Synthesis - we certainly had a disproportionate response to each other - and while it is 'crush' material, I'm not entirely crushing out (perhaps cause she'd have to a) break up with her longterm boyfriend and then b) be DONE grieving for that relationship) before we'd have any 'thing' and c) I'm totally unavailable as a human being anyway.)
I think I'll here from her at least once or twice before 2008, and she's going to Toronto for xmas (12/21) and NYE, so mostly I think I gained one of those 'instant close' people that I could really use. And not kissing was the pathway to having that closeness, cause otherwise we would have crossed a line where I'd be _in_ her relationship mess with Alan, and instead I'm more of a 'potential' relationship.
And given my recent unethical behavior with Jadene (allowing her to believe by dint of not working hard enough or being clear enough) that I could fit her expectations, or in allowing my interest/desire/hope with Jadene to have me leave my world (instead of forcing, by virtue of my 100% uncompromisingness, to have _all_ people come into _my_ world, or go away).
So this was nice. There were other aspects that Edie, you would really like:
1) Another awesome person who interprets the best in people, like you do
2) I like who I am near her
3) We actually danced _together_ (normally I'm unable to sync to another's body movement, making me clumsy)
4) She actually makes things happen in the world, for people other than herself (social service ethos)
5) Super beautiful eyes, smile, attitude.
And now she's gone for the day, the week, the month, and I feel good about that - I'll be as pleased if I hear _nothing_ for a couple of weeks. No offense on this Jadene - the daily stuff was really getting to me. I'm used to my hacks on people taking place over the course of several months, y'know?
With women these days...
Jadene - we've resolved our basic differences, aren't in a 'relationship' per se, I think she's working on accepting all that I have to give of my own volition rather than losing all of that in favor of specific demands/requests. We've been lovers once since the text-message breakup, and conversations about our relationship per se are still explicitly off-limits. I would be her lover again if I also had another person in my life in Portland, so that I wasn't hanging out with Jadene in a default manner, that prevents me from going out and networking my ass off.
Edie - is coming to visit over xmas break, perhaps? Actually, this isn't settled, datewise. We're doing better than ever, though in part because our relationship is so stable right now, there's very little to process or discuss in terms of each other. (so the _content_ of our lives is what we talk about, right now). This takes some of the urgency and closeness out of our relationship, I feel - even while feeling closer together than ever, the intensity of the relationship is definitely down a notch. And plus, with four years minimum before she would move to Portland, or wherever, there's definitely another lover on the horizon. In some ways I'm looking forward to that, in which I can then stop wondering 'how it's going to feel' and have it _actually_ feel a certain way. I also asked Edie if she wanted to get married about a year ago, and she said, 'no'. I bring this up because I see that we're settling into a stable state where our connection to each other is the background, the default, the context against which other relationships we have our set. So I predict that the next few years will involve each of us having some relatively serious 'other relationships' (the way I think I thought Jadene and I had the potential to be). A few months ago I was all for us being with each other, even long distance for awhile, and now, I don't think there's really a pathway for that to happen. And I won't bang my head against the same tree too many times before looking for another tree.
Birdie - super fun, super cute, and super ethical! Which leaves us... nowhere. So maybe I have someone I feel super attracted to and super close to in 2008 to talk to.
Mattea Anderson - talked to her online today, and i think we're meeting to gossip about our lovers on Friday. And that's basically our role, I think.
Katie N - I made out with Katie last night and... that's probably about it. I think she's feeling bad about things, and so it's best if I stay one layer removed on her life.
Laura Buchan - Laura and I started to be close again when I called her and we went to Karaoke (the night I felt displaced at Jadene's house) and yet our attempts to even sleep over have been blocked by communication and transportation issues. So now the drive towards reconfirming our closeness has tapered down a little.
Georgia - I asked Georgia about our lover/not lover status, and she reminded me that we don't sleep together because neither of us is that into the sex. Good answer!
Katie texted me a couple of times - I haven't even seen Katie face-to-face more than 2 times this year. If you go way back in my Livejournal to the night that we went camping with the Deadletter Truck and Gabe slept in the rode and nearly got run over and the cops came and Lara and Ted met deadletter for the first time and Lapis was there and Shawn and all sorts of craziness - well, we met Katie because it was her going away campout that we were attempting to crash, and then she and I hung out for a few days. We got together once, and then she was off to South America. When she returned she had a boyfriend, and the nature of our relationship wasn't like that anyway. We chat on gmail (a lot this week) - mostly about the nature of the human psyche and how not to get too drawn into one's client's issues (she's a counselor).
When she finally found me outside of Solo late at night, she kissed me hello, and we made out later back in the other part of downtown. That was fun! If I hadn't met Birdie, perhaps I would have gone home with Katie and had our second encounter...
And then I met Birdie. First, examine Birdie in a network context - she works for the city in a transportation capacity (yum!) knows Handsome Dave, other ZBers - knows Carl Larson. She knows Kevee, K8, doesn't know Tucker, knows Tzara, MonkeyPuzzle...
Come to think of it, all of those people (and I did tell her this) are going to give her a lot of warnings about me if/when she bring me up...
Now, on a connections level, we totally geeked out about the metavirus, for about an hour straight in a crowded bar filled with Santas, with Handsome Dave and her friend Chop and other people we knew trying to get our attention and failing. I asked her early on if she wanted to make out, and she said, 'no'.
