blabwabwabwa
So yea...we started packing today and what fun that was! now all i get to stare at in my room is three small boxes and one that is in the doorway which is a mix of my sis's and I's stuff. Good times? Well, its a new beginning i guess...oh well. I got a "myspace" account that im sharing with my sis and thats cool. Anyway, my sis broke up with her boyfriend of two years because he was finally going to move down and she didnt think that she was going to be ready to have him here 24/7 when he was already gettin on her nerves as it was, and she said that she still loved him, but he just never talked about anything important and it annoyed the shit out of her, so he started crying to her on the phone (picture a over six foot tall burly german crying...my sis is so ruthless!) but dont get me wrong she wasnt being mean, she was just tellin him how it was and he didnt like it. But thats all ok. We were hanging out with priscilla and brittany earlier because julia needed some cheering up so that was fun. Then priscilla left and ando came over and julia kinda came onto him, but hes 21 and was kinda wierded out that a 18 year old was commin onto him, so i guess that they ended up not doing anything. He even asked me while she wasnt in the room how much she liked him and i was all like "dude, i dont know, your just goin to have to wing it" so shes takin him home right now and thats kinda funny. John is still in germany and will be for another week, which is really starting to piss me off cause i thought that time would pass faster when i had so much going on, but its the times that i dont do anything that really get me. Take today for instant, i was just sittin in my room having a cigarette and was all finished packing, and just looking at the boxes made me think of john because the last time i had seen him, we were packing up HIS room because they're remodeling his house, and i just got this really depressed feeling that i couldnt shake for another couple of hours and my sis could tell that something was up cause she left me alone and i just sat in my room and smoked up a storm, then laid down and tried to sleep but i couldnt so all i really did for an hour and a half was sit there and think, which is a lethal weapon when i do it, i come up with some of the craziest shit when i sit there and think, no lie. But anyways...im kinda tired...but i know i cant sleep. I'm bored but i cant shake that feelin no matter what i do. I want to go out but i know i cant. I want to tell john but i cant. I want to talk to dad but i cant. There are so many things that I just CANT FUCKING DO. I hate sittin here by myself, smoking cigarettes, thinking about the meaning of the universe because it just makes my hope falter more and more the more i think about it. Its a losing situation. Many of my friends will understand, but others will just pass me off as another lost cause. Another rebel. Another young'n with nothin to lose. Another whore. Another kid that wasnt raised in the faith of the "good ol' lord". Just another lost child with no flashlight and no "shining star". All children ask at one point in time in their life "why me?" and i know that most other children have more reason to than I do, but that doesnt change the fact that i do feel this way. Why me? why did this fucked up world choose MY family to pick on? Why the hell do i make stupid FUCKING mistakes? All of these questions and no real answers...thats all that you will really find in God.