On a symbols level, she's smart, fun, beautiful, dances - I liked who I was hanging out with her. Like Edie, her natural interpretation of me and the metavirus makes the metavirus something relatively kind and pleasant. My "you can't trust me speech" was interpreted as, "thanks, awesome, I understand that you feel you need a warning label" in a positive (and well-communicated way) without going into a total feedback loop, mistaking that which I say (which is intentionally alarmist) with what I am doing, which it takes some time to discern the quantity and extent of energy I will put into someone/something _if_ I feel like it.
Analysis level - she's not available. She has a long-distance thing fucking with her head in Toronto, and not a new thing either. It's a long-distance thing involving a lot of _flying_ to Toronto and seeing each other and burning man. and so, despite our intense attraction and having a really good time, we choose not to kiss even once, the whole time we hung out. Which was about 20 hours straight.
Came back the Shed. Her friend Chop came to check out the space and we sat in front of the fire and talked until about 2am. At 3:30am she and I retired to my bed and... cuddled! I felt as if a part of me was channeling Helen Hunt and Greg Kinnear in "As Good As It Gets". In the morning we slept in, played hooky, and went to breakfast at Fat Albert's. After lunch, we came back to the building and she lay on the couch while I cleaned the living room. Then we cuddled for another hour - still not kissing!
Synthesis - we certainly had a disproportionate response to each other - and while it is 'crush' material, I'm not entirely crushing out (perhaps cause she'd have to a) break up with her longterm boyfriend and then b) be DONE grieving for that relationship) before we'd have any 'thing' and c) I'm totally unavailable as a human being anyway.)
I think I'll here from her at least once or twice before 2008, and she's going to Toronto for xmas (12/21) and NYE, so mostly I think I gained one of those 'instant close' people that I could really use. And not kissing was the pathway to having that closeness, cause otherwise we would have crossed a line where I'd be _in_ her relationship mess with Alan, and instead I'm more of a 'potential' relationship.
And given my recent unethical behavior with Jadene (allowing her to believe by dint of not working hard enough or being clear enough) that I could fit her expectations, or in allowing my interest/desire/hope with Jadene to have me leave my world (instead of forcing, by virtue of my 100% uncompromisingness, to have _all_ people come into _my_ world, or go away).
So this was nice. There were other aspects that Edie, you would really like:
1) Another awesome person who interprets the best in people, like you do
2) I like who I am near her
3) We actually danced _together_ (normally I'm unable to sync to another's body movement, making me clumsy)
4) She actually makes things happen in the world, for people other than herself (social service ethos)
5) Super beautiful eyes, smile, attitude.
And now she's gone for the day, the week, the month, and I feel good about that - I'll be as pleased if I hear _nothing_ for a couple of weeks. No offense on this Jadene - the daily stuff was really getting to me. I'm used to my hacks on people taking place over the course of several months, y'know?
With women these days...
Jadene - we've resolved our basic differences, aren't in a 'relationship' per se, I think she's working on accepting all that I have to give of my own volition rather than losing all of that in favor of specific demands/requests. We've been lovers once since the text-message breakup, and conversations about our relationship per se are still explicitly off-limits. I would be her lover again if I also had another person in my life in Portland, so that I wasn't hanging out with Jadene in a default manner, that prevents me from going out and networking my ass off.
Edie - is coming to visit over xmas break, perhaps? Actually, this isn't settled, datewise. We're doing better than ever, though in part because our relationship is so stable right now, there's very little to process or discuss in terms of each other. (so the _content_ of our lives is what we talk about, right now). This takes some of the urgency and closeness out of our relationship, I feel - even while feeling closer together than ever, the intensity of the relationship is definitely down a notch. And plus, with four years minimum before she would move to Portland, or wherever, there's definitely another lover on the horizon. In some ways I'm looking forward to that, in which I can then stop wondering 'how it's going to feel' and have it _actually_ feel a certain way. I also asked Edie if she wanted to get married about a year ago, and she said, 'no'. I bring this up because I see that we're settling into a stable state where our connection to each other is the background, the default, the context against which other relationships we have our set. So I predict that the next few years will involve each of us having some relatively serious 'other relationships' (the way I think I thought Jadene and I had the potential to be). A few months ago I was all for us being with each other, even long distance for awhile, and now, I don't think there's really a pathway for that to happen. And I won't bang my head against the same tree too many times before looking for another tree.
Birdie - super fun, super cute, and super ethical! Which leaves us... nowhere. So maybe I have someone I feel super attracted to and super close to in 2008 to talk to.
Mattea Anderson - talked to her online today, and i think we're meeting to gossip about our lovers on Friday. And that's basically our role, I think.
Katie N - I made out with Katie last night and... that's probably about it. I think she's feeling bad about things, and so it's best if I stay one layer removed on her life.
Laura Buchan - Laura and I started to be close again when I called her and we went to Karaoke (the night I felt displaced at Jadene's house) and yet our attempts to even sleep over have been blocked by communication and transportation issues. So now the drive towards reconfirming our closeness has tapered down a little.
Georgia - I asked Georgia about our lover/not lover status, and she reminded me that we don't sleep together because neither of us is that into the sex. Good answer!